


Love at first         sight.

by WontYouBeMyNeighbor



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: (Eventually) Little! Owen hunt, (Eventually) Mommy! Cristina yang, (Eventually)- Daddy! Mark Sloan, (Eventually)-Little! Jackson Avery, Age Play, Age Regression, Consensual, Cuties, Dad Karev A+ parenting, Dada Preston Burke, Daddy! Derek Shepherd, Diapers, Doc the dog, Everyone goes through the same stuff, Grandpa Richerd Webber, Grays Anatomy has no age play!?, I’ll fix that., Little Shit Jackson Avary, Little! Deluca (in the future), Little! George O'Malley, Little!Alex karev, Littles Are Known, Mama Bear Torres, Mama Robbins, Mama! Bailey, Mommy! Meredith Gray, My First Work in This Fandom, Nicknames, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Papa! Ben Warren, Pet Names, Reed Anderson, Soft Clothes, Stuffies, Sweet Alex Karev, Sweet! Karev, amelia shepherd - Freeform, consensual age play, fallowing storyline (hopfully), mentions past child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-07-29 11:17:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 88,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16263104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WontYouBeMyNeighbor/pseuds/WontYouBeMyNeighbor
Summary: Alex Karev is a little in the Greys Anatomy universe and Derek Shepherd becomes his Daddy.This is for the author<3So, I can give Alex all the love he needs by living vicariously though my work.He’s gonna be hugged so much.Ferry boats everywhere.





	1. He still believes in Love at first sight.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hello! Welcome to my self-indulgent fanfic.  
> I hope you enjoy it and I’m going to try to stick to storyline in this and give them the reactions I think they’d have.  
> Alex is gonna get all the love and I’m so excited to write Avery and mark eventually.  
> You should Give me a syber high-five in the comments! I’m basically a tomodachi pet and need all the love.

“Rule 5; when I move, you move.”

That’s what Dr. Bailey said and moving is all they had done.  
They moved at a run to get to patients, to get to labs, to write reports and now Alex was exhausted.  
He was told he could go home to rest, since the forty-eight hour soul-breaking shift was over.  
But, Alex’s current ‘home’’ was more then a little shabby, considering it was in a rundown motel 6 that had coffee grinds in the sink and the smell of weed as a constant air-freshener and dog hair literally Everywhere. He didn’t even own a pet.  
So, he was more then happy with the cheep hospital cot and sheet way of life for however long he could pass out before he was up and at it again.  
Or at least, he was trying to be.  
But for some sleep-deprived reason he’d forgotten his life long habit, and it was biting him in the ass.  
He debated it for an hour, before frustrated tears had built up and started falling on the under-stuffed pillow he’d crammed under his head.  
He knew that there was literally no hope in even trying to deny himself the small comfort and its not like it would be any less embarrassing being found crying then what he was aching to do.  
So, he slipped his thumb into his mouth sneakily pushing the sheet over his hand, he sighed deeply through his nose feeling the tension drain from his body almost instantly at the rhythmic motion.  
The sleepiness that had been heavy, But not enough to pull him under. Gradually lulling him down.  
He rarely indulged himself like this. Normally just toughing it out until he crashed; or more likely didn’t crash.  
But, today had been a lot more exhausting emotionally and physically then he’d anticipated.  
His finger curled over his cold nose and he finally drifted into a dreamless sleep.

 

He woke a few hours later his eyes squinted as he groggily tried to figure out what woke him up.  
He squirmed a bit to get comfortable again, his heart stopping at the realization.  
Fuck.  
He quickly got up and flipped the cot, thanking god that it didn’t have springs on the other side like his old one;  
It’s weird, how even an absence of something could drag out bad memories.  
He remembered himself as a kid, maybe six? the springs of his mattress digging into his back and sides, biting at his bruises and coiling at open wounds.  
his Broken fingers still screaming at having had to frantically flip the mattress and hide the stain earlier.  
Only to get a belting or beaten for something else anyway.  
He shook his head, No time for pity party’s he had to fix this mess.  
He rolled up the sheets. His bum and the bottom of his shirt was wet.  
Unfortunately he didn’t have a change of clothes. So, he’d just have to be careful.  
He snuck into the hall.  
Now, where do you drop laundry off?

 

___________________________

 

God. Shepherd was so fucking tired. Everything about him was tired. His eyes, his hands, his legs. His hair; (when he laughed at his own admittedly vain joke he knew even his sense of humor was tired.) but, knowing that a cheep cot and hospital blanket was waiting for him he sped up a bit.  
(bedbedbedbedbedbed) His net worth of $914,796 neurosurgeon brain supplied him as he speed walked down the corridors (bedbedbedouchperson) He couldn’t do anything as the thing-that-ran-into-him fell to the ground and onto its behind.  
He did however manage to quickly grab the back of his head and keep that mess from happening.  
He was about to ask if he was okay before being startled by a broken wail.  
Instantly all exhaustion dissipated as the sobbing (little?) thrashed to brake free from him and put as much distance as he could between them.  
He was confused, his heart aching as the little guy curled up and continued to sob.  
“Hey.” He whispered carefully approaching who he now saw was an intern.  
“You okay sweetheart? You fell pretty hard.” He crouched down, laying his hand on the kids head.  
Alex flinched, hard. But when the hand just laid there he tentatively looked up.  
His eyes went wide when he saw it was Dr. Shepherd.  
The head of Neurosurgery.  
His face crumbled more as he became embarrassed. But he forced himself to start calming down.  
Derek felt like his heart was tearing apart in his chest as the little forced himself to calm down. That paired with the flinching? It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.  
He felt his long repressed caregiver tendency’s kick in as he inched closer.  
“Hey, no need for that buddy. Its okay. Its okay to be sad, I scared you didn’t I?  
And I bet falling hurt.” Shepherd cooed, pulling Alex into a hug.  
Alex couldn’t handle this.  
The guy was being really really nice and Alex felt funny and his tailbone hurt and-and  
“m’ wet!” he jumped back his face burning.  
“That’s okay. Accidents happen bud.” Shepherd had smelled the urine immediately. But years as a surgeon made you stop caring about most bodily fluids after awhile.  
“Now, where’s your mommy or daddy hmm?”  
Alex blinked “I don’t have one.” He whispered, quickly adding.  
“And I’m notta’... I am not a little.” god this was just getting worse.  
Shepherd actually looked surprised at that.  
“Oh? Well. I um.. Are you sure? Bud- hey. What’s your name then?”  
Alex took a minute to process shepherds questions.  
“Yeah. I’m a bigbo- I’m big. And it’s Alex. Kareve. Alex Kareve.” He nibbled at his thumb nail nervously.  
Shepherd nodded, his eyes crinkling when Alex almost said he was a big boy.  
“Alex Kareve? Well I’m Derek shepherd. I’m head of neuro here and I’m guessing you just want to get out of those icky clothes, big or little huh bud?  
Alex felt a bit patronized but shook it off. Going to stand back up he wobbled a bit before Derek grabbed him and scooped him up onto his hip.  
“hey! Let me go! I’m big, stupid!” Alex pushed at Derek’s chest and Derek chuckled at his antics.  
“Stop that.” He grabbed Alexis’s hands gently in his hand and wrapped his arm around his bum, pulling him around to his front.  
“Look at me Alex.” Alex glared daggers at him and Derek suppressed a coo.  
“If you want to get clean and not get caught by another overtired surgeon. Maybe you should listen to me.” Alex softened, his face openly curious; (Derek seriously doubted Alex wasn’t a little, even if he didn’t know it.)  
“I’m guessing you’re with the group of new interns that arrived day before yesterday?”  
Alex nodded looking confused.  
Shepherds face lit up “Well, then you probably don’t know where the hampers are around here and you don’t want to get caught with those sheets?” Alex shook his head hard, Derek having to let go of his hands to support him.  
“Well, then. I do know where to put the sheets.” He chuckled, grabbing them and twisting them up before putting them under his arm. “And I think if I carry you to the resident lockers and you hide your face. No one will know its you.”  
Alex’s eyes widened “the residents lockers?”  
Shepherd nodded “yeah, but don’t tell anyone. You’re not supposed to be allowed in until you’re a resident.” He winked and Alex grinned his nose crinkling adorably as he nodded.  
“I promise. I wont tell anyone!” he whisper/shouted.  
“Good boy. Lets go then” Alex pressed his face into the crook of Shepherds neck and it sent waves of affection through him, It was like he’d found something that was missing.  
As they walked, they did pass someone. But, the nurse just smiled at them and continued walking.

“Okay. We’re here.” Alex had been dozing, but he quickly woke up and looked around.  
Derek felt a bit bad. The residents locker room was much nicer then the interns. But it wasn’t exactly cool.  
“This is really really cool.” Alex murmured his eyes sparkling and taking in every detail.  
Derek bit his lip to keep from kissing the side of Alex’s head. This kid was adorable.  
“Yeah? Well, I’ll make sure you get a good locker when you’re a resident.”  
Alex looked so suddenly upset that Derek put him down.  
For a moment Alex just looked away to compose himself.  
“You think I can become a resident?” he hiccoughed finally, His face still turned to the ground.  
Shepherd was taken aback.  
“Yes. You’re on baileys team right? She always gets the best ones.” Derek wanted to take away all the bad things that must have happened to this poor loving kid.  
Alex looked at him his eyes shining “and you think I can do it? You do.”  
Derek nodded, unable to help himself he pulled him into a hug. “Yes, sweetheart I do.”  
Alex was shaking. He sniffled into Derek’s shoulder.  
“No ones ever said I could do something.” He croaked.  
“No one ever believed that I’d be anything.”  
Too soon he pulling back and wiping his eyes.

“Hah! I must look so freaking stupid. I promise I don’t normally cry like a girl all the time!” he laughed.  
Derek rolled his eyes at the girl comment. “You don’t look stupid, I bet you don’t cry in front of people at all usually.”  
“No, I don’t.” he shook his head looking embarrassed again “I haven’t cried in front of anyone for a long time.”  
He shrugged “ it’s your fault for being too nice to me.” He punched him lightly and Derek smiled.  
“Sorry, can’t help then, I don’t think I could ever be mean to you bud.“  
Derek walked to the storage closet, coming out with a pair of new scrubs.  
“Do you want help?” he asked awkwardly.  
Alex shook his head “No, I can do it by myself.” With that said, he grabbed them and walked into the bathroom. 

Finally Coming out (any later and Derek would’ve knocked) Alex looked uncomfortable and he had fresh tears running down his face.  
Shepherd tried his hardest not to look alarmed as he walked over to Alex.  
“What’s wrong?” he lightly touched his arm and Alex huffed out a choked laugh.  
“Nothin’ just hurts.”  
Derek made an ‘oh’ face “I bet. You were like that for a while. Huh? Is it red?”  
Alex shuffled “... a little.”  
Derek debated what to do before just biting the bullet.  
“Do you want me to fix it?”  
“How?” he sounded offended but it wasn’t a no.  
With that, Derek was already at the cubby next to his digging through some bags. “The head of cardio here has a little. I bet he wont mind if we borrow some stuff.” He pulled out a zipped up bag before going to Alex.  
“Lay down and I’ll fix you up.” Alex was gapping at him.  
“I can do it myself!”  
“It’s going to hurt before it gets better. And I’m a doctor. I’ve seen and done it all, no need to be embarrassed.” Derek unzipped it and waited.  
Alex rocked from foot to foot biting his lip considering.  
“You won’t tell anyone. Not even your girlfriend or whatever”  
Derek smiled at his snarky tone.  
This seemed to be more like how Alex normally acted.  
“I won’t tell anyone bud. C’mere” after some internal debate, Alex laid in front of him.  
“You don’t.. Just don’t be weird. Okay?” he said quietly.  
Derek pushed down the hurt and rage he felt for this damaged little guy.  
Deciding that distraction was the best way to go about this he started talking.  
“I used to babysit a lot for this one couple. They had the cutest little, he was a bit crazy. but other then that he was a sweetheart.” 

He droned on about the little as he tugged down Alexis’s scrub bottoms lightly touching his side to reassure him, He started wiping down the reddened skin.  
Alex hadn’t done a good job initially and Derek was glad he was the one doing it this time.  
Poor Alex was whimpering and squirming uncomfortably because like Derek said, it would hurt before it got better.  
As he carefully applied the rash cream Alex audibly sighed, finally relaxing.  
He finished up with powder and shimmying back on the scrubs, before leaning back and wiping his hands off.  
“Okay! All done, feel better?” Alexis’s eyes were drooping and his thumb was creeping up to his mouth.  
“Alex?” he got a glimpse of soft brown eyes and felt warmth spread throughout his body.  
“Hey, there baby boy.” He whispered softly grabbing the hand that was reaching for him and giving it a light squeeze.  
“Feeling little bud?” Alex looked a bit perplexed before speaking.  
“don’ know shepurr. S’ Good.” He said around his thumb, lazily playing with shepherd’s fingers as he made soft suckling noises.  
Derek felt like he was witnessing a first for Alex and he wasn’t sure how he should react.  
This wasn’t how it worked.  
Normally, you went to a psychologist got evaluated, got classified then put on a waiting list. It was normally so formal. It wasn’t like a spur of the moment kind of thing. You weren’t supposed to just find a little like they were your soul mate.  
He felt bad, Alex had seemed so little to him and he’d just gone with the feeling and kept going with it. Maybe he pushed to hard? He’d defiantly pushed too hard.  
“I’m sorry bud. You didn’t want to be little and I pushed anyway.”  
Alex still looked a bit hazy but like something bigger was brewing underneath his little mindset.  
Derek knew that Alexis’s big self was starting to panic and it was definitely because of something he said.  
“I not...I’m not. I’m sorry doctor shepherd. I have to go.”  
With that he bolted and Derek was left numb and sitting on the ground as the door slammed.

___________________________

 

Alex felt white hot shame as he raced down the halls of the hospital.  
What the actual living hell?  
What even happened back there?  
He’d let himself be carried by another man after wetting the bed during a nap like an infant and then he let him CLEAN HIM UP.  
He felt his stomach do flips and had to sit down.  
Bile was rising in his throat so he closed his eyes really hard and tried to think of something else.  
It wasn’t working. all he could think of was Shepherd and how he’d talked to him and carried him.  
He was so nice and Alex was so stupid.  
He didn’t know why he felt so fuzzy, it was like something in him knew  
he was safe with shepherd and he’d just let all his urges go wild.  
He’d sucked his thumb and held shepherds hand and cried and ugh.  
He could feel himself getting worked up again.  
He should go back to his motel, rest and forget this ever happened. 

____________________________

 

Alex had opened up.  
Derek put his head in his hands, running his fingers through his thick hair.  
He’d had time to think about it and Alex acting like that wasn’t an accident.  
The kid had trusted him and he threw it in his face, made it seem like it was a bad thing.  
He messed up and now he didn’t know what to do.  
He’d known the kid for maybe an hour but it felt like he’d known him forever.  
He hated himself honestly.  
Love at first sight and soulmates were things he believed in fully.  
But, only for romantic relationships.  
Not something as serious and life changing as littles and caretakers.  
Time for him to rethink some stuff.

 

_____________________________

 

Derek was giving Alex the space he clearly wanted and needed.  
He defiantly wanted to address what had happened to make sure Alex was alright but he’d wait until he came to him. 

Alex on the other hand never ever wanted to address anything ever with Doctor Shepherd.  
He’d been avoiding him for over three weeks now and it was going great.  
He was currently walking past the big dumb glass monstrosity that was the hospitals version of a littles daycare center, It was unavoidable unless you walked outside to get to the cafeteria;  
(Even then they had a pirate ship Disney themed play structure buzzing with them anyway, so why bother?) and if you bothered to look inside you’d see some pretty cool toys and colorful pictures covering the place.  
Alex tried really hard not be someone who bothered to look inside, but he couldn’t help it.  
He rolled his eyes when a little looked at him and waved, He hated Little’s.  
He tried not to say anything or glare; (He wasn’t his father)  
And he didn’t get it FROM his father.  
It was just something he felt. Every time he saw a “little” being held or cuddled or fed or just holding one of their toys with a pacifier in their mouth and not a care in their stupid perfect world,  
He felt angry and wronged.  
Wronged of his childhood as they sat back and soaked up attention and love like fucking leeches.  
They already had a childhood. a real one. with good parents. (Well, not all of them but most.) and even if they didn’t they shouldn’t get a new one.  
As he thought this the little had gotten mad at him for some reason and stuck her tongue out at him.  
He immediately felt yucky and his lip popped out for some reason.  
He was about to stick HIS tongue out at HER to see how SHE liked it, when Shepherd walked up.  
“Hey, Alex.” He started awkwardly then seeing Alex’s’ trembling lip and wet eyes he stopped short, worrying that it might be him before seeing the little girl who was continuing to Taunt Alex.  
Alex had whirled around when he heard his voice but went back to looking at the little.  
“Oh, no! Maya’s at it again, huh? Don’t mind her she’s just silly.” He didn’t want to patronize him anymore then he already had.  
but Alex just looked so sad he couldn’t help it, he needed to make him feel better.  
“She is? But she’s being mean.” He looked back at Shepherd with a pout before remembering himself and clearing his throat.  
“Sorry, Doctor Shepherd. You wanted to speak to me?” His cheeks were slightly pink and he crossed his arms protectively over himself. but, he still felt like he was playing it off pretty well.  
Shepherd smiled, why was this kid so damned cute? It was making him forget what he wanted to say.  
“Yes, I’m sorry. I just wanted to see if you were alright? You seemed really upset when you left and I wanted to apologize and maybe talk about it?” He shrugged charming smile tugging at his lips  
“I’ll buy you lunch? We don’t even have to eat here. I’m free for awhile.”  
Alex was flabbergasted, Derek was apologizing to him? But he’d been the one who was weird and crazy needy,  
He told him as much.  
Derek looked shocked before laughing warmly and Alex smiled.  
“Well, good. I can handle embarrassed a lot more then mad at me or me hurting you.” He tilted his head “You like ferry boats?”


	2. The Ferry Ride.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex goes on his first ferry ride and Shepherd gets to unravel a little bit of his story.
> 
> Shepherd is such a daddy in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to watch me be petty and write the Grays fic that nobody asked for, huh? Well, you’re just as bad as me if you’re here so welcome to the neighborhood hon. 
> 
> Give me comments and chapters fall out. It’s like magic, you’re a wizard <3

“You like ferry boats?”

Apparently the answer was that he’d never actually been on a ferry boat and didn’t know one way or the other if he liked them or not, Shepherd was more then happy to fix that.  
They’d been on their way out, Alex looking a little giddy about his first ferry ride and Derek feeling way to fond watching his excitement before he realized that Alex didn’t have on a jacket and they were about to step out into below 30 degree weather and get on a boat.

“Whoa, there bud.” He grabbed Alex’s hand before he could get too far ahead.  
“Do you not have a jacket? It’s a little to cold out for short sleeved scrubs.”  
Derek joked lightly, trying not to sound too concerned.  
Alex shrugged, tugging his hand away and fiddling with a loose string on his top.  
“I was really earily and didn’t think about it.” He mumbled.  
“How could you not think about it? It was even COLDER earlier.”  
The string snapped and Alex looked suddenly angry.  
“Forget about it.” He scoffed  
“We can’t go now, right? so who cares?” He went to shoulder past Shepherd but his hand shot out stopping him.  
Derek was surprised by his quick temper, but he quickly realized it was disappointment when Alex looked at him.  
“Sorry, If I grilled you a little.” He slid his hand down the length of Alex’s arm swinging their hands between them and tilting his head, looking at him reassuringly.  
“We can still go though. We’ll just borrow a hospital jacket okay?”  
Alex grinned at their swinging hands.  
“Okay. Sorry I freaked out. That was stupid.” He felt silly now.  
“You’re good.” He twirled him grinning like mad when Alex giggled.  
“I’ll go grab one, you should hide before Bailey finds something for you to do.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully before turning away.  
Alex laughed, saying something about a Nazi that Derek didn’t quite catch as he hurried to go get what they needed to leave.

___________________

 

Alex looked at the clock, it’d only been about four minutes since Shepherd left but he was anxious to get going.  
He hadn’t even expected be able to talk to Dr. Shepherd after what had happened, much less have the guy take him out on a ferryboat and buy him lunch.  
He felt nervous being this excited about hanging out with him.  
Fuck, he’d even thrown a hissy fit thinking the guy was blowing him off over the whole jacket thing.  
He knew why he felt that way though, remembering the excuses and How many times he’d been disappointed.  
Just thinking about anything from his shit childhood could get him riled up enough to snap.  
he could feel himself getting worked up again and started to work on calming down when the lady he’d called a Nurse on his shift earlier (Ellis Grays, kid. Meredith?) Tripped, dropping all the papers she’d been holding.  
He walk/jogged over scooping them up and starting to hand them to her, but he held on a second longer. Just Long enough to vent on her.  
“You’re right, You’re not a nurse.” The shame from earlier was already easing as he thought of something snarky.  
“A nurse can at least hold her paperwork. You’re just a soon-to-be drop out waitress.”  
She scoffed snatching away the papers.  
“I’m surprised you can even talk. Considering you weren’t doing much of it when the Chief asked a SIMPLE question. We’ll see who’s bussing tables soon enough.” He grit his teeth, opening his mouth to shoot something back.  
When he saw shepherd walking up with a confused look on his face.  
“Alex, what’s going on?” He gave a meaningful look to Meredith that Alex couldn’t place. It made him feel weird.  
“Nothing. The NURSE just dropped her papers.”  
Derek and Meredith frowned at the teasing tone.  
“Alex, Nurses are important. You’re going to learn that quickly here.” He tilted his head to Meredith.  
“Apologize.”  
Alex gapped “You’re taking HER side? You don’t even know her!” He huffed, missing their matched looks of embarrassment.  
“Besides YOU just said that they’re important so it’s not an insult.” He crossed his arms and Derek had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling, this kid was too clever for his own good.  
“Well, you said it in an insulting tone and you meant it to be mean. So apologize. Please.”  
“Or what? We won’t go?” Why was he even arguing? Why was Shepherd even insisting?  
Derek felt himself getting frustrated but he knew showing it wouldn’t help.  
“If we do end up not going it’ll be because you refuse to say sorry.” He sighed.  
“It’s okay with me if we have to wait.  
but I think we’d have more fun if we could go now.”  
It was a silly request but it felt like Derek was on her side, She had said something mean too.  
“She said something too, She needs to apologize.” His voice cracked. God, he was such a child.  
Derek nodded. “Okay. Mere?” He was practically pleading with the look he gave her.  
Meredith honestly didn’t have time for this and being with her one-night-stand/boss and his..Karev? Not exactly appealing.  
“I’m sorry, Alex. You made me feel upset, so I snapped.” She was surprised she explained it like that, but something about him made her feel like she needed to.  
Alex felt something in him soften at her tone and he nodded.  
“I’m sorry too..and I’m sorry for what I said earlier.” He really wanted to hide his face in Dereks jacket and it scared him.  
“Can we go now?” He felt small and like he might cry. “Please?”  
Derek nodded running his hand through Alex’s short hair before nodding to Meredith, who hesitated before walking off.

As they went outside Derek started putting Alex in the blue jacket and Alex was surprisingly palpable, even helping Derek put his arms in.  
when they were done he smiled rubbing a hand down Alex’s arm and crouching a bit to look up at him.  
“Thank you for doing that. I’m proud of you.”  
Alex blushed his shoulders coming up around his pink ears and the cheap material making a swishing sound.  
“I shouldn’t have been mean in the first place.” He kicked at the ground, snow puffing out.  
“That’s okay, the easy part is being mean. Saying sorry’s the hard part.”  
“Now!” Derek breathed in deeply, standing straight and letting a playful smile spread across his face.  
“Let’s go get on our ferry and have a good time. huh?” He put his arm around Alex swaying him playfully as they walked.

 

_______________________

 

Somehow after getting on the ferry with Shepherd holding his hand so he wouldn’t fall.  
(He protested that he wouldn’t and could do it himself. but Shepherds  
mother-henning easily won out.)  
He’d somehow also convinced him to swap jackets with him. (He had literally taken his jacket off and refused to put it back on until Alex agreed.)  
Alex was surprised that there wasn’t as much of a height difference between them as he’d thought, Derek seemed so big.  
but, Alex actually came up to almost his nose.  
The sleeves did cover his hands though which was nice and Shepherd was much broader then him so it made it look even bigger on him.  
He could tell Shepherd thought it was cute by how he kept sneaking looks at him.  
He didn’t know how to feel about that.

He was standing next to him now looking over the rail at the water, Dereks hand holding the back of his jacket.  
The guy probably thought he was pulling it off without him noticing considering he hadn’t mentioned it.  
He was honestly surprised by how unbothered he was by it, actually feeling brave enough to lean over the edge a bit more.  
“Do you think there are dolphins?”  
He asked curiously stepping onto the rail to have a better look.  
“Yes.” Derek secured his grip. “And sharks.” He said in a forbidding voice.  
Alex’s eyes widened comically as he popped off the rail.  
Derek chuckled “it’s okay though, they don’t jump like the dolphins.”  
“I know they don’t. I watch animal planet.” He said seriously and Dereks eyes crinkled at the corners.  
“I’m not taking any chances though.  
I wanna see a dolphin jump, is it too cold?” He asked and Shepherd shook his head “Nope, but it is rare to see them. Maybe on our next adventure I’ll take you on the boat that looks for them.”  
Alex didn’t even agree with him, to wrapped up in thinking about Shepherd wanting to be with him again.

As Alex went back to looking at the water with a determination that would only rival that of Captain Ahab from Moby-Dick.  
Shepherd took the time to look at the passengers, there were a few Littles and their caretakers around, all of them either standing against their Big with protective arms wrapped around them or being held in laps.  
He looked back at Alex who even as concentrated as he was, was shivering slightly.  
He was happy he’d insisted they swap jackets earlier the expensive wool going a much longer way to keep Alex warm then the thin hospital issue one he was currently wearing.  
But, even then, Alex continued to shiver his face flush and Derek made a mental note to bring a scarf next time.  
His grip tightened on Alex’s jacket, he wanted to hold him so bad but he didn’t want to push more then he already had, (was).  
“I see one!” Alex squealed bouncing slightly as he pointed at the white capped waves.  
“Right there! look!” Derek grinned, he seriously doubted Alex was actually seeing any but it was cute to watch him be so excited.  
A few minutes and countless dolphin sightings later, Derek rubbed his back, pointing out that they were almost at their destination.  
Alex grabbed his hand without him asking as the boat docked and Derek smiled as he started pulling him along.  
As they walked off a Mommy with two little girls tugging at her hands smiled at them, mouthing to Derek that Alex was (“so cute!”) he nodded at her.  
“Yours too.” He said out loud, Alex looked at him curiously before letting it go and walking a little faster. He was hungry.  
“Where are we going?” Derek asked when Alex abruptly stopped and looked at him.  
“I don’t know. I’ve never been here before.”  
Derek chuckled raising an eyebrow “really? Well we’re on Bainbridge island.”  
“Food?” Alex didn’t have time for a geography lesson, he was starving.  
“I hear ya’ bud. umm, I know a good seafood place.” He smiled when Alex started tugging at him again even though he didn’t know where he was going.

When they finally got seated and Derek had successfully waved off the waiter trying to give Alex a coloring page he started talking.  
“So, What I was going to do was apologize for overstepping and babying you but..”  
Alex gave him a look and Derek groaned helplessly, putting his hands over his face.  
“I know, I know! I’m sorry it’s just! I can’t help it.”  
Alex shrugged. “It’s okay. normally I’d say something funny like you should buy me dinner first but.” He gestured at the table.  
Derek grinned dumbly.  
“You’re so cheeky, I love it.” He had his face squished between his hands as he put on his best love-sick teen look.  
Alex swatted at him playfully, his cheeks and ears growing red.  
“Stop. I’m trying to at least act halfway like a grown man.”  
Shepherd opened his mouth to say something but the waiter cut him off setting down the food and making small talk.  
When he finally left Alex already had half his cheeseburger gone and was moving in on the fries.  
Derek rolled his eyes, breaking into his lobster.  
“Why did you get that? I brought you to one of the best seafood restaurants they have here, Said you could get anything you wanted and you chose an eighteen-dollar cheeseburger and fries.”  
Alex shrugged “Should’ve brought me somewhere cheaper. Dr. Thirty-dollar lobster.” Alex threw a fry at him and he caught it popping it into his mouth.  
“Don’t throw food. And I’m not a Burger-King kinda guy, At least not when I want to talk to someone.”  
Alex felt the mood shift and stiffened.  
“I already forgave you. For babying me and stuff..”  
Derek cleared his throat trying to stay relaxed. So, he didn’t flip Alex out.  
“I know.” Get it out Shepherd.  
“I just... Alex, do you honestly think you’re not a Little?”  
Alex breathed in sharply, he knew this was coming.  
“Do you honestly feel the need to ask that?” He bit back, he hated this.  
“You said you weren’t, but how could you not know? You’re practically like, And excuse the term here, The poster child for what a little is. How can you not see it.”  
Alex felt anger bubble in his stomach  
“You think I don’t know I’m little?  
I ALWAYS feel little, that’s the problem.” He slammed his hands on the table, he hated feeling like this.  
“How stupid do you think I am?!” He yelled, Some of the patrons turning their heads but quickly ducking them back down.  
Derek forced himself to look calm, lowering his voice.  
“I don’t think you’re stupid at all Alex. You’re incredibly intelligent from what I’ve seen of you at the hospital.  
But, you said you weren’t a Little.”  
Alex shifted, feeling guilty and embarrassed over his outburst.  
“Sorry. I didn’t lie though. I never actually regress and I don’t have a daddy. so technically I’m not an active little.”  
Derek nodded, relieved that Alex lowered his voice.  
“Okay, You said that you feel little all the time though. right?” Alex nodded sinking into his seat.  
“But, You don’t have to bud. that’s why you’re given a caretaker and are supposed to let yourself regress. Then you can be fully little sometimes and fully big sometimes.”  
Alex nodded, sniffling pitifully.  
“I know but.. I can’t go on the registry.  
I can’t do it, Shepherd.” He rubbed his eyes. “I was in the foster system for FIVE YEARS growing up, I went to seventeen different homes and they all...They were all SO bad.” He was openly crying now shaking so bad he looked like he’d fall apart and Derek couldn’t stand it.  
He rounded their table, sliding into the booth and gathering up Alex as much as he could in the cramped space. He had him laying sideways on his lap, Alexs upper body was on him with his head tucked under Dereks chin as he sobbed miserably, his arms wrapped tightly around The one that Derek had laying on his chest. “I’m sorry sweetheart.” He felt his throat tighten. ”You didn’t deserve that. you’re such a good boy, buddy.” He kissed Alex’s head nuzzling his surprisingly soft hair with his cheek.  
They just sat like that for a bit, Derek Rhythmically patting his back and the waiter coming by asking if they were alright, Shepherd waved him off, giving him a Thank you.  
“Take your time.” He said bowing out and Shepherd decided that guy was getting a big tip.  
Derek sat back, just holding Alex as long as he needed.  
“How did you trick the evaluation?” Derek questioned after Alex had fully settled, it wasn’t what he really wanted to ask. but it might lighten things up and take Alex’s mind off of whatever he was remembering.  
Alex was a little surprised. He chewed thoughtfully on the rubber part of the jackets drawstring that had somehow made it into his mouth.  
“I flirted with her until she got mad enough that she just wanted me gone and gave me a baseline result.”  
Derek laughed warmly at that and Alex smiled up at him, laughing wetly with him.  
“So, you’re a little flirt huh?” He poked his cheek and Alex shrugged.  
“You have no idea.” He said wiggling his hips and Derek closed his eyes in exasperation, thumping his head lightly on the headrest.  
“Nope. No. I don’t want to know.” He shook his head and Alex giggled.  
“You really don’t.”  
Dereks mind was blaring at him to change the subject.  
“Okay! So what happened?” Nice one.  
“Well, I knew what I was gonna do to change it, but I didn’t know the person was gonna be SO OLD. She was ancient. I should have just kept quiet, she wouldn’t‘ve even known I was there.”  
Alex talked adamantly about the poor old lady that he’d relentlessly flirted with all the way out of the restaurant and partially to the Ferry-dock.  
When they got there He smiled shyly.  
“Thanks, for everything. Baileys gonna be mad that I was gone for so long.” He bit his lip, swirling the complimentary hot coco the waiter had given him.  
“Do you think I’ll get in trouble?”  
Tears were completely forgotten as he grabbed Shepherds hand before stepping into the dock.  
“No, I’ll tell everyone I kept you away and if they don’t like it I’ve got some favors that need to be cashed in anyway.” He pulled Alex upright when he stumbled, smiling.  
Alex huffed after he was righted.  
“Don’t say anything.” He laughed, his face changing to a serious kind of pleading as he looked at Shepherd.  
“Don’t say anything.”  
Derek Was pretty sure he knew what Alex was saying.  
“I won’t, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the people that commented, it makes me unbelievably happy.  
> I hope you enjoyed this one! and no one bothered to tell me writing the second part would be harder then the first.  
> No hard feelings though, all the love. thank you for being my neighbor. <3


	3. I want to be liked.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepherd and Alex get back from their adventure, Meredith and Shepherd get to have a moment in the notorious elevator and Alex shows his mean side a bit.  
> we also get to meet some new characters...
> 
> A wild mama Bailey appears!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Welcome to chapter three Of my selfish adventure in making my own dreams come true. I love this one vary much, but it really gave me trouble concidering I had to write it twice.  
> I hope you love it too<3
> 
> Commenters, I want you to know you were the only ones that made me not throw this whole series out the window in frustration. So keep up the good work<3  
> I also love new commenters, so come sit at our table, we have pudding and good vibes.

Alex was right. Bailey was furious that he had been gone so long. 

“Two hours!? Really karev. You pick today to act like a damned fool?!” She was fuming, The folder in her hands clutched tightly and Shepherd wasn’t fully convinced she wouldn’t start hitting them with it.  
He looked to Alex, worried he might be getting upset and surprised when he saw his look of defiance.  
“It’s my fault.” Derek said stepping between them. “We hit it off earlier and I wanted to go out with someone in my free time.”  
Bailey scoffed.  
“Then you’re a damn fool too.” She glared behind his shoulder at Alex.  
“But, Mr. Karev here isn’t some frat house collage friend of yours Doctor. He needs to learn some RESPECT and to not waste MY time.” She snapped her fingers pointing for him to go.  
Alex scooted out from behind Shepherd, Shooting him an apologetic look.  
“I’m Sorry Doctor Bailey.” He said ducking his head and hurrying in the direction of the ER.  
“Seems like you’re more sorry for making your friend here uncomfortable.” She yelled after him.  
Turning to Shepherd she sized him up with a suspicious look.  
“What do you think you’re doing with my Suck-up intern, Dr. Shepherd?”  
He blinked opening his mouth to reply before she held up her hand.  
“No, I don’t want to know. It’s none of my business. What is my business is him making me look bad.” She poked his chest “You are making me look bad.”  
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. But don’t be mad at him, I’m his boss.”  
She rolled her eyes “He’s a grown man, he’s his own boss.” She looked him over once more. “And don’t tell me what to do. Like I said, this isn’t a frat house.” She turned, leaving. 

______________________________

Shepherd got in the elevator feeling a little stressed over Alex when Meredith walked in, an angry look passing over her face as her pager went off.  
“Well, hello sunshine.” He smiled.  
She glared at him. “My patient is killing me.” Her pager went off yet again and she pressed her floor button repeatedly.  
“It won’t go any faster if you do that.”  
“Won’t go any slower.”  
“Fair enough.” He smiled “speaking of fair. Did you know there are Ferries here? I love Ferries.”  
She smiled “I’ll make sure to get you a Tinkerbell scrub cap for your birthday.”  
“Ha, ha. You’re so funny.”  
She scrunched her nose at him cutely.  
“I try.” She tilted her head, a thoughtful look on her face.  
“So, I’m guessing that’s where you went with Karev? ”  
He nodded “You got it. but, if I remember any of Baileys lecture correctly, I think we probably shouldn’t have done that.”  
She laughed “Well, despite being a horrible influence on Alex. I think you’re a good influence on Alex.”  
“What even is that sentence?”  
“The truth. You should’ve waited on the boat thing, but you got him to apologize. You got Alex Karev to actually say sorry and be a human.”  
He felt uncomfortable hearing her say that. “Does he have a reputation I should know about?”  
She looked surprised.  
“Unless you’ve been running when you see him. you’d only need a few minutes to know he’s a brash, crude and sexist guy.”  
He paused. He HAD been running when he saw him, to give him space after what had happened.  
  
He felt a little uneasy knowing that he might be the only person there that didn’t know Alex’s brash side.  
  
But, with that realization came the warmth in his chest when he realized that he was also the only one that knew his soft side.  
  
He was about to ask her more, but  
The elevator dinged and she stepped out.  
“My stop.” She said obviously.  
“Your stop.” He wasn’t one to Judge.  
Meredith sighed, His pupils practically had cartoon hearts in them.  
“We have to stop.” She said as the doors started to close.  
He smiled putting his hand out and stopping them.  
“No.” He started, his hands sliding down the doors to open them as he leaned out, her lips curling into a smile as he got closer.  
When he brushed his lips to hers, she leaned in, hot breath catching, and he almost kissed her fully. Before tilting his head mischievously and pecking the corner of her mouth instead.  
“We’ll never stop.” He smiled goofily “But, that could’ve been an excellent dramatic exit if the doors had closed.” He sighed dramatically, letting his head hang low. “This could’ve been too, I guess.” He leaned back in, his eyes sparkling. “Let me try again.” Before he could do anything though, She hooked her arms around his head and kissing him fully this time she could feel his smile on her lips. They parted only when it became to risky to keep going, anyone could walk up. “We’ll never stop.” She said breathlessly. “That was my line.” He said accusingly. She chuckled, fixing his messed up hair and ruining her work. “Narratives change.” She backed out, the doors closing. 

He leaned back against the wall sliding down it. “Now that. Was an excellent exit.

______________________________

Alex felt lighter then he had in a long time despite Bailey getting mad at him.  
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done something fun with someone, unless you counted the mixer party they had for all the new interns before the start of they’re first year.  
But even then he’d hung back, only talking when he flirted with some of the female interns.  
As he turned the corner to the nurses station he saw Izzy, George, and Cristina huddled in front of the whiteboard and hesitated.  
He knew that was probably where he should go to figure out what he was supposed to do, but. He KNEW that they didn’t like him.  
Heck, he had been the one to make SURE that they didn’t like him.  
Regardless, it would be hard to go from being happy and open with Shepherd to cold and closed off with these people. 

As he contemplated going over or not Dr. Burke walked up to them, making him suddenly remember that today was the day Burke would choose someone to assist him in a surgery.  
Now excited he jogged up to them.  
“Hello Dr. Burke. Sorry I’m late.” He said trying not to grin.  
“Oh, Karev right? Thanks for showing up.” Burke said sarcastically as Alex took his place next to Izzy, who rolled her eyes and inched away, Well there went his excitement.  
“You’re welcome.” He bit back mock sincerely and Burke frowned at that.  
“Hmm, Okay. you’re in the pit then.” He said brushing him off as he turned to George putting his hand on his shoulder.  
“And you O’Malley are going to assist me.”  
Cristina and Izzy both groaned and George blushed, looking nervous as he sputtered something about Burke choosing Cristina.  
Cristina gestured to George  
“He’s actually right. I’m way better.”  
“I am too honestly.” Izzy interjected. Mouthing “sorry” to George when he looked at her with hurt.  
Burke wasn’t amused.  
“Well considering one of you has no social skills, the others a suck up, and I just don’t like Alex. George is the most qualified.”  
Alex really wanted to tell Burke where he could stick his opinions, but before he could do that Izzy started talking.  
“So.. Do I still have to do rectal exams? or can Alex since he was late.” She said and Alex scoffed.  
“I am NOT doing anal with random people. I’m not like Izzy.”  
Everyone stood in shocked silence at his vulgar innuendo and he was fine with that. He’d rather be the one doing the hurting then the other way around.  
“I won’t have you talking like that to a lady. Not in my presence.” Burke said darkly getting into his space. “And especially not in my OR.”  
Alex felt a pang of fear as Preston loomed over him but he pushed it down.  
“Well, it’s good you picked your stupid little to assist then.” George looked hurt and Alex didn’t give a fuck. “Yeah, I know. Everyone knows, And guess what else I know? You’re not supposed to be impartial.” His voice cracked but he kept going.  
“So saying shit like you don’t like me? That’ll get you fucking fired.” What he was saying was stupid, the worst Burke would get was a slap on the wrist and even then it’d have to be light as to not damage his Cardio-god hands.  
“Go. Get out of my face.” Burke sounded truly disgusted.  
“Make me.” Alex growled.  
As they glared at each other, Bailey cleared her throat behind him, making herself known.  
“Alex, I need to have a talk with you. go to the cafeteria.” He was about to protest but she cut him off with a sharp. “Now”.  
He glared one last time at Burke before stalking off. 

_____________________________

On his way to the cafeteria he saw Maya run up to the glass wall of the daycare and wave excitingly at him.  
She had a bear-clip in her short boy cut hair and was in pink overalls with bear ears on the straps the rainbow socks were a bit much.  
She looked like a mess, with marker all over her. but, she also looked like she didn’t have a care in the world.  
He stuck his tongue out at her and walked off.  
He hated today.  
He found a free table, sitting down and waiting for Bailey.  
He could feel the anger and adrenaline leaving him as he sat there alone.  
Time passed and he sat for about twenty minutes before Bailey finally showed up.  
“Alex.” She said coolly sitting across from him and he stayed still, face hidden in his forearms.  
He didn’t trust himself to look at her.  
She shifted, putting her hand on his forearm and he flinched hard, trying to play it off as him jerking away.  
“Alex.”  
“What?” His voice was horse and she softened hers.  
“I hope that sitting here was enough to make you think about what you said to an attending, Much less a fellow intern. You were way out of line.”  
He came out of his hiding spot and glared at her. The effect kinda failing with the tear tracks glistening from on his red face.  
“What? So, You made me sit here in Time-Out? Screw you.”  
She slammed the table, making him jump.  
“YOU don’t get to talk to me like that! Are you really that much of a fool!? I’m your BOSS. YOU should be happy I didn’t send your sorry behind to the Chief.” She said angrily.  
“GO AHEAD THEN!! I’M SICK OF IT HERE! YOU ALL HATE ME.” He hated this, he hated this, he hated this.  
“AND WHY WOULD THAT BE?  
MR. KAREV?” She got up, walking around and leaning over him with her arm on the table.  
“Why, would everyone hate you? What do think you’re doing to make people around you miserable?” He shrunk back in his seat, determined that he wasn’t gonna start crying again.  
“I don’t know. They say stuff too..but, I’m the one that people get mad at.”  
She crouched down looking up at him.  
“Is that how you feel?” She knew if she pushed hard enough she could fix this. She could help her little suck-up intern.  
“I don’t know.” He sniffled, Rubbing his eyes.  
“I think you do know.” She rubbed circles into his back.  
“I think you’re really hurting Alex.”  
She put her other hand on his chest.  
“And It’s not going to get better unless you figure out how to cope, and start working on healing yourself.”  
He leaned over, putting his head onto her shoulder miserably.  
“What do I do?” His voice was tight and  
she hugged him, feeling her Mama bear instincts coming out.  
“Well, Burke insists that that poor puppy O’Malley is doing his surgery with him.”  
She still felt like it was a bad decision but it was out of her hands.  
“He’ll be alright. Luck of the Irish and all that.” Alex mumbled and she laughed her whole body shaking while she hugged him and he smiled, he liked her laugh.  
“Oh, you’re too much.” She shook her head. “You are too much.” She patted him letting go. “Well, you’re going to have to have a consequence for what you did.”  
Typical. “Yeah. What is it? Scut? Gross procedures? Cleaning?” As he listed stuff off Bailey felt progressively worse. Alex had gotten a lot of punishments in his short time here.  
“No, but I do want someone watching O’Malley.” She smiled, this could work.  
“And you’re my solution. You have to stay with O’Malley until the surgery and since you thought it necessary to announce you know he’s a little. Which we do all know and is fine. You get to help Burke with that if it arises.”  
Alex felt uncomfortable thinking of himself in a caretaker position.  
But, he didn’t want to make Bailey mad.  
“Okay.”  
She smiled brightly, kissing his cheek and getting up.  
“Good boy. Okay, you’ve got fourteen hours of quality time with someone. Make sure it’s good.” She went to walk away but stopped, turning back to him.  
“And Alex?” He stood up quickly like she was gonna yell for him to get going  
And she felt herself ache for him.  
“Not, everyone hates you.” She smiled.  
“I know I don’t.”  
He looked shocked, but nodded.  
“Thank you.” He almost dropped it. Then he thought She needed to know.  
“But, I already know not everyone hates me.” With that he walked off.  
Time to find Shepherd.

______________________________

Derek was racing through the halls, looking for Alex.  
He’d heard about the intern that yelled at an attending and had a pretty good idea on who it was.  
Some people were saying they duked it out, others said someone was getting fired.  
No matter what happened he needed to find Alex.  
As he turned the corner he spotted Alex and almost fainted in relief.  
When Alex saw him he started jogging over and Derek felt something settle in himself.  
Alex almost knocked him over when he dove into him, squeezing him in a tight hug.  
Thinking Alex was upset he got a good grip on him and picked him up just enough for his feet to get off the ground.  
He walked them the short distance to the storage closet, before setting him down and crouching in front of him.  
He was surprised to say the least at the big grin on his face.  
“Are you okay? I heard you had a fight.”  
Derek sounded more confused then concerned.  
Alex nodded before hugging his neck again.  
“Oh? Bud what happened? Did you not have a fight?” He chuckled, and Alex shook his head.  
“So, you’re not upset? Are you not getting punished?”  
“I’m getting punished.” He didn’t sound like someone getting reprimanded.  
Derek was so confused.  
He had more questions but Alex pulled away and looked at him intensely.  
“Do you like me?” Alex mumbled, his face blushing a bright red.  
Derek grabbed the back of his head pulling it down and kissing his face.  
“I think I already love you, sweetheart.”  
Alex looked like he might cry.  
“Me too. I love you too.”  
Derek shook his head.  
“You’re gonna be so much trouble for me aren’t you?” He needed coffee. And an aspirin.  
“Yeah.” Alex said matter-of-factly.  
Derek stood up running his hand over Alex’s short hair.  
“Good.” He inclined his head towards the door “Now, you probably need to go do whatever your punishment is, Before Bailey finds you.”  
“Yeah, But I’m her favorite now. So she probably won’t get mad.” Derek batted at him playfully.  
“Go on, and you’d better stop calling her ‘The nazi’ if you want to keep that up.”  
Alex nodded walking out and going to find George.

______________________________

George was honestly not okay.  
For some reason he was being forced to be with Alex until the surgery. 

“No.” Burke said flat out and Alex huffed.  
“Listen, Bailey said I have to stay with him.” He pointed behind him “I can go get her. But, we both know she’ll not only win. but she’ll also chew us out.”  
Burke hesitated. “I’m still not doing it. I can’t have you being mean to George.”  
Alex looked down at that. “I won’t be mean.” He grumbled to the ground and Burke shook his head.  
“You’ve ALREADY been mean. You made him cry.” George gave him a betrayed look. “Papa..” he whined, Preston hugged him.  
“It’s okay hushpuppy.” He picked him up and Alex felt suddenly heavier standing on the ground.  
He stamped his feet a little to get rid of the feeling and Preston gave him a curious look. George did that when he saw Preston holding another little..  
He sighed, he was a dumbass.  
“Okay, Alex.”  
Alex looked up nervously. “What?”  
Preston hated himself, this was not going to be fun.  
“Okay, I’ll let you be with us.”  
“Really?” He bit his lip “Why?”  
“Bailey chewing me out is not something I need.” He lied. He actually wanted to see if his theory was correct, but Alex didn’t need to know that.  
“Me either, okay so I’m supposed to help?”  
“Slow down. You’re going to need to apologize before we do anything else.”  
Alex looked downright murderess.  
“No way. I’m not apologizing to you. I’d rather be fired.”  
Preston barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. “I’m not asking you to.  
I shouldn’t have said what I said. But, you do need to say sorry to George. He didn’t do anything.”  
“Oh, okay.” Alex felt kinda sick, what if George didn’t forgive him?  
He walked up, tugging at his pants gently.  
George felt so awkward he had his hands over his face when he turned in his Papas arms.  
Alex frowned “Is he gonna do that the whole time?”  
Preston actually did roll his eyes this time. “Yes, he does that when he feels awkward.” George groaned miserably.  
He wanted the ground to swallow him whole.  
“Oh, okay.” He took a deep breath. “George. I’m sorry for saying mean things about you when it was your daddy who was being an asshat.” He said it all in that one breath and George giggled looking down at him.  
“ Apology e’cepted!” “Language!”  
Papa and little said at the same time, then fell into a fit of giggles.  
“Alright, Alex, Seriously. No swearing.” He punched him lightly and Alex laughed.  
“Okay! So what’s first?” This might actually be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Cliffhangers! I love them dearly.  
> Alex is so firey. I love him.  
> And seeing little George and Preston? Stop it.  
> My Alex is hurting and lashing out but he’s trying And Shepherd loves him regardless anyway so who cares?  
> I think Bailey will surprise you in this series she’s going to be vary prominent. 
> 
> I hope you like this one and as always, Thank you for being my neighbor<3
> 
> P.S.  
> Preston won’t become evil like in the TV show so don’t worry.


	4. The first step.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets on with his “punishment” of having to be with George, Burke is falling for our sweet boy because what Papa wouldn’t love a cutie like Alex?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Your writer has stayed up until six again to bring you the normally scheduled program of personal fluff for her own amusement. 
> 
> Please, give me comments. I have no witty reason other then I love them<3 also they’re the only thing that can feed this fics fluffy life force, sacrifice for the content.

“Okay! So what’s first?” He bounced a bit on his heels, this might actually be fun. 

Preston smiled “Well, you came at the best time of the day!” He said enthusiastically, bouncing George and making him laugh. “George is obviously in his headspace right now And he will be until around 7:00.”  
Alex’s jaw dropped hearing that “It’s only 2:00! The hospital let’s him be little that long?!”  
Preston shrugged.  
“They have to. They’re legally obligated to just like everyone else.”  
“That’s cool I guess. I’d love to have that time off.” He gave him an ‘Am I right?” Look with a shrug and Preston chuckled, feeling the same bubbly laughter he did when George did something ridiculously adult.  
“I kind of do, I’m allowed to be with him while he’s little. Unless there’s an emergency.”  
Alex nodded absentmindedly, not really interested anymore as he looked at the lockers. *Oh!* he thought *“The head of cardio has a little.”*  
He felt terribly clever having solved the mystery from when he first met shepherd.  
“I guess what’s first would be for us to get his little stuff, so we can be ready.  
Then we’ll all go do something fun.” He was about to tell him where everything was when Alex cut him off.  
“I’ll go get his stuff.” He said seriously, marching to the lockers with helpful determination.  
Burke had a big grin on his face.  
He was becoming way to fond of Alex way to fast as he watched him go to his locker, looking like little critter from those books George loved.  
Then it clicked. Alex just walked to His locker specifically. There was a whole row of them. 

Alex was blissfully unaware of Burke’s thoughts as he pulled out the zipped up bag he remembered Shepherd using on him.  
He felt his cheeks grow hot at the memory, but quickly shook it off as  
He crouched down to the cubby space under Burke’s locker, having spotted a big plastic bin with colorful things inside.  
He felt really curious and tugged it out too, shuffling back with it in tow.  
he backed up all the way to Burke, smiling up at him proudly when he got there.  
He felt his pride tremble though when he saw Burke looking at him oddly.  
“What?” He said self-consciously, He did a good job.  
Burke softened his face at Alex’s hurt look.  
“How did you know that was my locker?” He asked, a little scared of the answer.  
Alex froze, trying to think up a good excuse. but, only managing to think of that time with Derek.  
he’d just dug himself a hole.  
“Um. I don’t know..” shitshitshittyshit “I uh .. Shepherd told me at lunch!” He yelled, just a bit too enthusiastically.  
“Oh-kay.” Burke was skeptical but he didn’t really care too much, he had to get George situated.  
“Can you give me the zipped up bag?”  
Alex almost threw it in his haste, He didn’t want to hold that bag anymore.  
Preston caught it, holding it to his chest as George got his attention and whispered something into his ear, face burning.  
“Alex? I know you’re supposed to be with us all day. but you need to step out for a bit.” Alex was already almost out the door as Preston said this. Interesting.  
Alex didn’t care if Burke caught on that he knew something. He knew what was in that bag and had absolutely NO desire to be there when Preston used it. 

_____________________________

Alex got out into the hallway and sat down outside the door, His mind wandering to how fast things were going with Derek.  
It was crazy how at ease and safe he felt with him, he’d even let him do things to him that he hadn’t ever done for himself on their first meeting.  
And then the whole day today had been so hectic, he didn’t even tell him about what happened with Burke. He’d just run up and hugged him.  
He felt a flutter in his stomach, having to hide his face in his knees as he remembered what Derek had said.  
He ALREADY loved him.  
He loved him and Alex was trying so hard to feel like he deserved it. 

__________________________

Preston was having a heck of a time with George, apparently he didn’t like Alex. (Understandable, unless you got to know him.) and he felt like he was being unjustly punished.  
So he was doing the only reasonable thing a little could do in an unjust situation. He was being a little shit.  
“George! Get back over here, you are naked!” George, his sweet, loving and kind hearted George streaked over to the other side of the room, plopping down on Dereks jacket that he’d left on the ground. (Now that was funny. But still.)  
“I’m going to count! Do you want that?”  
George even at the top bracket of his annoyance still handled that threat like he was on the chopping block.  
“Nooohoho!” He screamed, flopping back onto his back and angrily stomping his foot.  
“One.” He started crying dramaticly.  
“Two.” He looked over at Preston but went back to being miserable.  
“...two and a half..” Preston was a push over.  
He started to say three when George rolled himself up into Dereks jacket and walked over.  
Preston tried not to smile, George couldn’t do counting.  
“Oh, so now we’re feeling modest. huh?”  
George shook his head, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes.  
Preston felt a little guilty for not taking him more seriously as he started acctually crying.  
He grabbed his waist, after adjusting the jacket to cover him up. And looked up at him. “Baby, why are you so sad? Alex apologized. You said you forgave him.”  
He mumbled something undistinguishable and Preston sighed.  
“Can you look at me and speak? I can’t understand love.”  
George sniffled loudly, breathing out shakily. “I forgave him THIS time Daddy.. but he’s mean lots’a other times.”  
Preston felt a prick of anger, but then he remembered about the vary little he’d seen of Alex and how much he already liked him.  
Alex was clearly a hurting guy and Preston suspected he was also a little. With that in mind it was easier for him to treat him like George, but George didn’t have that juxtaposition.  
When someone was mean they were just mean, in his eyes.  
“I’m sorry he was mean, you know I don’t let ANYONE be mean to MY baby.” George nodded, tears dripping off his chin.  
“But, I think maybe people are mean to him a lot. Like, all the time.” George gasped and Preston bit off a fond smile, nodding gravely. “So maybe my sweet puppy can be nice to him and help him.” George shuffled from foot to foot thoughtfully. “Okay.. But he HAS to be nice too.”  
Preston kissed his face all over, he was so proud. “Sweet, sweet, sweet! You’re so good, baby.” He rocked him back and forth before laying him down.  
“Alright, let’s get you diapered up so we can have fun.” George nodded, smiling happily.  
Preston started, quickly going through the process and as he was smoothing down the tabs he caught George’s eye. “And baby, if he’s mean I’ll put him straight in time-out. No counting.” George looked at him like he was diabolical.  
“You need to count a little..” he said and Preston smiled.  
“I do?” He brushed his hand up George’s side getting a satisfying giggle. 

______________________________

A while had passed and Alex finally got up. He sighed deeply and as he knocked on the door, he heard a cheerful “come in!” From Burke and immediately felt intrusive as he walked in and saw Burke tickling George as he laid spread out in front of him.  
He was giggling madly and seeing Alex he stretched out his arms toward him.  
“Ha-help! He crazyhehehe!” He had tears of mirth streaming down his face and Alex wanted to bolt, Feeling that same ‘off’ feeling he did around littles in the pit of his stomach.  
Burke quickly realized something was wrong with Alex and ended his attack.  
He kissed George’s tummy and pulling him to his chest, turned to Alex. Holding his hand out for him to take.  
Alex squirmed uncomfortably, before walking past Burke and going to the colorful bin behind him instead.  
He was curious about it before and maybe figuring out what was inside would help squash the bad feeling he had in his stomach.  
Burke took the rejection with grace, he understood enough about people in general to know that Alex just felt uncomfortable.  
Alex looked back at Burke nervously, he remembered how mad people used to get when he’d ignore them, and he didn’t want to open the bin without permission.  
“Go ahead, there’s some cool stuff in there.” George was already leaning forward making grabby hands toward the box and Burke chuckled holding him back. “Hurry up, George can’t take the excitement!”  
Alex gave him a small lopsided smile, the anxiety in his stomach easing as he popped open the lid, actually gasping when he saw what was inside.  
He pulled out a strawberry-shortcake doll, smelling her muffin top hat and bouncing in excitement.  
“You have a strawberry-shortcake!”  
Preston broke out into a huge grin, Alex was just too precious.  
“Yes! We have lots of cool stuff. Right baby?” He kissed George’s head, getting a toothy smile from him as he hugged a rainbow-brite.  
Preston had gotten George all the old playhouse Disney and 90s toys.  
Alex felt unbelievably happy, these shows were one of the few good things he remembered from his childhood.  
“You have a Rollie pollie Ollie!” As Alex was rummaging through the treasure trove of toys, he gasped suddenly, grabbing a plush Littlefoot from ‘The Land Before Time’.  
“You have Littlefoot.” He said with emotion, he was honestly gonna cry.  
Preston tried not to show how proud of himself he was, hiding his face behind a Care Bear.  
“I’m a bit of an addict.. we’ve got waaay to many.” He said, voice muffled by a  
fun-shine bear.  
Alex was too busy pushing the big red car from the wiggles and quietly singing the theme song to himself to hear him.  
George eventually pulled out his ‘Bob the Builder’ toys, showing them to Alex who nodded happily along.  
“These are my fave’it.” He said bouncing on his knees. “You can be scoop!”  
Alex nodded, happily doing a fake timid voice and pushing his character around.  
George looked like he was on cloud nine, pushing dizzy along and having bob hug everyone over and over.

“You play really good! I like your voices.”  
George praised and Alex blushed, his shoulders coming up to his pink ears.  
“Thanks.”  
They played for a long time after that, before having to pause.  
Preston had announced that George needed to wash his hands and George had started whining, before blushing bright red and agreeing full heartedly.  
Alex knew what was up, but thankfully kept his mouth shut.  
He was sat back holding an Alfi and wondering if anyone even liked that show when Burke walked back in smiling happily down at him and stoking his head.  
“Hey, peanut.” He said quietly, George had fallen asleep on their way back and he wanted to keep him that way.  
Alex put his hand over Burke’s, a big yawn escaping him when he saw George was sleeping.  
“You think I’m nuts? Rude.” Alex joked, before frowning. He hadn’t ONLY been thinking about Alfi’s TV show fallowing.  
“I’m sorry..” He started, pausing and fiddling with the toys fur. “I’m sorry for being mean and saying those awful things.” Tears filled his eyes and he went to blink them away, but they just spilled over. “I’m really bad.”  
Burke hurried to set George down, before going back to Alex and pulling him in for a hug.  
His heart was breaking for the sweet boy he was getting to know.  
“You’re not bad, baby. You’re so, SO good Alex.” He kissed the side of his head, feeling him shudder pitifully with sobs.  
Alex shook his head roughly, pulling away with his hands over his face.  
“But, I AM bad. I called George stupid and what I said about Izzy.” He coughed wetly, looking up at Burke trying to make him understand.  
“I was mean to IZZY. I was mean to your BABY.” He gestured to Burke. “and I was mean.. I was mean to YOU.”  
Burke sighed, quickly swiping at his own eyes. “You said sorry hon, I forgive you. And peanut, I was mean to you first remember?” He tugged him into his lap, swaying gently. “Izzy was too. And I’M sorry.” He felt Alex settling and adjusted him. “I’m really sorry.”  
Alex sighed, putting his closed eyes on Burke’s shoulder to wipe away his tears.  
“Hey! I’m not a tissue... Just, don’t blow your nose man.” Alex giggled and Burke cooed.  
“You’re so sweet, huh?” Burke bounced him a bit and Alex shook his head no.  
“Cristina calls me ‘Evil Spawn’.” He said smiling mischievously.  
“Want me to tell her not to?”  
“No. I like it. Gives me an edge.” He wiggled his butt, scooting down until he was laying curled up in Burke’s lap.  
“Yeah, But a tough guy like you, doesn’t really need one.” He fake clocked him and Alex looked content in ignoring him, trying to fall asleep.  
Burke laughed “You comfy?” Alex nodded, then shook his head “no”.  
“I want Derek.” He admitted softly.  
Burke felt a bit stung by that, but nodded anyway. “Want me to go get him?”  
Alex shook his head, “nah, he’s busy. It’s just how I feel, I ALWAYS want him.”  
Burke smiled. “I bet he’d like to hear that.”  
“I’ll tell him.” He sighed deeply. “It’s just been a long day.”  
“No kidding.”  
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna sleep now. You can go if you want.. I don’t mind.” He sounded like he did mind.  
Burke shook his head, shuffling over to George and putting his head on his leg.  
Alex was between his legs now, head resting on Burke’s belly.  
“I’m good. I think a nap sounds great.”  
“Kay.” Alex said softly, something warm settling in his stomach as he drifted off, Burke fallowing closely behind. 

Alex woke up first, or he thought he was first before he saw Burke typing quickly on his phone.  
He blinked at the brightness, knuckling his eyes. “Whazza.. whatcha doin’?” He asked groggily.  
Burke rubbed his chest soothingly. “Shhh.. I’m just talking to someone, love.” George started moving beside them, stretching out on his side before sighing through his nose contently, Pacifier bobbing up and down lazily in his mouth.  
“Mo’rring.” He said softly from behind it.  
Preston cooed, setting down his phone and pulling the sleep-warm little halfway into his lap, Minding Alex who was still between his legs.  
“Morning, Hushpuppy.”  
Alex rolled over his other leg, sitting up.  
“It was already morning. NOW, it’s nighttime.” He said smartly and Preston rolled his eyes.  
“Well, good MORNING to you too Alex.”  
Alex rolled his eyes at him. “You guys are hopeless.” He looked around, turning back to Burke when he didn’t find a clock. “What time is it?”  
“A little after five.” Burke pat his back.  
“We’re going to have to head down to the daycare. I like to do the pre op myself. Surgery’s pretty soon.” Burke looked guilty and it bothered Alex, It seemed like it wasn’t just over leaving George.  
“Okay, Papa. Can Alex come?” George seemed fine. Something was up.  
“Of course puppy love.” He poked Alex lightly. “You’re still on Bailey time, Alex. so you’ll need to stay with him.”  
Alex nodded absentmindedly, getting up. “Let’s go.” He said, fake smile in place as he walked off. 

_____________________________

Derek read the last message, trying not to brood over the fact that he missed out on some fun Alex time.  
*If only Alex had yelled at HIM Bailey would’ve made THEM stay together.*  
It was a petty thought, but he didn’t really care.  
He was starting to feel a bit better as he walked though, grudge slipping away as he got to his destination.  
The daycare was pretty empty. 

Alex walked ahead of Burke and George. He wasn’t excited to get there, he just felt weird.  
There was a vibe around Burke that hadn’t been there earlier and he was wondering what caused it.  
As he rounded the corner everything melted away though, Derek was here!  
He ran up hugging him unashamedly.  
“Hey, bud!” Derek laughed richly spinning them around and making Alex snort.  
“Hi, Derek! What’re you doing here?”  
He said with a giggly voice, getting pelted with kisses.  
“I wanted to see you! And Burke said you’d be here.” He crouched down, smile at a thousand watts. “I heard you had a good time playing with George.”  
Alex shrugged self consciously, kicking the ground. “He said I play good and have good voices.” He sounded SO proud.  
Derek felt a sting of jealously at Burke getting some of Alex’s firsts. But he pat it down, smiling up at his sweet boy.  
“Aw, man! I wish I was there. I’dev loved to see you play.”  
“You can come next time, maybe you’ll play too?” Alex said reassuringly.  
Alex saying “next time” was a huge thing and Derek knew it.  
“I’d love to.” He said, standing up and twirling Alex.  
“Well, We’ve got to get going bud.”  
Alex looked at him confused. “You’re going with Burke? Why?” He looked between them but they both looked relaxed.  
“We’re going to go talk to the chief.” Before Alex could get any ideas, Derek went on. “And it’s not about you buddy. I promise.”  
Alex sighed knowing that. “Good, ..so what are you going to talk to him about?”  
Derek shook his head. “Nothing for you to be worried about.”  
Well, now that was EXACTLY what he would do.  
He sighed “Okay.”  
Burke walked up, he had already signed George in. Brand new temp tattoo on his shoulder to show he was George’s caretaker.  
“Okay!” He clapped. “Good news is, Mary said Alex can go in too. Bad news is, Derek has to get a Rad Dad tattoo like me for it to happen.”  
They both rolled their eyes. “Please god. Never say that again.” Derek said, naturally making Burke repeat it over and over again.  
They argued a bit, before going up to the half door of the daycare.  
Alex felt more nervous the closer they got and Derek wasn’t fairing much better.  
He essentially was getting a tattoo saying he was Alex’s daddy. Before Alex even called him that.  
“Hey, you two!” A cheery Hebrew looking woman greeted them. “Sorry, about the stamp guys. Whoever gets in gets tatted.” She said wiggling the stamp menacingly.  
Derek smiled rubbing Alex’s arm while putting his own out.  
“Ow!” He said loudly when she popped it on and Alex jumped.  
“Are you okay!?” He sounded really scared and Derek felt bad.  
“Sorry, bud. I was just joking.”  
Alex’s chin wobbled. “Not. Funny.” He ducked his head, covering his face.  
“Oh no! Nonononono I’m sorry!” He picked him up, poor Alex was nervous and he’d just made it worse. “I didn’t mean to scare you, bud. I wanted you to laugh.”  
“Not. Funny.” Alex shuddered, this sucked.  
“Hey, can I say something?” Mary interjected and Derek nodded.  
“You two are really sweet together and I know you love your Daddy sweetheart. But I’ve seen this lots and lots of times.  
So I know he’ll come back. Good Daddy’s always come back, This is just playtime.” She didn’t know what she was saying, but Alex peeked out at her anyway.  
“He’s not my Daddy. I don’t have one.” He said quietly, and she looked confused for a second, but went along with it.  
“Will you come back.” She looked at Shepherd dead on and he nodded.  
“Then congratulations. You’re a Daddy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deleted a really really good bit of dialogue so this chapter didn’t give you whiplash, (I don’t want to just pile stuff on) but in the next chapter or so you’re going to see some of Alex’s past and it pains me. So so much. 
> 
> (Also marry is litteraly Rebecca sugar if you wanted to know.)
> 
> Oh! And every nostalgic reference you see is pure memory. so if you have anything you want Burke to have that’ll make you feel good, just tell me. 
> 
> Thank you all again, those who commented. you make me so happy and as always thank you for being my Neighbor<3


	5. I like that your hurting just like me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is triggered by something someone says and him and Shepherd have a moment, Derek has a hard time letting him go but Alex makes a new friend while in the daycare. 
> 
> Don’t be to mad at Webber..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you guys like this one, I feel like it’s good.(obviously, it’s a gift to me from me.) I’m lovin’ On this and so tired but it’s okay! There’s no rest for the wicked and that’s great theming since it’s October. 
> 
> Give me some comments, I gotta read them all! You’re like my Pokémon <3

“Then congratulations. You’re a daddy.”

Alex felt a sickening kind of panic course through him when she said that.  
He’d already told her Derek wasn’t his Daddy. But, she still told Derek he WAS his daddy.  
Didn’t she know how stupid that was?  
To say that casually, without thinking?  
You NEVER said that.  
You never ever, ever called somebody daddy before they adopted you.  
Because they WOULD leave.  
Derek was going to LEAVE.  
“Why would you?...” his voice caught, tears clouding his vision but he stubbornly didn’t let them fall. He wasn’t going to let her see how upset he was,  
He used to be good at that.  
He WAS good at it.  
He pushed roughly at Shepherds arms to be let down and Derek complied, still too in shock over what Mary had said to really think.  
When he got down, he looked at her. his face becoming stony and passive.  
“Why the HELL would you say that?” His voice was steady, but the tears brimming In his eyes betrayed him.  
Mary looked shocked at Alex’s personality shift, standing dumbly behind the small barrier.  
“What were you thinking!?” She looked around stupidly and He scoffed at her. “You don’t think do you? He’s not my Daddy. You just called him that because your bleeding heart needs constant confirmation that it’s good.” A big, round and hazel toned guy came out of a door at the back of the room.  
Looking concerned, he walked up and stood behind her.  
“What’s going on?” He said softly messaging her tense shoulders.  
Alex ignored him. “Well, You don’t get a pat on the back from me.” He felt something fracture inside him. “You should’ve THOUGHT.” His voice cracked and he wanted to bolt. His body trembling with adrenaline.  
Derek was about to say something when she opened the gate walking right up to Alex, making him flinch back.  
She smiled apologetically. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I was trying to make you feel better and didn’t think.” She reached out to take his hand, hesitating. “Can I touch you?”  
He shook his head ‘No’ legs feeling numb.  
“That’s okay.” She put her hands in her pockets, voice placating. “You were in the system, weren’t you honey?” Just the way he held himself was enough of a giveaway, but the way he was talking is what made it a solid theory. “My little girl was in it too.” She had to bite her lip, thinking of all the horror story’s her sweet girl had told her. Alex felt bile rise up, She just called him out on something he constantly tried to bury. but as she talked his curiosity eased his anxiety.  
“Her names Reed and she’s vary vary sweet. you can meet her when you come in.” She said, it was clever wording she’d learned from her time as a cartaker of abused littles. Don’t say “if” say “when.” It helped when someone who’d had such an unsure childhood got such affirming words. She looked up at Shepherd, who nodded at her and she backed off.  
“I think your FREIND wants to talk to you, love.” She held out her hand again and he took it this time.  
She smiled approvingly at him, tugging it up and stamping the back of it. “Everyone gets tatted.” She joked, walking back inside. 

Alex turned to Shepherd nervously, his eyes shut tight expecting to be scolded or yelled at for being mean.  
Instead Derek pulled him to himself, squeezing him in a tight hug.  
They stood like that for a while, just swaying gently.  
“I love you Alex.” He murmured into his hair, kissing the top of his head before breaking them apart. holding his shoulders.  
“Why did her saying that scare you baby?”  
Alex shook his head, mumbling an “I don’t know.”  
“I think you do buddy and I can’t help unless you tell me.”  
Instead of an answer Alex stomped a bit, getting rid of the tingly ‘fight or flight.’ energy that had built up in his legs.  
Derek watched and knew what he was doing, it made him ache. “We can take a walk if you want? it’ll help. Burke!” Burke who had been watching this whole mess as a spectator walked up.  
“I’m right here, What?” He sounded slightly annoyed but he also reached out and rubbed Alex’s arm.  
“Can you talk to the Chief alone for now? I need to speak with Alex.”  
Burke nodded, he pat Alex’s shoulder comfortingly before walking away. 

_____________________________

They walked briskly away from the daycare zone and toward the doors leading out to the outside eating aria of the cafeteria.  
As they stepped out Derek looked to Alex smiling at the cuteness he saw. He had gotten two blankets from Mary earlier and bundled Alex up.  
Alex looked adorable with just his face poking out of the cream colored, starry knit baby blanket, he almost looked content as they went and Derek wished they were just having a fun conversation.  
But, a closer look at Alex and his tense walk reminded him they weren’t.

They finally got to his destination, right inside of a garden-like aria and just adjacent to the giant ship play structure.  
They stood quietly for a bit, snow drifting down slowly around them and catching on their eyelashes.  
Derek looked to Alex, smiling warmly when he saw him breathing out playfully, before watching his breath make white puffs in the cold air. He looked way too amused by his game and Derek wanted to stay quiet, keep this moment selfishly pleasant.  
Forget what they needed to talk about, to not help Burke, run away.  
But, Alex was hurting, even if he was pushing it down right now he was hurting and Derek couldn’t be selfish.  
He breathed in deeply, deciding that facing this directly was the only way he could do it.  
“Bud, why were you so mad she called me your Daddy?” He inquired gently. Alex turned away from where he was looking at the ship, Shrugging helplessly.  
“I don’t know what to tell you.” His soft brown eyes were emoting the inner struggle he was having. “It just wasn’t good.”  
Derek held back a sigh.  
“Why wasn’t it good?” He wanted to understand why Alex had, had such a strong reaction back there.  
“I don’t know.” Alex mumbled unhelpfully.  
Derek nodded, he felt frustrated with the communication gap. but he understood that Alex was going through something complex. He just wanted to help.  
“Did her saying it scare you?” He asked and Alex shrugged, before shaking his head ‘no’ and fiddling with the blanket. Derek was trying to figure out what should be his next question, then it hit him.  
“Did you think it’d scare me?” He said softly.  
Alex sniffled, rubbing at his face pitifully with blanket covered hands.  
“You were.. you just.. she messed it up.” He felt yucky. “What if you left? You’d think about it and you’d just go away.” He looked down, His lip trembling awfully.  
“I’ll never want to go away.” Derek said, crouching down and looking up at Alex. “I don’t ever want to leave you. you’re so amazing and sweet, Alex. I can’t help loving you.” His heart squeezed painfully “I thought I told you that sweetheart.” Alex shook his head hard.  
“Even the good ones left, they said they wanted me, then they LEFT.” His voice gave way to a series of harsh sobs and Derek got up, pulling him into a warm hug. Alex collapsed into him He must be exhausted from hurting like this.  
“I won’t leave.” He tried again.  
“They ALL leave.” Alex whispered quietly.  
Derek wanted to stop this cycle, Alex didn’t need to feel that way. But, you couldn’t fix things like horrible childhoods in a day, no matter how much you wanted to.  
“You’re not in a foster home baby.  
This isn’t like that, you’re in the real world where people don’t get paid to take care of you.” Alex sobbed harder but Derek kept going. “I’m here because I love you. And even if I’m not your daddy yet, I still won’t leave.” 

Alex felt like shit. Derek was saying all the right things, things he desperately needed to hear.  
but he still felt like shit.  
He wanted to stop feeling this way, like people would leave and he was disposable. But how could he? He’d aged out of the system that was supposed to help him. His dad left after he drove him away, (It needed to happen. but it still hurt.)  
And fuck, his mom? She was a whole different story.  
It was like the universe had conspired against him and how could he go up against the whole universe?  
As Shepherd held him and he sobbed out years of suppression he started to realize that maybe he didn’t need to.  
He could have someone who actually cared actually help.  
Derek would protect him, he WANTED to protect him.  
That’s what he was trying to say. Well, That and whatever he was saying now? Breathe? Oh yeah. He needed to do that. 

Derek was afraid Alex was going to pass out before he started breathing again.  
Thank God.  
He snatched him up, needing to hold him closer now that the terrifying few minutes of Alex not breathing and panicking were over.  
“You almost gave me a heart attack, baby boy.” He chuckled nervously, swaying them a bit and trying to get out all the nerves he felt.  
“What was going on in that cute head of yours?” Alex shook his head ‘no’ adamantly. Okay. a question for another day then.  
As Alex calmed down, finally.  
Derek could tell it was getting to be the time he needed to go and help Burke.  
But, there was no way in hell he was just going to walk in and dump Alex off at the daycare like he was being rid of him.  
Especially after he’d just cried his eyes out. But, then again he NEEDED to help Burke.  
He’d just have to get Alex happy, then they’d be set. 

“Oh, my goodness!” Derek said in a funny voice, growling playfully and shifting Alex farther up his chest.  
“So many emotions!” He dipped him back and Alex giggled madly.  
“Oh? Happy we now is? Okay.” Where did yoda come from? He just rolled with it. “Sad, Alex be. must not!”  
They twirled and Alex threw his head back, his bubbly laughter filling the air. Job well done.  
“Okay, Alex my love.” He tickled his side getting a happy dimple for his efforts.  
“I REALLY need to go help Burke talk to the chief. So can we go back inside?” Alex nodded, mood dampening a bit.  
Derek still felt like maybe he was leaving him at a daycare too soon, considering he’d just said he’d never leave him.  
He sighed. “Maybe I can ask Bailey to help him? I’ll tell her to leave you alone And you can stay with me.”  
He really didn’t want to leave Burke with that mess, but he’d take an angry/hurt Burke over an upset Alex any day.  
Alex felt a bright warm happiness spread throughout his chest, He really wanted that. like a lot.  
But, he knew if Shepherd mentioned needing to help Burke he needed to let that happen.  
“Nah, it’s okay.” He sighed, putting his head on Dereks shoulder and smiling when he felt Derek tighten his arms in response. “Bailey wants me to stay with George and I want to be with him.” He did want that, but he’d rather be with Derek.  
Shepherd was blinking rapidly, Alex was literally the sweetest thing ever and it was killing him.  
“Okay, thank you for being so sweet. my good boy.” He kissed him all over.  
“Such a good boy. We’re going to have so much fun together.”  
Alex was blushing warmly at the praise, he was afraid there might even be steam coming off of him in the cold air.  
“You’re welcome.” He whispered, smushing his face into Shepherds shoulder and giving a muffled “Love you.”  
“Love you too.” With that Derek started off towards the hospital, lightly bouncing Alex as he walked. 

________________________________

“Okay, Alex? Only one question.” Ian said smiling shyly at Alex, who was still sat in Dereks arms even after being asked if he wanted to walk.  
“Would you like me to carry you inside? Or walk? And just so you know, I’m a vary good cuddlier.” Ian did look like a good and willing cuddlier, But Alex shook his head. “No, I’m not gonna be little. I’m not little.” He grumbled, his lip coming out in an angry pout.  
Ian had never heard THAT one before.  
“Okay, well. You have to come in Love.  
So, it’s either I carry you or you’ll have to walk.” he’d let Derek settle him in but  
he could tell Derek wasn’t going to be all that helpful with getting Alex to relax just by the guilty look on his face. He might even cry.  
Alex shook his head. “I’ll walk.” Derek kissed him on the cheek, before setting him down and watching him go inside.  
Alex walked in nervously, side stepping Ian and plopping down next to George. covering his face. So much for Derek making Alex happy before he left.  
“Can I just go in?” Derek was already walking, but Ian stepped in front of him.  
He shrugged uncomfortably. “Sorry. But it won’t help. It’s best if you just go.”  
Derek felt like an ass, but he agreed.  
“Okay, But no ones mad at him right? For yelling at Mary.” He knew the answer but he had to hear it from Ian.  
“No ones mad.” Ian chuckled, his already smiley face becoming brighter. “And Mary’s gotten worse, far worse actually. Believe me.”  
Derek nodded, peeking at Alex who seemed to be talking to George quietly.  
“Okay, I’m sorry he said all that.”  
Ian held out his hand, Derek taking it and shaking it warmly. “It’s all good, and he’ll be fine. We’ll page you if he’s not.”  
Derek nodded, walking away. 

_____________________________

After calming down, Alex was enjoying the playroom more then he thought he would. He liked how it looked inside, Nothing was comically big like he feared it might be and the look of the whole place was calming, incense filling the air with clove. He felt super excited getting to play with some of the stuff he’d seen in here and George had a small group of friends. Alex was pleasantly surprised by how nice they were.  
“Are you s’re you not sad Alex?” George had been asking him that every few minutes and Alex nodded once again. “Yeah.” He put the toy he was playing with in front of his face, doing a silly voice. “Thanks George!” George giggled, putting his own toy in front of his face. “Your well’om Alex!” They played a bit more, Peter who Alex had just met was great at thinking up creative scenarios. Putting them into countless adventures and Alex actually having fun. They’d just ended a game and Alex bowed out, feeling tired from his meltdown earlier even after his nap with Burke. He was sat back, halfway listening to Mary play a cute song about a garden on her guitar.  
He liked that it wasn’t an “activity”, No one had to sit in a circle holding hands and singing along, it was more like she was just amusing herself and anyone could listen if they wanted.  
He was feeling perfectly content and starting to drift to sleep when he spotted Maya. She was glaring at him and sitting on a counter at the other side of the room, her feet in the sink and  
Ian trying and failing to get off the marker she’d used on herself.  
He heard him sigh “It’s not gonna come off sweetheart. But Mama will give you a bath tonight, okay?” He dried her off, setting her down with a twirl before walking away to do something else. 

She walked right up to Alex and kicked him. 

Alex yelped, rubbing his leg.  
“You’re the worst, you know that?” She crossed her arms and he shrunk back, feeling guilty about earlier.  
“Guess, I deserved that though, huh?” He said ducking his head and she nodded.  
“You stuck your tongue out at me.” She said haughtily.  
He rolled his eyes “You did it first.”  
“Not the same. I did it to play around, you were just being mean.”  
He sighed. “Well, I’m sorry I made you mad, Maya.”  
She looked confused “My names not Maya.. it’s Reed. Reed Anderson.”  
It was Alex’s turn to look confused.  
“What?” He shook His head. “But, Shepherd said that was your name.”  
She shrugged, plopping down next to him with a concentrated look on her face. Grudge forgotten completely now that she had something to figure out.  
“Maybe your daddy just made up a name?” Then her eyes went wide in realization. “I probably gave him a fake name! I do that sometimes.”  
He’d been about to correct her about calling derek his daddy. but she sparked his interest. “Why, would you do that?”  
She gestured toward Mary and Ian.  
“Boredom, I’m here a lot.”  
_________________________________

 

Webber was going to kill these two, or himself. Anyone at all really, anything to make it stop.  
“I just don’t think it’s fair.” Preston pressed on, like he had been for the past hour and a half. “George, having to do a doomed to fail, ‘character building’ procedure before anyone else seems cruel.”  
“Character. Building. That is the point Dr. Burke. He NEEDS to be shown how bad it’s going to get, it’s the only way I can keep him on.” The Chief said with exasperation, sitting back in his chair and massaging the bridge of his nose.  
“It feels like you’re only doing it because he’s a little and That’s not okay in my book Dr. Webber, some of our caretaker interns can’t even handle this big of a loss at this point.” He growled, hitting Shepherd lightly. Derek was still making nervous glances at the door.  
“Stop that. You’re making me nervous about leaving George in there.”  
“You’re not already nervous!?” Derek was dying.  
“Everyone likes George.” Preston shrugged, turning back to the Chief with a glare. “Or I thought they did.”’  
Derek looked like he was about to lose some of his hair. “Oh, that makes it better. You’re right. With Alex being so well liked, what am I even worrying about?”  
“Nothing!” They both yelled in unison,  
Preston shifting angrily.  
“Webber. You’re making him do this because he is a little.”  
A stormy look came to Webber’s eyes.  
“You’re really going to go there? Fine.”  
He got up, stalking to the front of his desk and sitting on it.  
“George O’Malley BARLEY passed the test to qualify for this program. He was brought here by you. And the medical board isn’t liking that, so they’re making me do this.” He got into Preston’s space. “But, even if they weren’t, I’d STILL do something along these lines because he must be FULLY in the right mindset to be in a field where LIVES are in his hands.”  
Preston didn’t even blink, he pushed himself farther into the limited space Richard had made. “He tested the highest in patient care that you or any of the damn BOARD has seen in years. He  
Is fully in the right headspace when needed, we both know that. He was tested specifically FOR that.” He glowered. “And I’m fully in the right to bring MY baby WHEREVER I damned well please. Sir.” He turned away storming out. 

_______________________________

“Oh? So they’re you’re caregivers?” Alex asked rocking back on his bum to look at them then settling again.  
“Nope.” She popped the P. “They’re just temporary, And besides I only want a Mommy.”  
Alex looked away, what a shit hand life had dealt her. Being in foster care twice. He told her as much and she scoffed punching him jokingly.  
“I’m on the REGISTRY doofus, and It’s not that bad. I’ve gotten to choose what to do the whole way and having temp caretakers has really, really helped me.”  
He shrugged. It was good to know She had choices.  
“So? Why only a Mommy?”  
She looked away, ripping the bear clip out of her hair and toying with it. “You know why. You lived through it to. I can tell.”  
He nodded, wanting to get away from the subject before he got stuck thinking about Those Memories. (Why did she have to have a bear clip? He felt sick.)  
She looked up at him, then down at the bear. Chucking it across the room without a second thought. “Trigger?” She said quietly.  
He exhaled sharply. “Trigger.” He looked away, slightly trembling.  
she took his hand in hers.  
“So..” she started, changing the subject. “I work at mercy west, those two dorks over there work here though. That’s why I’m here so often.”  
He smiled, she was a good person. He bet she didn’t know it though.  
“Dorks, huh?”  
“Well, dweebs more likely.”  
He laughed. “Why not work here?”  
“And become a Seattle grace dweeb? No thank you.” She shrugged. “I also started there before I met them.”  
He smirked “The truth will set you free. Now come on, we both know you just weren’t excepted here.” She pushed him playfully.  
“You’re rude AND you’re wrong.”  
He thought about how she was talking and tilted his head “why aren’t you acting little?” She smiled, blushing.  
“I’m leaving soon. Almost my shift, so this is me aging up. You?”  
“I’m not a little.”  
She gave him a look that said she didn’t buy it for a minute. “Bullshit.” Before she’d even finished the word Mary walked up and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek, she cringed.  
“You’re is’gusting.” She said, dramatically wiping off her cheek.  
Mary smiled. “And you need to use better language, butterfly.” She sat behind her, pulling Reed into her lap.  
Alex felt squirmy around Mary and looked away blushing, his hand still holding Reeds.  
Mary looked at them together, she was starting to see why Dr. Shepherd was so obsessed over this little guy.  
“You okay Alex?” She asked kindly, remembering he didn’t like to be touched, (unless by Reed, Apparently.) she kept her hands to herself.  
He sighed, letting go of Reed and forcing himself to look at her.  
“I’m sorry.” He shrugged uncomfortably “You were just trying to help earlier and I was.. I’m sorry.” God. Three times today, Shepherd was making it hard to have no manners.  
She smiled, bouncing Reed in her lap happily. “You’re a good kid Alex. It’s okay.” He nodded getting up and starting to walk over to George, Before turning back to Reed.  
“You need to age up right?” She nodded, sighing.  
“Get off me woman. I’ve gotta go.” Mary let out a fake cry.  
“My heart! I’m hurt! I’m hurt!”  
She shook her off. “Every time.” Looking worriedly at Ian she grumbled. “Don’t alert tweedle-dee or I’m never gonna leave.”  
Mary gasped offendedly “That makes me tweedle-dumb! Go away, you awful little.” She swatted at her playfully and Alex went to sneak away from their moment, Reed clinging to him with a big hug before he could.  
“Don’t go Alex.” She whispered squeezing him tighter.  
He felt himself blush, hugging her back.  
“Okay.” He mumbled into her shoulder.  
“We’re best friends now. Right?”  
His stomach twisted in knots, but he nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”  
She smiled bouncing on her toes.  
“Good, I’m not always nice but I like you.”  
He smiled, pushing her away.  
“I like you too. Go away. Or you’ll get fired.”  
She practically skipped out, turning and yelling over her shoulder. “Get a daddy and be little with me next time!” 

________________________________

Preston sat with his head in his hands.  
He was Preston Burke, head cardiothoracic Surgeon at Seattle grace hospital and he still couldn’t keep his baby from getting hurt.  
Derek walked over, putting his hand on Preston’s shoulder.  
He’d tried to talk to the Chief after Preston had left but the point was mute.  
“The surgery’s going to happen. No matter what we want.” He coughed sitting back. “You said George was fully capable when he needs to be. Trust that. Trust HIM.” He said earnestly.  
Preston started laughing, shaking his head. “Derek. It’s not just George. I already think George has a good chance, he’s tougher then he seems.”  
Derek was actually shocked silent by that.  
“You missed a big part of this I’m guessing.” Preston sighed “George isn’t the only one that’ll be there. Alex will too.”  
“So? It’s a teaching hospital. All residents can watch.”  
“Alex will be with George for fourteen hours. Baileys orders. It’s only been five. He’s going to see George break. he’s going to have to be around him when we go HOME.” He ran his hands down his face. “He’s already shown he’s got a lot of little tendency’s, and he is fighting them. But even then he’s still having big crashes emotionally. He’s going to be experiencing some intense feelings at our house and he might just have a problem being there period.”  
Derek shrugged. “Well, I took him away from you two before.”  
“He was still near us though, and we were stretching it. We’ll have to take him home though, no exceptions. Thats what I talked to Webber about first and that’s what he said.”  
Derek shook his head. “There’s no way Bailey can make him go home with you. C’mon.”  
“No? But she can give him scut and make the interns do rectal exams. Hell, even we can make their lives miserable.”  
“Those are official things.”  
“She’s got consent on this, it’s as official as everything else.”  
Derek thought about Alex’s panic attack, looking around helplessly. “Fuck.” 

________________________________

“You talked to REED? ‘nd she was nice to you?” George and his friends were throughly impressed.  
Apparently Reed wasn’t joking when she said she wasn’t always nice, she had quite the rep-sheet.  
That made Alex like her more oddly enough.  
He shrugged, flipping the truck he’d been pushing around back and forth in his hands. “Yeah, she said we’re friends now.” He felt a little giddy saying it, looking up excitingly at George for approval.  
“Tha’s cool.” George nodded happily.  
“I still think she’s mean. But yeah.” Peter said shrugging.  
“I’ll take that. Wanna play again?” Alex was already on his knees, ready to push his truck as fast as he could when Preston and Derek walked in.  
“Okay, O’Malley my ally cat.” Preston said impressively rolling George up into his arms and into a cradle position. “Let’s go get you changed outta the fun stuff so you can age up, Pup!” George giggled happily, Preston bouncing him up slightly in the air and catching him with his forearms.  
“K’ papa! Bye pete! Bye Alex!” They walked out, twin carouses of ‘bye fallowing them as they left.  
Shepherd walked over crouching down in front of Alex, breath catching as big brown eyes blinked up at him.  
“Hey, Love.” He cooed, putting his hand on top of his head.  
Alex smiled brightly, laying his own hand on top of Derek’s before tilting his head back and kissing his palm.  
Derek felt a lump in his throat, Alex was so perfect.  
“Okay, bud.” He put his hands under Alex’s arms. “Let’s go!” He said with exaggerated strain in his voice as he hoisted him up to his feet.  
He felt Alex shyly take his hand as he started toward the direction Burke and George had gone, Derek squeezed his hand reassuringly when he tugged it back clearly feeling unsure.  
“You’re good sweetheart.” He said letting Mary shine a black light over his temp tattoo, then tugging Alex’s hand to repeat the process.  
“All clear, have a good day you two.”  
Mary said waving them away. 

“I met a girl.” Alex said quietly as they walked down the halls and Derek laughed. “Really? Did you flirt with her?” He bumped him with his hip and Alex shook his head.  
“No! She’s just a friend.” He smiled like he knew a big secret, signaling for Derek to come closer. “She said I’m her best friend.” He whispered, voice bursting at the seams with joy.  
Derek felt an intense wave of love for this sweet kid.  
“That’s amazing. What’s her name?”  
“Reed.” He grinned “She’s the one you called Maya.”  
Derek gapped at him. “No way, She told me that was her name! she’s sneaky.”  
Alex nodded “She’s pretty great.” He looked at him seriously. “But, Don’t tell George we’re best friends. He’ll be sad.”  
“Okay, I Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Alex has so many triggers associated with childish things, which really is the worst if your a little:(  
> But, he’ll get the love he needs. he’s got a Derek Shepherd after all. 
> 
> Thank you for the comments! They’re so thoughtful I just love them And as always. thank you for being my Neighbor<3


	6. Bring on the wonder.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions run high after a miscommunication and Alex goes to Burke’s house, blissfully domestic Burke headed your way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Welcome to the much anticipated (by myself) part six! I’m excited to start pulling out some of the chapters I wrote before this even became a thing.  
> I hope you like this one:)
> 
> “It’s comments that make the world go round.”  
> -W. S. Gilbert.. or something like that..  
> Really though, thank you for the comments you’re all so amazing<3

“You’ve got some crazy knots in here, hushpuppy.” Burke said quietly. 

He was lounging back on the worn leather couch in the residents locker room, George sat comfortably in his lap as he played with his baby soft curls, untangling the messy ones he came across while reading up on their patients file.  
He’d just managed to get a tawny curl to wrap loosely around his finger when Shepherd and Alex walked in.  
George lazily blinked open his eyes when he heard the door creak open, sighing unhappily as he saw them before reluctantly getting up.  
Burke startled slightly at the sudden loss of weight in his lap, folding up his glasses and looking up quizzically at George.  
“Can you leave papa?” He asked, fidgeting. “I need to get fully aged up. Kay’?” Burke nodded sadly, looking all the part of heartbroken Daddy as he adjusted his clothes and walked toward the door.  
When he got there he saw that Alex was holding Dereks hand, still looking his ‘partly little’ way. Since his baby was currently aging up, he decided to take full advantage of having a cute little guy like Alex right in front of him.  
“Hey, Alex.” He smiled at him fondly and Alex grinned back, feeling shy.  
“Hey, Burke.” When burke looked at him like that, it made him want to hide his face in Shepherds coat for some reason.  
Burke rose an eyebrow. “Oh? So now you’re shy?” He snatched him up without thinking, pulling him slightly over his head then swooping him down kissing playfully under his chin.  
He pulled his head back with a big mwah! Alex giggling at his antics.  
“No dice!” He smiled, Alex reclined on his forearms to look at him.  
“You already slept with me.” He winked mischievously, swaying them with Alex letting out a belly laugh.  
Derek smiled watching them, his jealous side flaring up slightly and making it look strained.  
“Yeah, Okay. You have one. Off.” He plucked Alex out of Burke’s arms, settling him on his hip.  
Burke rolled his eyes.  
“You’re going to be the worst to be around, you know that?” He gestured to Alex. “And besides I’m his favorite anyway, so it’s hopeless.”  
Alex smirked, making sure he had eye contact with Burke before slyly kissing Dereks cheek.  
Burke gapped at him. “Traitor.”  
“Not Helping!” George grumbled from the other side of the room pulling on his white coat with frustrated little huffs.  
Burke’s lips curled slightly, turning around with an amused look. “You’re right. I’m sorry, my jealous baby.”  
George rolled his eyes, walking moodily into the bathroom.  
Burke turned to Shepherd “He gets that from you!” He said, pointing at him accusingly.  
“I BARILY know him!” He defended himself, Alex wiggling to get down.  
“And YET..” Burke shrugged, walking out.  
Derek put Alex down as the door closed behind Burke.  
After he was settled on his feet though, Alex looked around seeming a bit lost.  
“What’s wrong?” Derek asked, pushing down the worry. (He used to be so suave before Alex, now was a mother hen.)  
Alex shrugged. “I need to stay with George, but he’s in the bathroom.” He looked so genuinely bothered by that and Derek shook with laugher, trying to hold it in as much as he could.  
“I think Bailey’ll understand.”  
He let out a sigh, looking up at the clock  
with disappointment.  
“I have to go too, silly boy.” He smiled, tilting his head quizzically before leaning down and kissing Alex under the chin, just like Burke did. Because he was petty.  
Alex caught on to what he did immediately and scoffed. “Oh, I’m telling Burke. You jealous psycho.”  
“Good.” With that said, Derek walked out. 

___________________________

Alex felt extremely weird seeing George walk out so suddenly big.  
he was still feeling pretty fuzzy and little after being in the daycare and that’s WITHOUT going fully into headspace, George on the other hand seemed fine.  
He did jump though when he looked up and saw Alex staring blankly at him as he walked out of the bathroom.  
“Sorry, I forgot you’d be here.” He blushed, shrugging and walking around him. “So, you’ll probably be observing while I assist Burke? Right?” He tried at small talk and Alex floundered, The only way he’d kept himself feeling fully big before was by either being angry or passive.  
He wasn’t quite sure how to do it differently now that he wanted to.  
“Yeah, everyone will. It’s kind of a teaching hospital, So we literally have to.” He scoffed, trying to keep his voice light. (he didn’t want George to hate him.) But he also didn’t know how else to act big.  
George took what he said about as well as he had expected.  
He rolled his eyes and shouldered roughly passed him.  
“Figures you’d go back to being you.” He mumbled. “Fine. Just try not to be a jerk. This is my first surgery, and you’ll hope people are nice to you when it’s time for yours.” He sighed walking out.  
Alex trailed behind him, the confrontation warming his belly as he walked. “Yeah? Well I guess I won’t have to worry about you then. No way you’re making it passed this one.” Screw being nice to George, He’d just brushed him off.  
George rounded on him, fists balled up at his sides. “Alex. For some reason I’m being punished for the-the.” He swallowed, fidgeting nervously. “The shit YOU pulled with Burke.” He shook his head. “Just, try not to make this miserable.” With that he walked off and Alex let go of the breath he’d been holding.

As they got into the scrub room Preston turned around smiling, it quickly turned to frowning when he saw the two grumpy faces looking back at him.  
“What’s the matter with you two?”  
They glared at each other, saying identical “nothing’s” before Alex stalked out and George started to scrub his hands quickly, dropping the soap in his upset.  
he sighed angrily picking up another package of it starting the whole process over again.  
Burke walked over, avoiding the flying water and soap suds as he leaned over and turned off the sink.  
He was vary confused about the sudden mood shift those two seemed to have toward each other.  
He leaned back on the sink.  
“George? What happened.” Before Preston could go on, George shook his head.  
“No. I’m sorry Dr. Burke but that’ll have to wait until after the proceeder.” He looked up at the clock, turning back on the faucet. “What’s our patients name?” Burke frowned. “Ask his family yourself. We’re about to go in and you need to know who you’re working on O’Malley.” George nodded, drying off his hands and turning to walk out.  
Preston grabbed his elbow before he fled. “I’ll pull you from this surgery if you’re not one-hundred-thousand present there, And that goes for being angry too. You got that?” George nodded. “I do and I’m ready.”  
Burke studied his face, letting him go with a nod. “Good, Go.” 

___________________________

George felt so much better after talking to the family of Tony Savitch.  
They’d been so worried about Tony and he’d been able to assure them he’d be fine and Burke was the best surgeon they had. Alex had been there and looked absolutely shocked by George being a decent human being. (Figures.)  
But he felt great regardless of Alex being there.  
He walked into the scrub room once more, washing his hands next to Burke with a now upbeat attitude.  
“Feeling better?” Burke asked, eyes wrinkling happily at the corners over his mask.  
“Never felt bad.” George smiled too, they’re hands up as they walked in.  
“LETS DO THIS! Bohkee, my jazz.” Burke listed things off as he was suited up in his surgical gear and gloves. 

____________________________

Alex stood leaning in the corner of the observation room and Thinking about what he’d just seen and what to do about it.  
George had PROMISED that family that they’re loved one would come out of this surgery ALIVE.  
He shouldn’t have done that.  
He COULDN’T do that, but it was honestly too late now.  
People filtered in and crowded the place, eating snacks and placing bets against George, Throwing out the term 007. He listened to them, feeling angry for George even though they’d just had a fight.  
He was about to say something when Meredith started talking, confidant as always. “20 says he’ll do perfectly with no complications. C’mon people, that’s one of us down there. The first one.”  
He smirked, watching as the surgery went on.  
As Time passed, Alex’s heart stopped.  
He broke the arterial wall.  
George broke the arterial wall of a patient and now he was dead.  
They called time of death and two guys high-fived each other beside him, collecting the bet money they had won.  
It was literally blood money.  
He felt his anger reaching the boiling point as they went on, other people joining in.  
“Total 007!” One crowed, and Alex checked him with his shoulder as he walked out. 

He needed to find George.

__________________________

Burke didn’t know how he was going to fix this. There was no way this patient wasn’t going to die and when he did it was no surprise. (Burke still felt awful for the loss obviously.)  
But, George didn’t know that this was a set up for failure. The guy WAS going to die regardless, He’d known the risk with his weak heart and took it anyway.  
But all George would know was he’d frozen. (Like most interns would after tearing the arterial wall on their fist surgery.) it was only a few seconds before Burke had stepped in. But that didn’t matter, not to George.  
George who was currently running away from him, barley pausing to clean himself off before he fled.  
“George! Stop! Come here!” He was yelling after him but George was ignoring him spectacularly.  
He’d finally caught up with him and grabbed him by the elbow, Stopping the chase.  
“Stop! Go away!” George yelled angrily, pushing at Burkes arm roughly.  
Normally any kind of pushing would get him in trouble, but burke knew this had to be the exception.  
“Shh.. I know it’s hard baby. This is the first one, I’m so sorry baby.” He couldn’t tell him, the Chief had made it clear what would happen if he did.  
George pushed him away holding his hands over his head in an over stressed way.  
Burke backed off, his heart tugging painfully.  
“I told his wife..” he cleared his throat, clearly struggling. “ I told his wife he would LIVE, I told all of them.” George said softly, voice breaking.  
Burke felt his blood run cold.  
“George. You CAN’T promise that.” He tried to push down the anger that bubbled up in him, he’d never felt like this way toward George before.  
“You can’t..” Burke couldn’t finish, holding his head in his hands  
This was brand new territory, George told a grieving family that their loved one would LIVE.  
George could lose his license and the family was going to be broken ten-times worse by this loss. A loss they wouldn’t see coming. “Only God can keep a promise like that and you’re not God.” He said anger barley in check.  
George walked away, circling back around with hands over his face trembling.  
“I didn’t know, I thought he’d be fine. I wanted to help.” He started crying but shook his head ‘No’ when Burke went forward to hold him.  
He breathed in shakily, looking back up at Burke “I need to tell them.”  
He shook his head hard. “No, it was a rookie mistake.” He couldn’t let him do that.  
“I don’t care. I messed up.” He ran his hands through his hair anxiously. “I’ll feel guilty unless I tell them.”  
Burke wanted to argue and he was about to but a look from George stopped him. “Let me tell them.”  
Burke didn’t like this, he hated everything about it. “Okay.”  
George nodded walking off.  
__________________________

The family didn’t even get mad.  
The wife of their patient collapsed back into her chair, telling George to get away from her “I can’t look at you right now. I can’t talk. Just leave me alone. Please.”  
He respected her wishes, not even trying to defend himself as he walked away.  
He went right up to where Burke was standing in the sidelines.  
“George?” Burke said softly after a few beats of tense silence.  
George was looking away, tears streaming down his face as he sniffled.  
“I can’t..” he coughed wetly. “I want to go HOME.” His eyes wandered over Burkes face pleadingly “Now. please.”  
Burke felt his heart break, putting his arms around his baby and rubbing the nap of his neck soothingly. “Okay.” He kissed the side of his head, pulling away. “Okay.” They went to go and Alex walked up, bad timing apparently being what he ran on.  
“George, I saw what happened.” He started, slightly out of breath from running around looking for him.  
Before Alex could finish George swung around And smacked him across the face.  
Hard.  
Yeah. No.  
“George O’Malley! We do not hit.” Preston said angrily, coming out of his shock he made a grab for George trying to separate the two before it escalated more.  
George was clearly possessed by something because he actually went to hit Alex again.  
Preston picked him up, Alex still looking stunned by what just happened.  
“You don’t get to make fun of me for this one Alex!! YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE ME FEEL WORSE!!!” He screamed and Alex snapped out of it, pushing both Preston and George as hard as he could. Knocking them both to the ground.  
“I WAS GOING TO BE NICE TO YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!!” He yelled back.  
“ENOUGH!” Burke got up, pulling George up with him.  
He kept his grip on him and grabbing Alex he started Dragging both of them through the hospital.  
They were both too stunned to do anything but stumble along behind him. 

He stopped when he got to the residents locker room, pushing open the door and sitting them both in chairs facing away from each other.  
He crouched down, taking turns glaring at them. “You’ll BOTH sit here, until you work out whatever beef it is you have with each other.” Alex went to get up and he pushed him back down.  
“Stay there or I get Derek.” Alex wanted to argue that he didn’t fucking care, but hearing Shepherds name in this situation made his tummy hurt so he kept quiet.  
Burke nodded, waking out.  
George slumped back in his chair arms crossed. 

____________________________

They sat like that for awhile, George silently seething and Alex hating this.  
He hated sitting still, he hated not having something to distract him. Why did Burke have to say he’d get Shepherd like that? All he could think about was Derek coming in here and raising hell on him like his father, doing to him what used to happen daily when he got in trouble. They’re faces were blurring and mixing over each other in the scenarios his twisted mind came up with.  
George could feel Alex shifting in the seat behind him.  
“Alex stop. Just, sit still.” He grumbled angrily, leaning forward and hitting the back of his chair with his body.  
Alex sat silently after that, clenching his teeth against the bile rising up in his throat.  
George’s anger shrunk pretty quickly when he got over himself enough to feel the tense vibe coming off of Alex, he turned slightly peering at him over his shoulder. “Alex? You okay?”  
Alex shook his head hard. “No. Your Papa. He’s making me feel.. weird.” Tears wobbled threateningly in his eyes.  
“What if Derek hear’s about us and gets mad? I can’t go through that again.” He started panicking, scenarios starting up again.  
“Fuck!” slammed his heel into the ground, his back arching as his body filled uncomfortably with anxiety.  
He felt like he was going to die. His heart slamming into his ribs and He needed to get out of here, needed to LEAVE.  
George didn’t fully understand what that meant, but he had a pretty good idea and it made him sad.  
He tried to think of something to say, maybe he could distract Alex.  
“Were you actually going to be nice?” It was kind of a self serving question, but he was curious.  
Alex calmed slightly and nodded, before remembering they were facing away from each other. “Yeah.” He breathed in deeply. “I thought after playing with you, you wouldn’t think that way about me anymore...” he trailed off, The feeling of impending punishment easing as he wondered what George would say.  
“You said something mean before the sugery.” George said quietly, picking at his scrubs self consciously.  
“I didn’t mean it like that.” He tried to think of a good way to convey what he was thinking. “I just.. I’ve always been mean to stay big. I don’t really know how else to do it. You’re the one that’s good at being big AND little. Not me.” He held his breath, waiting to hear what George would say to that.  
George nodded “Okay. Sorry I was mean back to you.. And I hit you. That was stupid.” He felt like a jerk now.  
Alex just nodded. “I understand. That was a hard surgery.”  
George felt his throat burn. “I feel like I murdered that guy.” He admitted softly.  
Alex shifted, turning around in his chair and gesturing for George to do the same.  
They sat facing each other, arms draped over the backs of their chairs.  
“I told the family.. I had to tell them...” He stopped, shaking his head and pressing his wet eyes to his forearms.  
Alex waited, But whenever he realized George wouldn’t be able to continue he started what he was going to say in the hallway, before this whole mess started.  
“Earlier, I made a nurse give this guy anti biotics and then leave him alone.” He swallowed hard, Sniffling with a shrug of fake indifference. “He was suffering and would’ve died if the Chief didn’t step in. He had post op fever and I didn’t even know it.” He looked down, mouth resting on his arm and brown eyes flickering up.  
searching George’s face.  
George nodded thoughtfully.  
“This was a stupid career choice.” He deadpanned.  
Alex’s eyes widened at the random comment, before dissolving into giggles.  
“Yeah.” He said with laughter in his voice. “I should’ve just worked at Bask&Robbins.”  
George laughed wetly at that.  
“I would’ve been a GREAT mailman. I’m dependable.” He puffed up.  
“I’d’ve actually probably been a bartender or mechanic or something.” Alex shrugged, actually getting into it.  
They talked for awhile, going back and forth with different careers. 

____________________________

Derek and Burke walked over smiling when they heard the silly conversation going on in there. They stood with the door cracked slightly, getting the tail end of George’s list of reasons of why Alex should’ve been a belly dancer.  
“No way you could have been anything other then a belly dancer. Look at your build.”  
Alex huffed, gesturing to George. “Well, you would’ve been a great crossdresser. Look at that face.” He snorted gesturing to his hair. “Grow it out and you could be “Georgina cum-hither”.”  
“Oh’ kay!” Preston said loudly, stepping into the room. “When I said to get over your beef this isn’t exactly what I meant.”  
Derek walked in at that, Alex’s face looking hurt as he turned to Burke.  
“You brought him anyway?” He questioned, feeling a small tremble of fear seeing Shepherd.  
Derek’s face turned from amusement to concern at the look Alex gave him.  
He turned to Burke who nodded, grabbing George and walking out.  
“Hey, bud. What’s with the face?” Alex flinched away when he went to touch the slightly red mark on his cheek.  
Dereks heart sank to his knees. “Alex? What’s wrong?” He knelt down in front of him.  
Alex shook his head. “It’s not you..it’s just.. Something I’m thinking about.” He huffed rubbing at his eyes.  
“Okay. Well love.” He grabbed Alex’s hand stroking the back of it with his thumb. “No matter what. And I mean it. No matter what you do. I won’t ever hurt you.”  
Alex nodded shakily. “How did you..” He cleared his throat, looking away. “How did you know?”  
Derek shrugged. “You looked scared.” He brushed his hand through his hair.  
“And It was of me. You never have to be scared though, okay?”  
Alex nodded, leaning forward onto Shepherd.  
“Can I carry you?” Alex hesitated, then shook his head ‘No.’  
“Not everyone knows I’m a little yet.” He yawned, his head still resting on Dereks shoulder.  
Derek nodded wrapping him up in a hug. “Okay, well let’s get going. It’s almost eleven and you need to get to Burke’s house.”  
Alex’s eyebrows furrowed “I’m going to George’s house?”  
“You’re still on Bailey time and they need to get home.” Before he could protest Burke was at the door, George falling asleep on his shoulder.  
“Hey, baby. Feeling better?” He addressed Alex, who nodded.  
Burke smiled, walking all the way in and kissing his forehead. “Okay then, let’s get going. I’m ready for a shower and George probably wouldn’t mind cleaning off after that surgery either.” He bounced him and George grumbled not opening his eyes. “Or just sleeping. That works too.”  
Alex honestly couldn’t think of an excuse not to go, so he just got up. “Okay.” He turned to Derek waving as they left. 

_____________________________

George told Burke he’d apologized and that was good enough for him.  
He figured dropping it was the best idea but as they walked to the car he couldn’t help but think of how scared Alex had been when he saw Derek, it made him ache to think of the things he must have gone through.  
It was freezing outside and thankfully Alex didn’t protest to wearing one of the jackets he was going to layer on George.  
Alex trailed behind him looking just as tired as George as they walked, the bear ears of his fuzzy jacket moving around in the wind making Burke smile.  
They finally got to the car and he clicked it open laying George in the back bench seat before opening Alex’s door.  
Alex looked a little awkward as he got in, Burke making it worse as he instinctively leaned over and buckled his seatbelt for him. “Thanks.” He whispered, tugging at the strap and kicking his feet.  
Burke smiled, closing the door and getting in.  
As they drove he could feel Alex’s nervousness, the poor guy hadn’t gotten much of a notice thanks to him.  
“Alex? You okay?” Alex thought he was talking about something else and bit his lip. “Yeah, I’m sorry I got all weird back there. It wasn’t even a big deal.” He shrugged, grabbing one of George’s pacifiers from the dash to fiddle with.  
As he clinked the shield with the ring Burke realized they needed to address that again. “It was a big deal. I’m sorry I said I’d get Derek like that.” He waited for a red light, stopping the car and looking over at Alex. “Baby, I’d never go get someone if I even THOUGHT they might hurt you. And if anyone ever tried to, I’d stop them. Okay?”  
Alex didn’t know how to respond instead he popped the ring into his mouth to chew on and nodded. “ ‘Kay.”  
Burke smiled popping in a CD and cranking up the heat.  
“Good, let’s listen to something good and have a nice night.”

______________________________

As the trio got inside the apartment building Alex couldn’t help but feel relaxed, the whole ride here had been so chill after Burke told him he’d protect him. He felt good thinking about that, not even nervous as they got to his floor.  
Burke apparently loved jazz and that accompanied with the rocking motion of the heater warmed car had made him blissfully sleepy.  
“Whoa!” Burke exclaimed pulling him out of the way of the wall he’d almost smacked into. “Don’t run into anything, buddy.” He chuckled adjusting George and walking in, now holding Alex’s hand.  
“Everyone needs to eat and get clean. After that, I don’t care. Pass out on the ground with one shoe on if you have to.”  
He disposed of George on the couch and walked to the kitchen..  
Still holding Alex’s hand.  
His brain sluggishly caught on to what he was doing. “Sorry! Four hour surgery’s will do that too you.”  
He let go of him, Alex just standing there looking blearily at the cabinets.  
“Well, I guess being at the hospital all day will make you tired regardless. Huh, sweetheart?” He cooed, sleepy Alex was so cute.  
Alex nodded, touching the child-lock on a drawer questioningly and Preston barked out a laugh.  
“Yeah, that’s there because SOMEONE decided it was a good idea to take out a stake knife and preform “surgery” on his ‘Little Bill’ doll.” George gasped offendedly from on the couch “I gave him a trakke-anatomy, papa. He couldn’t breeve.” He said sitting up with his hair sticking up wildly.  
“Tracheostomy, baba. and still not okay.” Burke turned around grabbing out some random frozen food from his freezer and dropping it on the counter.  
“Dino-nuggets and..tots?” He turned the package around in his hands, reading the back. “yeah, tots. That good enough for you Alex?” Alex shrugged he’d eaten way worse.  
“Normally I’m a health freak, but.” He shrugged, frozen food clanking loudly into the pan before he threw it into the oven. “You do what you have to.”  
He leaned down, scooping up Alex without a second thought.  
Alex startled a bit before settling back down onto Burkes shoulder.  
He walked them over to where George was now awake on the couch, putting him down and switching him out for George. “You okay out here love? We’re going to clean up so you just stay here.” Alex nodded, slumping over onto the couch and wrapping up in a throw blanket. He was exhausted.

____________________________

“ALEXA, play Miles Davis.” The apartment filled with smooth jazz as Burke came out of the bathroom, Flicking on his incense defuser to flood the apartment with cinnamon and clove.  
George’s downy hair was still wet and dripping as he sat him on the counter.  
He rolled his eyes.  
This was one of the problems they always ran into being in an interracial Daddy/Little relationship, Burke never got his soft hair dry enough.  
He wrapped a clean towel around George’s head, grabbing out the food and looking over to Alex who was still on the couch. “Foods ready!”  
When he got no response he walked over, smiling softly when he noticed that Alex had his thumb in his mouth and was breathing in little huffs as he slept peacefully.  
Burke grabbed out his phone, snapping a quick pic and sending it to Derek Before nudging him awake.  
“Hey. food’s ready, little love.” He whispered, unable to resist running his hand over the sleepy littles fuzzy hair.  
Alex sighed, groggily looking up at him then blushing. “ ‘Kay burd.” He sat up rubbing his eyes and stretching.  
Burke could feel the littler vibe coming off of Alex and smiled. “Want me to carry you?” Alex nodded, holding his arms out to Burke to be picked up.  
Burke could die from this cuteness.  
He hauled him up, kissing his neck playfully and walking to the kitchen.  
He felt his phone buzzing off in his pocket as he put Alex down at the table, George scooting to get off the counter.  
He helped him off, pulling off the towel and clipping his hair back with the rainbow clips he’d swiped from the bathroom.  
Grabbing two plastic plates he set everything up before sitting down himself and pulling out his phone. He rolled his eyes, Derek had sent WAY to many hearts and smiles then could be considered socially acceptable.  
He smiled wickedly as he shot him a text telling him how Alex reached for him, Derek immediately sending back something in all caps.  
He shut off his phone looking up at the two cuties quietly talking to each other.  
“I like your clips.” Alex said walking his Triceratops nugget around on his plate.  
George smiled widely, pulling one out and offering it to Alex. “You can wear one!” Burke was cringing at the crumbs he’d just gotten in his hair.  
Alex shook his head, looking heartbroken “My hairs too short.” He said gravely.  
Burke looked around grabbing the pink Du-rag he was going to use later and putting it on Alex, tying a bow in the front then clipping on George’s clip for good measure.  
Alex smiled at him, putting both hands on his head. “What’s this?”  
George giggled, always ready to answer this question. “Papa wears it at night, it makes him look like an old lady!”  
Burke gasped. “You’re the one that made me get the pink one!”  
They continued bantering, both littles getting their second wind and Burke getting more tired.  
“Okay, you guys. Bed.” He said kissing George’s head. “Bed.” He repeated the process with Alex, before picking up George and starting toward his room.  
“Wait! I want to show Alex my room.” Burke was so tired, he was seriously considering just leaving them out here and going away to pass out in his bed. “Alright, But.” He turned holding his hand out for Alex to take. “You need to get ready for bed if I let you look at his room, deal?” Alex grabbed his hand looking reluctant.  
“I’ll let you dress yourself? I just want you to be comfortable, please.” Alex nodded and they walked in, it was a pretty awesome room and It looked nothing like the rest of the large apartment, everything was earthy tones but unlike the living room it wasn’t pristine it was defiantly lived in and Burke hadn’t been lying about having to many toys.  
They were everywhere especially on the bed. Woah, the bed was awesome.  
“It looks like a house!” Alex exclaimed, the wood framing of the pallet bed shaped vaguely like a little house, this was neat, the walls were white with big leafs painted on them a ‘curious George’ peeking out from behind one.  
Burke watched as George went around excitingly showing Alex everything in his room, he stopped them when they started actually playing with the things he had.  
“Nope. here you go Alex, get dressed. Then lights out.” He handed him dinosaur print bottoms and a shirt that said Dino-snore.  
Alex rolled his eyes plopping down right there and getting dressed.  
Well, trying to.  
George flopped into his bed, Burke trying not to smile at the puff sound his padded bottom made. It was literally his favorite thing.  
He was singing ‘la vie en rose’ softly to George who blindly felt around for his well loved curious George stuffie, hugging it tight with his eyes slipping closed.  
He was almost finished with the song when Alex bumped into him with his head, looking frustrated. “Hey, need help?” Alex shrugged, putting his fingers in his mouth and nursing them for comfort, Feeling way to Little not to cry over something as small as this.  
Burke put his hand on Alex’s side, softly smiling, “Okay, no big deal. c’mere.” He guided him in front of him, quickly stripping him down and starting to get him into the outfit.  
He held off asking about what he saw, instead focusing at the fresh bruise on his leg.  
“Why do you have a bruise on your leg?” He lightly brushed it, going back to pulling them up and tying the drawstring on the dinosaur sleep pants.  
Alex shifted, looking down at his leg.  
“My f’end Reed.” He mumbled around his fingers.  
“What a nice friend.” Burke said under his breath, but otherwise dropped it.  
“Lay down love.” Alex did, eyes already shutting as he pulled the quilt over them.  
“Good night you two.”  
____________________________

Burke startled, looking at his clock and wishing not for the first time that he’d gotten one that lit up.  
Round mechanical clocks suck.  
He finally read that it was five in the goddamn morning.  
he grumbled, cursing... something. He was too tired to even know what it was.  
The banging that must have woken him up sounded again and he got up hoping the boys stayed asleep as he jogged to the door with bare feet.  
Ew. Dereks face was on the other side.  
“Good morning sleeping beauty! You look so pretty in the mornings.” Burke rolled his eyes, walking away.  
He was going back to bed.  
“I brought coffee.”  
After coffee.  
They sat down, Derek looking around at the apartment. “This is your place? It’s cute.”  
Burke looked around. “Why are you here? So early. You had a longer shift then me.” He was cutting off each of his sentences with a sip.  
“Oh, stop being so dramatic And you would’ve known to leave me a key under the mat if you didn’t ignore my texts.”  
Burke shrugged, his apathy didn’t show up until around seven. So Derek was a bit early. “You were being too salty.” He smiled swirling his coffee. “I had two vary cute, vary little boys here last night.”  
Derek groaned. “I feel like you’re getting all the cute Alex on purpose.”  
Burke chuckled. “Oh, yeah. My master plan is reviled.” They talked for a while, Burke telling Derek about how little Alex got last night. Burke finally got the courage to bring up what he saw when  
two sleepy pairs of feet sounded behind them and Derek smiled seeing Alex groggily stumbling in with a stuffed animal shoved under his shirt for some reason.  
“Good morning you two!” Alex looked up, smiling sleepily and making a beeline for him.  
Derek swooped him up into his arms, rocking him back and forth.  
“Morning bud! How was last night?” He softened his voice, Alex cuddling up to him, body mailable and sleep warm.  
“Good. We listened to music and had dinosaur food, like my shirt.” He leaned back showing Derek his shirt and shaking out the stuffed toy. It was Animal from the muppets.  
“Look! a Animal!” He exclaimed and Derek laughed.  
“I’m happy to know I’m not the only one who was surprised to see that!” He kissed his nose in a ‘you’re cute’ way and Alex blushed, burying his pink face in Animals multicolored fur.  
Burke and George were watching, falling asleep on the stool when they actually slipped Burke got up, heading toward his bedroom. “We’re going to catch some more sleep! You guys make yourselves comfortable!” He yelled over his shoulder and Derek smiled resting his chin on Alex’s head.  
“Wanna get some breakfast?” Alex nodded moving both there heads. 

____________________________

They sat at the booth, Derek once again having to wave away a coloring page for Alex who was glaring and making him laugh.  
“Stop!” He wheezed Alex rolling his eyes.  
“I never had this problem before you came along.” He drank the milk in front of him moodily, giving their waitress the stink-eye.  
“You’re just too cute around me.” He gestured at his pajamas. “And those are pretty telling.”  
Alex looked down, shrugging. “You can’t eat breakfast this early and be in normal clothes, it’s the law.”  
Derek nodded “yeah, people will think you just stayed up all night partying.” He pointed behind Alex at a guy pouring something in his coffee from a flask.  
Alex smiled pointing way to obviously at a guy behind Derek in a suit. “Or that you’re having an affair with your secretary!”  
Derek snorted, holding his finger to his lips “shhh, be a little quieter.”  
Alex gave him a shit eating grin, the waitress walking up and putting their food in front of them.  
“Ew, chocolate and syrup you’re sick.” Derek couldn’t let himself think of all the sugar Alex was eating, Alex pointed at Dereks food with his fork.  
“You have blueberries in an oat pancake.”  
Derek scoffed. “That’s not an insult.”  
Alex touched his chest looking fake hurt. “YOU were insulting me?!”  
“Touché, you win.” He bowed, getting back to his gritty pancake.  
“I do win.” He swiped the whipped cream from Dereks pancake. “The only salvageable thing from your crapcake.” Derek took a bite of Alex’s monstrosity  
And Alex looked at him smiling. “You wanted to say it was gross, but then you liked it. Didn’t you?”  
Derek nodded pouting and pushing his own pancake. “It IS a crapcake.” Alex laughed happily and Derek smiled.

They sat in comfortable silence after that, Derek watching him out of the corner of his eye, loving how he did absolutely everything.  
He sighed eventually, pushing at his plate eyes looking lovesick. Alex ignored him for as long as he could, before caving. “What?” He said slightly annoyed.  
Derek pushed aside his plate looking at Him. “Next time you’re little, I want to be there.”  
Alex shifted, looking down. “I’m sorry.” He shrugged guiltily. “It just happened. I was really tired.”  
Derek was quick to explain himself.  
“I’m not mad! I was just saying, I want to be there. Every time.”  
Alex looked at him, eyes sad around the edges. “Every time? Like a.. you know.”  
“Like a Daddy.” Derek said bluntly.  
Alex exhaled slowly. “I’m not going to come baggage free. And I don’t even know how to make you my You-know-what.”  
Derek nodded. “I do though, and if you were to become my little guy. I would be able to be there, To help you with your baggage.”  
Alex shook his head. “This is going too fast.”  
“No, it’s really not. I’ve never been a daddy, That’s 36 years of me waiting for you. and you’ve never even had a caretaker.” He leaned back, giving Alex space.  
Alex sniffled, looking away and gathering himself. “I’ve been hurt...Bad. So many times.”  
Derek bit his lip. “I won’t hurt you, I just won’t.” He put his hand palm up on the table, Alex taking it. “Don’t answer now if you can’t. But think about it. Please.”  
Alex looked around, before getting up and walking over, sitting next to Derek.  
“You just can’t leave, not ever.”  
Derek nodded. “I won’t, I won’t ever want to.” He said earnestly.  
“You’re not even allowed to die.”  
Derek chuckled. “Okay, same goes for you. Deal?”  
Alex sighed, looking up at Derek.  
“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man. Domestic Burke?  
> Stop it. it’s too cute.  
> And Alex just got daddy proposed to? I love it too much.  
>  I’m excited to let you guys see the next few chapters:) 
> 
> Thank you for the feed back! And sorry for the short hiatus.  
> Let’s just say it wasn’t fun for me either lol. You’re all amazing and as always, Thank you for being my Neighbor <3


	7. A day of questions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex inevitably questions the “deal” him and Derek made, Derek and Alex get to know each other more though a game and George and Preston are always cute as they get dragged along for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hello! Welcome to chapter seven! We’ve got some questions to answer in this one.  
> And Alex is honestly trying his best, poor guy. 
> 
> So, I know it’s probably because I posted right before a holiday..  
> but please comment.  
> I love reading them and if it was because you didn’t like it, tell me! I don’t mind knowing what you’re thinking and if I don’t change the chapter I’ll at least take what you say and apply it to the next one:) 
> 
> Thank you a whole heck of a lot for the comments I have got, and to the lovely FlipedoutPanda_67 that commented on my last one thank you so much in particular<3  
> you’re so sweet and I love all of you guys.

What did this “Deal” even mean? 

Alex’s mind wondered dangerously into the deep thought aria of his brain and he tried to stop it, not wanting to think about what just happened in a bad light and get himself worked up for no reason.  
As Alex was grappling with his inner thoughts and demons.  
Derek was in a different world entirely, looking at Alex fondly and smiling as they walked through the snow.  
Alex didn’t know that him avoiding putting up the hood on the fleece bear jacket he was borrowing wasn’t helping it look any more “normal”.  
The fluffy brown coat still looked like a little bear because of the ball of a bear tail sitting right over where his butt was.  
It was insanely cute watching him bumble through the uneven snow like a little cub  
Trying to look “cool” even with paw prints embroidered on the palms of the now infamous jacket.  
Alex noticed him smiling at him and smiled back, barley keeping the anxiety nagging at him at bay.  
Derek wasn’t dense, he could see by the way Alex looked that he was thinking about things and held out his hand for Alex to take, hoping he could reassure him before he actually got upset.  
Alex looked at his hand, clearly uncomfortable so Derek backed off and continued walking like nothing happened.  
“It’s real cold bud. Would you mind putting up your hood for me? So I don’t have to worry about you.” He should probably be keeping quiet, but Alex’s teeth were chattering pitifully and Derek couldn’t stand it. Maybe they should take a cab? They were almost there but it might be worth it.  
Alex looked back at him, he didn’t want to look like a BEAR.  
For some reason as he’d been avoiding thinking about Derek it became a vary important thing to himself for him to not look like a bear.  
“Okay, here. Will you put this on?” Derek pulled off his own scarf, holding it out for Alex to take.  
Alex felt bad, he didn’t want to make Derek cold.. this was stupid.  
He pulled up the damn hood, giving Derek an “Are you happy now?” Look and stomping ahead.  
Derek smirked when Alex turned back around, the ears on the hood wiggling in the wind and his feet stomping angrily at the ground.  
Alex was totally getting an animal hood of some sort, in the future. 

________________________________

“You guys are going to die of hypothermia.” Burke lectured as they walked in, Derek brushing Alex off and Burke walking over.  
Wrapping Him up in a fluffy blanket and leaving Derek to sort himself out.  
“Want warm milk baby? It’s got honey.” Alex nodded sitting on the stool next to George.  
Burke looked at his watch, switching the mug for a thermos. “We need to go. Everyone’s got a thirty-hour shift today, right?” They all groaned yes, getting up to get ready.

Ten minutes and everyone was out the door, George convincing Burke he could stay big AND hold his Curious George.  
“Fine. But if you slip even a little, I’ll have to put you in nursery. Got it?” He said seriously, looking at him through  
the rearview mirror with a raised eyebrow.  
“Got it.” George said, voice trailing off as he looked out the window, getting distracted by the snow.  
Burke felt a surge of love run through him, George always looked at snow like it was his first time. “Hey, you.” He said softly and George whipped around to look at him.  
“I love you puppy.”  
A slow smile spread across George’s face and he buried it in his monkey. “Love you too, papa.” His voice was muffled by the toy and Burke went back to looking at the road.  
As they drove Alex slowly enjoyed the warm milk Burke had given him. Rhythmically nursing from the spout of the thermos was making him feel sleepy and he started to nod off.  
Before he’d fallen completely asleep a hand reached back and touched his knee, startling him.  
“Shh, sorry bud. You can sleep.” Derek rubbed his leg, reaching down and grabbing a blanket from at Alex’s feet, pulling it up over him and George.  
Derek turned back, but his hand stayed on Alex’s knee, he looked at him blearily putting his own hand on top of Dereks hoping that was good enough of an apology for earlier.  
Derek didn’t even turn around, he just slipped his hand from under Alex’s, laying it on top of his to hold it.  
He smiled sleepily, he’d made the right choice.

___________________________

They all walked into the hospital through the back, stomping off the snow and heading over to the nurses station to check in.  
Alex’s earlier questions came back full force as George and Burke left him with Shepherd, the both of them waiting patently for the nurse to put them into the system.  
Standing shoulder to shoulder at her desk he had time to think on things that he hadn’t had this morning in the madness of leaving Burke’s house.  
It had been a good distraction to keep him from thinking too deeply on the hardest questions he had, now that he’d agreed to start this new relationship with Derek.  
As he handed the nurse his hospital ID to be signed in, Derek looked over at him, smiling.  
He had been glancing over at him and smiling ever since this morning and  
It was making Alex feel uncomfortable.  
He avoided looking at him, trying to get rid of the ‘product on display’ feeling that was creeping in.  
Why the hell had he said yes? It was his own fault that he was struggling with this.  
Derek had TOLD him that he could wait, saying he should take time to think about it. but, instead he walked around the damn table and TOLD him to NEVER LEAVE HIM.  
He shifted uncomfortably, trying to wiggle out the doubtful thoughts and feelings running rampantly through him.  
He just wanted to get to work, Something he understood completely sounding fantastic right about now.  
The nurse made a small noise in the back of her throat and he finally noticed that she was looking up at  
him expectantly from behind her desk, his ID held out for him to take.  
As he took it she said something jokingly that he didn’t quite catch then waited for a response.  
He just looked around blankly. The sound of his heart pounding in his ears too loud for him to even think much less form words.  
She frowned unhappily after a moment, realizing he wasn’t going to respond she dismissed him without a second glance. 

Derek also frowned noticing something was wrong with Alex and changing the plans he had made for today in his head as Alex turned and walked away, recovering from whatever was making him freeze in that head of his enough to make a hasty retreat.  
Derek went to fallow him but the nurse yelled after him and turned back apologizing quickly and handing her his ID.  
She seemed frustrated and fed up with the both of them, looking over his ID while typing rapidly at her computer, then backspacing and starting again.  
Her bright red acrylic nails clicking annoyingly on the keys the whole time.  
He wanted to rush her so he could get to Alex, but knew he’d probably just end up being here longer if he did.  
“Sorry, Nurse..” he read her name tag quickly. “Blythe. He just got some weird news this morning and hasn’t quite recovered yet it seems.”  
He kept his voice light, hopefully helping out Alex’s standing with her and his own as well.  
She rolled her eyes. “If what you mean by ‘just’ is ‘since he got here’  
I understand completely. Otherwise you should know that he’s just a rude person that’s always like that.” She typed in something quickly, finally finished and handing him back the card. “Choose your friends wisely Doctor. Some people are poisonous as snakes.” 

He didn’t even respond, already on his way to the interns locker room. 

_____________________________

Alex was trying not to have a minor meltdown as he pulled on his scrubs.  
He’d been thinking about how yesterday and today went and he was honestly getting whiplash from how fast he felt like this was going.  
Derek had been blatantly acting like a daddy to him since he first met him, so it wasn’t the treatment that was making him panic so bad.  
If he were an honest and stable adult he might be able to admit to himself that he was was still comparing this to foster-care in the back of his head and it was giving him anxiety.  
He wanted to push it down and push through it but He could almost hear his old caseworkers voice as she presented him at the doorstep of some strange house like a Dickens orphan.  
“Here’s your New daddy! Learn to love him unconditionally in the next hour or get out of his life!” He slammed the lockers door, trying to block out the mess of emotions and thoughts running through him.

Derek startled at the sound of metal hitting metal as he walked in, looking at Alex with worry.  
“Are you okay, bud?”  
Alex didn’t want to answer him, feeling embarrassed that he felt like this. Because he knew.  
He really honestly did know, his whole life couldn’t be centered around his shit childhood, but then again, how could it not be?  
He’s the one that went through it, he’s the one that had the memories of every house and every family.  
Including his own crazy one.  
“Alex? You okay?” Derek asked again staying at the doorway, afraid he’d trigger something if he walked up too close to him.  
Alex tugged at his scrub shirt, actually whining and absolutely hating himself. This wasn’t going to work.  
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this with you. I need to leave.” He slipped passed Derek through the door, flight being what his body chose out of the three options.

Derek decided that “not triggering something” for Alex was already out the window as he ran after him, Alex was actually running.  
“Alex! Why are you running away from me?“ He called, swerving around monitors clumsily as he went after him.  
Alex ignored him, feeling panicked and breathless as he ran. Unable to think or care about where he went.  
Derek easily caught up to him when he made a weird turn into a dead end hallway looking around in panic as his mistake set in. Derek tried to be cautious in aprouching him, he could see that alex looked completely panicked.  
He put up his hands placatingly, stepping forward slowly.  
“Alex, sweetheart. I’m so confused, what’s wrong?” He knew something scary was going on for Alex to act this way and he wanted to help.  
Alex shook his head unknowingly, gasping for air before just sliding down the wall to the ground.  
Derek could hear him hyperventilating, he decided reasons could wait for later and he sat down putting his feet on either side of Alex.  
He grabbed his forearms gently, pulling his hands off his ears and taking his head in his hands.  
Alex started thrashing to get away and Derek lightened his hold, cupping the back of Alex’s head to keep him from accidentally slamming it into the wall.  
“Shhh, I’m going to need you to breath with me. Okay? Can you do that?” He rubbed soothing circles into Alex’s temple, Alex’s eyes were big and terrified as he nodded matching his breathing shakily with Dereks exaggerated breaths.  
They sat like that for a while, Alex finally calming and Derek sighing in relief.  
“I’m so sorry.” Alex put his hands over his reddening face, shame worming it’s way in as the panic left him.  
Derek shook his head, scooting over to sit by Alex’s shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m not mad, love. But why were you panicking? Can you tell me?” He slipped his arm around Alex, maneuvering him to lay his head on his shoulder as he slipped him sideways onto his lap. Derek had mistakingly thought Alex was starting to feel better about this as they drove here, but he seriously doubted that now. 

Alex breathed in deeply and He rolled his face into Dereks shoulder, getting his dumb shirt wet with his stupid tears.  
“I’m scared.” He choked out, tired of his own silliness and drama.  
Derek nodded, hugging him a little tighter when he felt the tears damping his shirt. “That’s okay..” He murmured, feeling some of his own doubts creeping in as he said it. “To be honest.. I am too, bud.” He didn’t want to admit that, he wanted to be the always sure one if they were going to do this.  
But he knew Alex needed honesty, and someone reminding him that what he felt was normal and okay was probably the best way to take care of him.  
“You are?” Alex was curious about what Derek was scared of, he was so amazing. It seemed impossible that he could be scared of anything.  
Derek laughed dryly. “Oh, yeah. I’m scared I won’t get everything right with you. If that makes sense?” He moved Alex into a more comfortable position.  
“I feel like I’m already not getting everything right.”  
Alex shook his head. “YOU’RE perfect. It’s me that’s a mess. I don’t even know why you want me.” He honestly didn’t, Derek was getting him at his worst and he knew it.  
Derek shifted, wondering how to word such intense emotions.  
“I know it must seem crazy to you, because of your past.” He put his chin  
on Alex’s head thoughtfully. ”but you are honestly the most lovable person I’ve ever met, I loved you at first sight and that’s never going to change.”  
Derek pat Alex’s back, trying to break the tension. “I think Burke would snatch you up in a heartbeat if I let him.” He chuckled softly, Burke totally would.  
Alex shook his head,  
Derek was right.  
It did seem crazy to him.  
“I’m not lovable, I’m BARLEY tolerable and Burke wouldn’t want me. He has George.” He said in an incredulous voice.  
“He would though.” Derek kissed his head, looking off into space and trying to collect his thoughts.  
“I already love you.” He started, voice tight as he slipped him off his lap and looked at him seriously.  
He had to say this right.  
“So, I don’t want to lose you. So if that means you can’t do this right now? That you’re not ready for me to be your daddy. I’ll wait.” He tried not to let his voice crack, but it was so hard.  
Alex felt like he should say yes.  
Get some kind of consequence for his unnecessarily meltdown, get back to where he could grit his teeth and buck the hell up.  
but that wasn’t fair to Derek and maybe it wasn’t fair to himself.  
“I didn’t lie. When I said I wanted you to never leave.” He shrugged, chewing on his thumb nail. “But I also didn’t lie when I said I have baggage. And I got stuck on something and flipped out.” He shrugged, realizing that that’s really all that happened.  
he’d gotten stuck on the fear of this turning out like it always did in his past.  
Him learning to love someone, giving them his trust and then being left alone worse off then before he met them.  
Derek nodded, Alex seemed like he wanted to move past this and he was more then happy to do that.  
“Okay, so I’m still Daddy right?”  
Alex shrugged a shoulder, nodding.  
“Yeah, you sure you wanna stay?”  
Derek stood back up, pulling Alex with him. “No matter what, bud

_____________________________

As Alex walked, he figured Derek might split and go in another direction.  
but a full minute in with Derek still trailing him and he figured he might be wrong.  
He rolled his eyes, stopping abruptly to look at him.  
“We can’t show up to work together. Have you never had a one night stand? People will be suspicious.”  
Derek blushed, Karev had NO idea.  
“Alex, this isn’t like a one night stand.”  
He chuckled, playing off his awkwardness with lame humor in his voice as images of Mere ran rampantly though his head. “And no one night stands. I’m a ‘love at first sight.’ kinda guy.” He wanted that to be true, he was still working on Mere.  
Alex snorted.  
“That’s exactly what makes a one night stand.” He looked around, he might be joking with him, but he hadn’t been kidding about being seen with each other.  
“Seriously, though. I don’t want everyone to know.” They’d view him differently, not to mention what the Chief might do to him.  
Derek looked confused, opening his mouth and then closing it again.  
“Alex.” He tried to think of what to say.  
“I thought we agreed to be Daddy and Little?” He thought they’d tell the Chief together, get everything sorted and officiated before anything else.  
Alex fidgeted.  
Anxiety finding another weak spot and filling him easily after Derek said that.  
What did he even mean by that?  
He was reminded that he didn’t know what Derek expected from him.  
To be honest, He didn’t know anything about this.  
What if Derek thought he didn’t have a choice anymore? What if he decided to tell everyone? 

Derek could see that Alex was getting himself worked up again and didn’t hesitate in stepping forward this time, Pushing aside everything else he wanted to say. “Hey, you’re okay. What’s wrong bud?” He asked softly, rubbing his hands up and down Alex’s arms to try and distract him with a different sensation.  
Alex calmed enough to breath again as Derek rubbed at his arms, taking away the numb breathless panic.  
He took a deep breath, signaling that he could stop.  
“I want to do this, but How will it work?  
I don’t know what you want and you don’t even REALLY know me at all.” He started, Derek didn’t even know where he came from. “You don’t even know how OLD I am and I don’t know anything about you.” He didn’t, and He focused on that aspect of why he was afraid to go through with this, since he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to tell Derek why he didn’t want other people to know.  
Derek nodded, not at all discouraged. “We’ll talk about people knowing later, that’s not a big deal. Okay?” He wanted Alex to know that he had a say in how this went and that it wasn’t a deal breaker.  
Alex nodded, exhaling slowly and already feeling better. “Okay. But, we still don’t know anything about each other.”  
Derek grinned, that was an easy one to fix. “Well, we can fix that, we have a whole day to ask each other questions. You can ask me anything.” He put his hands out, shrugging. “I’m an open book.”  
Alex shook his head. “well, I’m not.”  
Derek wasn’t surprised at all by that answer and already had a solution. “Well, it’s like you said. You just want me to know how old you are and little stuff like that, right?” Alex nodded, that seemed reasonable, and slowly getting to know each other like that was already making him feel better about the whole thing.  
Derek grinned, Almost bouncing gleefully when Alex agreed.  
“Perfect! All the deeper stuff comes up later anyway. For both of us. We can tell each other little things throughout the day, like a game.” He felt like his concept was pretty clever, nodding at it. “So what do you want to know?”  
Alex honestly didn’t know how they got here, for some reason Derek’s plans always ended up sounding reasonable and he kept agreeing to them.  
“Slow down, we need rules.” He said holding up his hand.  
Derek bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling as Alex “took charge” his cute little self looking sooo serious.  
“First one: No asking questions about things we know are touchy.” He held up a finger and Derek nodded, matching Alex’s seriousness.  
“Got it, leave the turmoil alone.”  
Alex nodded, trying to think up a Rule no.2 “Second.. a question can be anywhere, and since we work in a time sensitive place any question will be for both of us.” Before Derek could agree to that Alex thought of the next one. “And we get to answer with as much detail as we want.”  
Derek nodded, holding out his hand.  
“Deal.” Alex shook it, actually feeling excited over the new game. “Deal.”  
Derek figured they’d get all the boring stuff over with now.  
“Age, place you grew up, birthday and favorite color.”  
Alex bounced on his heels thoughtfully. “I’m 27. From Iowa, not anywhere for a long time though.. um.” He hadn’t thought about his birthday in a vary long time, he’d stopped celebrating it when he was really young. “February 23ed? And I love all of them, especially green.” Derek felt a little tug at his heart when Alex had a hard time with his birthday, he tried not to dwell on it. “36 and a half. Springfield, New York. August 14th, and light blue.” He joined their hands swinging them between them until Alex smiled again.  
“Now that we’re experts on each other, let’s get going.” With that, he walked off.  
Letting Alex go the other way. 

____________________________

Alex walked up to Bailey, shrugging off his eventful morning and focusing on giving her the coffee he had in his hand, his “peace offering”. 

Bailey was waiting for labs and her interns.  
She was pleasantly surprised to look up and see Alex come in first, normally he was last.  
She didn’t let it show though, putting her hand on her hip and raising an eyebrow.  
“Hello, Karev. Did you make up with your attending?” She looked at the coffee in his hand and barley held in a grin.  
Suck up.  
He nodded, holding it out awkwardly. “Yeah, and I said sorry to George.” He wasn’t going to go into fine details.  
She took it and he hesitated with the other thing he wanted to ask.  
“Are you still mad at me?” He said softly, eyes flickering from her to the ground.  
She relaxed her posture, heartstrings tugging at the question she smiled at him reassuringly.  
“No.” She tilted her head down to catch his eyes “Especially if this is pumpkin spice.” She took a sip, groaning dramatically at the aromatic taste.  
“All is forgiven.” He went to say something but she held up her hand, eyes still closed and just enjoying the latte.  
Alex stood quietly, smirking at Baileys silliness and waiting for the others. Everyone crowded in eventually, Izzy rolled her eyes at him and Meredith turned away from her “wicked sister” to greet him.  
“Good morning Alex.” Christina gapped at her, looking confused.  
Then not even a second later George ran up behind him and hugged him.  
Christina threw up her hands. “Are we all being nice to the Evil Spawn now?! What did I miss?”  
Izzy also looked confused. “Yeah, no offense but Alex is a jerk.”  
Alex felt weird with all the attention on him and looked to Bailey.  
She’d come out of her coffee euphoria to this bunch of headache inducing suck-ups. “Enough, you two.” She snapped at them and Christina looked offended.  
“O’Mally I’m glad you guys made friends but release him, and Grey don’t say good-morning ever again. It only causes problems.” They all nodded, Alex bumped George with his hip when he let go of him looking disappointed, George smiled back at him going back to waiting for assignments.  
They all got their jobs and headed off to do them.  
Alex was back in the pit. He wasn’t disappointed though, hopefully some mindless stitching would help him organize his thoughts.  
As he was walking he spotted Derek feeling excited that he got to start the game, he jogged over.  
“Did you have a pet?” He asked bumping into him playfully.  
Derek startled, looking at him over his shoulder while typing on the computer.  
“Yes, I’ve had a lot of cats and a dog named Frodo.” He continued to type, smiling fondly.  
“I had a dog for awhile. Bingo was his name.” Alex hated how that song always ran though his head, but he’d loved that dog.  
“There was a farmer..” Derek started signing before catching himself.  
“Siblings?” He asked, turning fully to Alex and leaning back onto the computer cart waiting for his results to print.  
Alex was surprised by the prying question, before realizing that for most people it didn’t have as much weight.  
“Um, three. Amber, Aaron and a half brother named Nicky.” He chewed on his thumb nail, fidgeting nervously. “Please just.. don’t ask about family. Okay?” He didn’t need that mess dragged out into the light at work.  
Derek looked at him apologetically. “Sorry, I was curious.” He kicked at him lightly, grinning. “Wanna hear something funny though?” The only reason he asked was to talk about his family, if he was being honest.  
Alex nodded, feeling better with the conversation now on Derek.  
“I have ONLY sisters, FOUR sisters.  
Nancy, Kathleen, Liz and Amelia.”  
Alex gapped at him.  
“No way. That explains so much.” He said cheekily, Derek swatted playfully at him with his papers. “Go away you cheeky boy.”  
Alex dodged him, going back to the way he was heading. “See you later!” He yelled jogged backwards and disappearing through the ER doors.  
__________________________

The pit was the normal, mundane, fast paced place it had always been.  
Alex was currently looking over a little with the flu, but her Mommy was acting like she had some life ending decease as he checked her over. “She’s had it for over four days. She won’t eat and she’s irritable” She kept repeating worriedly and Alex rolled his eyes.  
The little giggled horsily at his antics before coughing.  
“I keep tellin’ hewe I’m fine but she won’ listen.” She shook her head pigtails swinging.  
Alex smiled at her, putting his hands on the sides of her neck and feeling the swollen lymph nodes.  
He nodded, stepping back and looking over at the caretaker. “She’s fine, just needs rest and over the counter DayQuil. You might want to give her NiQuil if she doesn’t rest well.” He shrugged, the little gesturing at him in a ‘I told you so’ way.  
The lady looked a little irked, but nodded. “Okay, Sorry for wasting your time.” She went to pick her up and Alex paused, seeing a rash down the girls leg.  
“Wait.” He gently touched her leg, moving down to her foot and seeing it there too. “Why didn’t you mention this?” The lady shook her head shrugging. “She has sensitive skin, and I thought it might just be diaper rash.” She mumbled, the little started crying when he gently brushed it.  
“She has hand, foot and mouth.” He walked around her shoulder, looking at the littles throat again as she cried.  
“She has sores there too. It’ll clear up by itself, but I’ll start giving her an anti-inflammatory and something for the pain.”  
The lady nodded. “I know I should’ve told you about the rash..but why didn’t you notice it before?” Alex froze up, now on the spot.  
“We try not to poke and prod unnecessarily when it can be avoided.” Burke’s voice sounded behind him, a large hand landing on his shoulder. “Hey, cutie. No fun getting sick the day before Halloween, huh?” He addressed the little in her arms. “Not fun.” She sniffled miserably, calming down.  
The caretaker smiled up at him. “That’s good to know, sorry I didn’t tell you Dr. Karev.” He told her it was fine and she tuned back to Burke. “I’m Monica Byrd And you are?” He introduced himself, and Alex stepped away going to the next patient. 

As he finished stitching some guys finger he spotted Burke, who was clearly waiting for him.  
He bandaged the stitching and the guy thanked him, saying some weird hick joke and walking away laughing obnoxiously.  
“What’s a honky-Tonk?” He asked innocently Burke huffing out a laugh.  
“It’s a bar, and the next time you are examining someone don’t be afraid to poke and prod. Okay? That’s why they’re here.” He reprimanded lightly.  
“Okay, Thank you for helping me out back there.” He shrugged, feeling embarrassed.  
“You’re welcome, and it’s okay. This is a teaching hospital.” He was quick to add on the “treating real people” speech.  
“I got it, thanks again.”  
Burke almost left, before turning back to Alex. Having one last thing to say.  
“And Don’t just leave my house without saying something next time, okay? I was worried, Even with Derek being with you.”  
Alex scoffed. “You’re such a Daddy.”  
Burke fake curtsied. “Thank you.” With that he walked off, heading to do rounds.

_________________________

Derek was walking down the stairs when he spotted Alex, feeling excited.  
“Favorite song?” He said, playfully swatting his butt as they passed each other.  
Alex looked back covering his bum and grinning cutely when he recognized him, his nose doing that scrunch thing Derek loved. He looked away, thoughtfully tapping the rail.  
“I wanna hold your hand, The Beatles.” He blushed after saying it, turning and walking a little faster up the stairs.  
Oh, that was fucking cute.  
“Aw, cute. Creep, Radiohead.” Derek answered back wanting to scoop him up. Alex paused in his hasty retreat.  
“90’s grudge? Really?” He said in disgust.  
“It’s good!” Derek really did have to go back to getting those labs he was originally running around for.  
“Favorite book?” Alex shot back before he could leave.  
“Lord or the rings.” He needed to read that again.  
“You read that while listening to Radiohead?” Alex said smartly and Derek gapped at him.  
“I’ll read anything while listening to Radiohead.” He sniffed haughtily, turning away.  
Alex laughed as Derek dramatically swung his hips while walking down the stairs.  
“What a creep!” He yelled, running the rest of the way up as Derek turned to go after him. 

________________________

Meredith walked to the elevator, rounds now finished and ready for the next thing.  
She was hunched over, exhausted and already done with the day as she smacked the button to call the elevator.  
She heard someone walking up and smiled, turning her head away and looking heavenwards as Derek slipped in beside her.  
He bumped her with his elbow, looking impish. “Hello. Mrs. Gray.” He said, laughter in his voice.  
She smiled fully, teeth showing and smile lines deepening as she took the bait.  
“It’s actually Miss. Gray.” She said, turning to look at him with an amused expression.  
He rose his eyebrows dramatically, scooting closer. “Huh, So no Mr. Gray then? How interesting.” He leaned over, kissing her ear.  
She covered it, huffing incredulously.  
“Did you just kiss my EAR?”  
“No. I was just looking for a bug. Wouldn’t want to fall for a spy.”  
She pushed at him, hitting the up button again. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”  
He shook his head, smiling goofily. “Don’t you want to ask me a different question? Like if I’m a Mr?”  
She rolled her eyes stepping in.  
“It’s always Mr., even if you’re not married. DOCTOR.”  
“You’re no fun.” He pouted, pushing his floor button. And then three more.  
She glared at him. “Now it’s going to take longer.”  
He licked his lips, not saying anything.  
“Oh, you think you’re so sly. huh?”  
She hit at him lightly. “Well now we’ll probably pick up more people. Einstein.”  
She went to say more and he cut her off with a kiss. She was right, they’d have to have their fun between floors.  
He started out gently, his hand cradling her neck as he slowly deepened it.  
While they were kissing her hand rose up to her chin, and he smiled on her lips seeing it in his peripheral vision.  
They parted with a wet popping sound, Derek laughing. “You always do that.” He grabbed her still airborne hand in his, locking their fingers together.  
She smiled, kissing his chin since that’s all she could reach. “My foot doesn’t pop up like in the movies. But my hand does.”  
His eyes actually got misty. “I make your hand pop?” His voice was tight as he pulled their still entangled hands to his chest.  
She threw her head back, laughing hard.  
“Stop it!” She hit his chest. “Don’t cry, you’re an idiot.” She snorted she was laughing so hard.  
He wiped his eyes, laughing wetly.  
“I’m. Sensitive.”  
The doors dinged and they stepped back from each other quickly, game over as the intern walked in face illuminated by her phone screen.  
The girl didn’t even look up from her phone, hitting her floor number and continuing what she was doing.  
They smiled at each other over her shoulder, wiping at their eyes. 

__________________________

Alex skipped every few steps as he went toward the cafeteria, ready to see Derek and hoping he’d be there.  
They hadn’t gotten in many questions so far because of the chaos and he wanted to ask him some now.  
As he went he saw Reed sitting with her back to him and walked over, knocking on the glass wall of the daycare.  
She turned around, smiling stupidly when she saw him and running up.  
She put her hands over where his were on the glass, pointing for him to go to the door. He nodded walking over.  
“Reed don’t run out!” Ian said with panic, jogging over before spotting Alex. “Hey, I remember you! Alec right?” He smiled Broadly, pulling Reed back as she slung a leg over the Dutch door, fully intending to climb out.  
“It’s Alex. But you were close. Hi Reed!” He bounced a bit on his toes, kinda wanting to climb over too.  
Mary walked up then, coats hanging off of her from each arm. “Here you go.”  
She handed Ian his with a kiss.  
“Hi Alex.” She said happily, pulling at Reed and slipping on her care-bear coat.  
“C’n I go out? Alex is here.” She pointed at him like Marry hadn’t seen him herself.  
“We’re all free, let’s go!” The door opened, Reed rushing into him with a hug and the other two shuffling out behind her.  
He shrugged her up until only her toes were scraping the ground, spinning her around with awkward toddling steps.  
She giggled “you’re a’some.” She sighed, laying her head on his chest. “Find a Daddy so you c’n be little ‘nd play with me yet?”  
He blushed deeply, slipping her off of him and trying to think of what to say.  
Before he could start digging himself a hole, Ian thankfully picked up Reed. Giving her a bear hug. “What did we talk about Butterfly? People will tell you things like that when they want to.” She pouted and he kissed her cheek walking away.  
She waved for Alex to fallow them over Ians shoulder and he started to, Mary taking his hand in hers. “You don’t have to eat with us okay? Just say goodbye to Reed before you go.” He nodded gratefully.

They may not be permeant caretakers, but they were pretty good ones by what Alex saw. Reed was definitely doted on by the both of them, and she seemed like she loved them just as much.  
“Alex, do you y’ike yogurt?” She was asking him if he liked everything she ate as she ate it.  
He shook his head hard at that one. “Nope! Yuck.” He was enjoying himself a lot, But he still wanted to see Shepherd before his break was done.  
“Don’t you need to get going Alex?” Ian said helpfully, working on his beagle.  
Alex nodded. “Yeah, um.. You okay with that Reed?” She looked like she might be upset, but then nodded. “Yeah, you’ll come back though. Right?” She looked down, clinking her bowl with her spoon.  
He felt a pang of sympathy, he knew what she was thinking and it made his heart hurt.  
“Yes.” This was probably a horrible idea. “Can I tell you a secret?” He asked quietly, she nodded leaning in.  
He looked at Mary and Ian worriedly and they both put their hands over they’re ears without a second thought.  
Were these people even real?  
“I found a.. caretaker.” He whispered and she squealed, bouncing in her seat.  
“You found a Daddy.” Her eyes were sparkling. “Now you c’n be little with me.”  
He smirked, his shoulders coming up to his ears cause he was a little anxious thinking about it, but he was happy that he made her happy. “Don’t tell anyone. Okay?”  
She scoffed like he was ridiculous. “It’s a seet’ret of corse I won’ say nothing.”  
He smiled, getting up and walking off. 

He almost bounced around excitedly when he spotted Derek. Finally.  
“Favorite food?” He asked slotting in next to him.  
“Umm, chocolate. I also like honey Cheerios.” He smiled, popping a spoonful into his mouth. “Least favorite food?”  
Alex crinkled his nose. “Oatmeal.”  
“Interesting, Favorite?”  
He thought about it, looking incuriously at Derek as he offered him a spoon full of Cheerios. “Cake. All of it.” He answered gesturing to the spoon in his face. “Is this you attempting to be “daddy”?”  
Derek nodded, smiling impishly  
“I’ll make plane noises if you don’t open up.” Alex didn’t hesitate, opening his mouth and humming at the sweet taste of honey milk as Derek fed him.  
They worked almost entirely through the bowl that way, taking turns with bites before Alex looked around worriedly. “People are gonna notice if we keep this up.” He said refusing the next bite.  
“We’ll be okay. No one even cares that we’re here. Look around.” Derek said wiping off the milk from where Alex turned his head.  
Alex’s face scrunched up as Derek wiped him off, when He finished Alex had a good look around and Derek was right  
Everyone was too busy talking and eating to look at either of them.  
“I still don’t want to chance it.”  
Derek dropped it easily after Alex said that, handing him a banana and splitting up a beagle.  
Alex immediately put it down with a disgusted face. “No thanks.”  
Derek rolled his eyes, starting to peel it. “Good manners, bud. But even if no one knows about us you still need to change your eating and I’m still Daddy.” He remembered the waffle monstrosity from earlier, Alex definitely needed to have someone around to make sure he was eating better.  
Alex looked about three milliseconds away from a tantrum after he said it though and Derek paused.  
“Favorite fruit?” He asked lamely and Alex pouted.  
“Apples, sometimes.” He grumbled slouching back in his chair.  
Derek nodded, getting up. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”  
Alex hadn’t expected Derek to go away. He watched him with a little worry as he walked up to the kiosk and bought something.  
“Here. Apple, eat please.” Alex, looked down at what Derek dropped in his hands, oh.  
“Thanks.” He hugged him with one arm, this was good. Derek not powering up on him like he’d expected was so good he couldn’t even explain his relief.  
“You’re welcome.” Derek hesitated, this was going so well.  
But he knew he had to bring it up,  
this was important.  
“Alex?” Alex looked up crunching.  
“We need to tell The Chief, it can just be him. But he needs to know, so we can make it official and get you on the proper schedule.” He knew that wasn’t going to go over well.  
“No. No way. How can you even ask that? I could get fired.” Alex was mortified, what the hell.  
“Alex, you’re doing well being big right now. But you’re going to slip or burn yourself out EVERYDAY if we don’t tell him.” He put his hand up when Alex went to argue. “I can see the difference in just one night of you being fully little. Imagine if you had four or five hours of that? Followed by nights, Everyday. You need it bud.”  
Alex leaned back, running his hands roughly down his face. “Fuck, no we can’t. What if he fires me? Seriously.  
He might make me repeat everything. Literally everything.” Alex shook his head, this wasn’t an option in his eyes, there was too much at stake. “That’s four years of work gone, without me even getting a specialty.”  
Derek sighed heavily. “He won’t fire you. But What if someone got hurt?”  
“All that matters to me is if you’ll tell on me without my consent or not.” Alex deadpanned, needing to know that answer before they continued.  
He didn’t want to waste his time on this if Derek was just going to tell on him anyway.  
Derek shook his head. “Never. I’d never do that.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What if someone gets hurt though Alex? What then?”  
“They won’t.”  
“Well I don’t think Dr. Webber would fire you but you don’t seem to care about that. How can you trust that no one will get hurt then?”  
“I won’t hurt anyone, if I need to I’ll step out. I promise.” He shifted. “What I can’t do is convince the Chief that me not taking the tests George took and not having the right headspace written down is okay.”  
Derek hated how right Alex was, he’d forgotten the extra testing and schooling George had to go through to get into this program. “Well, I won’t tell. No matter what I think.”  
Alex wanted Derek to be happy with him, and he felt like he wasn’t.  
“Thanks, that’s all I can ask.” He went to get up, feeling slightly upset.  
Derek pulled him in for a hug before he could leave, rocking him slightly as he held him.  
“I love you Alex.” He kissed the side of his neck, Alex relaxing.  
“I love you too.” He sighed deeply feeling relieved that Derek wasn’t angry. 

______________________________

They talked a little longer, Alex getting up saying that he had some paperwork to finish before he started in the pit again. 

Derek watched as Alex left, deciding to get up himself.  
He was walking down the hall, still half an hour left in his lunch break and figuring sleep might help him to not die while pulling his thirty hour shift.  
As he slipped into the residents on-call room he spotted Burke who looked like he must have said goodbye to George with the same idea.  
Burke turned from where he was laying on the bottom bunk, shaking his head.  
“Oh, no. No. I want to sleep before my next surgery, so don’t you dare sleepover talk with me.” Derek climbed up to the top bunk, leaning down over the side with his hair looking crazy. “You have any crushes..” he said in a stupid voice.  
Burke hit him with his pillow, right in the face. “I hate you. I only feel hate for you.” He sat up fully, giving up on sleep.  
He had some questions for Derek anyway.  
“So, what are we doing with Alex? I think it’s safe to say he’s little.”  
Derek didn’t know of telling Burke would count as him telling on Alex, but Burke already knew most of it anyway. “Well, he decided I could be his Daddy this morning.” Derek felt a little excited getting to tell someone, it felt good.  
Burke smiled broadly reaching up and patting his shoulder. “Congratulations man! That’s amazing. You’ll love it.” He smiled teasingly. “I would’ve snatched him up in a heartbeat if you hadn’t.”  
He thought of Alex and George together, Okay maybe it wasn’t just teasing.  
Derek scoffed. He knew that already.  
Burke scooted back, resting his head on the wall as Derek climbed down onto his cot crossing his legs on the bed.  
“So?” Burke started, shoving a pillow behind himself. “Have you told Webber yet?” Derek paused, He knew how he felt about it and how he would’ve reacted if he were talking to anyone else other then Alex. He was pretty sure Burke would be the same way.  
“Not yet..” Just by the look Burke was giving him now this wasn’t going to go over well. “We might have to wait a while on that. Alex isn’t comfortable telling him, and he has some good reasons why.” Burke didn’t even ask what they were, getting up to walk out.  
Derek grabbed him. “You can’t go tell the Chief. You can listen, you can have an opinion. but this isn’t your decision to make.” Derek wasn’t letting him walk out of here if that’s what he was going to do.  
Burke pulled his arm away.  
“I know. But it is Alex’s and he needs to hear what I have to say.” He thought of if this was George, pausing. “I won’t be mean, but I’m going to tell him what I think. That’s all.” Derek relaxed, nodding.  
“Okay, just be carful. Please.” He looked up at the clock. “You’d better get going, fifteen minutes left before we all get back to it.” 

Burke was already gone.

________________________________

Burke walked quickly through the hospital, spotting Alex at the nurses station with his head laid on a pile of papers.  
Any frustration he’d felt toward him coming into this quickly dissipated when he saw he was sleeping.  
His hand still loosely holding the pin he’d been using.  
Burke wanted to crouch down and wake him up slowly, but there were people everywhere and he wasn’t here to out him to everyone. “Karev. Can I speak with you?” He said pulling the pin out of his hand and clicking it closed on the table loudly.  
Alex jumped, looking around blindly before seeing Burke. “Hey, Burke!” He looked way too happy to see him and Burke tried not to look at him like he did George.  
This had to be a fully adult conversation and not just for Alex’s reputation. “I need to have a talk with you.” With that he turned, walking away.  
Alex trailed behind him feeling a little confused. Was Burke mad at him? What did he do?  
They walked into one of the morning meeting rooms, Burke closing the door behind him and leaning back onto the table with a serious expression.  
“I heard about you and Derek.”  
Alex paused in grabbing a seat, feeling a little angry at Derek.  
But then he remembered he’d told Reed and blushed.  
“Oh, okay.” Why would Burke be mad about that? He seemed like one of the people who would be happy for them.  
Burke could see he was making Alex anxious and toned down on the seriousness, hooking his foot around the bottom of the office chair Alex was sitting on and pulling it closer.  
“I’m happy that you have a daddy, Alex.” He looked at him getting his full attention. “But, you NEED to tell the Chief.” Before Alex could argue he shook his head. “No. You may have convinced Shepherd that you don’t, but you can’t convince me.  
I have a little. I know how dangerous it can be for you not to be little when you need to be.”  
Alex was surprised that he wasn’t sad, instead he wanted to hit Burke And that scared him.  
He pushed his chair away from him, before he did something stupid.  
“I’ll have to start over. All the way.  
I haven’t taken any of the tests George took. I will get fired.” He said angrily. “Have you ever seen anything like this happen? The Chief will fire me first and ask questions later.”  
Burke stopped what he was going to say thinking over what Alex was saying.  
“Fine. You might be right. But what will you do if you slip into headspace during a surgery? There’s a reason George took those tests, and why he has to take down time everyday.” He stopped, leaning forward. “How long do you think you’ll be able to stay big before crashing?”  
Alex grit his teeth, ready to tell Burke just how long he could go. He’d been running on eight years before this whole mess started.  
The door opened behind him before anything could escalate and he jumped up out of the chair, relaxing when he saw it was just Derek.  
“YOU DIDN’T LOCK THE DOOR!?” he yelled rounding on Burke who looked at him dumbly, shocked that he’d just screamed at him.  
“And YOU think you can stay cool and collected in a major surgery!? Alex I’m just talking about something and you’re flipping out.” He stood up.  
“Enough. Both of you.” Derek glared daggers at Burke stepping between them. “I came in to see how this was going and you’re screaming at each other?” He looked to Alex, pulling him in front of him.  
“We’ll all TALK about this. But NO one gets to yell.” He led Alex back to the office chair sitting him down and grabbing his own.  
They all sat for a minute, cooling off.  
“I’m sorry I yelled.” Alex mumbled to the ground, chin wobbling slightly.  
Burke felt like an ass, leaning forward and touching his knee to get his attention. “I’m sorry too, I was just supposed to ask you. Not grill you.”  
Alex rubbed at his face. “Why am I so emotional all the time now? I’ve been good for eight years. And it’s like I can’t stop crying now.” He was frustrated, looking up at the two Daddies in the room questingly. “You said being little would make me be bigger longer.  
But I’m feeling worse and I feel little more.. extremely.”  
Derek could see he was frustrated and pulled his chair to him giving Alex a half hug. “Alex, one night will help you for a while. but you need to be little everyday. George is little every day at a certain time and that’s just how it works unless you want to keep having these crashes and feeling partly little.” Alex groaned angrily, pushing Derek away and covering his face. “So what? We have to tell Webber? Is that what you’re saying?”  
Derek rubbed his back and Preston caught his eye.  
They looked at each other, Derek noticing they needed to wrap this up, it was almost the end of their brake.  
Oh, they were all idiots.  
“He can be little during lunch.” Derek huffed, putting his hands up.  
why hadn’t any of them thought of that before?  
“What?” Alex asked wetly, running his arm under his nose.  
Gross.  
“YOU, my little love. Can be little for an hour and a half each day.” He said with finality, grabbing several tissues from the table and wiping him off.  
Alex wiggled away from him as he started attacking his face with the tissues. “How’ll that work?” He asked, voice stuffy from his clogged nose.  
Burke nodded, getting into it. “Alright, and George can be too.” If they did it like that George wouldn’t have to be in daycare for as long and he’d love to hang out with Alex.  
“But, What if you guys have a surgery?” Alex asked and Derek stopped his assault, thinking over the question.  
“It’s still better then nothing. You’ll have other times you can be little and I’ll make sure to make time.”  
Burke nodded along. “Alright, I’ll make time too.” Alex smiled at him, surprised he was so willing to help. 

They all continued to discuss it, the plan coming to life.  
“Alright.” Burke clapped his hands together, they had a solid plan now.  
“So, we’ll schedule our surgery’s around each other.”  
Derek agreed, pulling Alex up from where he’d started daydreaming in his chair and walking him between his knees to get his full attention. “Us doing this means it’s a RULE okay? You’re not allowed to just not be little anymore. You need to listen to me okay?” Alex fidgeted, nodding. “Okay, come here my good boy.” Alex crouched down hugging Dereks waist and burying his face in his belly.  
Derek laughed, hugging his shoulders He kissed his head all over. “Now. Let’s get back to work before we all get fired anyway.” They got up, walking out.

______________________________

The rest of the day went by pleasantly for Alex, no one threw up on him while he worked on them in the pit and Derek and him got in more questions throughout the day.  
Apparently Derek was a band nerd.  
It was nearing hour twelve of his thirty hour shift and He was currently standing at the vending machine, kicking it with the side of his foot to get out his fifth? Ninth? energy bar of the day.  
George walked up to him, his hair was kinda wily looking but he looked pretty bright-eyed regardless of his hair style.  
Alex figured out why when he saw him dump four pixiesticks into his mouth.  
“I can’t believe Burke lets you have those.” He said, finally retrieving his energy bar. He pulled it out, opening it and taking over half of it in one bite.  
George gestured at his redbull and energy bar filled mouth. “We work at a hospital that hates sleep. There’s only so much you can do. Burke understands that.”  
Alex looked behind him. “Hey, Burke!”  
George jumped, shoving the wrappers into his pockets.  
Alex barked out a laugh, holding his stomach. “Hehee-he’s not there, your face!” He shook with laughter George pushing him lightly.  
“Vary funny.” He looked around again.  
“I won’t tell if you don’t.”  
Alex nodded, getting over his laughing fit. “Sounds good.” He looked at him curiously wondering why he was here.  
Then he figured it out. “Burke told you about me and Derek, huh?”  
George nodded hugging him excitedly.  
“Congratulations! Are you happy?”  
Alex shrugged. “I’m getting there, it’s all a little nerve racking.”  
“Oh yeah. It’s Terrifying.” George sympathized.  
Alex was actually stunned silent by that.  
George laughed nervously after a minute. “What? You okay Alex?”  
Alex snapped out of it. “YOU were scared of being with Burke? Why?” He’d never even thought about the fact that they must have met, he’d just assumed they’d always been Burke and George.  
“I mean..yeah? It’s not like I was always with him. We met while I was in collage.”  
Alex smiled “How’d you two meet? What do you mean while you were in collage?” He was excited, the story sounded awesome.  
George puffed up, happy to be able to tell the story. But, before he could start Burke walked over and scooped him up off the ground without warning.

“Little time puppy!” He spun him around, surprised when George didn’t giggle. “What’s up with you? It’s time to play, you love playing.” George huffed.  
“I was gonna tell Alex how I met you.”  
He pouted, slumping against him.  
“No way! We have to tell him together.”  
He looked at the clock feeling a little bit like the bad guy. “We’ll have to tell him later though, Sorry pup.” George was definitely going to have to start little time with a nap, As he started to throw a tantrum while Burke held him. “No, I wanna tell him now!” He started crying, clearly overtired and frustrated as he wiggled angrily in Burke’s arms.  
He must have been far into his big head space when Burke walked up.  
That normally set him off on the wrong foot unless Burke eased him into it.  
“Is he okay?..” Alex felt funny seeing George cry like that and he kinda blamed Burke, they’d been having a good time until He showed up.  
“Why did you make him sad?” He said, looking up at him, a little miffed himself.  
Burke was out numbered, he’d just wanted to walk up and leave.  
Now he had a slightly angry Alex looking up at him and a blatantly angry George in his arms. “I didn’t make him sad, he’s just overtired honey.” He hoped he could get out of this with just one upset little on his hands, not sure what he’d do if Alex aged down.  
Alex but his lip, he wanted to yell and get angry. But he knew that Preston would take that as him “aging down” and make him leave with them.  
“Fine.” He turned on his heel, walking off.  
Normally Burke would go after him, but it was honestly time for George to be little and Alex didn’t seem to be technically “little” as much as he was mad for his friend.  
Preston debated it, before George actually managed to get down and start stomping away.  
He almost laughed, barley holding it in as George slowed himself down by stomping to get away instead of just walking. “No more steps George O’Mally. Or you’ll be in trouble.” George continued his slow angry stomp/walk and Preston easily picked him up.  
“Nap first then.” George kicked him enough for it to hurt and all the humor left Burke.  
“Time-out first then.”  
George stilled, wailing miserably and Burke started walking them to the on-call room. 

________________________________

No one in his life wanted anyone to know about him.  
Derek was kind of getting bummed thinking about that, sure Alex and Meredith had other reasons but it was the same narrative.  
No one could know about HIM.  
He was standing in the elevator, he’d gone up and down twice now waiting for Meredith.  
She normally got in the same one around this time to do night rounds.  
His hard work paid off when the elevator dinged and she looked at him smiling from the other side, stepping on.  
“Hey.” She turned her back to him and he smiled. He knew the rules of the game and stepped forward kissing her shoulder.  
“Hey..” He kissed her a little farther up.  
“Hello.” He kissed the side of her neck smiling when she laughed, turning around.  
“Oh, nice to see you.” He kissed her lips, and she kissed back.  
“Can I ask you something?” He mumbled on her lips, she nodded smiling. “Yes, What?” She closed her eyes, half listening.  
“What if I told Webber about us?” Well, That get her full attention.  
She pulled away, looking at him oddly.  
“Are you black mailing me?”  
“No. Not at all. Why would that be so bad? Why do we have to be a secret? we’re adults. How can this NOT be our choice?”  
“It’s literally against the rules, I could lose my job and so could you as a matter of fact.” She laughed humorlessly, where had this come from?  
“Webber wouldn’t fire me, he’s got a hospital to run. He needs a head of nuro  
And you’re going to be more important then me not to long from now, you’ve got raw talent.” He knew he was right, he just needed her to know too.  
He wanted to go out with her like a normal person.  
He wanted to build something with her.  
He wanted Alex to get to know her.  
“I can’t. It’s still against the rules. And even if he didn’t. Which he would.  
I don’t want people to think you’re impartial. Like I slept my way to the top.”  
He smiled crookedly, unable to resist the joke. “If that were how it worked you’d already be the Chief.”  
She rolled her eyes. “Are you going to tell him or not?”  
“Not if you don’t want me to. I just..” he looked away, touching her arm. “I just want to actually be with YOU.”  
She sighed, looking at his hand on her arm. “What if.. we could go out? Maybe? Outside of work.”  
He shook his head. “I think we just need some time, off. Put a stale mate to the chase.”  
She nodded hitting the button for her floor over and over.  
This elevator was too small.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, man. Alex having doubts?  
> I never would have thought he would need more time then just one lunch to be settled with a new Daddy, how strange...  
> And Can we just take a minute to appreciate Reeds “family”? I mean they’re just so cute I love them.  
> Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it And as always, Thank you for being my Neighbor <3


	8. The Halloween special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has his first ever little time with Derek!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vwelcome to chapter eight! Mua ha ha ha.  
> It is halloween in the Grays universe! (Not at all related to the Halloween we just had..) and our favorite crew is being adorable:)  
> I’m just hoping that this is the answer to someone’s dream that an author will stretch out there favorite holiday lol.
> 
> Please Comment, they make my creative juices flow and I just honestly love reading them. <3

8:00 the previous night. 

Burke finally got George to settle down after the whole “time-out” fiasco.  
The poor baby still hiccuping pitifully in his sleep in the aftermath of his epic meltdown.  
Burke sighed, feeling sympathy for his little friend while looking down at the sad sleepy face resting on his stomach.  
He was rubbing at his back soothingly George halfway sprawled out on him and halfway on the floor as he slept.  
Burke yawned deeply, he was exhausted from the whole ordeal himself.  
He finally snagged the ring of the pacifier he’d been digging around for with his pinkie, smiling triumphantly and slipping it into George’s mouth.  
His baby sighed contently around it, back muscles relaxing and his face smoothing out into a more peaceful sleep as he started to suck lazily on it.  
Burke watched him a soft warm washing over his heart at the way George’s pacifier bobbed, his pink cheeks kissed by long eyelashes.  
George was so much work sometimes but he was honestly so rewarding.  
He adjusted himself into a more comfortable position closing his eyes and listening to the rhythmic suckling noises.  
He let his mind wonder to Alex, a new subject he found himself dwelling on recently. He was a little worried for Alex after everything, still not completely settled on the fact that they weren’t telling the Chief.  
Alex was just such an emotional little guy, and Burke worried for him in the future.  
This incident right now serving a reminder that George sometimes fought tooth and nail over aging down, and how was that any different from the fight and grief Alex was giving them over it? He knows Alex has years of his life hanging in the balance, but did that honestly equate with a patients care? Possibly their lives?  
He was legitimately too tired to really delve into it.  
He looked at his watch, he’d already spent an hour on this and he didn’t have the full holiday off like George did. Working a thirty hour shift meant he had to do the whole thing, even if it was in increments But he’d rather just get it done now.  
So with reluctance he got up, pulling George with him as gently as possible and adjusting a blanket around him more securely before heading towards the nursery. 

__________________________

7:00 the next day.

Alex walked through the hospital,  
20 hours into his 30 hour shift and feeling like it had just started.  
He was walking bouncily down the halls, vary excited and hoping harder then normal for a really good case Because like every other intern and resident here he knew what Halloween meant.  
Pumpkin carving, fake blood, people betting they’re friends to do dumb shit.  
And weird ass looking people that only seemed to come out during October.  
All these things added up to only one thing.  
Amazing. Surgeries.  
As he went, he saw a guy in full leathers casually reading a magazine with an arrow sticking grotesquely out of his arm.  
Oh, yeah. It was the most wonderful time of the year.  
He laughed teasingly as he walked in and he saw everyone decked out in their costumes standing in the residents locker room.  
Izzy was some sort of vampire, Mere was hello kitty, Christina was..Christina.  
He looked around for George, a little disappointed when he didn’t see him.  
“Hey, Alex.” Mere said, adjusting the fluffy white ears on her head.  
Alex was surprised she talked to him again. That was two days in a row.  
“Hi.” He said stupidly, trying not to look like he felt shy by tilting up his chin.  
“Oh, you’re an awkward gangster for Halloween Evil spawn?” Christina called him out.  
“Nah, But you’re an amazing looking witch. How’d you get all the warts to stick on?”  
She threw something at him and he grinned.  
“Evil. Spawn.” She walked out, and he went to find George before his shift started.  
__________________________

He was getting frustrated, where the heck was he?  
He felt like he’d combed through the whole hospital at this point.  
As he turned to go back in front of the nurses station he spotted Christina.  
Christina had heard that wearing a costume for Halloween was good for getting recommendation papers and had drawn undisclosed animal features on her face with sharpie. So, anytime someone called her any animal she’d just go “yeah, sure.” So far she was a cat, dog, Ferrite, mouse and Bunny.  
She almost walked away when she saw Karev before remembering she didn’t care enough to avoid him.  
“So you’re a rat or something?”  
he asked unable to resist teasing her.  
She turned to him with an unamused look. “Yeah, sure.”  
He huffed, “You’re no fun.”  
As they went back and forth George was the one who finally spotted him from across the room, calling out to Alex.  
Alex turned with a grin and started walking to meet him halfway.  
He was all too happy to forget about Christina and talk to George.  
George smiled, running up and looking insanely happy with round glasses and a Harry Potter scar on his face.  
His normally messy curls were absolutely untamed as he bounced excitedly. “Whadda’ya think Alex?! I got a wand!” He waved it around and Alex cocked his head to the side looking at the full  
git up, he even had on robes.  
“Are you not working today?” He felt genuinely curious, he’d thought George would have on just face paint or something small like everyone else.  
George looked a little disappointed at the lack of response to his outfit, but nodded. “Yeah, littles don’ no’mally work holidays.” He sighed, looking around for his Papa.  
Alex felt a little guilty about ignoring his question and playfully pushed his shoulder. “Wingardium leviosa!” He yelled using his finger as a “wand”.  
George giggled looking happy again. “Why wingarm’ium leviosa?”  
Alex blushed kicking at the ground. “It’s the only one I know.” His shoulders hiked up to his ears as George gasped dramatically, hugging him. “I have all’a’da movies. We can watch ‘em together.” He said seriously from over his shoulder, Alex nodding happily.  
“I’d like that.”  
Burke called out for George as they were talking and waved him over, Alex rolling his eyes when he saw Burke’s “Cat” costume.  
Burke gave up on calling for him, admitting defeat and just waking over.  
“What’re you supposed to be?” Alex asked, looking him over.  
Burke shrugged, happy to see that Alex seemed to have gotten over the hallway incident earlier.  
“I’m his familiar.” He smiled, hugging George from behind.  
“You cheaped out Burke.” He was not impressed.  
“I spent like. What? A hundred and fifty bucks on George? So the two dollar cat ears and Christina made whiskers and nose stay.”  
Alex whistled low. “Fair enough.”  
Burke looked him over, a little sad not to see Alex in anything. “Why don’t you have a costume?”  
He shrugged self consciously, “I didn’t think of it.” Well, he actually did think of it. But then it got into his head that it might seem “too little” and he had dropped it.  
Burke gestured to the nurses station with his head, picking up George.  
“Ask Christina to draw you some whiskers or something.” He adjusted George’s striped tie, pulling down the gray sweater vest and feeling way too much love for his incredibly cute little.  
As they talked he looked up at the clock remembering why he’d been calling for George in the first place.  
“We have to go, they’re having something for littles at the daycare! Bye Alex!” He really wanted to invite him, but he knew he wasn’t ready. Not yet.  
Alex waved them ‘goodbye’ walking over to find out what he had to do today. 

___________________________

Bailey had on a witch hat, a big pointy witch hat. And she was five foot nothing.  
He was in physical pain not saying anything about her looking like a garden gnome.  
But, he NEEDED to get out of the pit.  
He wanted a SURGICAL case.  
“Hey, Sabrina.” He could kick himself.  
“Do I look like a white suburban girl from the 90’s to you Mr. Karev? Pit.” She deadpanned and Alex pouted.  
He was about to turn around and walk away, he knew arguing wouldn’t help and he didn’t want to get stuck doing scut.  
But before he could leave she smiled suddenly, bopping his pooched out lip with her pin and startling him.  
“No, pouting. I was just teasing, figured it’d be scarier then ‘Boo’.” He looked stunned and happy, she shook her head amusedly at him. “Was I right?”  
He grinned, nose scrunching cutely and actually bouncing in place he was so excited. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” He chanted. Bailey snorted, when did Karev get to be so cute? “Alright. calm down, let’s go to the ambulance bay and wait for some poor fool to come. GREY! STEVENS!” She yelled, both of them hurrying over.  
Christina held out her hands angrily from behind the nurses station.  
“No, YANG!?” She gestured to her face. “I put on a cat face, and still nothing!?”  
Bailey looked her up and down. Unimpressed. “I bet the people you’ll be doing rounds on will love it.  
Mr. Valentino is partial to cats. And also needs to be putting out the right amount of urine, so make sure to check on that.” Bailey walked away, Meredith shrugging helplessly to Christina before walking off after her and Alex biting his tongue to keep from laughing as he trailed happily behind Bailey.

__________________________

Derek felt a little shell shocked from what he’d said to Meredith last night.  
“A stale mate to the chase.”  
Did he semi break up with her?  
He’d been frustrated about the whole Alex thing and it’d sparked off the whole Meredith thing in his head.  
He decided it was an issue for another day as he stood in front of a mirror in the men’s room, mucking up his hair a bit and gelling up two “ears” before drawing on as much wear wolf makeup as he thought he could get away with.  
He figured he’d have to wash it off anyway once he got a surgical case so he didn’t want to go too far.  
When he got done though he couldn’t help feeling like he looked hot (yes, he’d done a girls tutorial)  
As he wiped off his hands His pager started beeping loudly and he barley read it before running out the door, this was going to be a long day.

__________________________

Alex was having a great day so far, he’d gotten to actually assist in some real surgeries today and he was over the moon as he walked to the cafeteria in search of Derek or Burke.  
It was time for his hour and a half of little time and he felt kinda sick thinking about it, but he was also excited to get to see Derek and tell him about what he’d done.  
As he walked he peeked curiously into the daycare, shocked not to see anyone.  
The mystery was solved quickly when he looked outside and saw a whole bunch of littles playing on the big ship.  
It had been decorated spookily for halloween, normally crisp white sales torn and dirty, adorned with Pirate symbols.  
They looked like they were having an event and He couldn’t help but walk over to the glass and look outside.  
It honestly looked crazy out there, they had surprisingly innocent looking pastel clowns walking around armed with face paint and balloons, the staff handing out candy to flocks of giggly littles. 

He bounced on his heels, deciding that he’d just pop out really quick to say  
‘hi’ to George.  
If someone gave him a dog balloon while he was out there he figured that’d be alright too.  
He tugged on the door, excitement ebbing when it didn’t budge.  
Ian looked over, grinning widely and running up to help him looking goofy with a Blue-dinosaur onesie on.  
“What kinda dinosaur are you?” Alex asked instead of greeting him, the costume looked way weirder up close.  
Ian blushed shyly, tugging up his hood for Alex to get a better look.  
“I’m a Bulbasaur! Marry’s dressed up as a Charmander somewhere.” He looked for her, Alex bouncing in place excited to go out. “I can help you look!” He wanted to go OUT.  
Ian turned back, tilting his head with an apologetic look. “Sorry friend, no ones allowed out unless they’re signed in by a caregiver.” He said sadly and Alex was quick to swallow down his disappointment.  
“I just wanted to say hi to George and Reed?” He really really wanted to go out now that he couldn’t.  
Ian smiled at him softly, looking back and calling for Reed and George over his shoulder.  
They’d been spinning each other on some plaything, But when they saw him they jumped off running dizzily toward him, both of them tripping and laughing.  
“HEY ALEX!” Reed bounced around clearly hopped up on sugar with her fairy wings moving wildly as she hopped. “I’m a fairy!”  
Glitter fell out of her short hair and He smiled broadly, feeling better. “You look like the fairy from Furngully! With your pixie cut!”  
She nodded. “Tha’s who I am, wha’s her name?”  
He opened him mouth, pausing. “I don’t know..”  
“Crysta!” George piped up, finally finding a spot in the conversation.  
They both looked at him quizzically and he shrugged. “It’s from the 90s So Papa loves it.”  
They didn’t get to talk vary long after that, both of them getting distracted and running off.  
Alex shuffled, looking down and making Ian feel guilty.  
“What about that guy from before? From when you had to stay with George, can he come and sign you in?”  
Alex nodded. Why hadn’t he thought of that? He’d just wanted to go out for a second anyway. “I’ve gotta find him! Be right back!” He ran away Ian saying to hurry. 

He couldn’t find them. 

Alex had looked everywhere, but they must be working through lunch on surgeries. He looked up at the clock, it was already over.  
He bit the inside of his cheek hard walking off to find Bailey. 

__________________________

Derek looked up at the clock with a heavy heart as he scrubbed in for the next surgery, he hadn’t scheduled it but it was an emergency and he obviously couldn’t ignore it.  
He had to push Alex to the back of his mind.  
He tilted his head back pushing down the guilt and closing his eyes as he breathed in deeply.  
Feeling hyped up as much as he could manage he walked through the door, saying his good omen before they started.  
“It’s a beautiful day to save lives!” 

____________________________

Alex felt fantastic as he walked down the hall, it was almost the end of his shift and he’d almost completely forgotten about earlier in the adrenaline rush of getting to assist in four minor surgeries then ending on one major surgery.  
The last one was on a guy who had been trying to put razors into kids candy and ate a handful Accidentally.  
Karmas a bitch.  
It was successful and he got to close, it took about six hours in total and he’d wanted to go tell Derek, quickly scrubbing out with Bailey telling him he did a good job.  
Alex could honestly say that this was the best Halloween he’d had in years as he went to find Derek.  
He walked over to a desk asking a secretary if they knew where he was, not wanting a repeat of what happened with looking for Everyone earlier.  
The nurse pointed him to the on-call room with a board expression. 

The whole hospital was almost exclusively full of staff at this point so the hallway was eerily empty, His foot steps echoing as he walked to the door opening it slowly.  
Derek looked like a zombi, sitting at a table and mechanically eating a vending machine sandwich as he stared off into space tiredly.  
Alex paused at the door unsurely, Derek looked like he didn’t need anyone bothering him.

Derek heard the door squeaking shut and looked over, brightening immediately and holding out his arm for Alex to step into. “Hey, bud! Why’re you doing here?” Alex felt something inside himself settle, shuffling over he let Derek pull him into his side for a half hug.  
“I got to assist in a surgery and I did really well, But I hated the guy.” He sat down, putting his head in his arms and looking up at Shepherd.  
He got a good look at his bruised and baggy under eyes from down here.  
“You look like you’re dead.” He said not unkindly.  
Derek huffed out a laugh, also laying his head down and looking at Alex through half lidded eyes. “I FEEL dead. Guess how long my surgery was?”  
Alex shrugged, Derek being so exhausted he was making him tired,  
he didn’t want to use his brain anymore.  
“Twelve. Hours.” He shook his head, yawning in a way that could be perceived as aggressive.  
Alex caught his yawn, sleepy tears gathering in his eyes and he rubbed them away with both his hands.  
Derek cooed at the cute display, brushing his hand over Alex’s head and smiling as he leaned in to the touch.  
“That’s awesome by the way, that you did so well on your surgery. You’re amazing.” He’d forgotten to comment a second ago and Alex smiled happily at what he said.  
“Thanks, I thought it was cool too.” Derek slipped an arm around him pulling him into his lap for a short cuddle, knowing they both needed to get back to the last hour of work soon. “So, what? It’s been twenty.. nine? Hours?” Alex nodded, plopping his head back onto Derek shoulder and turning his face into his neck. “Yeah. do you think George went home?”  
It was around one in the morning so Derek nodded. “Yeah, he’s been home for awhile.”  
Alex knew he was just tired, But hearing that made him REALLY sad.  
He remembered that he’d wanted to hang out with George today, and working was fun but he hadn’t really celebrated Halloween.  
He missed his first Halloween knowing Shepherd and having George as a friend.  
His lip popped out miserably and he shuddered out an unhappy sob involuntarily, trying to muffle it with his hand.  
Derek of course caught on to Alex’s crying as he sobbed in his lap, hands over his mouth and shaking pitifully.  
“Oh, no. What’s wrong?” He felt a lump form in his own throat as Alex cried in his lap, sounding more and more desperate as he got worked up.  
“Baby, stop. it’s okay.” Alex was definitely “little crying” now and Derek was at a loss. He turned him around in his lap so he could lay on his chest and not be facing away.  
Alex’s face was crumpled miserably and wet with unhappy tears still dripping down it.  
“Honey.” It wasn’t funny, but Dereks voice sounded giggly.  
It was just so surreal that Alex was getting so honestly upset that George went home. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Alex shook his head, still crying miserably and getting more upset that he couldn’t stop.  
Derek realized that he needed to stop asking him questions and help a little more before Alex got himself sick.  
So he stood up with him still in his arms adjusting to his weight and starting up a rhythmic bounce, walking the Length of the room. 

Alex was surprised when he got out of his sad fog at what Derek was doing. He’d seen people bounce littles to calm them before, but it was weird being on the receiving end of it.  
He laid his head on Dereks shoulder, more out of exhaustion then anything else. (Or at least that’s what he told himself.)  
But after he did, he intentionally breathed in deeply, hiccuping a bit but feeling way better when he was hit with the distinctive dirt and sunshine smell that Derek kept even after being in a hospital for so long.  
He knew he was far into his ‘little space’ just by how okay he felt while Derek bounced him, it was like everything was alright. If he wanted to slip his thumb into his mouth? it was fine.  
That was kinda what ‘little space’ seemed to do for him, it made all the “urges” he had okay, and it made him a little bit weightless and fuzzy feeling.

Derek almost cried in relief when Alex started calming down. His legs hurt from all the swaying he’d been doing and he walked to the couch, collapsing in it with a contented groan, ready to sleep for a year.  
But, he wanted to figure out why Alex was upset first. “Alex?” He murmured, rubbing soothing circles into his back to keep him awake.  
Alex sighed through his nose, blinking blearily up at him with sleepy eyes seeing only his jawline from where he laid on his chest, not willing to move.  
Derek took the sigh was an invitation to start talking. “Why are you sad, baby?”  
Alex was too tired to get upset at the question, instead concentrating as hard as his sleep fogged brain would allow on how to form words.  
“I didn’t get ta’ do howea-howa.. Today. Wi’ff you or George. And I co’dn’t find you.” He said with difficulty, hoping Derek wouldn’t need him to elaborate more.  
Derek did understand miraculously, and he was surprised that he hadn’t thought that Alex might be upset with not getting to spend today with him and his friend. That was exactly why littles didn’t work on holidays, even surgeons.  
Because dropping into little space and having a meltdown over not getting to do what felt like really important things wasn’t good for anyone.  
He felt a fierce urgency to tell the Chief corse through him, It was stuff like this that made it so important for it to be paper official and to have the necessary perks that came with that.  
But, that’s not what Alex wanted right now and he needed to respect that.  
“Okay, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, bud.  
I’ll try to do better next time.” He felt something tugging at his heart. He’d wanted to be there so bad.  
“And you want to do Halloween stuff with me? Is that what you’re saying?” It was vague, but it was also three in the morning now and he’d been working for 29 hours with almost no breaks So he granted himself some slack.  
Alex nodded against him, starting to doze off.  
“Well, Burke and I were thinking of having a late Halloween for you and George tomorrow.” He looked at the time sighing, “Later today I guess. At my place.” Alex didn’t even feel embarrassed knowing that his meltdown was unnecessary, he just nodded slowly.  
He knew he was going to fall asleep if he stayed here on Shepherd much longer and pushed himself to get up.  
Derek grabbing him as he slipped off his lap, wobbly getting to his feet and walking out the door.

What just happened? 

_________________________

Derek wasn’t tired anymore as he searched for Alex around the hospital.  
He finally checked one of the smaller  
on-call rooms, smiling at the soft sleeping sounds coming from an  
Alex-shaped blanket on the bed.  
He crouched down next to the bed, rubbing his hand down the length of Alex’s back and getting a tired sigh in acknowledgment.  
“I’m surprised you’re sleeping in here. Aren’t you afraid of having another..You know.” He wondered why Alex would come here instead of just sleep on him like he’d started to do anyway.  
Getting even more confused when he thought of the accident.  
Alex buried his head deeper into his pillow, groggily muddling through what Derek just said.  
He blushed deeply when he realized what he meant.  
“No. I fixed it.” His face was burning,  
he’d left because he realized he could have an accident on Shepherd and that was MORTIFYING. No matter what headspace he was in.  
“You fixed it? Oh.” Derek smiled goofily sitting down on Alex’s bed and looking at bulk on his covered bum.  
“Is it on right?”  
“Pro’lly not. I tore it.”  
Derek frowned in sympathy. “Well, do you want me to get a new one and fix it for you?”  
Alex yawned, crawling out from his pillow hiding spot and putting his head on Dereks lap.  
“Yes. Please.” He said sleepily, nuzzling his face into Dereks belly.  
Derek cooed, patting Alex’s padded bottom before sliding him off and starting to get up.  
“Wait!” Alex grabbed his hand.  
“Don’t go.” He whined unhappily, now that Derek was here he should just fix it and stay.  
“We can’t use the Broken one sweetheart, I’ll be right back.” Alex didn’t even hesitate. Putting his arms out and stretching toward Shepherd.  
“Baby..” Alex was normally so worried about being caught, Derek didn’t want to accidentally take advantage of him while he was in little space.  
“It’ll be like the first time!” Alex grabbed the sheet pulling it over himself and stretching his arms back out. “I even have a dees’guys this time.” He whispered.  
“Good idea.” Derek was actively melting.  
He pulled out his phone quickly, getting a picture before scooping up his needy ghost.

“Alright ET. Let’s go.” Alex laid his head on him as he walked, Derek avoiding who he could as he got to the storage closet.

__________________________

He debated it as he walked back  
but ultimately headed to the smaller  
on-call room, liking the idea of locked doors for Alex’s sake. 

Derek slipped in quietly and laid Alex on the bed, slipping off his “disguise” with  
a fond smile.  
He wasn’t surprised at all to find that Alex had fallen asleep again while under there, his shirt had now ridden up to his chest from Derek carrying him.  
He cooed, His belly was showing and he looked absolutely adorable with just one hand on his exposed belly the other draped haphazardly over his head.  
Derek tugged his shirt down gently  
before he starting to slide off his scrub pants.  
Alex whined from the cold and Derek shushed him, Humming softly and pulling open the one remaining tab from the thoroughly torn up diaper before sliding it off.  
He felt a little more anxious this time and it was probably because he was actually changing him instead of just cleaning him up.  
Oh, and he was Daddy this time too, so that might be contributing some.  
He lifted his bum up to slip the new one under him and His nerves disappeared completely when he spotted a glimpse of red, He frowned worriedly looking at the redness running across his poor butt.  
For a minute he thought that maybe Burke had forgotten to mention he’d worn protection at his house and this was just a rash from that.  
But then he looked closer and his heart stopped, breath catching as he looked at what he now recognized as scars.  
He lightly traced one of the lines of red running down from his bum to his legs.  
It looked like someone had beat him with a car antenna they were so thin and mean looking.  
He felt a little sick, turning Alex on his side carefully and pushing up the back of his shirt.  
He had to look away to collect himself from what he saw. It ran up his whole back.  
He swallowed thickly, turning his head back to him and bushing his hand down Alex’s spine.  
The scars weren’t grotesque looking but it still made his stomach churn looking at them. They were flush with his back, a few of them raised and white but mostly just faded red lines running vertically across his pale skin.  
There was the one deeper one running clumsily across his middle back, Derek wondering how something that must have been so deep even healed.  
He felt disgust and sickness slipping slow and thick as molasses down his throat.  
He’d known Alex had been through bad stuff but he’d never thought of physical abuse.  
Something that scared him even more was that was this was the after, and even then it was only what he could see.  
He couldn’t even imagine the things he couldn’t see.  
He paused when he foggily started to remember being at Burke’s house this morning. He’d been trying to tell him something.  
Was this what Burke was trying to tell him, When the boys had run in?  
He felt guilt rear it ugly head as he remembered they’re first meeting.  
How had he missed them the first time?

Alex made a grumpy noise in the back of his throat, fed up with Derek taking so long and rolling to get onto his back.  
Derek collected himself quickly, apologizing sympathetically.  
Before starting to wipe Alex down,  
being as thorough and gentle as he could. Finishing with powder and folding the fresh materiel up between his legs, smoothing down the tabs.  
Alex had woken up during the too long process and was looking at him through slow blinks, soft brown eyes filling him with the same exact warmth as before. But this time he’d noticed, and there was a sadness just absolutely breaking his heart to pieces.  
“Hey there, baby boy.” He whispered, trying to sound normal and wiping off his own hands.  
He took Alex’s to do the same, remembering how he liked to put his hands in his mouth.  
Derek smiled wobbly at the blissful look he was getting, happy to see that Alex was content.  
“This is better, huh? No need for you to be upset to get little, baby.” He climbed carefully into the bed next to him, pulling Alex to himself. “We can just be happy.” He kissed him on the bridge of his nose, Alex predictably putting his thumb in his mouth and nursing it lazily.  
Derek still felt uneasy, images of what he just saw running like a horror movie through his head.  
Alex must have felt the uneasiness coming off of him, scooting over and tucking himself closer into Dereks chest his whole body now pressed up against him.  
Derek was hit with an unbelievable amount of love for the little now cuddling up to him, a hand tangling sleepily up in his shirt.  
He didn’t know what he would do if this stopped, now that he had a taste of his life with this perfect person in it. 

He fell asleep easily after that to the sound of soft suckling nosies. 

___________________________

Derek woke up before Alex, smiling happily at the full body hug he was receiving from the still sleeping little.  
He winced when he also noticed that he had drool pooling on his shirt from the hand still in Alex’s mouth. Gross.  
He’d have to buy some pacifiers for next time.  
He looked for something to tell him what time it was frowning at the absence of his phone. He must have left it in the on call room.  
Alex made a sleepy sound next to him, wiggling uncomfortably then whining.  
Derek slid his hand down to his bum, suspicions confirmed at the squish he felt. “C’mon baby, you need a change then we can get going.” He hoped if he handled it like it was no big deal Alex wouldn’t be embarrassed.  
“Nooo..” Alex shook his head, face reddening and pushing away from Shepherd.  
Derek put his arm around his back to keep him from pushing himself off the bed. “Don’t you want to see Burke and George sweetheart?” Derek asked softly, he felt like Alex was still way too little to change himself and at least wanted to make the attempt to persuade him into letting him help before just giving up.  
Alex was exhausted and hungry and WET. Everything was awful and he just wanted to go back to sleep.  
Derek chuckled as Alex started cuddling back up to him, clearly attempting to sleep again.  
He could give him a few more minutes. “Okay, how about I let you rest a little more while I get ready and then we can leave?”  
Alex nodded, not opening his eyes as he let go of Derek and cuddled the blanket instead.  
Derek waited until Alex fell asleep completely, more for his own consciouses sake then for Alex’s, before carefully getting up and tiptoeing out the door.

_________________________

He walked into the residents on-call room, immediately spotting his phone and snatching it up.  
It was around eight in the morning and he had fourteen missed calls from Burke.  
He was happy to call him back, last nights discovery popping into his head and making him ache for someone to talk to.  
Burke picked up on the first ring and immediately started talking. “You need to tell Alex that the next time he’s here and is little he should TELL me he needs help putting on a nappy instead of ripping up all of George’s and leaving them all over the bathroom.” He ranted, Derek holding the phone away from himself and Shaking with laughter.  
“I’m sorry..” before he could continue Burke went on.  
“Oh, you thought that was all? No. He also seemed to have not quite gotten it on right and he got everything next to George’s bed wet. Then covered it up in stuffed animals.”  
Derek laughed loudly at that, not at all expecting this to be how the conversation went.  
Preston started complaining about him laughing and Derek cut him off.  
“George helped him, didn’t he?”  
He could almost feel Burke’s eye-roll. “Of corse he helped him. Those two are thick as thieves already.”  
“Well, I’ll pay for the dry cleaning, it’s no problem.” Burke muttered something about having to hand wash stuffed animals under his breath and Derek sat down at the table, remembering what he wanted to talk to Burke about.  
“Can you talk to me about something? Alex fell into headspace last night and I saw.. something. It’s serious.” The mood shifted and he heard shuffling on Burke’s end.  
“Yes, Sorry. I don’t think George should hear this.” He sighed.  
“So you know?.. You saw it when he was with you?” Derek covered his eyes, trying not to get worked up.  
“Yes.” He didn’t know what else to say.  
Derek coughed wetly, trying to take a deep breath. “He just.. should I talk to him about it? He didn’t try to hide it at all.”  
Burke sounded like he was making coffee loudly, trying to keep His little out of it. “Everyone’s different. With George I would ask immediately, but with Alex?  
I don’t know. You’ll have to decide.”  
An uncomfortable feeling ran though Shepherd and he stood up, pacing the room. “How could that.. how could anyone do that to him?” His eyes burned as he looked down shaking his head. “He’s so incredibly sweet. He’s so GOOD, Burke.”  
Burke sounded Like he was choked up as well, taking a moment to answer.  
“He is. Whoever did that is a monster. He seems to have known quite a few.”  
Derek nodded. “Yes, Yes he does.” He bit his lip, mouth tasting metallic. “He did.” He breathed heavily into the line, Burke calming himself on his end so he could help him. Finding no use in them both getting worked up. “You’ll help him, though.” He said sincerely. “You’re so good for him Derek. and I’ll be there too.”  
“It takes a village, right?” He laughed, shaking out his sickness.  
“You’ve got it man.”  
He nodded, happy to have the support. Deciding then what he was going to do. “He’s really excited about today, I think I’ll talk to him about it later.. He need’s some good days.”  
“I agree.” A long drawn out ‘papa!’ sounded in the background and Burke chuckled tiredly. “Alright man, if you need to talk to me more about it just call Okay? I’m here.”  
“Thank you, bye.”  
Derek hung up, feeling a little better about everything and starting to get ready.

___________________________

Alex woke up slowly, pulling his fingers out of his mouth and groaning in disgust at the drool on them.  
He felt blindly for Derek, feeling a little panicked before remembering that he was getting ready.  
He knuckled at his eyes, stretching and letting out an angry grumble at the cold wetness on his bottom. Yuck.  
He woke up like this almost every day at home so it’s not like it was a new thing, but it still sucked.  
He remembered he wasn’t at home and looked nervously at the door before seeing that it was locked.  
Thank you Derek.  
As he silently thanked him someone knocked on the door and he froze before hearing Dereks voice.  
He rolled off the bed, getting on his knees and stretching to unlock it for him.  
Derek laughed amusedly when he saw Alex sitting on the floor, leaning down to kiss his hair and put their foreheads together.  
Alex smiled, eyes closing and leaning into Derek. He startled a bit as he was scooped up off the ground, nuzzling his head onto Derek as he was settled more securely in his arms.  
“Ohhh, hey my baby. I love you so much. You’re so sweet.” He kissed him all over, loving how sleep-warm and cuddly Alex was in the mornings.  
Alex felt himself getting fuzzy and dropping into a littler headspace at the treatment, Derek making a baby voice and swaying him gently.  
He felt like warm honey was settling into his bones, feeling relaxed and soaking up the love.  
Derek wondered if he could get away with just laying him down and quickly changing him.  
He started to lay him on the bed, Alex hitting the mattress halfheartedly with his fisted hand clearly grumpy at having been put down.  
“Oh? So now you’re not happy?” He laid the supply’s he got on his way here on the bed, leaning down and kissing Alex’s nose to distract him. “That’s okay. Can I please change you, love?”  
Alex considered it, he wasn’t as deep into his headspace as last night. “I’m not little-little right now.” He grabbed Dereks sleeve, tugging his hand up to play with his fingers. He didn’t know why he liked to do it but he did, it was relaxing.  
Derek smiled flexing his fingers and getting an amused smirk from Alex.  
“That’s okay. Sorta little is little enough for me to help.” He slipped his finger into the waist band of Alex’s scrub bottoms questioningly, pulling them off when he didn’t get a negative response.  
Alex blushed, pulling Dereks hand down to cover his face. “I need that for a second bud.” Derek laughed, pulling it away with Alex quickly replacing it with his arms.  
“We’re gonna carve pumpkins tonight and I’m buying them and some candy, if you want to come along?” He babbled about what they were gonna get, pulling down the tabs and starting to change him.  
Alex slowly put down one of his arms, sliding it down to rest up at his head and watching the way Derek talked.  
He’d probably never be fully comfortable during this process.  
(Like EVER.)  
But, it wasn’t the worst getting to watch Derek talk and not having to struggle with figuring out how to do it himself, he was awful at it.  
Derek finished wiping him off, putting rash cream on a wipe and applying it gently down there.  
Nothing about this was weird for him, it was probably weird the first time he’d done it and he was nervous just for Alex’s sake earlier, but he’d been doing it since he was a teenager for kids in his class that weren’t classified yet.  
NO one knew he was going to be a caregiver.  
He held up a pull-up Alex looking at him questioningly. “Can you wear this for today? No one’ll notice and I’d like you to be little for our Halloween.”  
Alex considered it, he’d had to wear “protection” all through collage after an incident that he’d rather forget, so it wasn’t a totally crazy request.  
But Derek wanted him to be little and that was new.  
He must’ve been taking too long and he blushed deeply when Derek covered his front with it. “I’m not gonna pee on you! Ugh!” He covered his face rolling over. “You’re embar’ssing me!”  
Derek shook with suppressed laughter, knowing there’d be hell to pay if Alex knew he was losing his shit looking at his cute butt.  
Apparently he hadn’t thought of the fact that he’d be putting it on full display by rolling over.  
“I’m sorry baby, I’m not trying to. Honestly.” He sat down, Alex teetering into him as the bed dipped.  
Derek rubbed his back and Alex relaxed.  
“Okay, But no one’ll know. Right?”  
Derek was melting, what a sweet boy.  
“Nope, I got jeans from your locker for you too.” Alex rolled back over, Derek  
Getting up quickly and sliding it up his legs before he could change his mind, then maneuvering him into his jeans.  
When he finished he scooped him up, pulling him over his head and kissing his belly. “Let’s go! I’m buying you a coat too buddy.” He sat him back on his feet, taking his hand and leading him out.

_________________________

Alex sat in the basket quietly as Derek walked through the store, It was little things like this that bothered him and made him sad for his baby.  
Alex wasn’t asking for ANYTHING, littles were notorious for getting excited and asking for stuff but Alex just kept to himself.  
He swerved the cart playfully down the aisle Alex giggling cutely and holding the sides to keep from tumbling around. “Are we gettin’ the pun’kins now?” He asked looking back up at him with happy eyes.  
Derek smiled nodding. “Then a coat! I want mine back someday!”  
Alex shook his head hard, burying his face in the lapels. “No way! It smells good!” Derek pulled them up to the pumpkins Alex getting distracted and leaning over the side of cart to touch them.  
Derek caught him before he fell out, settling him on his feet.  
He was loving how Alex pat each pumpkin consideringly, thinking how fun it’ll be to see him in a real pumpkin patch next year.  
“This one!” He said with strain, pulling it up and arching his back.  
Derek helped him to put it in, Alex bouncing on his heels.  
“Back in?” Derek asked, already picking him up and setting him back into the cart.  
Alex wasn’t as reluctant to be little outside of the hospital from what Derek was seeing, which was honestly so nice.  
Alex hugged his huge pumpkin between his legs, petting it with all the love of a new mother.  
Derek pulled out his phone snapping a picture and sending it to Burke. 

They walked over to get clothes, Alex looking a little uncomfortable as he saw all the babyish prints.  
“C’n we just go to the normal section?”  
Derek ran his hand over Alex’s hair.  
“What about just one cute coat and one boring one?”  
Alex considered it, laying his head on his pumpkin. “ ‘Kay.”  
Derek grabbed a fleece bear one, quickly dismissing it for one that was just too perfect. He walked around to Alex showing it to him.  
“Is it a sheep?” He asked tilting his head and pinching it between his fingers, it was SOFT.  
Derek nodded, pulling him out and slipping it onto him.  
Alex shook his arms liking the weight and cottony feeling.  
“Why a lamb anyway?” Derek shrugged, loosely tying a bow under Alex’s chin.  
Alex untied it immediately, rolling his eyes. “I’m not a doll.”  
“Sorry, bud.” Derek buttoned up the front, smiling at the cute picture Alex made in the new coat.  
Alex didn’t mind it, he figured if he only wore it around Burke and Derek, and George was in his too it wouldn’t be  
TOO embarrassing.  
“It’s okay, but why a lamb?” He asked again and Derek looked like he thought he was way too clever.  
It scared Alex. Truly.  
“Because..” he shrugged, tugging one of the droopy white ears. “I’m a Shepherd.”  
Alex gapped at him, dumbfounded.  
“No. no way. you did not just say that.” He struggled with unbuttoning it, fully intent on slipping it off and walking away.  
Derek snatched him up, swinging him around. “Please let me get it. I LOVE it.”  
He wasn’t beyond begging.  
Alex wasn’t sure he could get out of it by himself and he told himself that that was the only reason he was agreeing to what Derek wanted.  
He nodded and Derek kissed his plush belly happily.  
“Okay! Just a few more things then  
on to the normal boring jackets.” 

__________________________

They headed out of the store  
“a few more things” now completely filling there cart with Alex walking beside it contently munching on his animal crackers.  
Derek loaded him up first, the irrational  
Fear of Alex getting run over running through his mind.  
Alex didn’t say anything about him buckling him in, just keeping his arms out of the way helpfully. “Can I hold my pun’kin?” He asked, kicking his feet absentmindedly.  
Derek considered it briefly, before shaking his head. “No, sorry it’s not safe bud.” Alex looked all kinds of pissed.  
“That’s stupid.” He grumbled, Derek frowning disapprovingly.  
“We don’t say stupid. Okay?” It didn’t really matter to him but he didn’t want him to say it to George or something.  
“I do.” Alex looked at him defiantly.  
“Alex. Be nice.” He was such a smart aleck and Derek normally loved it, but he needed to listen sometimes.  
“No. You’re stupid!” Why was Derek being so mean? He just wanted to hold the stupid thing. This whole situation was annoying.  
Derek didn’t say anything, closing the Jeep door and walking to the back to put everything in.  
Alex was totally in an informal time-out right now.

He got the driver side, holding down a pang of amusement at seeing Alex’s crunched up cookies on his seat.  
What a little shit.  
“Now you’re in trouble, you’ll have to sit in time-out when we get to my house.” He brushed off his seat Alex kicking the dash with tears running down his face. 

_________________________

Derek felt bad as he drove, they were almost there and Alex was looking out the window, still crying quietly.  
“Hey? Bud?” He went to hold his hand, Alex flinching away.  
“No, no honey, don’t do that. I won’t ever hurt you okay?” He thought of Alex’s scars, digging his nails into the steering wheel. “What about you just apologize and we skip the time-out?”  
Alex shook his head, looking at him for the first time since they started driving.  
His face was a mess, red cheeks shiny with tears. “N-no. I deserve it. I was really bad.” He rubbed at his eyes, chin trembling. “You bought me somthin’ and I was mean.”  
Derek pulled into his “drive way” adjusting his seat and clicking Alex out of his seatbelt, sliding him into his lap.  
“You’re good bud, you were just frustrated.” Derek leaned the seat back, thumbing away Alex’s tears.  
Alex sighed, he felt really bad still but laying on Derek was nice and he didn’t feel as tense and finicky anymore.  
“Let’s just move past it okay? Burke and George’ll be here any minute.” Derek opened his door, sliding them both out and adjusting to the comfortable weight of Alex in his arms.  
Alex sighed laying his head on him and looking around. “You live in the woods?” He sounded like he’d just noticed.  
Derek chuckled, grabbing out bags from the back. “Yes, I like being outside. I like to think of it as living in a big forest though.” Alex smiled into his shoulder.  
“You’re like the little man and I’m your rabbit!” He laughed at his own joke, Derek laughing with him just because he thought he was cute.  
“What’s that mean?” He questioned slipping into his door and setting Alex down. Starting to put things away.  
“It’s a song!”Alex smiled wide, remembering how much he’d loved that song as a kid. “In’a cabin in the woods. Little man by the window stood! Saw a rabbit hopping by! Knock-ing. At. The. Dooor.” Derek paused what he was doing as Alex started belting out literally the cutest song ever.  
As he sang enthusiastically he did little signs with his hands, like a bunny hopping And knocking at the door.  
Derek was DYING.  
“That’s my new favorite thing. I love that.” He said sincerely Alex blushing happily.  
Burke pulled up and they walked out to greet them.  
George was bouncing impatiently in his seat as Burke unbuckled him, practically flying out as he ran to hug Alex.  
“Alex! What’re you gonna be?”

Burke got out slower, walking over to Derek and pulling him into a tight  
bear-hug  
“You okay?” He questioned holding him tight, still thinking of this morning.  
Derek got choked up, unable to speak around the lump in his throat.  
He hadn’t had a friend like Burke in a vary long time. “Yeah, it just.. fucked me up seeing that.” He whispered quietly enough not to alert the littles.  
“You’ll figure it out.” Burke reassured. “You both will.”  
“Thank you.” He said sincerely, Burke laughing. “I’m serious, you’re someone I’ve needed for a long time. Thank you for being here.”  
“You’re welcome.” Burke, pat at his shoulder. “And You and Alex? I’ve needed you guys too. You are some incredible people and I’m happy to be your friend.” He pulled back looking at Shepherd. “Especially if you babysit.”  
Derek laughed tears still trailing down his face. “It takes a village.”  
“The whole damn thing.” With that Burke walked off, Derek wiping at some of the more stubborn tears that still managed to fall.  
As he was composing himself he felt tentative arms wrap around him from behind and smiled. He knew who that was.  
“Are you ‘kay, Daddy?” Alex’s voice murmured quietly into the fabric of Dereks jacket, clearly nervous about what reaction he might get.  
Derek held his breath, a full bodied warmth washing over him with his heart stopping, then beating faster as he processed his first time being called that. He hadn’t expected to hear it so soon.  
Alex started pulling away uncertainly and he smiled, grabbing his arm and pulling him up to stand in front of him.  
“Did you see daddy was sad and come to help, sweet boy?” He cooed, wanting to normalize the word so Alex would be comfortable to start using it.  
Alex nodded thumb coming up to rest on his lips. “Why’re you sad?” His heart ached for him, this was the first time he’d seen Derek cry.  
“I was just thinking of something really sad baby.” He pulled him close needing to hold him. “Burke was helping me though, but you helped me too love. You give really good hugs.”  
Alex smiled, putting his chin on Dereks chest and looking up at him proudly.  
Derek put his hands on rather side of Alex’s cute face, leaning down to kiss the space between his eyebrows.  
“You’re so amazing.” He said, resting his forehead on Alex’s lovingly.  
“You’re the person I love the most.”  
Alex grinned, any lingering anxiety over what he said earlier leaving him easily.  
“I love you too.”  
They stood in the euphoria for a moment Derek looking over and seeing that Burke was wiping at his eyes and hugging George.  
He walked over and punched him lightly. “Stop it!” He laughed. “I don’t want to cry again and you’re not helping!”  
“You think I want to cry!? You guys need to stop being a hallmark channel movie if you don’t want this!” He gestured to his weepy face.  
George shrugged. “He’s a cryer. You gotta hug em’.” He hugged him tight Burke laughing huffily.  
“Let’s do pun’kins!!” Alex yelled, clapping his hands together and walking to Dereks car bouncily George right behind him.

__________________________

Alex was not impressed that he had to use markers to show Derek what he wanted him to cut, being not allowed to do it himself.  
George was bouncing excitedly, stickers all over his pumpkin and drawing on a “puppy” face. “Papa doesn’t let me do pun’kins ‘cause we live in a ‘partment” he was chattering happily about what they were doing as they started emptying them out.  
George’s arms were fully in his and Alex’s rolled accidentally into his lap.  
“Ew. Pun’kins are gross.” He pushed it off of himself Derek stepping in to help him out.  
He ended up cleaning it out mostly for him, Alex hating the slimy feeling and strong smell.  
“You’re doing it for him? What a sucker.” Burke said from a safe distance.  
Derek threw some at him and Burke’s eyes narrowed, walking up and throwing a fistful of George’s back.  
The great pumpkin war ensued everyone left to look on at the carnage in horror, with no one left unscathed.  
“I’m just unhappy.” Burke grumbled, shaking seeds out of his pants.  
Derek laughed, head under his sink to wash out his hair. “You take a shower, I’ll rinse off the babies.” He got loud protests from both boys on his wording.  
Burke scoffed, looking at the tiny  
Homes “bathroom”.  
“Do you even have warm water?”  
Derek had Alex’s head in his hands, lathering in shampoo. “Yeah, there’s solar panels everywhere.” Alex looked like he was completely relaxed and Derek smiled. “You like getting your hair washed lamb?” Alex nodded into his hands, Derek pulling him out and drying him off.  
He would get George too but George was already getting cleaned up by Burke in the shower at this point.  
Preston decided he’d get George into his Halloween costume, the little bouncing excitingly at getting to wear it fully again.  
“Alex doesn’t have a costume papa.” George said, feeling sad for his Friend.  
Derek looked at Alex, who was peeking up at him from under the fluffy towel feeling bad that he’d forgotten when he saw that Alex was uncomfortable.  
“Yes he does, Alex is going as a lamb.” He started pulling open bags, finding what he was looking for and starting to put it on Alex.  
Burke leaned over to listen to George who was tugging at him and listened to him whisper something excitedly to him.  
“Good idea, puppy.” He walked out to his car, coming back in with a crown swinging on his finger.  
George took it from him walking up to Alex and plopping it onto his head.  
“You’re the king of all wild things!” He giggled Alex peeking out from under it confusingly and adjusting it better on his head.  
Derek laughed, that was the cutest thing ever. “Have you never heard that book bud?” He touched one of the big wooden buttons on Alex’s front, how had he not thought of that?  
Alex shrugged. “Maybe? I don’t know..” He thought of what George said again, suddenly smiling. “Oh! The “We’ll eat you up we love you so!” Book right?” He felt excited, what a cool costume.  
“This old guy at my library used to only read that for the story time when I was a kid! I loved that book.” He thought back to it, smiling at the good memory.  
It was always nice to find one of those.  
As he thanked Burke and George, Derek remembered that he needed to get him out of his pumpkin covered jeans.  
He pulled him off the counter taking his hand and leading him toward his bedroom. The tiny house was too small for privacy and Alex refused to let George and Burke see him in his pull-up.  
He groaned as he looked into his room, he’d somehow forgotten what it looked like. “Can you two step outside? My bedroom is literally filled with my bed and Alex needs to change.” He said apologetically, Alex blushing at what he meant.  
“Of corse, c’mon Hushpuppy.” Burke scooped him up, walking out the door. 

____________________________

Derek laughed as Alex plopped back onto his bed, sprawling out comfortably without a care in the world.  
Alex blushed when he heard Derek laughing, sitting up shyly and hugging himself making Derek feel bad.  
“Aw, I’m sorry little love. I just thought you were cute.” He pulled him to his feet, hugging him tightly Before starting to unbutton his jeans. “You’ve got on a  
pull-up though, little. So it’s going to be different from the diaper. Okay?”  
Alex covered his face, he’d forgotten it wasn’t a diaper. “Sorry. I fo’got.” He felt super small as Derek tugged off his jeans, the slightly bigger headspace he’d felt when talking about his childhood washing away.  
Derek got him completely stripped, deciding to take off the “costume” as well and just wash Alex off compliantly since he was still sticky from the pumpkin. “I think you need a quick shower baby, is that okay?” Alex nodded, nose scrunching up in disgust when he tried to slip his fingers into his mouth.  
Derek saw and winced in sympathy.  
“Aw, poor lamb. We’ll wash off those hands first.” He pulled off his shirt and jeans keeping on his underthings and stepping into the small shower with Alex in his arms.  
Alex startled at the sudden feeling of water hitting him, relaxing when he felt how warm it was. “It’s nice right? Solar panels are amazing.” Derek started washing him carefully, feeling a few of his scars through the wash cloth as he went over his back.  
He breathed in sharply, reminding himself that He’d talk to him about them later. He’d just have to push through it for now.  
Alex was oblivious to Dereks thoughts, his head resting on his shoulder and his eyes drooping sleepily.  
They got out quickly after that, Derek putting a towel around his waist and wrapping Alex up in his own.  
Alex looked almost asleep as Derek laid him down, drying him off on his bed. Thumb now securely in his mouth Alex was humming quietly around it to keep himself awake, not wanting to miss any of the fun.  
Derek knew what he was doing and smiled at his antics, deciding that since it was getting late he’d just put him into a diaper and call it a night.  
He grabbed under the small of his back lifting him up and slipping it under.  
He was excited to get to use some of the things he bought for Alex, adjusting it until it was snug and smiling at the star print.  
As he pulled out a onesie he’d also gotten at the store he saw Alex looking down at himself curiously, feet hanging over the bed and kicking lightly.  
“You want something to hold baby boy?”  
He pulled out the tan slumber-monster lovey he’d gotten, Laying to on Alex’s chest.  
Alex liked the feel soft of it on his skin, pulling it off to look at it curiously.  
“It ‘ooks wike it’s sleepin’ .” He said around his thumb looking up at Derek as he slipped him into night clothes.  
“It’s got a cute face right love? I like it’s little horns and snaggletooth.” He gently pulled it from Alex’s grip to slip his arm into the onesie. “Can I have this one?” He tugged at the hand in Alex’s mouth, waiting for a nod.  
He zipped it up fully running his hand down his belly and loving the feel of it.  
“Let’s go out before Burke gets eaten by a wolf.” He nibbled at him playfully, getting a giggle as he walked out. 

Burke and George were both sitting in front of an impressive looking fire when they get to them, Derek frowned a little when he realized that Burke must’ve used half of his firewood to make it. “Something tells me I’m going to need to look for another dead tree since you stole mine.” He put Alex down sitting on the blanket next to Burke and pulling his baby back up into his lap.  
“You shouldn’t have taken so long, I’m just trying to survive out here.” George looked over at Alex from his spot on Burke, handing him a warm sippycup.  
“You have on a heated blanket and your drinking Starbucks hot-chocolate.  
That’s not exactly roughing it Burke.”  
Burke rolled his eyes. “Nothing for you then.” As they argued over his head,  
Alex wondered if he should use it or not. Before realizing he had nothing left to lose. Especially considering what he was wearing and that no one here would judge him.  
Derek looked down when he heard Alex suckling something, feeling extremely happy that he felt safe enough to do what he was doing.  
He was so lucky to have these two around, Both of them effortlessly helping Alex ease into doing littler things.  
Alex was drooping to the side, slowly nursing at the spout and feeling heavy.  
Derek saw him falling asleep and eased the cup into his own hand, holding it for him.  
Alex finally let himself start winding down, putting his hand over Dereks and letting him do the work enjoying the warm drink.  
As he was dozing off George randomly poked him in the side and he whined unhappily. “Go ‘way George.” He grumbled, pushing the cup away from his face.  
Derek bounced him on his legs. “Be nice Alex. What is it George?” He pat at Alex’s chest, watching as he brought his fingers up to his mouth to nurse on instead.  
The thick coat and onesie giving him some trouble.  
George shrugged. “I wanna tell him how I met Papa.” Burke nodded, from under him.  
“He’s been waiting all day, Do you think you can stay awake a little longer sweetheart?” Alex nodded, stretching a bit and sitting up more in Dereks lap and looking at them.  
Derek was also intrigued, scooting away enough to be able to see them too.  
Burke smiled, excited to tell it to knew ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I just loved that chapter. 
> 
> Our fist “daddy” I can’t. <3  
> And George going as Harry Potter just makes so much sense, is that just me?  
> I feel like Alex is starting to be more perceptive to allowing Derek to help him with things he’s had to do by himself And he’s just enjoying all the love. 
> 
> If you were feeling a disconnect between how Alex was thinking and behaving compared to Derek, you were correct!  
> Alex is vary oblivious to what Derek is thinking and feeling right now, He’s just focused on trying to navagate being little and finding what boundary’s are where. 
> 
> I REALLY hope you enjoyed that chapter and as always, Thank you for being my Neghbor<3


	9. La vie en rose.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George and Burke’s first meeting is reveled and Alex revels some of his own past to Derek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Welcome to chapter nine, I hope you like it:)
> 
> *warning spanking scene  
> and mentions of past abuse* 
> 
> What’s that? You’re worried about that warning? It’s fine. 
> 
> Please, leave me a comment! I’d love to read yours specifically.  
> I bet you can come up with something good:)

Six years earlier..

George sat uncomfortably in the plastic seat of the public transit bus, avoiding eye contact with a creepy old man standing barely a foot away from him holding the bar with his junk facing George.  
The guy clearly had a hard-on and it was disgusting.  
He wasn’t dumb, He knew the guy could tell he was a little (Everyone could, he had SUCH a baby face.) and was being lewd on purpose.  
The guy slipped his hand into his pocket and George grabbed his phone wanting to talk to Catherine so he wouldn’t get panicked.  
He was just starting his schooling, ambitiously going for a doctorate and trying his best to adjust to his new classification.  
The “real world” has been a big slap in the face so far.  
This was just one instance of something like this happening since he left home.  
He finally found her in his list of contacts and shot her a text asking if she was busy.  
Knee jiggling nervously and making the seat creak.  
She didn’t reply but he knew she’d see it. She wasn’t smart enough to turn off her notification bell so it said ‘read’ right under his text.  
He texted her again, this time using the term ‘Mommy’ in the hopes it’d get her attention.  
The guy started coming forward and George leaned into the person sitting next to him in a blind panic.  
“What the hell man?” A deep voice growled over his head and he looked up stomach twisting in knots when his eyes met the angry body builders.  
“Sor-sorry..” he didn’t want to explain why he’d leaned on him, embarrassed about it for some reason.  
The guy watched as George’s eyes flicked over to the gross old man standing at the rail and he sighed in sympathy, he had a little too.  
“HEY! Turn around pervert, you’re bothering my lil’ buddy.” The guy’s eyes bugged out of his head at the booming voice and he immediately did as directed.  
George sighed in relief, thanking the guy sincerely.  
He smiled broadly, midnight skin crinkling into a happier expression.  
“No problem lil’ friend. My baby gets shit like that from gross pervs like him all the time.” He said loud enough for the guy to hear, leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes to catch some more Z’s before his stop. “Just wake me up if he bothers you again.” He pat his knee soothingly and George smiled, giving the guy some space and hugging his backpack.

____________________________

Preston stood at the head of a classroom full of collage students, all of them looking various degrees of board as he pushed through his lecture on genetics and the effects they had on the human heart.  
He was trying desperately to find someone who looked even mildly interested in what he was talking about, wanting to get through his droning lecture without stumbling.  
He honestly wasn’t a public speaker.  
But he was planning to change the medical world some day and he wanted a Harper Avery award by age 30.  
He really needed to be able to accept it.  
He’d worked hard for this lecture.  
he’d worked hard period, being the peak of perfection and top of class since he was in pre-k, trying to hold himself to a standard that could put him in the fast lane to getting out of his small world in Alabama with his Mama in her tiny restaurant.  
Everyone here seemed to not care about any of that.  
As he inevitably tripped up on a word the door to his class slammed open every student waking up from their half-asleep states like they’d been hit with an electric charge.  
He was pissed before he realized that the person hadn’t “slammed open” the door, but seemed to have fallen in.  
Everyone laughed as the red faced guy got up off the floor, holding his hands over his eyes in embarrassment.  
“I-I’m sssorry.. I got-got...” the upset looking student pressed his lips together in frustration, hands still over his eyes and shuffling from foot to foot anxiously.  
He kept trying to explain himself, failing to get out a full sentience without becoming frustrated and starting over.  
Everyone groaned in annoyance.  
“Godammit George! Just sit down so we can get out of here this century!” Some guy yelled throwing a waded up piece of paper at him.  
George didn’t react, other then his chin giving a slight tremble and his lips turning down pitifully.  
Preston felt a primal flare of protectiveness surge through him, eyes flashing.  
“HEY! Sit down or you’ll get to leave a LOT sooner then you bargained for.” He growled out, walking over and touching George’s back, gently leading him to a seat.  
The guy slumped back angrily, Preston no longer concerned with him.  
Instead focusing his attention on the tiny upset student in front of him.  
“Hey, you okay? Nothing hurt? That must’ve been a hard fall.” He sympathized quietly, rubbing soothing circles into his shoulder.  
The light haired boy took a few deep breaths, nodding shakily and wiping off his teary face with his forearm.  
“Ye-yeah, Thank you.” Big brown doe eyes met Preston’s, before flicking back down shyly.  
Preston smiled at his soft voice and cute face, pulling out some tissues from his pocket and handing them to him. 

“Okay! let’s talk about heart murmurs!” 

_____________________________

The lecture ended and everyone filed out quickly, except for the guy who had fallen into his class.  
He’d ended up being the most attentive and had sat writing down everything Burke said for the remainder of his lecture.  
Burke turned happily to him when he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. “Oh, hey. George right?”  
He nodded, loose curls bouncing. “Yeah, and you-you’re Preston Burke.” His stutter was much better and Burke nodded, relieved for him to see that it was just the stress that had made it so bad earlier.  
He’d had a bad stutter throughout his own childhood and knew how frustrating it could be.  
“Yes, I am Preston Burke.” He replied teasingly, voice chalk full of fake pretentiousness as he tapped down his papers.  
George smiled, dimples showing cutely.  
“Thanks for helping bah-back there, he doesn’t know that saying “hurry up” just m-makes it worse..” he chuckled. “We had a like, thirty minute conver-conversation where he was yellin’ at me and I was only tryin’ to say “good morning”.”  
Preston laughed warmly remembering the struggle all to well.  
He looked George over, he was cute.  
Lithe body held in a shy way with his small downy looking curls framing his baby face.  
He didn’t want to say anything or label him based on looks and how he talked. But, George absolutely HAD to be a little.  
He must’ve seen what he was thinking, looking away and shuffling slightly. “Anyway, thanks again. I-I was afraid I’d drop in headspace for a second there.” He went to walk out and Preston grabbed his shoulder, gently stopping him.  
He couldn’t explain it if someone asked him, but he needed to get to know this kid more. “You’re welcome again..” this was probably way beyond too forward, but he’d already started. “Um.. I’m free for a while, do you want to go grab something with me?.. If you’re not too busy falling into any other classes that is.” He scratched his neck uncertainly and George smiled hugging his notepad tightly. “Yeah, that’d be great.” 

____________________________

George was an amazing person from what Preston was seeing.  
An hour in and he could already see that He was just authentically kind to absolutely everyone he interacted with. Preston could feel himself falling head over heels for the charming little as he excitedly chatted with him.  
“Alabama! But you don’t have an accent.” Burke smirked at the silly comment, watching as George snuck fries to the ducks from their table.  
“You’re one to talk Mr. O’Mally, no Irish accent from what I’ve heard.” He said in a horrible Irish accent and George laughed at him, giving him an amused “touché”.  
The conversation evolved naturally into Classifications after that.  
“Are you a-a Daddy?” George was idly kicking his feet and side-eyeing the multiple ducks he’d baited over with caution.  
Preston hid his smile behind a drink of water, trying not to laugh. “I’m a classified caretaker, but I’m not a Daddy yet.” Preston hadn’t even thought of the fact that George might have a caretaker until now. He probably did, he knew anyone would snatch him up if they could.  
He certainly wanted to.  
“So, little?” He asked, still wanting to know about George even if they couldn’t be together.  
George ignored the question,  
distracted with trying to scoot away from the now scary ducks closing in on him.  
Preston could see the real fear crossing George’s face and shooed at them.  
“You’ve amassed quite an army of ducks there George.” They waggled their tales at him and George let out a shriek when one snapped at him.  
“Okay. I’ll save you.” Preston hurried around the table and scooped him up George clinging to him without any shame.  
“They’re mean. Go away!” He was vary unamused, kicking his foot at them lamely.  
Burke pat his back soothingly, unable to leave until they brought back his card.  
He stood like that for a good few minutes before George realized where he was, his scare now passed and blushing furiously.  
“I’m big! Let me go!” He grumbled angrily, wiggling to get down.  
Preston set him down immediately, raising his eyebrow. “No need for the tone, all you had to do was ask.” George shrugged apologetically. “Sorry..”  
“It’s okay,” Burke tilted his head down to catch his soft eyes. “I’m not mad, puppy.”  
George giggled, amusedly saying puppy back as the waiter gave Burke his card.  
“Why ‘puppy’?” He asked as they walked down the sidewalk, pebble being kicked loyally along the street as they went.  
Burke shrugged, watching him with amusement. “You remind me of something cute, and I think puppy is the closest I can get to what I’m thinking.”  
George blushed looking away to collect himself and knuckling at his pinking cheeks.  
“Why were you late anyway?” Preston didn’t want to embarrass him, hoping a new subject might help.  
“I can’t dr-drive and I’m a collage student so..” He pulled out his empty pockets comically. “I-I take the buss and it was running late.”  
Burke laughed warmly at the clever joke understanding completely. “I hear you.  
I feel like I ate Romain noodles for four years straight.”  
George giggled, and they continued walking.  
George eventually reiterated what had happened on the buss earlier and Burke frowned through the whole story.  
“Gross old man. I’m happy that guy was there to stop him.”  
“M-me too.” George ran to catch up with the pebble he’d been kicking since they’d started, almost running right into the busy road by not paying any attention.  
Preston caught what was happening and grabbed him quickly, tugging him back onto his chest.  
Some guy laid into his horn angrily, flipping the bird to both of them as he swerved off.  
Burke couldn’t even think about the aggressive driver, fully focused on George.  
“You have GOT to watch where you are going.” He said, thunking his head anxiously onto George’s, he might have just had a heart attack.  
George bit his lip, also a little shaken.  
“S-sorry.”  
“Okay.” Preston sighed trying to breath normally again. “It’s okay. Hold my hand, please.” He let go of him, grabbing George’s hand.  
George hissed painfully, tugging it out of Preston’s grasp. “Oww..” he whined tears springing to his eyes as he held his red palm up thumbing at it gently.  
Burke looked down at his hands wincing in sympathy at the shiny red skin, it looked like carpet burn. “Ouch. That happened earlier, huh?” (Poor George, he’d had a really bad day it seemed.)  
George’s lip popped out. “Yeah, it hur-hurt.”  
Preston’s phone went off in his pocket and he sighed in frustration, tapping a notification away quickly. “I’m sorry sweetheart. But I think I need to go.” He pulled up both his hands to look at them a little closer. “Why don’t we get something cold for you to hold really quick? Then I have to leave.”  
George shook his head. “No. If you gotta go, just go. I need to get to my classes and head home anyway.  
Cathrine’ll be mad if I stay out too late.” He fidgeted, stomach knotting thinking about her.  
Burke sighed, he’d known George must have had a caretaker but it still hurt to have him say it so bluntly. “Okay, hopefully I’ll see you again.” He wanted to offer him his number but he knew how suspicious he’d be if he was his Daddy and some stranger did that. “GoodBye, George.” He turned starting to leave.  
“Bye Burke.” George was confused at his sudden change in mood, but still waved him away. 

__________________________

Burke beat himself up venomously over not just giving George his number earlier, even just to be his friend.  
He knew that would’ve been more then enough for him if he’d just done it and George’s caretaker would just have to get over it.  
He sighed heavily, standing under the rounded overhang and looking out at the weather that matched his mood.  
Setting his heavy briefcase onto his head for protection he ran headlong out through the pouring rain, hitting his rental cars alarm feverishly to find the damn thing.  
He finally heard it, running up and sliding in.  
After getting in he just sat for a minute, leaning into the steering wheel with the key in the ignition, soaking wet.  
His mind was unsettled in the quiet car as he thought of the person he most likely lost today.  
He wasn’t an overly social person avoiding people when he could and never really reaching out for anyone.  
But George was different, just a few hours enough to have him regretting the thought of not having him in his life.  
He shouldn’t have just left.  
He plopped his head onto the steering wheel in frustration, shaking out the feelings of regret and starting up his car. 

He stopped at the stop sign wiping off his dripping wet face with napkins and looking over curiously at the bus stop.  
Feeling bad when he saw some poor bastard that got stuck sitting there in this weather.  
He doesn’t recognize him at first but as soon as he caught George’s eye he smiled broadly, leaning into the passenger seat to open the door.  
“Hey! O’Malley!” George looked at him curiously before grinning and running over. “Get in! I’ll drive you if you want.”  
He was so excited to see him he couldn’t even handle it.  
“Thanks.” George said softly wincing as he sat down next to him with a squelch. “I’m sorry.. I-I’m gonna get everything we-wet.” He looked up long curls dripping water loudly onto the leather seat. “You-you don’t have to drive me, I can wait.” He could, But he REALLY didn’t want to get on that buss again. No matter how unlikely it was for that guy to be there.  
Burke shook his head, leaning over and buckling George in. “It’s fine, I’m getting it wet too.” He said, slipping him some napkins from his dash. “Where do you live O’Malley?”  
George told him the address and they were off, both of them happy to see each other again. “I-I thought I’d never see you again, you don’t even have my num-number.” George stuttered quietly squeezing out his wet hair with the napkins.  
Burke looked over at him guiltily, starting to pick out pieces of damp napkin from his wet hair.  
Really just using it as an excuse to touch him reassuringly.  
“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked.”  
George caught on to the comforting way Burke was running his fingers through his hair leaning into the touch minutely,  
the stoplight casting a faint green glow on them and Burke easing them back into traffic.  
“I didn’t want to scare your mommy.” As he said that a thought came to him. “Why did she leave you out in the rain? Maybe you should call her.” He said turning the wheel, and glancing over at George.  
George shook his head, pulling off his waterlogged hoodie. “N-No, she wouldn’t answer any-anyway and she’s not my mommy. She’s just a temporary caregiver..”  
Burke frowned at that. “Well, then she should be taking care of you if She’s a temporary caregiver.”  
Who wouldn’t answer a littles calls? And leaving him in the rain? Burke was getting a good picture of who this Cathrine was.  
“Yeh-Yeah, she’s not the best, but at least she’s catholic.” He shrugged. “That  
wa-was really im-important to my family.”  
Burke smiled knowingly. “What about you?”  
George smirked. “It was a little less  
im-important to me.” 

The rest of the ride was lighter after that, Burke telling story’s about a few of the littles he’d met informally while on the registry.  
“So, this cute guy is incredibly sweet. but he’s seven foot tall and absolutely REFUSES to walk.” George was shaking with laughter in his seat, trying to catch his breath.  
“His feet were dragging on the ground as I held him, I swear!” Preston hit the wheel wheezing.  
George pointed out his building, looking at the clock nervously.  
Burke was oblivious as he pulled up to his complex. 

He did notice George suddenly become quiet as they walked up to his dorm.  
He looked nervous and Burke got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach after he’d knocked on his door.  
He was about to ask George what was wrong, when it slung open.  
A young woman with bleach blond hair stood behind it, looking at George angrily and fiddling with her plain cross necklace.  
“Why are you late? I’m going to have to stay late AGAIN just to get in the right amount of time.” She had a very quiet voice, but she was unmistakably pissed. “Who’s this?”  
George went to answer but she held up her hand. “Never mind, you’ll take too long. Who are you?”  
Burke wasn’t impressed to say the least, but he tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. “I’m Dr. Burke. I was doing a lecture in his class today and we sort of hit it off.”  
She looked shocked. “Okay? Well thank you for dropping him off I guess.” She grabbed George’s hand and he winced painfully.  
Burke jumped forward, barley stopping himself from pulling her away at the last second.  
“He hurt his hands..” He wanted to pry her hand off of his. She squeezed it slightly. “Okay. Thank you.” She didn’t even look at them to see how bad they were, tugging George inside and going to close the door in his face.  
Burke didn’t know when he’d lost all his manners, but he clearly did as he slipped quickly into the door before she could close it. Walking in.  
“What do you think you’re doing!?” She looked five seconds away from calling the cops and Burke didn’t give a fuck.  
“George invited me to hang out, since I’ll be leaving soon for Seattle.” George looked shocked as Burke walked right over and sat on the couch heavily.  
She barley restrained herself from rolling her eyes. “Great.” She wasn’t pleased, her night was ruined.  
“Okay, well you’ll have to wait until his punishment is over before you get to “hang out” with him.” She said sharply. Burke felt himself getting sick as she sat down on the opposite couch, sadistically pulling George over her lap with his face going red as he let out a low whimper. “Cath-Cathrine can-can this wa-wait?” He was stuttering awfully, barley able to get out the sentence as his tummy did flips.  
She swiftly pulled his wet jeans and boxers down, not saying a word as she started harshly spanking him.  
Burke’s nails dug into the couches arm and he looked away.  
He wanted to pull George off of her lap or yell at her to STOP.  
but caregivers were allowed to give punishments like this if given written consent.  
“I’m Mommy. And you. Are not. Allowed. To choose.” She was cutting herself off with hash smacks to his quickly reddening bottom.  
George sobbed painfully, his shoulders shaking as he cried into the couch cushions.  
She continued to pepper his bottom with swats, George absolutely freaking out over her lap.  
She tilted him forward, and he had to catch himself from falling face first into the ground with his shaky arms, she didn’t even give him a moment to adjust before laying heavily into his sit spots. Making him wail pitifully.  
Burke had had about enough of it by then, starting to get up.  
But before he could stop her, physically unable to listen to her “punish” George any longer, she stopped.  
Finally finishing after three minutes and countless spanks, she pulled him up to stand facing her, having him step out of his pants and boxers. “Go get in the corner, you are not allowed to stay out late and worry me like that EVER again.” She didn’t sound worried, grabbing his chin and forcing him look down into her eyes. “Do you understand me George O’Malley.”  
George nodded, face wet and red as he turned and walked to stand in the corner of the room, avoiding eye contact with Burke.  
Preston let out the breath he had been holding Eyes filled with tears that he tried to blink away, admitting defeat when one fell and swiping at them.  
Cathrine was unbothered by their responses, she’d cared for littles before and George wasn’t any different.  
She did however want the stranger out so she could get on how she liked without a spectator.  
George was so disobedient, there was no way he’d get through tonight without slipping up again.  
“I Would like you to leave Dr. Burke.”  
She said quietly, holding her hands in her lap and looking at him with a passive aggressive expression. “He’s just going to go to bed soon anyway.”  
“No.” George said still facing the corner, red butt shamefully on display.  
Cathrine was shocked, George never spoke directly to her like that before.  
“He stays.” His voice was horse, but  
Burke was surprised by how big he sounded, normally littles only allowed that particular punishment to get farther into their headspace. What was it even doing for him then?  
She glared at him “Don’t you dare say no to me. I’m the mommy, I’m the one who decides.” She sounded royally pissed, actually caring enough to raise her thin voice slightly.  
George shook his head. “N-no you don’t. You can spank me because I was bad and “worried” you. But I pay for this place and You’re paid to be here.”  
She looked like she might go over and start spanking him again, but one venomous look from Burke and she paused.  
“Fine.” She got up angrily, walking away and coming back with the necessary clothes and supply’s to change him.  
“Come here. George.” She said sitting on the floor.  
George came out, clearly embarrassed with his hands covering his crotch.  
He hated not being fully little when she did this, but any time she punished him he was thrown into his bigger headspace.  
Burke looked away to give him some privacy. 

A few minutes later, he felt the couch dip beside him.  
Looking over to see George fitting himself into the corner of it, hugging his knees up to his chest.  
He was wearing cream colored pajamas with little giraffes on them, they were loose fitting and cinched at the ankles, snaps along his shoulder in a very “baby” look that Burke liked seeing on him.  
He looked absolutely adorable, but still distinctly big.  
Maybe Burke could fix that.  
He looked at where Catharine had been but didn’t see her anywhere, she must’ve stepped out or something.  
Whatever the case was she wasn’t exactly missed.  
“You look super cute in those PJs, puppy.” George blushed and Burke extended a questing arm out to him.  
George crawling over, cuddling up to him immediately.  
He sighed contently into his neck as he was cuddled, long eyelashes settling onto his still flush cheeks.  
He’d really wanted this comfort after his spanking and he was definitely not disappointed that it wasn’t Cathrine.  
“Oh, what a sweet boy.” Burke cooed, leaning down and grabbing the tail end of a abandoned pacifier clip, quickly wiping it off before offering the soother part to George.  
George took it with a contented sigh through his nose, looking sleepy as he laid his head on Burke’s chest.  
He shifted to get comfortable, face screwing up and whining uncomfortably.  
His bottom was still stinging from the harsh treatment he’d just received, it hurt a lot.  
Burke mumbled something incoherent into his ear and George went slightly lax, allowing Burke slip him sideways into his lap enjoying the feel of being held fully.  
This was something Catherine not only wouldn’t do but couldn’t do.  
It was amazing.  
Burke felt him getting heavier, eyebrows creasing when he realized Cathrine was still not coming back. “Why do you let her do that? You can tell her not to..” George blinked up at him sleepily, hooking his finger into the ring of his pacie and pulling it out. “I mean... No one wants to be-be spanked.. that’s why it’s a punish-punishment.” He shrugged a helpless shoulder against him “It’s not really my pla-place to say anything.” He pulled at his pacifier clip, toying with the wooden beads strung on it.  
Burke stilled both his hands in his, tugging them to his chest to help him focus. “Anything that has to do with you or your body is definitely “your place” and you have EVERY right to say something about it.” Preston hated People saying things like that, he’d lived in a very supportive and open household growing up. But he’d also grown up in the church and thoughts and sayings like that were very common.  
George was honestly too tired to have the discussion, his long day ending in a spanking had completely drained him.  
“C’n I just sleep? I-I tired.” He rubbed at his eye, putting back in his pacie and hoping he could slip fully.  
He’d have a nasty headache if he didn’t.  
Burke nodded, running his fingers through George’s soft hair.

“Hold me close and hold me fast...” The lyrics started naturally as Burke began slowly rocking. “This love was meant to last. It is la vie en rose..” 

____________________________

George woke slowly, stomach growling at the smell of breakfast foods.  
He let out a sweet sound from behind his pacifier, looking around with sleepy eyes for Burke.  
He didn’t see him and his heart gave a painful tug.  
What if Burke left? What if only Cathrine was here?  
He rolled off the couch with a thunk, pausing when he heard hurried foot falls heading towards him. “Burd!” He made grabby hands at him bouncing happily on his knees.  
Burke sighed, he was afraid George had fallen. “Oh, well hello sleepy Puppy.” He picked him up easily, adjusting him on his hip.  
George jumped a bit when settled fully on his hip, his butt was still throbbing achily from last night.  
He whined looking up at Burke with big sad eyes, pacifier still bobbing.  
Burke cooed in sympathy, putting his hand on the nape of George’s neck pressing his head lovingly to his own. “Poor baby, you okay love?” George shook his head, rubbing it sillily into Burke’s and messing up his hair.  
He giggled and Burke smiled rocking them both slightly. “You’ll be okay. Want a change?” George didn’t have any conservative feelings against it, too far into his headspace to really care.  
“Kay’.”  
Burke nodded, hearing the faint jazz in the kitchen and starting up a swaying dance.  
He swayed into the small bathroom, pulling out the needed supplies with George still in his arms.  
He dipped him in time with the song, laying him on his back and dancing slightly to the beat.  
He started undressing him, patting at his bare tummy like a drum with his hands and getting a belly laugh for his efforts.  
The diaper change was easy and filled with laughter.  
Burke was proud, he’d never done that before and he felt like he was doing pretty well, he felt sad seeing George’s splotchy red bum, rubbing in a generous amount of cool diaper cream.  
George sighed, tugging his soother in and out in a playful manner.  
“Having fun?” He bopped the funshine Bear sticker on it George smiling.  
“Yeah, you’w fun.” (Oh, my god. Is that how he talked when he was little? Burke melted.)  
“What do you want to eat, baby?” He prompted him walking into the kitchen and really just wanting to hear him talk again.  
“Waffles and straw’babies.” George said with finality, looking around curiously. 

George was VERY happy to see that waffles were something Burke had made.  
He was eating them happily, powdered sugar all over him and the table.  
Burke unable to bring himself to care.  
When he saw that George was done and just playing in the powder he walked over and started to wipe everything down, kissing his dimpled cheek and smacking lips afterwards. “Now you’re as sweet as a hushpuppy.” He laughed at his own joke and George looked around once again, he’d been doing that all morning.  
Burke had a good idea why he was doing that.  
“Hey, hushpuppy. You looking for Cathrine?” George nodded scooting to the edge of his stool to hop off.  
Once he was down he started walking around looking all over for her.  
Burke sighed listening to the faint “mommy’s!” George was calling as he walked through the small dorm.  
He walked back into the kitchen looking slightly worried as he peered illogically under a chair.  
“She went ‘way..” George said softly, looking at the floor.  
“She just..” Burke didn’t know WHAT to say. “She.. can you age up, love?” This would be so much easier if George could think instead of just react.  
George nodded slowly, walking into the living room to sit on his couch.  
Burke waited patiently, deciding he needed to at least check on him after a good twenty minutes had passed. 

George didn’t know what to think.  
This was his first age play relationship, it was so rocky and had been ever since it began six months ago.  
Cathrine wasn’t a loving mommy, but sometimes she was and no matter how she acted it still hurt his heart to think of her just up and leaving.  
Burke came into view and George felt painfully guilty.  
He’d hit it off with Burke instantly, Cathrine had never gotten that.  
George had been so DIFFICULT since they first met, she was just so detached that he got awkward, unable to easily get into little space with her.  
Then he’d get a migraine and he’d cry or he’d stutter or be mad or be clumsy. And she’d just get so mad at him. He flopped sideways onto the couch, curling up and feeling miserable.  
Burke sat beside the couch, running his hand down George’s side. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby.” George rolled over to face him, pulling him in for a tight hug.  
Burke was shocked by the hug, but he honestly loved it.  
It was so sweet and timid just like George, it was the perfect hug.  
“Do you think we can.. Do you want me in your life?” It might be insensitive, but he really wanted to know.  
George pressed his cheek to Burke’s shoulder. “Yes.” He smiled into his neck happily. “I really want you in my life.” 

____________________________

Present day. 

“After that it was mostly video chat and a lot of visits until he could move here permanently.” Burke scooted into a more comfortable position, pushing all the random soft things he’d grabbed from his car into a more comfortable pile for himself to lean back on.  
George felt him shifting under him and turned in his lap to face him laying on his chest sleepily, limp curls now tickling at Burke’s neck.  
“If you think he has a baby face now you should’ve seen him at twenty, he was so freaking tiny it was crazy.” Preston started to run his fingers through George’s curls as he talked, loving the way they bounced back.  
They were all still outside, Burke now finished with the story.  
Only about half of it actually came out between George interrupting to add his tidbits and Alex getting upset about Cathrine, Burke even had to dilute the finer details to keep him from having a meltdown.  
Mouthing a lot of it to Derek who shook his head angrily.  
“I can believe it.” Derek smiled, looking down at Alex’s sleepy face from where he was now sleeping on Dereks belly.  
He wondered briefly about what he might’ve looked like had they met six years earlier, unable to see him any younger then he already seemed right now.  
Alex sniffled, nose slightly red and cheeks flushed from the cold.  
Derek laid the back of his hand on Alex’s cheek, gesturing for Burke to get up and start heading inside to avoid everyone catching a cold. 

Once they got in they slipped both boys into Dereks bed, cooing simultaneously when they cuddled up to each other.  
Alex had his legs wrapped around George and George had his arms wrapped around Alex.  
Preston snapped a picture, sending it to Derek when he asked.  
“Harry Potter and a wild thing.” Burke smiled, sitting at the small table and waiting for the tea Derek was brewing.  
Derek sat down right next to him, shaking out his hands from the hot mug and sliding it to Burke.  
“So, did you ever find her?” Derek asked, just smelling the scalding black tea for now.  
“Yeah, she was paid for by the school. So it wasn’t that hard.” He blew on his own tea impatiently. “George wasn’t even upset really, he just felt bad.”  
Derek rolled his eyes fondly at the irrational thoughts that only such a sweet little guy like George could have.  
“So.. no corporal then?” He gestured and Burke shook his head adamantly.  
“Never.”  
Derek nodded, looking at the two cute pairs of feet he could see peeking out from in his bedroom. “We won’t be doing that either, Alex doesn’t need it or want it.”  
Burke nodded clanking his drink to Dereks “Here, here.”

They sat in comfortable silence after that, both of them needing to process the story. 

_____________________________

Alex woke up to a face full of George, smiling contently and touching the fake lightning bolt “scar” on his forehead.  
George blinked blearily at the light touches, pacifier bobbing quicker as he woke up more and saw Alex.  
“Hey, Alex’sh.” Alex poked the pacie in George’s mouth, noticing the lisp.  
“Hi, George.” He thought of the stutter from what Burke and George told him earlier looking at him curiously. “You don’t ‘tutter anymore?” He asked seriously.  
George rolled his head back and forth on the bed. “Nope, I had a lot’sa speech t’erapy and Papa helped too.” Alex sighed dramatically.  
“Good.” Alex curled his toes, pulling them up to tuck them under George’s legs, feeling cold. 

Derek looked back over at the boys and smiled at Alex’s padded butt showing instead of his feet. What a cutie.  
Burke was already getting up to greet his own baby and Derek fallowed behind him closely.  
Burke pulling George up first and kissing his neck lovingly.  
Derek waited until he walked back into the small living room before climbing in next to Alex and closing his door for some quiet time with his own little.  
“Hey, baby boy.” Alex smiled shyly, still getting used to the new dynamics of his life. “You feeling good my love? You weren’t vary happy when you heard the bad parts of George’s story. Huh, sweetheart?” He’d gotten so mad Derek had had to pick him up and walk away to give him a minute to cool off.  
Alex blushed, grabbing handfuls of Dereks sweater and tugging himself closer to hide his face in his chest.  
Derek cooed, rhythmically patting his bum.  
“Mm’ I gonna’ stay here t’night? Or go home.” Alex mumbled, trying not to drift off again.  
“You’ll stay here, if you want to.” Derek hoped he did.  
Alex nodded and Derek could feel that he needed to ask something else.  
Alex picked at Dereks sweater, not looking at him. “If I’m really, really bad. Are you gonna.. will you.. spank me?” Alex’s stomach twisted painfully thinking about it, he’d had worse.  
So much worse.  
But the thought of even just that punishment happening scared him, especially when he thought of Derek doing it.  
Punishment was one of the top things he worried about coming into this new dynamic, a repeat of his horrible childhood looming over his thoughts darkly.  
Derek shifted, he felt gross just hearing Alex ask. “Never. Not even if you want me to.”  
Alex smiled, bumping up Dereks chin lightly with his head to settle himself under it. “Love you.”  
Derek squeezed him gently, cuddling him close. “I love you too.” He kissed his fuzzy head sweetly.  
“You’re the person I love the most.”

Burke walked over and tapped on the door, Derek pushing it open with foot.  
“How did you do that?” Burke laughed looking at the normal round handle Derek had to turn.  
Derek smiled impishly, wiggling his toes.  
“I’ve trained myself to do a perfect Whipple also.”  
Burke slapped his foot away, smiling.  
“George is ready to go, does Alex want to say bye?”  
Alex was already up and walking to his car before he’d even finished the sentience. “I’ll take that as a “yes”.  
Burke smiled, playfully jumping into the bed next to Derek.  
Derek made an “oomph” sound as he hit the mattress after flying up in the air.  
They kicked at each other, play fighting before settling again.  
“So.. when will you ask him?” Burke asked, cramming a pillow under his head.  
Derek didn’t understand what he meant at first, but then he realized and took in a sharp breath. “I don’t know, he’s SO sensitive. I don’t want to make him upset.”  
“It’s worse for him to never talk about it, he needs a safe place.” Burke said truthfully.  
“I know, I’ll wait until tomorrow though. He needs some time to chill out first.” Burke nodded approvingly, patting Dereks back before getting up.  
“Okay. See you tomorrow.”

______________________________

They both stepped outside, the boys sat in the car with Alex in the drivers seat playing around with the steering wheel and pretending to drive.  
In a running car.  
Derek ran past Burke and pulled Alex’s hand off the stick shift just in time.  
“Alex! No sir.” He tugged him out holding him to his front to look at him.  
“You’re never allowed to play with a car in headspace.” He turned Alex’s face to look at him again as he glanced over at George. “You could’ve gotten really hurt or hurt George.” He said seriously.  
Alex’s face crumbled in embarrassment, George was RIGHT THERE seeing his Daddy scold him. “But, I C’n drive Dada..” his tummy hurt, Derek had scared him.  
Derek shook his head, looking over at  
Burke who was turning off the wipers and all the lights also having a small heart attack.  
“NOT when you’re in little space baby, you might get scared and panic.” Derek didn’t tone down on his scolding voice wanting to get the point across.  
He pulled him down to lay his head on his shoulder as Alex started crying.  
He knew he was just tired, both boys were overtired from the long day and nether of them had fully recovered from yesterday’s shift either.  
Burke had his hands full with George but he took the time to walk over and rub Alex’s back. “It’s our fault baby, we didn’t think about what might happen with leaving you two out here alone.  
You didn’t know any better.” He kissed the back of his neck, giving Derek a half hug before getting back in his car.  
“Bye you two, sleep well.”

Derek lightly bounced Alex as he went back to the house.  
Alex was still upset and inconsolable.  
Unable to stop crying now that he’d started. “Shh..shhh..shhh..” He hushed him pulling out a package from the multiple bags and ripping it open with his teeth.  
“Do you want to try this one out,  
baby boy?” Alex sniffled sadly, getting a headache from crying so much and looking blearily at what Derek was offering him.  
He wanted to suck it up like he normally did, but it wasn’t working and he was just desperate for it to STOP.  
He opened his mouth just enough to accept the bulb of the pacifier, surprised by the new feel of it.  
He’d never used one before and he accidentally pushed it right out of his mouth with his tongue and onto the floor.  
Derek quickly replaced it with another keeping his fingers on the shield this time, helpfully holding it in.  
Derek smiled at the feeling of it pulsing  
Against his fingers, this was way to cute.  
Alex sighed through his nose contently as he got the hang of it.  
This was literally the most soothing thing ever, it was way better then his thumb.  
Derek chuckled as Alex went lax in his arms, wrapping the other around him and walking into his bedroom definitely ready to end the day. 

______________________________

Alex woke up, squinting at the harsh sunlight that was in his eyes.  
Derek must’ve forgotten to close the curtains last night.  
He reached down next to his neck feeling the pacifier he’d been using last night and pulling it out to inspect it curiously.  
As he turned it in his hand he felt Derek shift, slipping his arm under Alex and pulling him to his chest.  
“Daddy?” Alex said softly, he wanted to start using it and he was JUST sleepy enough still that it felt easy.  
Derek smiled kissing the side of his neck happily. “Yes, my baby?”  
Alex hadn’t really thought of a thing to ask, he was just saying “daddy” questioningly. “Um..I was jus’ asking your name Daddy.” It didn’t make total sense, but in his headspace it was harder to speak and explain things correctly.  
Derek smiled at the cute explanation.  
“Oh, okay.” He stretched his arm up and grabbed the pacifier Alex had been looking at, pressing in to Alex’s lips gently.  
Alex latched on easily, nursing it with a warm feeling settling down in his belly.  
Derek had an ulterior motive for giving it to him, wanting him to have the small comfort before what he knew would be a difficult conversation.  
He wished Alex hadn’t gotten upset with the light scolding last night, he’d rather everything had been perfect and relaxed before now.  
But it seemed like no matter what, something always happened to upset him.  
Waiting just wouldn’t work.  
“I have something I want to talk to you about.”  
Alex looked at him with confusion, sitting up and crossing his legs.  
Derek could see that Alex was wet and wondered briefly if he should fix that first.  
He decided he should and slid him to the end of the bed, gently pushing him down and starting to change him.  
Alex was throughly confused, but he was just little enough that he didn’t really mind.  
Pulling his caramel Monster Lovey out from between the wall and the bed, he smiled softly putting it on his chest and feeling content.  
Derek looked at the light red scars crossing Alex’s bum again, gently tracing some of the darker ones running down his legs as he cleaned him off, feeling sick.  
He needed to say something now. 

“Baby?” He slipped the front of the diaper over his front first, then pushed it down back between his thighs.  
A helpful tip from Burke.  
“I saw your scars at the hospital...”  
What was he even asking? Was it even for Alex? Or himself.  
Alex tensed immediately at the mention of his scars, phantom pains licking at his spine.  
His headspace did a complete 180 and he sat up, throwing aside the lovey and spitting out his pacifier with a metallic taste filling his mouth. “You saw them when you first met me. Why the hell..”  
What did Derek even mean? What did he want to know? “WHAT the hell do you think NEED to know about them?” He had a splitting headache from the abrupt shift and it only served to fuel his anger.  
Derek was completely taken aback at the sudden shift, looking at him dumbly.  
Alex scoffed shoving the pacifier roughly into Dereks hand and stomping over to snatch up his “Big” clothes.  
“What are you doing?” Derek asked walking in and setting the soother down on his counter.  
“I don’t have time for someone else who wants to hear my sob story, just.. Fuck!” His skin pricked painfully. “JUST, GO AWAY!”  
Derek was too close to him.  
He ripped the fucking diaper off, throwing it aside angrily.  
“Alex. Stop.” Derek stopped him from putting on his still dirty pants and  
Alex literally growled at him, yanking them back and pulling them on angrily. He turned sharply, walking out and slamming the door behind him.  
The whole tiny home shaking. 

_____________________________

Derek lived in the middle of nowhere and Alex didn’t have a car OR his phone.  
How was he supposed to leave?  
Derek walked out onto his porch looking around worriedly before stepping down quickly and jogging over to Alex.  
He stayed a small distance away.  
He knew if he tried taking now Alex wouldn’t hear him, so he waited.  
Alex stood tensely waiting for him to say something, frustrated tears building up into a string of angry sobs as he just STOOD THERE.  
Derek was just standing there doing nothing and Alex was being ripped apart.  
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” He wanted to beat the shit out of him.  
He wanted to kill him.  
“HOW DARE YOU BRING THEM UP!! YOU JUST WANT A DAMN STORY.” He pushed him harshly, yelling at him accusingly.  
“I’M NOT YOUR ENTERTAINMENT! So you can just go FUCK yourself Dr. SHEPHERD.”  
Derek was seriously confused, he’d expected the anger and sadness, but not like this.  
Alex went to push him again and Derek grabbed his arms, quickly getting fed up with being pushed.  
He kept a grip as gently as he could on his arms, holding him still.  
Alex started thrashing wildly and Derek pulled firmly at his arms, making him sit fully in the grass so he wouldn’t hurt himself.  
Alex started kicking the ground in a tantrum and Derek sighed sitting down with him. “Stop. Baby you need to calm down... I know.” He said seeing how flipped out Alex was. “I know saying “calm down” isn’t helpful. But you need to take a deep breath and calm. down.”  
Alex didn’t even hear him, completely wrapped up in his angry whirlwind of emotions.  
Kicking the ground angrily with his heels and yelling at Derek to “Go away!”.  
Derek rode out the whole tantrum, letting Alex go when he calmed enough to stop kicking and screaming.  
Instead wailing angrily, laying on his back with his head turned away from Derek, his arms laying limply at his sides as his chest heaved with each burst of tears.  
Derek had never heard an “angry cry” before now, but this was unmistakably an angry cry.  
“Alex?” Derek felt awful seeing how him just mentioning his scars hurt him this badly, but it made him think of what it must be doing him. “Alex, I don’t want you to have this mess inside of you anymore.” He slid forward, stopping himself just short of touching him.  
Afraid of triggering him.  
Alex continued to cry and Derek realized that this was all happening inside of Alex constantly. That wasn’t heathy.  
“It must be awful remembering these things and going through it alone.” Alex shook pitifully, he was topless with unbuttoned pants on in the freezing cold.  
Derek knew he needed to get him inside, but he also knew he needed his permission to do that. “I didn’t see them until I helped you on Halloween.” Something snapped inside himself when he said that and Derek felt like he’d been hit in the chest with a truck.  
“I didn’t see them.”  
His voice broke and he couldn’t force it to work again, holding his head in his hands. 

_____________________________

 

They must look like quite a pair sitting in front of Dereks house and crying together.  
Alex was calming slightly, eyes shut and raw from crying so hard.  
He squinted over at Derek, still angry but  
not as venomously as before.  
He hated thinking about his childhood, the scars he could handle. (He’d had them for a long time.) but he couldn’t handle the story’s behind them.  
Derek looked like he was exhausted, just sitting brokenly with his head in his hands.  
“Why’d you bring it up?” He asked softly, shame working its way in, catching up with his guilt. “I was happy, we were good.”  
Derek looked up, shaking his head. “No. You’re not happy. Not if all that’s inside of you, just waiting to burst out.”  
Alex shivered, he was freezing.  
He didn’t have on anything other then his hardened and crusty jeans.  
And he smelled like pumpkin, and he was mean, and he was cold, and his heart hurt. “I’m sorry, Dada.”  
He just wanted his daddy to hold him. 

As he started up crying again he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders, another one hooking under his knees as he was lifted up against a broad chest.  
Derek walked them back into his house, cranking up the heat and setting Alex onto his bed.  
He didn’t say a word, pulling off Alex’s jeans once again and tossing them into the corner before slipping him back into a diaper.  
Alex laid placidly, allowing Derek to maneuver him back into his cottony onesie.  
Derek could see Alex was drained, zipping up the front of his footed onesie slowly before snapping the flap into place over the zipper under his chin.  
He slipped the bulb of the pacifier back into his mouth and climbed into bed beside him.  
Alex gave him a confused look and Derek held in his pacifier before he could spit it out. “We’re trying again.”  
With that he closed his eyes, drifting to sleep and patting Alex rhythmically to help him settle down.  
“We’ll wake up later, and try again.” 

_____________________________

Derek woke up before Alex this time,  
looking at him blearily and kissing his jaw to wake him up gently.  
Alex sighed through his nose  
heavily, pacifier bobbing slowly as he woke up.  
Derek smiled as Alex’s jaw worked under his lips mid kiss to nurse at his soother.  
“Good morning.” Alex blinked slowly, sandy brown eye lashes brushing the few freckles that danced across his nose and upper cheeks.  
“Good mo’oring.” He reached up and touched Dereks face lovingly, clearly still apologetic.  
Derek smiled, kissing his fingertips.  
“You are the person-”  
He leaned down kissing the bridge of his nose. “I love-”  
He leaned back just enough to rub their noses together “The most.”  
Alex smiled cutely, the knot in his chest dissipating. “I love you too.” 

They were now at the table, Alex drinking warm milk as he reclined on Derek’s lap and Derek drinking his coffee.  
“Can I barrow this?” Derek asked slipping out the silicone spout of the pink and white sippycup from Alex’s mouth and putting some milk into his coffee.  
He took a sip, sighing happily. “Thank you love.” He kissed the top of his fuzzy haired head trying to slip Alex’s drink back into his mouth, Alex pressing his lips together and pulling away with a whine.  
Derek knew Alex wouldn’t just drop what happened earlier.  
He groaned, wishing he’d at least gotten to finish his coffee first before they addressed everything.  
He picked him up slightly, turning him around and setting him back down on top of the table in front of him.  
Alex sat with Derek looking up at him, thinking through what he wanted to say carefully. “I’ll tell you. But why d’ you wanna know?” Alex looked at him seriously and Derek shook his head.  
“You’re not alone anymore, it’s not healthy to keep all that locked up in here sweetheart.” He touched Alex’s chest and Alex looked down at his hand, nodding slowly.  
“‘Kay.” He pulled at the clipped on fabric covering the zipper and Derek curiously helped him unsnap it. “Thanks..”  
He unzipped the front slowly, a gross and exposed feeling slipping down his throat thickly but he pushed it down.  
He turned on the table, exposing his back to Derek intimately.  
Taking a minute to collect himself with his hand just holding his shoulder.  
“The little circles are burns.” He points at them behind his shoulder, voice shaking. “The uh... the stripes. All of em’ are different stuff. Most are from a cord, like a vacuum? And-and a phone.” Derek wanted to ask him to stop for Alex’s sake, but He seemed determined now.  
“Some are from my.. y’know. Mom. She’d.. they’re scratches.”  
He didn’t want to talk about her.  
He couldn’t.  
“The deep one here?” He feels for the divot in his back, shaking his head sharply to banish the grotesque images and smells that come at him ruthlessly. “My dad. He was so pissed about something..” he remembered suddenly, it wasn’t a good thing. “I threw his beers away. I was, like, fifteen? Thought I was strong enough to get him to just leave us alone, but he started... y’know.. beating the shit out of me.” Alex sharply pulled back on the cotton top, zipping it back up. “I thought he was gonna cut me in half. It hurt so bad.”  
Derek’s brain was stuttering, unable to process all the new information.  
Alex still had his back facing him and Derek slipped him off of the table and into his lap, hugging him tight.  
“Thank you for telling me.” Derek could heal it, he new he could help.  
Alex shifted up under his chin, ear and cheek pressed up against his collarbone, wanting the skin to skin contact. “That’s all you get for now.”  
It was more then enough for Derek, he wasn’t entirely sure he could even handle anything else right now.  
“Okay.”  
Alex sighed, surprised that he actually felt a little lighter. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so yeah. That was sad.  
> But, I think it’s imposrtant to establish that littles are a minority group, so they’ll deal with the Cat calls and unequal treatment.  
> Also Baby-Baby George is SO CUTE.  
> I hope you don’t mind his stutter. I could hear it in the actual show and I figured it must have been worse at some point and just ran with it. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and as always, Thank you for being my Neighbor <3


	10. Training wheels.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex, learns how to age up properly after his first time playing with Reed.  
> Derek try’s to win back Meredith and Alex meets nurse Olivia, who wants to start something with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter ten!!!!  
> Ten is for some reason an important chapter number to me, so I’m a bit pumped. 
> 
> *light warning*  
> This ones a bit wild, since it’s right before the syphilis outbreak, so it alludes to sex a few times but shows nothing.  
> So, *Light warning*
> 
> Comments let me know how you feel and I like to know that! Give me all the feelings!  
> I hope you enjoy this one!

Derek sat on his front porch with a lap full of now contented Alex. 

Smiling fondly at him as he pulled out his yellow pacifier to watch his breath cloud out in the cold air before slipping it back in to nurse on again, soft noises filling the morning air sweetly.  
They’d ended up dressing warmly and coming out here to cuddle, both of them wanting to get over the hectic start to their morning and start over.  
Alex’s head nudged up against his bicep as he looked up at the overhanging lights, eyes shining happily as he watched them.  
He was almost completely sideways  
on Dereks lap, one leg slung over the arm of the rocking chair with the other one dangling off of Dereks slightly moving legs as he was rocked softly.  
Derek was enjoying this way too much, the way Alex was bundled up in his puffy camping jacket, with a plaid heated blanket covering the both of them warmly.  
He looked so cute, big brown eyes looking out at everything curiously.  
“Hey, lamb.” Derek cooed as he stroked Alex’s rosy flushed cheek gently, starting up a more rhythmic pace.  
Alex’s cheek dimpled, the corner of his mouth showing slightly from around the pacifier.  
This is what Derek had always imagined when he thought of his life with a little.  
He wanted more moments like this.  
He looked a bit disappointedly up at the sunrise counting the spaces in between it and the earth in an old camping trick to tell time.  
It was about 7:30. Ugh.  
“We’re leaving soon, okay? I think we need to go inside now.” Alex looked up at him with slow blinks, nodding with a resigned sigh and pulling out his soother.  
“We gotta go to wo’k?” His voice was strained as he stretched out his body lazily, arms over his head and still on Dereks lap.  
Derek laughed warmly, tugging him close so he wouldn’t fall off.  
“Yep.” He got a good grip on him. “It’s time for work!” He stood up suddenly, Alex now on his front as he swooped him back playfully.  
Alex squealed happily, belly laughing while upside-down. 

_____________________________

They finally settled down, Derek walking back in and setting Alex down to get dressed.  
“Do you need help getting ready, little?”  
Alex shook his head ‘No’ tugging at the layers of clothes clumsily.  
Derek smiled, walking over after a moment of watching to help out his stubborn little anyway.  
“I can do it!” Alex whined, successfully opening one button by himself.  
“I’ll only help a little bit, then you can do the rest and I can help you age up.” Derek had already gotten it fully unbuttoned and off in the time it took Alex to undo his one button.  
Alex stepped back from him, hugging his front protectively. “I do it!” He yelled louder.  
He didn’t NEED help.  
Derek watched amusedly as Alex stomped in a huffy way.  
Too bad he couldn’t let him get away with it, needing to help Alex to be able to control himself better.  
“No, sir. You need to say that nicer.” He scolded lightly, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms.  
The light scolding worked, Alex’s tummy feeling funny as he looked away guiltily.  
“I wanna’ do it by myself. Please.” He said quietly, fidgeting in place.  
Derek went forward and tilted his head back in his hands, smiling down at him approvingly before leaning down and kissing his face sillily from where it was squished between his palms. “Good boy.  
You’re so good, love.” He rubbed his upper cheeks lovingly with his thumbs and Alex smiled happily at the praise.  
Derek kissed him one last time on the bridge of his nose before walking off to go get dressed himself. 

Alex watched Derek go, the coiled feeling in his stomach leaving as he attempted undressing himself again.  
He finely got every Layer off, tugging off his “protection” and tossing it into the bin in the bathroom.  
He looked blankly ahead, avoiding the mirror for the moment.  
Derek didn’t know why he’d not wanted his help but Alex was painfully aware, the skin of his back prickling uncomfortably.  
He finally turned and looked himself over in the mirror, eyes roaming over his features before cautiously twisting around to look at his back from over his shoulder.  
Did it always look this bad?  
The scars had been there for longer then he could remember. He remembered getting them obviously, but for some reason he couldn’t remember what he’d looked like without them.  
He heard Derek coming and slammed the door shut quickly, not bothering to turn on the light before he did.  
Standing in the dark. 

_____________________________

The drive to the hospital had been pleasant, Alex had kept his hand out in the bitter cold almost the whole time before Derek tugged the freezing appendage in and rolled up his window.  
Holding Alex’s cold arm to his chest from where he’d tugged it into his coat, warming it up.  
They’d sat in comfortable silence, Alex cuddled up to Dereks side since his whole arm was wrapped around him in his jacket.  
It was blissful, until Derek almost ran someone over.  
He put his stick-shift into park, quickly sliding out to ask if the guy was okay.  
But the skateboarder looking dude just threw his head back and cackled madly before speeding off on his bike again.  
Derek watched him retreat in confusion.  
“DEREK!” Alex yelped, launching frantically over the center console and pulling him back into the Jeep.  
“Fuck!” Derek tugged his feet in hastily as a hoard of bickers howled and whooped loudly retreating like bats out of hell after they almost ran him over. “What’s happening?” Alex said shakily and Derek closed the door starting to drive again.  
“I don’t know, I’m from Manhattan.” He tugged on his seatbelt sharply still slightly pissed off. “This place is fucking crazy.” 

_____________________________

“Okay, listen up people!” Richard Webber stood on the stairs of his hospital, everyone circled around him to listen to his announcement.  
“Today’s the ‘Dead baby bike race’ So we’re going to be swamped with crazy drunk adrenaline junckies and the people they put in the hospital.  
But I don’t want any pandemonium in my hospital or from my team.  
So stay tight. Listen to your attending’s, and be at your best.” After the pep talk he went through protocols quickly, turning as he finished and walking up to his office.  
Everyone started to file out, ready to do what they needed to do.  
“KAREV!” Alex turned from where he’d been watching the Chief, Bailey gesturing for him to fallow her as she jogged. “C’mon, suck-ups we’ve got work to do.” 

They were told not to fight over patients under the threat of getting their “Ass-whooped” by Bailey.  
Alex was currently arguing with Meredith over getting to work on a guy with metal spikes protruding out of his stomach.  
As they both argued over him the guy pulled back the curtain, drunken eyes lighting up and shamelessly starting to flirt with Mere, Alex scowled.  
“Hey, lovvah can you just fix me up so I can finish my race? Understand that Tequilas on the line here.” He said in a thick Australian accent and Before Meredith could reply Alex started pulling them out.  
The guy winced but gave him an approving thumbs up. “Thanks mate.”  
“No problem.” He put them into Mere’s gloved hand. “It’s a superficial wound, you can stitch it.” With that he left to find his next patient. 

_____________________________

Derek leaned heavily into the rail of the elevator, tugging off his sweat damp scrub cap and running his fingers through his sticky hair.  
Today was exhausting, he’d ended his fourth surgery on barley functioning legs.  
(These back to back ones killed him.)  
As he rubbed the bridge of his nose to chase away the tension headache that was rapidly developing his elevator dinged, someone stepping in.  
He looked up when he heard a long suffering sigh.  
He knew that sigh.  
Meredith stood facing away from him, looking at the buttons of the elevator like they were the most interesting thing she’d ever seen.  
He looked at the curvature of her face and how some of her dark honey blond hair was coming out of the tight bun settled at the nap of her neck.  
She looked like a hot mess, but something about her made his heart race wildly.  
He wanted to say something poetic and terribly romantic, but he couldn’t think of the words.  
“Hey..” he almost sighed it, feeling like he’d be unwelcome.  
He deserved to be unwelcome.  
She whipped around to face him with absolutely no hesitation and he grinned.  
He loved how brave she was.  
“Oh, What? So we still get talk to each other during our “break”?” She laughed dryly. “It’s not even a “break” from anything. We weren’t even dating.”  
He frowned understandingly, head tilting and blue eyes sparkling impishly.  
“I guess we can’t take a break then...” he said flirtatiously and he could tell she was trying not to smile, her eyebrows quirking. “Oh? So you want to keep up the chase?” She crossed her small arms, eyes sparking with anger.  
He went forward and kissed her without thought, not even knowing the reason himself.  
She pushed him away and he backed off apologetically.  
He went to explain himself and she shook her head, resting her hand on his arm. “I’m not mad about the kiss.” She shook her head, hitting his arm lightly.  
“I am mad though that you think you can fix everything so easily. I mean I TRIED to ask you on a date. I wanted to actually talk through everything and think things through and you just basically dumped me.” She was rightfully pissed off, letting go of his arm and holding down the button to keep the doors from opening. “How’re you going to fix that?” She wanted a real answer. She felt like an idiot, having asked him out on a date like some lovesick teen only to be dumped like one.  
He shrugged. “Communication, groveling and several strenuous sexual favors.” He made his voice husky at the end head tilting down to give her his “bedroom eyes” and She hit his arm, laughing.  
“Let’s just start with communication.” She rolled her eyes and he pouted.  
“Then groveling?”  
She bit her bottom lip, shaking her head and grabbing under his chin. “No, we can skip that part.” She said voice breathy as she pulled him down to her level and passionately kissed him.  
He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her up into his arms, her legs wrapping around his middle as his arms slid up the back of her shirt. “Let’s put communication on hold for a bit too then...” 

_____________________________

Alex looked over his patient with a touch of concern, she’d literally been ran over by a mountain bike.  
She hissed as he dabbed at the wound on her forearm and he kept his face neutral, not wanting to look too worried.  
He knew how much more people flipped out when you couldn’t keep yourself from flipping out.  
“Sorry, the numbness’ll set in after just a second.” She nodded, looking up to the ceiling.  
“But, then you’ll need to stitch me.” She tried not to sound too worried about that, her mousy voice not helping.  
He nodded, gently probing her wound after a minute of letting it numb. “Yeah, I’m gonna start now. Okay?”  
She winced. “What if I say not okay?”  
“Then you get to say that while I still stitch you.” He smirked impishly, starting to do it.  
“Well, I’m just gonna do that then. Is that alright?”  
“If it makes you feel better, I don’t mind.”  
He curved the needle up, shrugging.  
“Not Okay!Not Okay!Not Okay!”  
She continued her mantra and Alex giggled.  
They both ended up laughing at her silliness.  
“Thank you.” She smiled sincerely, lifting her arm slightly and allowing Alex to wrap it.  
She looked him over, hesitating in what she wanted to say.  
“I was afraid when I first got you.. you uh. have a reputation..” She shook her head soft voice slipping into an even quieter tone.  
Alex looked at her in shock, had someone said something when she walked in? He asked her and she shook her head.  
“No, um. I’m a nurse here, Nurse Olivia?”  
Alex nodded, not recognizing her at all.  
“That’s okay if you don’t know me. I’m quiet.” She shrugged awkwardly, wishing she hadn’t said anything at all. “You just have a bad boy reputation and you’re known to be mean to nurses.”  
Alex opened his mouth to protest and she stopped him, holding up her hand.  
“I’m not saying they’re true. But, if they are?” She smiled coyly. “Well. A bad boy isn’t too bad of a thing to be known as.” She let her eyes roam slowly over his features. “I even seem to like them. a lot.”  
Alex felt himself blush, she was FLIRTING with him now? He tried to process what was happening but his brain was coming up short with answers. “Okay, Thanks.” He went to walk away and she grabbed his elbow, pulling him over and kissing him roughly.  
Alex didn’t WANT to be kissed and tried to pull away, Olivia catching his bottom lip between her teeth. “You live up to your OTHER reputation?” She said breathlessly, letting him go.  
Alex rubbed at his throbbing bottom lip, wondering how they’d gotten there.  
“I don’t know..” He knew what she was talking about, flirting with everyone would definitely get you the reputation she was referring to.  
“I think you do.” She’d heard the gossip.  
He started cleaning his station in fidgety movements, wanting to leave and she frowned. “What? You’re uncomfortable? You were just laughing with me.” She felt offended, he flirted with all the nurses and now HE got uncomfortable when one flirted with him?  
Alex felt immediate guilt, he HAD been having a good time.  
He shouldn’t be such a baby about it.  
“No, I’m sorry.” He shifted awkwardly.  
She kept the surprise from showing on her face, she was making the cockiest surgical intern squirm and she felt a dark surge of pleasure.  
“It’s fine Alex.” She kept her voice falsely sharp and he winced.  
“Are you sure? I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad..” He felt so bad, why did he always do things people didn’t like?  
“I’m not sure, but I’ll live.” She leaned forward, voice manipulative. “Why don’t you apologize properly tonight? In the on-call room...”  
Alex’s stomach hurt, he knew what she wanted. “But.. your arm.”  
“It’ll be fine.” She sat back, starting to get down. “And you don’t have to do anything that’ll make you feel uncomfortable. I get it. I’m not exactly beautiful.”  
He didn’t want to upset her, but he also didn’t want to do that. “You are pretty, is there anything else I can do?”  
“On-call room on the fourth floor.  
Just don’t come if you don’t want to.”  
With that she turned and left, Alex trying to recover from all the emotions that were running through him. 

_____________________________

Derek played with Mere’s soft blond hair, letting it weave through his fingers from where it was settled on her lithe back.  
She pulled away by sitting forward, tugging on her scrub top quickly before turning back to him.  
She smiled at his love sick eyes, laying back down with her side draped over his bare stomach, her elbow settled beside him on the bed with her head resting in her hand.  
He smiled, reaching up and running his fingers back through her hair.  
“We’ve got to get back to work.” He played with the sorter hairs framing her face, tugging at a section playfully.  
She agreed full heatedly, but neither of them moved.  
Derek tugged up his thin sheet after a moment, looking up at the clock.  
He needed to go get Alex for his little time soon.  
“Well I need to get back to work.” His voice was strained as he sat up, the thought of Alex alone getting him moving.  
She looked up at the clock herself, smiling. “Well, we can go on that date then. It’s almost time for lunch.”  
Shit. How was he supposed to turn her down? He couldn’t bail on Alex again, he’d already done it once on halloween.  
Meredith frowned, was he seriously going to say no. “Are you serious? You don’t want to eat with me.” What was wrong with him?  
“I’m going to work through lunch, it’s a busy day..” It was a lame excuse, the hospital timed it to where everyone got two hours a day at some point durning work hours to eat and sleep.  
Which was great for not passing out and patient care, but it made for a piss poor excuse.  
“Oh? And how’ll you do that?  
You should’ve just told me your time slot got changed. That would’ve been a much better EXCUSE.” She pushed off of him, starting to pull her hair up into a ponytail.  
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ve already got plans with Alex, I should’ve just told you.” He could tell her that much.  
She turned to him with a confused expression. “Why are you hanging out with him so much?” She couldn’t be mad now that the thing she’d been curious about was brought up. “I’ve been saying ‘Hi’ to him since he apologized and he seems like a sweet enough guy, but not enough to blow off a date for.”  
Derek smiled, unreasonably happy at the thought of his two favorite people interacting. “Oh? You’ve been talking to him?”  
“Just greeting him really.” She laughed slightly at his expression “What’s up with you? You look like I’m talking about your puppy.” She sat back on the bed, tugging down his sheet playfully.  
“Don’t touch the decency-sheet!” He was totally not trying to change the subject.  
“Decency-sheet?” She tugged it again. “I’ll pull it off if you don’t tell me.”  
He gapped at her. “You’re reduced to torture so easily?”  
“Derek, why are you so obsessed with Alex Karev.” She just wanted to know.  
He shook his head.  
He couldn’t out Alex, even for his own gain. “I can’t tell you.” If she could just be patient and wait until Alex was more comfortable, Derek would love for her to be a part of their lives.  
“Is he your long-lost brother or something?” Meredith didn’t understand  
What the big secret was. “Is he your kid from a teen-pregnancy?”  
Derek reacted slightly to the beginning of her second sentence, but rolled his eyes at the last bit. “Yeah. When I was NINE I got someone pregnant.” He thought more of what she’d said and felt a bit offended. “How old do you think I AM!!”  
She snorted, she hated this guy. “You’re so annoying! Fine, I thought you were really, really old.” Before he could protest she leaned down and kissed him. “I’m thirty-two if that helps you,  
you idiot.”  
He shielded his eyes from her. “Still hurt.”  
“Still confused.” She sighed. “But, I guess I’ll have to wait for my answer. huh?”  
“I wuv you!” He said sillily, swaying his hips on the bed. “But, seriously? Yeah, for a little while at least.” He rubbed her arm, more resigned.  
She nodded, she had a good idea of what was happening anyway.  
She’d seen Derek being all cuddly with Alex on that day. “Why is it a secret?” She whispered, had Alex been hurt? For some reason that thought hurt her heart.  
“He’s not comfortable, yet.” Derek mumbled and they had a conversation with their eyes.  
Derek knew right then he was going to marry this girl.  
Mere sighed. “But, He’s not in trouble?”  
“No, I’m taking care of him.” She was so perfect, he loved her.  
“Alright, I can wait.” She felt a little giddy, she’d seen it herself but she hadn’t been sure. “Be carful with him.”  
He got up on his elbows, kissing her deeply.  
They parted, Mere tugging at the thick hair just over the nap of his neck gently.  
“Go, you probably need to get him now.”  
He nodded, lips throbbing pleasantly.  
“Okay.” 

_____________________________

Alex knew it was stupid, but he was nervous to walk into the cafeteria.  
(What if Derek wasn’t there again?)  
As he contemplated if he should go in or not he felt arms wrap around him from behind, looking up to see Derek behind him.  
Derek kissed his neck, resting his mouth on his shoulder. “Hey, lamb. You ready?”  
He voice was muffled by Alex’s shoulder and Alex smiled, butterfly’s stirring up in his tummy.  
“Yeah. Is George gonna be there? Are we gonna go on the Ferry? Can we see the space needle?” He continued to rattle off all the ideas he’d been thinking of after Derek said he get to be little everyday.  
Derek laughed warmly, Alex always surprised him in the cutest ways.  
“Well.. I don’t think we should leave the hospital today, sweetheart. It’s a crazy day remember?” He nuzzled his short hair. “We’ll definitely do something fun another day though, okay?”  
Alex nodded, trying not to be disappointed. “Okay. George?”  
Alex was so GOOD, Derek loved his  
little guy more then words could express.  
“I think we can get George.” With that he grabbed his hand, tugging him along.  
Alex pulled his hand away as soon as they got to the food court, stepping away from Derek and tilting up his chin to look more like his normal cocky self.  
Derek giggled at the way Alex held himself, he looked so childish it was crazy.  
“Okay, little. I’m gonna get something for us to eat if you want to go ahead and get Burke to spring George.” He popped him lightly under his chin, pointing out the daycare.  
Alex nodded, hopping off to find Burke. 

_____________________________

He passed a giggly looking Izzy and Christina as he walked to the bathroom.  
The nurse said he was in here.  
“Whip one out or get out! This is so inappropriate. I already said yes!”  
Alex hid behind the door slightly as Burke yelled at him, what did he do wrong?  
Burke looked over at him from in the mirror, melting slightly at the cute little peeking out cautiously from behind the door. “Sorry, sweetheart. One of the twisted sisters and her blond lackey were bothering me.” Alex giggled bubbly at his nicknames for them, walking out from his “hiding spot” to hug Burke warmly.  
Burke cooed, kissing his arm from where it was wrapped around him. “Thank you for the hug sweet boy.” Alex blushed, Derek and Burke were really good at making him feel little. “So, I’m guessing you want George.”  
Alex nodded already turning to walk out.  
“Nope! Hands. You’re in a hospital, no going into bathrooms without washing your hands.” Alex rolled his eyes, continuing to leave before Burke grabbed his wrists, starting to clean his hands off for him. “I c’n do it by myself!”  
He tugged them away moodily and Burke shook his head. “Oh, okay.”  
They left the men’s room without anymore fuss, Alex walking up to Derek and telling on Burke.  
“He MADE me wash my hands. I wasn’t even dirty.” He said accusingly.  
Derek winced at the wet hug he got.  
“I see he didn’t make you dry them.” He laughed, Alex burying his face into his chest.  
He mouthed ‘thank you’ to Burke over Alex’s head and he dismissed him with a ‘no problem’.  
“Didn’t you Want to go with me to pick up George?” Burke scratched lightly at his back and Alex nodded, unthinkingly reaching out and taking his hand as they started walking.  
Burke slipped his hand away after some debate, not wanted Alex to be outed.  
“Just wait until we go into the on-call room. You don’t want everyone to see you acting little, love.” Alex nodded tensely, face breaking out into a sunny smile when he saw George and Reed.  
“Hey, Ian I need the brown haired one if that’s okay.” Burke joked and George whipped around at his voice, running over and holding out his arms chanting “Papa!” Excitedly.  
Burke laughed warmly, what a cute little he had.  
George did this almost every time.  
“It’s only been two-hours, hushpuppy!”  
George spun around once excitedly.  
“ ’s too long!” He giggled, Reed coming up beside him and hugging Alex over the divider.  
“Pick me up and RUN.” She whispered into his ear and he belly laughed.  
Ian stopping him from doing just that.  
“You guys are too much.” His slightly pudgy dark features were crinkled happily, almost hiding his eyes as he wiped at them.  
“Alright, O’Malley, you’re free to go.” He swiped at him playfully, George ducking and diving into Burke.  
Reed looked at him being picked up realization setting in and making her eyes water. “George is gonna go play with Alex?” She asked, voice watery.  
Ian cooed and Mary walked up behind her picking up Reed gently. “Poor little butterfly, we’ll set up our own day with them okay?” Reed put her hand over her mouth, shaking her head ‘no’ with tears dribbling down her cheeks.  
Alex wiggled uncomfortably, looking up at Burke with a sad face.  
Burke stood with George, trapped between three sets of pouting littles.  
“Well.. if it’s okay with you? George wouldn’t mind a playmate..” How did Alex expect him to take Reed AND keep this whole thing under-wraps?  
Mary smiled happily. “Really? Well we get breaks here in the daycare too, so everyone’s about to leave to go eat with their caretakers.” At the look Burke gave her she stilled in leaving. “Are you sure?”  
Burke had really dug himself a hole now.  
“Yes, but I’ll just have to go talk to Derek first.”  
“I know.” She said it like there was a hidden meaning behind her words and Burke nodded stiffly, walking off. 

“What?” Derek asked incredulously looking at Burke like he was insane. “We can’t have our first session. Which, by the way. Is behind a locked door on PURPOSE. Be with three other people!”  
Everyone around him was crazy.  
Bike shrugged, adjusting George farther up on his hip. “Alex was practically begging for me to let her come.”  
“He’s clearly slipping into little space.” Derek looked around. “You left him with them?!” He got up, done with talking to Burke. 

“It’s’a what?” Alex asked in a giggly voice, poking Reeds stuffed animal backpack in its belly/smily face.  
It looked like a pudgy star.  
She grinned, thoroughly enjoying this conversation. “It’s a Care Bear star!”  
“You’re ah’sessed.” He shook his head in exasperation and Ian smiled from behind Reed, slipping her Into her Little Twin Stars jacket.  
“She IS obsessed.” He tugged up her hood over her eyes playfully. “Show him your tattoos, Sunshine Bear.”  
She immediately dropped her jacket to the floor, Ian sighing.  
That one was his fault.  
Alex looked at her arms curiously as she rolled up her sleeves, smiling at the little tattoos all over her.  
“I y’ike this one.” She poked at the GrumpyBear swinging from a smily faced star on her forearm.  
Alex nodded, pointing out the vintage Winnie the Pooh characters wandering around her wrist.  
She looked up at him suddenly, looking concerned. “Are bears still’a tigger?”  
He tried to figure out what she meant, his eyes lighting up in understanding as she repeated herself. “They’w only a trigger when I’m ‘cared..”  
She sighed dramatically, not knowing what she’d have done if she had Alex’s trigger tattooed on her body.  
“I like your little prince...” Alex didn’t want to talk about that anymore and  
They continued to babble about them happily after he said that, Derek walking up and pulling his baby to him.  
Alex smiled from where his head laid back onto Dereks shoulder, putting his hands over Dereks arms where they crossed protectively over his chest.  
“I don’t know if you guys coming will work out this time.” He said apologetically.  
Mary bit her lip, debating what to say.  
“As someone who works here.. I’m professionally obligated to tell the Chief about someone being a little.” She sighed. “But, just as a Mommy. I’m not obligated to say anything, and I’m off the clock.” She ran her hand partly through the short cropped and kinky curls splaying wildly from her head, her throaty voice warm and dulcet.  
Derek nodded, smiling happily. “Well. Then I guess it will work out.” He held his hand out. “I’m Derek Shepherd by the way, nice to officially meet you.”  
Mary gave a happy half smile, shaking his hand awkwardly. “Well, “Mary daughter of Isaac” is the most Hebrew way of telling you my name. But, we live in a European dominate country.  
So, I’m Mary Quartz.” She laughed at her own admittedly long joke and Ian rolled his eyes fondly.  
“Ian.” He said simply Derek shaking his hand and still talking to Mary. “Do you ever get a laugh out of that joke?” 

_____________________________

“No.” 

This was the complete and very powerful sentience that Alex had decided to use for the last three minutes.  
They were in the bathroom right inside the residents on-call room.  
Derek trying not to give up and standing firm on what he knew was a good choice. “Alex. You need to wear it.”  
Alex shook his head once again, this time plopping down to lay on the floor moodily. “No.” He grumbled, arms over his head.  
Derek looked at him angrily since he couldn’t see him, this was fucking frustrating.  
“Baby, either you wear a diaper or a  
pull-up.” He crouched down, speaking softly and laying his hand on Alex’s side. “Or I can tell Reed’s Mommy and Daddy that you can’t play with her today and we’ll go play alone.”  
Alex kicked the ground angrily and Derek knew he was trying not to cry.  
They were both frustrated.  
“What’s wrong, Hmm? Why is this so hard this time bud.” He truly just wanted to understand. “I told you that this was a rule, right? Your not allowed to just not be little anymore, bud.”  
Alex shook his head, the same coiling feeling that was in his tummy earlier this morning returning with a vengeance.  
He normally wasn’t one to obsess over how he looked, or even compare himself to another person.  
But, he couldn’t help comparing himself with George.  
George had perfect baby skin, not even a blemish tarnishing his undoubtably cute look.  
And Reed was the same.  
But then there was HIM, skin puckered and lashed like some kind of hated animal.  
He didn’t care if he was exaggerating.  
He felt like shit.  
Derek sat down heavily next to him, trying to figure out what was going on in Alex’s head.  
He asked him again what was wrong and Alex huffed out shakily, scooting the ever thinning line between him having a full on meltdown or not.  
Derek really didn’t want that, cautiously taking the risk of pulling Alex up into his lap.  
Alex reacted well, pushing his head into the space under Dereks chin, craving the comfort.  
Derek smiled proudly.  
This was obviously still annoying, but Alex was doing SO well with controlling himself and not just throwing a temper-tantrum to get out his big feelings, even though he was clearly upset.  
He told him as much getting a wet giggle and a cute blush for his high praises.  
“You know what? I’m okay with just sitting in this bathroom with you for the next two hours. Because you’re cute and I love you.” He shrugged, tilting his head in a “and yet” way. “But, I think your friends might just disagree with that decision.”  
Alex didn’t want to tell him what was wrong, wishing Derek could just read his mind and fix everything. “I’m ‘cared .. I don’ wan’ you to see ‘em anymore...” Alex looked down, eyes hidden shamefully by long lashes.  
Derek’s heart felt like it was being stabbed in his chest.  
He knew it wouldn’t always be like this. Alex would heal.  
Alex would definitely heal, but right now Derek felt broken right alongside him.  
His heart bleeding out painfully.  
“You’re so beautiful to me.” His throat clicked as he swallowed thickly. “I like your freckles, and your eyes and how everything about you is so you.” He rested his cheek on Alex’s head, thinking of what to say.  
An idea popped into his head and he gently shifted Alex off of his lap to sit in front of him.  
“Touch my cheek.” He asked, taking Alex’s hand in his.  
Alex gave him a surprised and suspicious look, before he reached over and pet his stubbled cheek.  
Derek smiled at the slight crease between Alex’s eyebrows, his wet brown eyes looking up at Derek curiously.  
“Those are scars, acne scars. From when I was a band nerd. And this?” He gently led Alex’s hand up to his forehead letting him feel the imperfect and barley noticeable divot he knew was there. “That’s from a motorcycle accident.” Alex sat back, not getting the lesson.  
“The thing is everyone has scars, bud. Everyone.”  
Alex scoffed in cynically. Oh. Okay.  
His whole back full of scars totally equated to a few barely visible acne scars.  
“Okay. Buh, you have to a’mit mine are p’etty bad.” His brain wanted him to slip into littlespace so desperately, his tongue feeling like lead and words feeling foreign.  
Derek could see him fighting with his headspace and started to get things ready.  
“They’re not bad” he unfolded the diaper, stetting it down in front of him. “But the things that happened and the people that gave them to you were horrific.” Derek didn’t find them ugly whatsoever, he only found their circumstances to be revolting.  
“I don’ know how to be comp-comfer.. feel good. now that we talked about ‘em..” he said honestly, lashes clumped together with tears. His fists coming up to rub at them.  
Derek caught his hands before he could.  
“You’ll irritate them.. here. Close your eyes, love.” Alex did and Derek dabbed at them with Alex’s shirt.  
Derek took his time, letting Alex just breath for a moment.  
“Can I change you now? Everyone wants to see you.”  
Alex still felt a gross, but he nodded.  
Rocking back on his bum and laying fully on his back.  
Derek felt something settle in himself, Alex was trusting him so much right now and he knew it.  
“Okay, let’s just slip these off..” he tugged down his scrub paints gently, narrating what he was going to do before starting each thing.  
Alex visibly relaxing. 

_____________________________

Derek walked out with a now docile Alex sitting in his arms, Alex had tucked his arms between their chests to get a full bodied hug.  
Everyone looked at them empathically and Derek almost laughed. “So, What did you all talk about while we were in there?”  
Ian blew his nose loudly, Mary rubbing his shoulder before walking up to Derek.  
“You did so well.” She ran her hand down Alex’s back soothingly. “You’re amazing with him, and I’ve had a lot of experience with what you’re going through right now.” She fostered abused littles for years and was honestly so impressed.  
He thanked her and Burke walked up with his arms out.  
“Can I?” He looked like he needed to hold him or he might cry.  
Derek nudged Alex gently, gesturing to Burke.  
Alex looked at him skeptically before holding his arms out for Burke to take him, Burke tugging him into his own arms quickly. “Look at my arm, baby.”  
He pulled one up for Alex to see, kissing the side of his head lovingly.  
Alex looked at it closely, finally seeing various tiny pink scars.  
He made a “hmm?” sound from behind his pacifier, Burke smiling. “My Mama has a restaurant back in Alabama, these are from cooking with grease.”  
They all stepped forward after that, showing off various scars.  
George had one under his chin from roughhousing with his brothers.  
Ian had a very small one on his finger from a crab incident and Mary had multiple scars from being an absolute klutz, everyone laughing at her misadventures in good humor.  
Reed didn’t show any of her’s and that spoke volumes to Alex that no one else could understand.  
“Let’s, play!” Reed crowed, She’d been waiting FOREVER.  
Pushing over the box of toys George had and emptying out her backpack. 

Alex sat on the ground cross legged, he loved how Reed played with him.  
She was super quiet while she played, her stuffed Bambi and fuzzy little monchichi doll keeping up a steady dialogue.  
She’d taken an instant liking to George’s whole Sesame Street gang, excitedly showing him and Alex the yellow big bird embroidered overalls and pink and orange striped leggings she had on under her coat.  
Alex propped up his feathery Big Bird and pulled out Grover to yell at everyone.  
Georges Snuffy tried to banish him but got “hit” by Grover and ran away crying.  
Alex puffed out his chest. “Go ‘way!” He fake yelled at the dirty looking green muppet before pushing him back into his fabric trashcan and rolling it away.  
Reeds monchichi “cheered” and Bambi bounced around.  
Everyone who wasn’t playing watched in amusement as the littles went through they’re various games.  
Derek was thoroughly enjoying talking to Mary, actually talking to them about something other then the weather now that Burke had left for an emergency surgery.  
He obviously liked Ian too, but Ian only really spoke up to agree with Mary.  
“When Reed first came to us she was so quiet.” Derek was listening attentively, Mary was giving him tips for Alex and he storing them away for later.  
“She was, NOW she’s not.” The couch jiggled as Ian chuckled deeply Derek smiling.  
“I can see that.” He laughed with him watching as Reed prattled off excitedly through her stuffed animals as she played with both the boys.  
Mary nodded. “Its a good thing though! It’s a good thing.” A softness came around her eyes as she watched her confident girl. “You’ll be surprised how excited you’ll get at the odd little things Alex will get more relaxed with.”  
He smiled, looking at the slightly awkward way Alex held his toy when not being distracted by one of his playmates.  
He didn’t doubt her a bit.  
As they talked he learned very quickly that they were both HUGE dorks.  
But thankfully he was also a huge closet nerd, talking about his years of dungeons and dragons before medical school and his career got in the way.  
As they were talking eagerly about Lord of the Rings and setting up a day to marathon it, Alex decided he’d go “check” on Derek, walking over and burying his face into his stomach sweetly.  
Derek cooed, happily wrapping his arms around Alex and hugging him close.  
George walked up after a minute to get his own hug, Derek pulling them both up to either side of him to hold closely.  
Derek was in charge of both boys via Burke’s request, not that he wouldn’t have watched George anyway.  
Reed smiled from her spot, walking peppily over and plopping down between both her caretakers. “I wanna color in my coloring tattoos..” She said looking up at them questioningly.  
Mary groaned, hitting her head back on the couch. Reeds “coloring tattoos” were the ones that were just outlines and she had quite a few on her arms and legs. “Okay, But only washable markers this time.” Reed nodded, tugging Alex to his feet, she’d get George too but he’d fallen asleep on Derek during the short break in their game. “C’mon, you can color my tattoos!”  
Alex’s cheek dimpled happily, Reed was so awesome. 

They colored in and outside of her tattoos, both deciding their artwork needed a strong rainbow background.  
“Okay, I think everyone needs to get into their big headspaces now.” Mary said walking over and slipping her arms around Reed, tugging her up onto her front with Ian gathering up her things to leave.  
Reed pouted, But she was already starting to get out of her little fog and knew she had to get to her own job soon. “Okay.” She shimmied down from Mary’s arms, running over and hugging Alex tightly. “Bye, Friend!”  
Alex blushed, hugging her back just as tight. “Bye Reed.”  
Derek smiled goofily at them, grabbing George’s limp and sleep warmed hand waving it gently.  
They both giggled amusedly, Reed waving one last time before running out the door Mary right behind her.  
“She’s crazy, it was nice to meet you.” Ian’s kind face softened even more, leaning down and hugging Shepherd tightly before he left to fallow his girls.  
“Alex...” Derek said after a moment, he’d noticed that Alex had been wiggling uncomfortably in his spot on the floor since before Reed left.  
Derek beckoned him over by quirking a finger with Alex blushing, his shoulders coming up to meet his pink ears. “Hi, Daddy..”  
Derek smiled, pleasantly surprised by the sweet endearment . “Hey, baby boy.” He had a good idea of why Alex was squirming, wondering if he should let him mention it himself. “You okay? You’re wiggling a lot bud. Do you need something?” Alex shook his head hard, arms coming up to hide his pink face.  
Derek leaned forward and tugged him closer by his scrub paints drawstrings. “I’m gonna check you, okay? It’s a new thing, so if you want to wait I will.”  
Alex was MORTIFIED. George was slumped over and sleeping RIGHT THERE.  
But, he didn’t want to ask and maybe it’d be okay to let him, just to get used to it.  
Alex nodded and Derek slipped his finger into the leg hole of his diaper after tugging down his pants slightly on one side. “Poor lamb, tell me as soon as you get wet next time. Okay? I don’t want you to get a rash, sweet boy.”  
Alex nodded curtly and Derek readjusted his pants before puckering out his lips.  
Alex giggled at his silly face before leaning down and pecking him quickly on the lips.  
Derek smiled at the cute platonic kisses, he just found his new favorite thing.  
He slipped off the couch carefully, quickly checking George also and finding that he was wet too.  
THIS is why Alex wearing protection had been so important earlier.  
He walked into the bathroom and washed his hands, grabbing what he needed and walking back out quickly.  
He winced at the ripping sound as he walked in, Alex was “helping”.  
“No, Alex leave it on. Okay? Daddy’ll get it, bud.” He set everything down quickly, grabbing Alex from around his waist and tugging him forward to lay down.  
Alex laid down gently, grabbing the droopy-eyed snuffaluffagus and putting him over his face.  
Derek smiled at his antics undoing the tabs and starting to change him.  
Frowning at the rash, he put on a liberal amount of cream before finishing up.  
He Smiled at the cute print as he smoothed down the tabs, the little my neighbor Totoro Soot Sprites were carrying colorful stars around the top and slightly ruffly part of Alex’s diaper.  
Alex removed the stuffed mammoth/monster and looked down at himself curiously.  
Why did Derek put him in a new one?  
Derek saw his curious face and pat at his belly.  
“You’ll be little for a while longer, baby.” They had almost 45 minutes left and Derek figured Alex could use a nap too.  
He knew how important it was for littles to get sleep, they needed time to process their big feelings and all the input from throughout their day.  
Alex thought about Reed leaving and pouted. “Why’d Reed have t’ go?”  
Derek shrugged. “She probably needs to go to work, and YOU need a nap.”  
Alex rubbed at his eyes, yawning involuntary at the mention of sleep.  
Derek smiled, leaning over and kissing his soft tummy. “You’re cute.”  
After explaining that the soot sprits weren’t spiders Derek set him on the couch and switched him out for George.  
George stayed asleep throughout the whole change and both Alex and Derek laughed. 

“Okay, I can’t sing very well.. but I think you might like this, so don’t make fun of me.” Alex nodded from where he was laying on the bottom bunk with George, both now in the sleeping part of the  
On-Call room.  
Derek smiled, remembering being here with Burke.  
This was where he’d first told someone he was Alex’s Daddy, it hadn’t been that long ago really, It felt like Alex had always been here.  
“Oh, yeah I’ll.. tell you somethin’.  
I think you’ll understand.  
When I.. say that somethin’.  
I wanna hold your hand.” He sang it in a lullaby voice, Alex perking up at hearing his favorite song. “I wanna hold your  
ha-a-aand.“ He grabbed the sleepy hand reaching for him, kissing the back of it.  
“I wanna hold.. Your hand.”

_____________________________

Alex woke up before George, the dark room smelling like sleep and baby powder.  
Alex turned his head to check on George before slipping off the mattress, tugging on the baby blue minky blanket before setting out in search of Derek. 

He was upset when he couldn’t find him and irrationally worried that he’d be alone and found-out by someone. Walking back into the sleeping room with tear blurred eyes.  
Derek peeked over the top bunks rail at the misshapen figure, a pang of panic surging through him before realizing it was just Alex covered in a blanket.  
“Baby?” He looked at the clock on the wall and realized now would be the best time to help the boys age up.  
Alex jumped at the random displaced voice and looked up at him, eyes softening as he held his hands above his head to be picked up. “Dada!”  
George woke up at Alex’s sudden call and groaned loudly, putting his pillow over his head.  
Derek shushed Alex, slipping him up into the top bunk with him and holding him tight. “You need to start aging up, baby boy.” He pat his back rhythmically, Alex shifting and wiggling to lay on top of him.  
Derek laughed warmly, patting Alex’s back was not the way to wake him up apparently. “I’m gonna help you age up properly this time, I think you’ll be surprised with how different you’ll feel.” Derek knew Alex could age down easily but he was excited to help him out of headspace.  
Knowing how to do it properly was going to be SO helpful.  
Alex sighed disappointedly through his nose, he’d rather just stay here all day honestly.  
Derek slipped Alex off of himself and climbed down looking up at him expectedly. Alex didn’t even spare him a second glance dismissing him easily and curling up around a pillow sleepily.  
Oh, okay. So that’s how it was.  
“Alex, come down. You need to age up.”  
Alex whined as Derek grabbed his ankle tugging him over the edge of the bed. Alex settled himself in his arms, this was better anyway.  
“C’mon Alex.” He sat him on his feet, Alex stomping his foot grumpily.  
“That’s alright, you need to move your body anyway.” He started to slip him out of his thankfully dry diaper, Alex cooperating slightly.  
“Step in.” Derek tried to keep his tone like it would be of he were talking to any other adult, holding out Alex’s boxers for him to step into.  
Alex already felt himself getting less fuzzy, holding Dereks shoulders and letting him tug his pants back up snugly around his hips.  
“What are you doing at work today?” He wanted him to start getting more aware.  
Alex struggled through some of the longer words, eventually able to speak easily.  
“Alright, stretch out your muscles.” Derek took him though the steps, Alex shaking out his arms pleasantly afterward.  
“How do you feel?”  
Alex felt more “adult” then he had in a long time. “I feel good.”  
Derek could tell how settled he was, smiling happily and kissing the side of his head. “Good, go ahead and get to work. I’ll get George ready.” Alex nodded, leaving happily. 

_____________________________

Alex was almost unable to figure out what to do with himself now that he was so well adjusted into his adult headspace.  
He wasn’t used to the freedom of feeling totally and completely big.  
As he walked he spotted Burke talking again to Izzy.  
Mere was there instead or Christina though.  
He got the tail end of the conversation, feeling confidant and giddy as he jogged up to walk beside him after he dismissed the girls. “Can I help assist?”  
Burke almost said ‘No.’ not wanting to show favoritism.  
But, then again they were in a teaching hospital and he honestly felt a little more worried then like he favored Alex when it came to him assisting in a transplant.  
“Alright, Karev. Let’s go test those surgical chops of yours.” He slapped his back, Alex looking excited and confident. 

_____________________________

The surgery went well, he’d been glared at by the other interns up in the observation gallery, And since it was Izzy that had advocated for the whole thing she probably deserved to assist.  
But she didn’t ask and Alex was honestly too damn happy to care.  
He just assisted in a open-heart surgery.  
HE did.  
The fucked up kid from Iowa.  
As he walked into the interns locker room he spotted Mere, feeling excited and jogging up to her.  
(She normally said hi to him so she might care.) “Mere!” He smiled bumping into her. “Smell me, I smell like open heart surgery!” He giggled, being silly.  
She looked a little pissed as she turned around and he backed off, eyebrows knitting in confusion.  
He was about to ask her what was wrong when she softened.  
She’d thought he was trying to be “flirty” but when she saw him back away she relaxd realizing he was just excited. She could defiantly be happy with him.  
“I saw you! Very impressive.” She didn’t sound over the moon about it but Alex’s face made up for it, freckled nose crinkling cutely and a dimple she’d never noticed before appearing on his cheek.  
“You smell gross, though. Go clean up silly-boy.” The endearment slipped out without her thinking and Alex froze for a second.  
(Did she know?)  
As Alex overthought things Mere tried at fixing her slip-up. “You really do smell like shit, go away.” Surprisingly the use of a swear word relaxed him and he nodded leaving to go clean up in the showers. 

_____________________________

He hated using the hospital showers, they were open and connected like a prisons and he felt vulnerable washing in them.  
As he lathered up too much soap into his short hair he heard the door crack open, blindly grabbing his towel and wrapping himself up like a girl in it.  
It was the only way he could cover his back, something he did out of habit regardless of Derek knowing.  
“Hey, Alex.” He froze at the slightly familiar female voice, going under the shower heads spray even with his towel on to take off the blinding soap.  
He blinked at her squintingly, eyes slightly burning.  
“I just wanted to apologize, I don’t want you to think I was just flirting with you randomly.” He didn’t understand how that was an apology, but he shook his head anyway.  
She didn’t need to feel bad.  
He’d been the one that acted weird for no reason and upset her.  
“You don’t have to be sorry..” He started to say something and she cut him off sharply, holding up her hand.  
“Let me finish.” She stepped forward and Alex stepped back. “I’ve had a crush on you for a while, you’re cute and I’ve been watching you.” She let her voice get husky as her sentience dropped off, eyes roaming over him slowly.  
Alex felt a gross shiver run down his spine at what she said, his back pressed into the handle of the shower. “Oh? You uh.. you like what you see?” He tried at flirting, scared to upset her.  
He didn’t know why.  
She smiled, happy to see he was still accommodating her even though he was clearly uncomfortable. “People think because I’m mousy sounding, that I’m timid. But I’m not.” She stepped forward a little more and Alex shrunk into the wall. “And people think because you sound cocky and act like it, that you are.” She smiled, eyes glistening. “But, You don’t look like you’re always cocky.”  
He wanted out.  
He wanted to leave but she was right there.  
“This-this is th-the boys room.” He said lamely, trying to claw back that confident feeling from earlier.  
“It’s okay.” She stepped back slightly and he relaxed. “Sorry, it’s okay right? I should leave. This was stupid.” She shook her head. “I thought I’d sound sexy you know? You’re just so.. ugh. Sorry.” She could see that he was starting to get too uncomfortable and knew that she needed to back off.  
Save her fantasies for when she actually had him.  
“Wait.” He stoped her, she looked really upset. “Are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I just should’ve kept my crush to myself.” She let her eyes stay down. “You probably hate me now...”  
He felt bad, she’d just been trying to tell him she thought he was cute.  
He couldn’t even take a compliment.  
“I don’t hate you.”  
He’d flirted with her too, he just needed to stop being a jerk.  
“Oh? But you have to think somethings wrong with me, you don’t want to.. Anyway. It’s fine. I’ll leave.” She turned to leave and he stopped her. 

_____________________________

Alex felt, void.  
He’d had meaningless sex before.  
In fact that was pretty much the only sex he’d ever had, but this was... this was something that took the life out of him.  
He didn’t even feel gross, waiting until she fell asleep and slipping out of the small On-Call room she’d taken him to. 

He needed a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, man. I struggled with that last bit. 
> 
> As you can probably tell Olivia and Alex are the classic toxic relationship.  
> She seemed nice then she got manipulative and gross.  
> I don’t want to give away too much, but Derek has obviously never dealt with a little who’s sexually active outside of their little space or any little for that matter.  
> (So he’ll probably feel as grossed out as me when I wrote it lol.)
> 
> Hopefully you’re not mad at that one! The next one and every one after that Alex will not be in a relationship like that, so don’t worry! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed that one and as always, Thank you for being my Neighbor <3


	11. Baby will be fine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is really struggling with his alcohol induced littleness in this one and Mere is struggling with it also. 
> 
> Derek is just trying to get out of this with some his hair not gray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, welcome!  
> I hope you love chapter eleven! I’m just in love with the fact that it’s done! (Kidding, it’s pretty cute.) 
> 
> I know I’m risking people becoming uninterested between long updates but I don’t just want to write, I want to like what I’ve written.  
> So I hope you don’t mind too  
> bad. <3
> 
> Love it? Hate it? A little bit of both? That’s wonderful! Be the little angels and devils on my shoulders telling me what to do, and I just might do it! 
> 
> Thank you for the comments last time and I really do hope you like it:)

“And you forgave him!? Just like that?”

Cristina and Meredith were arguing about her forgiving the newly dubbed,  
(by Cristina) McJackass as they were walking down the stairs to get to Joe’s hole in the wall bar.  
No one was winning and it was more of a Cristina rant then anything else.  
“I don’t know. He seemed apologetic.. or whatever.” Mere couldn’t deny the physical aspect of it,  
but she also couldn’t deny what she called her “exasperated love” for the romantically ridiculous guy.  
Just thinking about him made her smile brightly as she slipped under the smokey neon bar lights.  
She needed more happy in her life.  
“So, what? You just forgave him? That’s it?” Cristina wasn’t buying it and thankfully they were almost in the bar because she really needed a drink.  
“But I thought we hated him now?”  
“Who said we hated him?” Mere replied coyly, opening the bar door and walking through.  
Cristina paused, looking at her in dumbfounded horror. “You. You did.”  
She could see Meredith was gearing up for another round of hellish teasing and denial, walking away before she could start.  
“No! Drinks first.” She didn’t want to hear it, stepping over to the bar.  
“Tequila!” She demanded loudly, hitting the counter top.  
Joe gave her a look over his shoulder, before turning back to the costumer he was talking to and pouring her a drink then sliding it to her without a second glance.  
“Gracias.” She caught it tipping it to him happily.  
Mere climbed up the rungs of her tall barstool to sit next to her feeling more solemn after her deflective banter stopped. “I think.. I need to be with him.” She said quietly, shelling peanuts and spreading them on the countertop.  
Cristina scoffed. “Why?”  
“He makes me happy.” Cristina went to say something and Mere shook her head. “He makes me actually happy.”  
Cristina paused and gave her a look Meredith had never seen on her before, eyebrows raised and eyes glassy.  
She understood.  
They sat tensely for a moment with Mere popping her thumbnail into peanut shells.  
Cristina cleared her throat. “Fine. But he doesn’t get to hurt you again. Or I get to kill him.” She slipped the curved glass between her lips, head thrown back and drink burning all the way down.  
“Then bring him back?” She said cheekily and Cristina smiled.  
Mere clinking her still full glass with Cristinas empty one.  
“Yeah, that Hippocratic oaths a bitch.” Cristina said, slouched back and enjoying the light banter.  
Meres mouth twitched at the corners, a Derek joke coming to mind.  
“So Hippocratic-al.”  
As Cristina batted at her Mere slipped off her seat to go see what was still keeping Jo.  
“Tell him to mix us something good this time!”  
She nodded walking up to where he was and leaning on the sticky bar top with no bashfulness. “What’s up? Why are you ignoring us? We love you.”  
The guy he’d been talking to startled at her voice and Joe went to say something but the hunched over guy pulled off his hood roughly and glared at her.

She startled when she saw who it was.

__________________________

“I don’t.. he was taking a nap and I told him to go.” Preston was trying to understand the frantic Derek Shepherd rambling in front of him, his eyes were unfocused and worried as he talked.  
“What? Slow down.” He finally just grabbed his shoulders and shook him lightly. “Focus. Is he in little space?”  
Derek shook his head ‘No’ still looking over Preston’s shoulder like he might magically spot Alex there.  
“Then what’s wrong? He doesn’t live with you Derek.” Preston didn’t get it, when he first met George he didn’t always know where he was.  
Well.. he wasn’t ALWAYS with him.  
He called a lot.  
“If he’s in normal headspace he’ll be fine. He’s literally a big boy.” He laughed lamely at his own joke Derek glaring at him.  
“He’s NOT fine. He didn’t even say goodbye, I don’t know where he is.” Alex always sought him out. “What if he’s hurt? Or someone has him?” Derek felt himself panicking again Burke helpfully putting pressure back on his shoulders groundingly.  
“He’s fine.”  
“You don’t know that.” Derek shrugged him off. “Imagine if this was George, and you didn’t know where he was. At night.”  
Preston glanced over at George, just the thought making him feel the need to check on his baby.  
“Call him.”  
Derek shook his head in frustration.  
“I don’t have his number, I didn’t even think of it.” Alex was always right there. He was either at the hospital or at Dereks house or just with Derek and he had been pretty much every second since the ferryboat ride. “He’s so sensitive and little. What if he’s hurt?”  
Burke knew that this was mostly the “New Daddy jitters” Derek was feeling, but the bad part was it wasn’t completely unfounded.  
Especially since Alex was new to this too.  
“I’ll go check the nursery, see if he just went to talk to Reed.” Burke said snapping his fingers and holding his hand out for George to take as he played on his tablet.  
“Thank you.” Derek sighed deeply, nodding in appreciation.  
“No problem new-daddy.” George nuzzled into his side Burke kneeling slightly and kissing his fluffy hair. “Baby will be fine.”  
“Thank you. Baby will be fine.” Derek repeated it in his head, heading toward the on-call room. “Baby will be fine.”

_________________________

“Alex?”  
He startled too as she leaned in,  
relaxing when his vision focused enough and he saw it was jest Mere.  
“Hi..” His eyes were glassy, hand holding his glass in a death grip.  
She didn’t like how he looked and something protectively flared up in her at seeing how sickeningly drunk he was.  
“Alex.. what are you doing? Are you with anyone?” She wanted to ask him where Derek was, barley holding her tongue.

Alex squirmed uncomfortably, the same gentle tone and look she’d used with him on that first day with Derek that had made him feel so relaxed now making his skin crawl.  
“I’m alone.” Well sorta, Joe had been patrolling his side of the bar pretty loyally ever since he realized Alex was upset. “And I want another one.” He directed an angry glare to Joe who shook his head yet again, making another grab for the shot glass in his hand.  
“You’re not getting any more, dude.” Joe said in a humorous but slightly frustrated voice before turning back to Mere. “He’s been here for like five Hour’s and he hasn’t even eaten peanuts, just booze.”  
As Alex and him started to argue again she pressed her lips together watching how he held himself in a painfully small way, he looked upset.  
Joe shook his head. “Get out. Normally you’re welcome here but you need to get out.” Joe grabbed his phone starting to call a cab.  
She made a snap decision as Alex started yelling angrily at him.  
“C’mon, Alex. You’re cut off anyway.” She grabbed his elbow tugging him off his stool and turning to Cristina. “Cristina! We’re going!”  
She looked at her in disbelief from across the bar.  
“No! What?! Why? We just got here. What happened to dancing and getting shit faced?” She was seriously confused, was this all really happening because the evil spawn was a little drunk?  
“Just call him a cab.” She said nonchalantly, mouth puckering after a hit of lime and grabbing the alcohol herself.  
Mere rolled her eyes as Joe went over and took the whisky from her disapprovingly, pouring her a shot.  
“No.” She said talking to Cristina but looking at Alex, giving him a warning look as he started to pull away from her and tugging the shot glass out of his hand.  
“We’re taking Alex home.” She ignored the two loud protests she got from both partys, keeping her grip on Alex’s arm and leading him out the door.  
Joe poured her two more shots and Cristina downed them both quickly. Frantically motioning for Joe to pour her a third before fallowing them out.

__________________________

Mere was starting to regret her decision slightly, having a heck of a time as Alex started stomping and tugging at his arm while they slowly made their way toward her car.  
Very slowly.  
“Nooo! I don’ wanna go!” He said in a whiny slurred voice, Mere having to stop once again as he dug in his heels, refusing to move for the umpteenth time.  
“Alex! Stop it!” She was getting quickly fed up of him throwing a fit like she was taking him to be murdered.  
She was just trying to do the right thing here.  
Alex huffed at her harsh tone, mellowing out slightly as his heart gave a painful tug at being scolded.  
He didn’t want to go.  
Mere felt him stop fighting her and turned to look at him over her shoulder as she continued walking.  
She frowned in sympathy when she saw his chin was trembling as he looked away from her, seemingly very interested in the puddly asphalt.  
He was just bumbling behind her and sniffling, getting more worked up as they went.  
She’d rather just ignore him and get there but she stopped after a moment. Feeling too guilty to do that she grabbed both his arms gently in her small hands and turned him to face her wanting him to see she wasn’t angry.  
“Alex?” He pursed his lips, wet brown eyes avoiding hers.  
“Hey,” she wasn’t going to let him go back in, but she could be gentler about making him leave. “I’m not mad, Okay?  
I just want to help you get home.” She pulled her long sleeve over her hand wiping lightly at the tears slipping down his flushed cheeks. “You can’t stay here anyway.”  
Alex nodded sadly, turning away from her and scrubbing at his own face with his arm, his lower lip still pooched out in upset.  
(Oh, he was such a little.)  
Her heart ached for him as she wrapped her arm around him comfortingly, starting back in the direction of her car.  
She finally got him in and closed his door, sitting up behind the wheel.

Alex was a bit numbed looking now that he was sat in the back of Meredith’s car.  
He hadn’t expected this to be his night at all.  
He’d wanted to get blackout drunk  
and forget everything that had happened in the last few hours.  
(as was his tradition with these kinds of nights.) but instead he was sitting in the back of an ugly Geo Metro with Meredith telling him to buckle in.  
He glared at her to get back a little bit of his dignity and she rose her eyebrows threateningly.  
Alex buckled in.  
“Where do you live Alex?” He gave her the address and Cristina got in, the car peeling out of the parking lot.

Mere adjusted her rearview mirror to look at him as they drove.  
She was concerned with how Alex was acting now, he didn’t seem overly upset anymore but He was being so quiet.  
“Are you sure it’s this Motel 6?” She said looking back down at her GPS distastefully.  
She wasn’t sure she even wanted to drive through one of the worst arias in Seattle, much less drop Alex off at a shitty motel there.  
Alex didn’t respond to her.  
He was too busy looking blearily out of his window and watching the streetlight colored snowflakes float lazily around their stalled car, his forehead resting on the cool glass.  
She decided what she wanted to do and looked over to Cristina who looked back at her questingly before realizing what she was going to ask.  
“No. No way.”  
Mere nodded, turning back in the direction of their house anyway.

___________________________

Derek was starting to lose his mind.  
Where the hell was Alex?  
It was getting to be early the next day instead of late at night and that was not cool.  
He wanted to put out a hospital wide message over the loud speakers, have a cop helping him look.  
All the normal things he couldn’t do if he wanted to respect what Alex wanted.  
“Derek, I think we just need to call it a night.” Burke was fallowing behind him holding a now sleeping George on his hip after combing back through all the on-call rooms again. “He’s probably just at home sleeping and didn’t think to tell you he was leaving.” Derek went to protest and Burke shook his head.  
“No. You need to sleep too and I honestly think he’s fine. Get his number tomorrow and tell him to say goodbye next time. I swear it’ll be fine.”  
“You don’t know that.” And unless he did Derek couldn’t leave.  
Preston knew it was stupid to think he could fix this but he still needed to try, he wanted to take care of Derek too. “Come to my house. Sleep off your delirium. Then we’ll head out and I’ll help you look tomorrow.”  
Derek wanted to say no, but he was exhausted and he knew that logically Alex had been living alone for years without him, especially as Burke started to remind him of all that.  
“Okay.” He could last one night.  
Burke nodded happily, turning and walking out with Derek trailing behind him.

__________________________

It took Alex much longer then he ever wanted to admit to figure out that they weren’t heading towards his place anymore.  
Dread filled him and he sobered slightly as he realized he wasn’t going to have what he needed to sleep. “Hey! You’re going the wrong way!” He sat up frantically, he needed to go HOME.  
Mere looked at him with an unimpressed expression through her rearview mirror.  
“We’re going to my house.” Cristina interrupted that it wasn’t her idea.  
“You’ll just spend the night.” Cristina did it again and Meredith swatted at her arm in a semi playful way.  
Alex couldn’t go to her house, he was sober enough to know what would happen if he slept there without what he needed. “Drop me off at the corner and I’ll get’a cab.” He couldn’t exactly afford one. (He’d spent all his cash at Joe’s) but he didn’t care, he’d rather walk in the snow then wet the bed at Mere’s house.  
Mere shook her head negatively.  
“No, I’m not doing that. You’re just going to have to stay at my house for one night.” She ignored his protests as if he were just having a tantrum, continuing to drive.  
She only looked up when he bucked at her seat. “ALEX! No kicking!”  
He kicked it again. “Take me HOME!”  
She had to park at the shoulder of the road as he jolted her in her seat repeatedly.  
“ALEXANDER. Stop it. Now.” She was fucking pissed, Cristina giggling into her hands next to her as she tried to muffle her laughter.  
Alex shrunk into his seat at the use of his full name, how did she even know it?  
“I-I need.. something...” He mumbled, thumb resting on his bottom lip in an effort to self sooth.  
“What do you need?” She questioned, twisting in her seat to look back at him.  
Well, he couldn’t just TELL her.  
That would be just as bad as her figuring out the other way. “I need my med’s..”  
he said lamely, hoping the excuse would work.  
Cristina had said something bitingly about how she’d always known he needed meds, then she actually thought about it for a second, the buzzed giddy feeling weaning enough for her to get a normal thought in.  
She didn’t buy it.  
“No. You need something else.” She tried to think of what he might be trying to hide, coming up with nothing. “What do you really need? Please tell me  
It’s not a retainer or something boring is it?” She turned to look at him too.  
He felt gross with both women staring at him questioningly, panicking as he tried to think of what to say.  
“Please.” His voice was soft and pleading as he looked at Meredith, he couldn’t tell her. That’s all he knew right now, he just couldn’t tell her.  
“I need something. Please, Mere.” He didn’t want her to KNOW.  
He couldn’t say it.  
She worried at her upper lip, gears tuning in her head.  
She figured it out as he wiggled uncomfortably, nodding her head reassuringly and squeezing his knee.  
“Okay, Alex. Okay.”  
He couldn’t even express the amount of relief he felt.

__________________________

Cristina hadn’t said anything the whole ride back in the direction of Alex’s place. Which was a pretty odd thing for her, especially when it came to teasing and making people uncomfortable in general.  
Alex got out of the car with pink cheeks, Mere threatening him to come back out or else.

“What?” Mere couldn’t take Cristina’s silence anymore, looking at her in exasperation.  
“Do you know what he’s getting?”  
Mere nodded, she had a pretty good idea.  
“But, you won’t tell me?” Cristina wasn’t even surprised as Meredith shook her head ‘No.’  
“Sorry.” Mere looked back out the window at where Alex had gone, both hands nervously clutching the wheel.  
Cristina watched her still confused as to why she was doing any of this. “It’s fine.”  
She sat back, she’d been thinking through Alex’s behavior and how Mere talked to him as they were driving but nothing she came up with made any sense.  
Like, at all.

Alex ducked back into the car a few minutes later, Mere smiling at him proudly for not bolting like she’d halfway expected him to as she closed her door after almost getting out herself.  
(Well, maybe a little more then halfway expected him to.)  
“Okay. We c’n go.” He was hugging a giant comforter that smelled like cigarettes and was covered in dog hair, Both girls wrinkling their noses in disgust.  
“All that for a gross blanket?” Cristina was bummed, she’d thought it might have been something at least partly worth the hell Alex has raised to get.  
He shrugged.  
“Tell me there’s not a pack of cigarets in there. I swear I’ll kill you evilspawn.”  
He shook his head adamantly.  
“I don’t smoke.”  
Mere knew logically it was pull-ups or something, but not enough to not ask an even more important question. “It’s not a dog, right?” She was a bit worried about the dog hair on it, looking at it skeptically.  
Alex giggled at the question, throwing his head from side to side sillily.  
“I don’t have’a DOG.” He sounded like he found that way too funny.  
Mere smiled fondly, starting up her car as Alex buckled in.  
Cristina questioned him further about the dog hair and smell as they drove, Alex talking about all his neighbors and admitting that everything was pretty dirty around there.

Alex had fallen asleep on the way home and Meredith opened the door opposite to his, crawling in and quickly tugging his thumb out of his mouth before Cristina could see.  
He whined, back arching angrily at having his thumb taken away. “Daddy! Go ‘way.” Derek was so mean.  
His head hurt.  
Mere’s eyes widened slightly as Alex started moving to cuddle up to her, she frantically backed away and shook him to wake him up more. “Alex! We’re at my house.”  
He woke up like he’d been doused in ice water at the sound of her voice.  
He was a bit panicked, having gotten used to being around Derek or Preston when he woke up these last few days.  
He slowly realized where he was and quickly focused all his attention to his crotch, almost crying in relief that he hadn’t wet himself.  
Thank god.  
Mere tugged at his sleep heavy limbs to get him moving, it was way too cold for them to stay out there and Cristina was already inside. “Come on, it’s freezing.”  
Now that he wasn’t focused on the state of his clothing he focused fully on her.  
Sluggishly thinking through what he’d said with his muddled thoughts doing him no good.  
Had he actually said something to tip her off?  
He wanted to ask her if she knew, but how could he do that without letting her know? He was still too drunk to really think in depth about any of it.  
“Alex, I’m going in. Come. On.” He moved to slide out, but she’d pretty much pulled him out by herself.  
He clutched the soft square package to his chest protectively through his blanket as they walked to her door.  
“Your house is big.” He looked up at the huge slightly lopsided house on what must be a inclined hill, surrounded by equally big houses.  
It was clean cut and tan, but it looked a lot like a hobbit house with all the crazy bushes and trees surrounding it.  
Only a few windows and the roof peeking out from the wily greenery, well brown and snow covered white.  
It must be beautiful when it’s springtime.  
He told her some of what he was thinking and she paused in her haste to get inside, admiring what he’d commented on.  
She loved the small insight into what he was thinking, he really was a thoughtful and sweet person once you broke through his external facaded crudeness.  
“Come on, it’s warm inside too.” He nodded, stumbling slightly as he fallowed her looking around a little more discreetly not wanting to seem too in awe as they walked in.  
It smelled strongly of pumpkin spice and clove, he felt honeyed warmth wash over him when he spotted the large fireplace lightening up her traditionally styled living room in a soft glow.  
She wasn’t an interior decorator by any means but everything looked comfortable and inviting regardless of her style.  
“What the hell!?”  
He froze at the angry voice coming from the kitchen looking over at Mere with his eyebrows knitting in concern.  
She didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, smiling at him gently.  
“Shh, it’s alright.” She cooed and he melted at the maternal voice she used, scooting closer. “Iz is probably just mad that I didn’t tell her you were coming.” He wanted to ask her why she lived with Izzy when she stomped in, covered in flour.  
“Why didn’t you tell me!? I know I’m not a “twisted-sister” but I think I deserve at least a little warning!” She scoffed when she saw Alex. “And I mean, HIM? Why?”  
Mere ignored her, turning to address Alex first.  
“Go, get ready. Bathroom is up to the right and where you’ll be sleeping is at the end of the left hallway.” He nodded, slowly walking up the stairs in a effort not to miss one and fall down them.

He heard them arguing still as he stood in front of the sink, Izzy complaining about how he was drunk and Mere telling her how that was exactly why he was there.  
He felt a little bad, brushing his teeth clumsily then shaking the package of pull-ups out of his blanket with a loud *plunk!*.  
He went to slip one on, falling to the side in drunken clumsiness.  
He finally got it to start slipping on correctly the dirty empty feeling he’d been running away from from at the bar earlier hitting him again.  
He felt gross knowing he did little things now and had done something like that.  
(What would Derek think?)  
He had to stop for a second, stomach swirling dizzyingly.  
He didn’t... He didn’t enjoy her either.  
Being with Olivia that was.  
He fuzzily remembered a few of the things she’d done while they were together that had bothered him, she’d scratched down his chest “sexually”.  
He had to shake away the other darker memories that had been brought up when she did that, rolling his shoulders.  
He was big. He was big.  
He was fully adult, he was FINE.  
The door sounded loudly behind him and he jumped, quickly yanking up his pull-up and slipping back into his pants.  
“WHAT!?” He yelled a little too angrily and closed his eyes. “What?”  
“I got you some of my night pants.. they’re probably big enough for you  
and they’re comfy. If you want them.” He opened the door when he heard it was just Mere, taking them from her thankfully.  
“Thanks, I forgot to get some.” He felt yucky knowing he’d yelled at her, she was nice. “Izzy still mad?”  
She tried not to look too obviously at the babyishly decorated package she saw on her floor behind him.  
(Theory, confirmed.)  
She got a bit lost in thinking that he might need some help changing and he asked again.  
“Not at all, she was just surprised.” She was blatantly lying and he smiled knowingly, shrugging.  
“I c’n go home..I don’t mind.” He did mind. “I wanna stay here actually, it’s nice.”  
She smiled, apparently drunk-Alex was also honest-Alex. “You should definitely stay then.” She had to call him ‘goof’ now, it was a physical need. “Put those on and go get in bed, Goof.”  
Alex nodded, nose scrunching distastefully at the pink fuzzy hello-kitty pants she’d handed him.  
“You actually like her?” He remembered, Mere was kitty for Halloween.  
“Yep, I actually do.”  
Alex laughed, Mere was supposed to be so dark and twisty.

_____________________________

Alex ran into a new problem as he laid in his room.  
When he wasn’t sleeping with Derek or George he had to sleep with all the lights on. It was important.  
But, Mere walked in and asked him to turn them off.  
Because she was next door.  
“I like them on.” He just wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t do it in the dark. “I’m used to sleeping with girls, y’know?” It was a completely stupid sentence but he was kind of freaking out.  
“Yeah? Why are you scared of the dark?” Mere didn’t have time to beat around the bush, she was far too tired and way too sober to play guessing games right now.  
Alex bit his lip, he just wanted to sleep. “I’m not scared of the dark.” She rose an eyebrow and he continued. “I’m scared of the people.. in the dark. Coming out.” He could imagine them, he could feel them.  
*He could feel him.*  
He whipped around wildly, scratching harshly at the nap of his neck when he saw nothing.  
His was heart beating like crazy, he’d forgotten the fact that alcohol always did this to him; Thinning the carefully constructed barriers he put between the deep dark shit and his day to day life. Mere backed away, worried at the slightly glazed look that suddenly came over his features after whatever just happened.  
He looked terrified.  
“Alex?” She reached out and he flinched away.  
“... don’t touch me.” He had to breath, he just needed to breath.  
Head slipping between his knees as he hugged them tightly.  
Mere immediately gave him space, hands raised slightly.  
“You okay?” She asked after a moment kneeling down to catch his eye.  
“I’m fine.” He didn’t sound fine, shoulders jerking in an upset and twitchy way.  
She knew she needed to call Derek and she wasn’t sure if what was and had been stopping her was even valid.  
But, then again. What if Alex and Derek had an argument? And Alex hadn’t even mentioned him much less tried to call him himself.  
She’d just try her best on her own for now. “You can leave it on.” He didn’t respond to her and she scratched lightly at his hair sitting beside him on the bed. “It’s no big deal, silly-boy.”  
Alex looked up at the endearment, she’d called him that before. “Thanks.” He tried to keep his voice steady, leaning into her hand to help ground himself.  
He was here.  
He was safe here.  
“Welcome, goodnight Alex.” She really needed to sleep and she didn’t want to baby him too noticeably. (Like she actually wanted to if she was being honest.)  
Alex watched her get up with a twinge of sadness, now he wanted a hug or something.  
Body aching for comfort after the scary thoughts that had just run through his head. But he’d already pushed himself on her by being needy and he felt like he needed to back off. “Goodnigh’.”  
She left the door cracked open as she slipped out, hand resting on the frame momentarily as she built up her willingness to leave.  
She only left when she heard him settling into the bed.

___________________________

Alex woke up with a throbbing headache, wincing as he pushed the pad of his thumb to the roof of his mouth in the hopes of releasing some of the pulsing pressure.  
It didn’t work and he whined in upset, kicking the sheets off with his bottom flaring in pain at the movement.  
“Owww..” it felt like FIRE, itchy stinging fire all over his lower half.  
He reached for his phone blearily, he needed Derek to fix it.  
It hurt a lot.  
Squinting at the bright bluish light he went to his contacts scrolling through work calls and the few random ones from his family.  
Quickly realizing that he didn’t have Dereks number, crap.  
He repeated the word ‘Crap’ over and over again as he gently rolled the wet pull-up down his legs, tears welling up bitterly.  
(He really needed his daddy.)  
He wallowed a bit in all the sadness of being alone and in pain.  
Laying half nakedly with his arm over his throbbing eyes and almost drifting off again, before he heard someone getting up.  
Jumping off the bed he rushed to his cracked open door, slamming it shut and locking the vintage handle.  
“Ooo, so you sleep in the nude. Huh?” Izzy’s teasing voice called through the door, she was probably just trying to be more playful with him but he was too tired and miserable for it.  
“No! Go away!” He stomped loudly calling the attention of Meredith from in her room.  
“Hey! What’s going on?” He heard her muffled voice as she was talking lowly to Iz, looking out the window and wondering if he should risk just running away.  
“Alex? Can I come in?” He shook his head ‘No’ adamantly before realizing that he needed to give her a verbal answer. “No!”  
She frowned at the harsh answer.  
“I’m coming in.” She didn’t give him time to protest, quickly opening the door and slipping in before Izzy could sneak a peek.  
“Are you okay?” She got a glimpse of his red bum as Alex dove into his bed and under the covers.  
“What’s wrong with your bottom?” She tilted her head curiously, not bothered at all by seeing so much of him.  
Modesty was the first thing to go when in the medical field.  
Alex tucked himself into a ball. “What’s wrong with you!? Crazy bitch.”  
“Hey. No.” She walked around to the side of the bed yanking away the part of the blanket covering his head. “You don’t ever call someone that. Even if you’re upset.” She wasn’t surprised at how much she needed to scold Alex, he might be slightly more apologetic and sweet now but he was still a wily person.  
One brown eye peaked up guiltily at her the other one soon fallowing in a puppy-dog matching set.  
She melted a little at the meek  
brown-eyed look she was getting, quickly forgiving him and kneeling down to rest her chin on his bed. “Want me to look you over? You look like you’re in pain.” Alex shook his head, burrowing back into his warm comforter. “Okay, well your door isn’t going to lock.” She said standing back up. “This house is too old for everything to work. Come down when you want to eat.” She spotted the abandoned pull-up on the floor, looking at him worriedly one last time before closing the door without a word.

____________________________

Alex was a bit apprehensive to put them back on, but his itchy throbbing bottom...along with other things.  
Won out easily and he reluctantly slipped back into the hello-kitty pants.  
Walking downstairs as causally as he could.  
“Hello!” Cristina greeted warmly, Cheshire grin offsetting her kind voice.  
“.. Kitty.” Christina was laughing at him but she had just as bad of a headache as he did, eating dry cereal from the box as she sprawled out on the table.  
“Ha. Ha.” He went to sit at the table she was laying on, quickly deciding to stand and eat at the counter instead.  
Mere walked down with a box, both girls cheering as Izzy popped up from where she was hidden behind the countertop, oven clanging shut.  
Alex winced at the loud cheers of ‘yes!’ shoulders coming up to his ears protectively.  
“Why’re we happy?” He sure wasn’t, his head hurt.  
Mere frowned sympathetically, grabbing her “emergency” Pain killers out of her pocket and picking off the lint and her “emergency” gum.. and wrappers.  
Finally she uncovered them from the mess and held them out.  
“Here. These’ll help.”  
He took them, nodding thankfully and swallowing them quickly. He didn’t even care about where they came from. “Why’re you all cheering?”  
Mere smiled grabbing the box and plopping it down on the counter in front of him. “Look.”  
He did, confused as he pulled out a VHS tape. “Old movies?” Didn’t really seem like Turner and Hooch was anything to go too crazy over.  
“Read it.”  
They all watched as he read it, eyes lighting up and bouncing in place as he got it. “Surgeries! Really, really cool ones!” He spun around happily, everyone giggling at his cute reaction. Even Izzy.  
“Yep! Someone’s coming over to watch them with us too.” Iz said, feeling excited.  
Mere was convincing him to eat one of the cinnamon blueberry muffins Izzy just pulled out and some of what she was cooking when someone knocked at the door loudly.  
Izzy jumped up running to go get it with Cristina trailing behind her at a much slower pace.  
Alex tried to peak around the corner to see who it was as someone squealed happily, Mere tapping his chin and pointing at his barley nibbled on plate.  
“They’ll be in here in a second.” She’d actually made decent eggs and someone needed to appreciate them.  
He grumbled as she stabbed a bite of food and held it up for him to eat, reluctantly taking it.

___________________________

Papa had been overly happy and rushing around when George woke up this morning and he briefly wondered why, before he saw Derek frantically getting ready with no Alex around.  
“C’mon baby, we’ve got to go.” Preston went to grab him and He whined stepping back and crossing his arms.  
“No! ‘M wet!” His diaper was still wet from sleeping, his daddy forgot to change it. “Where’s Alex?” He asked looking around.  
Preston gave him a guilty look before scooping him up and walking over to change him.  
“We have to go!” Derek called grabbing a coat for Alex and heading out the door.  
Preston felt the mounting urgency too, It was one thing to not know where a little was for a couple hours but it was a whole other thing when you couldn’t find them for a full 24.  
“Shhh, just let me dress you okay? We gotta be quick.” Normally Preston encouraged George to help out when it came to clothes but they needed to go.  
George opened his mouth to say something and Preston slipped in his pacifier in a dirty trick. “We’ll talk in the car.” George fussed a bit durning the change but other then that he was helpfully complicit as Burke slipped him into the baby blue knit jacket and grey pants.  
Burke wanted to appreciate how cute he looked but they really needed to leave.

Derek already had the car running when Preston and George came out to join him.  
“You’re going to go hang out with Izzy today sweetheart! Are you excited?”  
George nodded as his papa buckled him in, swinging his feet happily. “I know. So exciting.” He kissed his cheek, getting a soother kiss in return and smiling warmly as he slipped into the drivers seat.  
Derek was looking out the window, his eyes had dark circles under them and Preston sympathized with him over his sleepless look.  
Preston hadn’t slept much either.  
“He’s fine. He’ll probably just think we’re crazy when he sees us at work looking like this.” He said, squeezing Dereks shoulder and pulling out.  
“Baby will be fine.”

_________________________

“Hey George!” Izzy laughed warmly as he hugged her, picking him up and spinning him. “We’ve got something cool to watch with you when you age up Bambi!”  
She was happy to see he was little, half expecting him to be in his big headspace.  
“Sorry he’s little, I forgot to uh..help him..age up.” Preston mumbled after her as she left with George, busy looking at Cristina who smiled flirtatiously.  
“Hey, Dr. Burke.” She loved when he came over, enjoying the way he got around her. “Want to come in?”  
He snapped out of his crush induced stupidity, shaking his head and handing her George’s backpack. “No thanks, I have to go.”  
“You weren’t saying that a few days ago..well nights.” She wanted to keep up a bit of the banter, this was the best part.  
He blushed, dark skin warm as he leaned forward and kissed her. “I’ve got to go.”  
“Fine.” She turned, cheerily swinging the backpack up onto her shoulder as she sauntered away, showing him the thong she knew was peeking out from over the top of her ugly loose sweat pants.  
He chuckled at her antics shaking his head and walking away.

_________________________

Alex had felt like he was going to have a panic attack when George walked in.  
He’d been laughing with Meredith after they’d both bit into shell from her best egg cooking effort when George came in laughing at Izzy’s silliness.

Both of them were frozen as they stared at each other in stunned silence.  
“Why’w you here?” George asked chewing at his pacifier nervously, he wasn’t allowed to tell OR even just show anyone Alex was little.  
His daddy said so.  
“Papa’s outside wif’ Derek.”  
Alex finely snapped out of his frozen state, if Derek knew he was here  
he’d ask about why, and if he did  
Alex would have to tell him he’d been drinking last night and had been with Olivia.  
He swallowed thickly, he was disgusted by what he’d done and he might not  
be too far off from how Derek would feel about it.  
“Don’t tell him I’m here.” He looked at the girls, trying to sound indifferent.  
George looked at him like he was crazy, shocked by his callous tone. “You have ta’ tell him!” He shook his head angrily.  
“He’s w’ooking for you!”  
Alex glanced over briefly as Cristina walked in turning back to try and convince George not to tell on him.  
“Can we go somewhere private?” George shook his head once again,  
his babyish curls bouncing around stubbornly. “No! You have to tell him. He’s a’scared.”  
Alex felt a pang of guilt at that, but he didn’t want Derek to know.  
“Don’t tell him. Please.” He had wanted Derek earlier but now that he’d thought about it, he really didn’t want him to know about any of it. “I’ll tell him later.”  
George gave him a confused look, gesturing to the door. “Tell him now! He’s w’ooking for you!”  
He didn’t get it, they’d been looking everywhere for Alex.  
Why didn’t he want to be found?  
Alex really wanted to have this conversation somewhere private,  
he could feel all the girls watching them.  
“I’ll talk to him later.” He ground out, teeth clenched in embarrassment.  
George was going to make it obvious he was a little if they kept this up.  
George breathed in shakily.  
“I’m telling.”  
Alex panicked as he turned away, grabbing his arm to stop him.  
“Are you kidding!? You gotta tell him!” George yelled as he pulled at his arm with Alex holding him tightly.  
Alex shook his head ‘No’ not trusting his voice anymore.  
“I’m telling!” George pushed him roughly when he couldn’t pull away,  
Alex looking about half a second away from bursting into tears as he was knocked into the counter.  
“You can’t. You’re my f’end.” His voice wobbled brokenly as he felt himself start to crash.  
He wanted to run away but his heart felt like it had dropped to his feet anchoring him damningly to the spot he was breaking down.  
Everyone here was going to find out.

Mere decided to step in when she saw Alex slipping, no longer able to watch them deal with it themselves.  
They didn’t look like they could deal with it themselves anyway.  
Alex still looked too scared to cry, but clearly he was a millisecond away from breaking down.  
She walked over and picked up George as he shamelessly burst into loud tears.  
“Okay, Shh. Both of you calm down okay?” Both littles shook their heads ‘No’  
Alex covering his face and George burying his into her neck.  
“Well you have to calm down.”  
She looked to Izzy for help, littles were light enough to hold but she still had to have both her arms for one boy.  
Izzy took George as Mere slipped him into her arms, a bit numb from the shock of seeing Alex clearly aging down.  
Mere ignored her questioning look for now, slipping her arms around Alex and picking him up. (Well if nothing else that confirmed he was a little.)  
“I know. It’s hard, huh?” He wailed lowly into her shoulder, everything becoming too much for him to handle.  
Cristina was deciding whether or not to call Burke and tell him what was happening when Mere brushed against her with a sobbing Alex in her arms.  
Meredith saw the look on her face as she passed and shook her head. “We don’t know the full story. Wait until we figure it out, please.”  
“We shouldn’t have to deal with this.” Cristina hated having to coddle things,  
It was one of the reasons her and Burke were still a secret.  
She’d told him she didn’t want to play “Mommy” to any littles yet and this felt a hell of a lot like playing mommy.  
“You can go, we’ve got two caretakers to deal with this.” Mere knew what she was thinking.  
Cristina nodded. “I’ll just be on the couch...” She couldn’t just leave, she wasn’t that bad of a friend.

_____________________________

Alex was desperate to stop crying.  
Everyone in this whole damn house knew about him being a little now and they were in denial if they said they didn’t.  
This was why he pushed people away for so long and he’d done an amazing job at it until Derek showed up.  
Now it felt like every person he met ended up knowing and Mere wasn’t helping him at all in clawing back to his big headspace.  
In fact; she was making him feel littler by coddling him and bouncing him.  
“Shhh, It’s okay, it’s okay silly little love.” She murmured, hugging him tight as she tried to calm him down.  
He felt his eyes burn, she was making his heart ache.  
She’d be such a good mommy.  
He’d been apprehensive and nervous around girls his whole life, his own mom was so fucking terrifying one moment and then so needy the next.  
Reed barely flew under the radar, skimming through because she was the first girl little he’d ever met and they were so similar. But even then he was different around her then he was with George.  
That’s why he was so venomously flirtatious, most people stayed away when you were quiet but a lot of girls didn’t.  
They wanted to know you.  
And even with all he did Olivia still wanted to be with him.  
Of corse he was only thinking all this so he could age up, sometimes it helped.

Mere adjusted him slightly as he settled down, walking over to sit on the couch with Cristina.  
Cristina rolled her eyes as Mere slipped Alex sideways in her lap as she sat down not wanting any part of this.  
But she still grabbed his feet and put them into her own lap regardless.  
“You’re a good person.” Mere said teasingly, smiling as Cristina flipped her off before immediately going back to rubbing his legs  
“Hey, you okay?” She murmured looking down at him and tugging down Alex’s ridden up shirt to cover his belly.  
“E’barrassed.” His voice cracked, hands covering his hot and wet face. “You’w not a’possed t’ know.”  
Even Cristina had to bite her lip to keep from cooing at his sweet voice.  
“Oh? I’m sorry.” She really wasn’t, Alex was way too cute. “You don’t have to feel that way though, silly boy.”  
He relaxed a bit at the familiar  
nick-name, feeling brave enough to peek up at her.  
“Don’t make fun of my chin. You’re at a bad angle.”  
He smirked at her joke, resting both his arms up over his head sweetly and making his shirt ride up again.  
Mere smiled, giving up on pulling it back down and settling on rubbing his exposed belly. “Feeling better?”  
He pushed away her hand, it was really cold. “Uh-huh.”  
She smirked as he pushed her hand away moving quickly to tickle lightly under his exposed arms and at his sides not able to resist laughing with him as he let out a cute belly laugh.  
“Are you ticklish?” Her smile lines deepened as he threw his head back shaking it ‘No’ and laughing madly.  
Cristina still didn’t like coddling, but she couldn’t resist running her fingers lightly over the souls of his feet.  
Chuckling at the loud response it got her, she’d totally found the sweet spot.  
He was still giggly as she let up, arms folded up and protecting his sides  
with his clothes all crumpled.  
“Okay, Sorry. You said you feel better?”  
He nodded happily wiping at the tears of mirth running down his face.  
Mere gave him a minute to settle down, readjusting all his clothes into a more tame look.  
She smoothed down his shirt trying to stay light with what she needed to ask.

“I think we both know we need to talk about Derek.”

___________________________

Izzy was halfway between blaming Alex for upsetting George and still being shocked about him being a little.  
Alex was just so CRUDE and mean and gross.. how could he be a cute little guy like George?  
“Hey, you want to go outside? It’s snowing!” She suddenly remembered she was trying to calm down George, walking over to the back door to distract him.  
“No! We gotta call Papa.” He said again stubbornly, that’s all he’d say now that he’d settled slightly.  
“Believe me, I want to but Mere would probably kill me.” And she was also still wrapping her head around Alex herself.  
She slipped him into the puffy coat they kept here for him zipping it up and walking out with his hand in hers.  
George didn’t want to go outside.  
He’d been little ALL night and part of today. He decided that was enough and pulled his hand out of hers running away as she called after him.

__________________________

“No!”  
“Yes Alex. We’re talking about him, it sounds like he’s worried.”  
She’d pulled him up so he was straddling her lap, his arms crossed as he shook his head again “No!”  
She wasn’t very impressed with his negotiating strategy of just yelling ‘No’ at her over and over again.  
“Alex. Your daddy is worried and I’m going to call him unless you talk to me.”  
He growled flopping to the side with Cristina protesting loudly at the sudden lap full of Alex she got.  
“Fine.” Mere stood up, walking dramatically to the old hanging landline that probably didn’t work.  
Alex screeched “No” again as she picked up the dead receiver.  
“Then tell me why you’re avoiding him.”  
Alex’s eyes were filled with embarrassed tears. “I got dunk last nigh’.”  
It took her a minute to figure out what dunk meant, shaking her head. “Okay. Well, Will he hurt you if he knows you got drunk baby?” She sat in front of where he was laying on the couch looking up at him seriously.  
“No, Daddy’d never hur’ me.” He shook his head negatively.  
She looked at him with a studying eye, there had to be another reason then.  
Cristina must have heard he was keeping something back also, sitting him upright in her lap. “What else did you do evil spawn? ”  
Well he couldn’t just tell them.  
That was gross.  
He didn’t even really get it himself, his smaller headspace making the memory foggy.  
He leaned over to Mere cupping his hands over his mouth and whispering loud enough for Cristina to hear too.  
They both didn’t like knowing that. Obviously.  
But no one really did, no caretaker classification liked to hear about what littles got up to when they weren’t little.  
“Were you in your big headspace?”  
Mere asked seriously, she was worried because all Alex really knew was he’d slept with someone and felt bad enough not to tell Derek afterwards.  
“Yeah.” He nodded adamantly, he KNEW that part.  
They both sighed, Cristina bonking her head onto the back of his in relief.  
“Okay. Well I don’t think your daddy will be mad.” She stopped what she was going to say as someone knocked thunderously at her door.  
She looked over at Cristina worriedly before she ran to go answer it.

________________________

George felt a little guilty as he sat down his teddybear-cased phone in the kitchen.  
Alex wasn’t going to be happy.

________________________

She opened the door when she saw it was Derek and he barely looked at her before grabbing her shoulders lightly and moving her to run and through her house.  
“Where is he?” He didn’t sound mad but he did sound frantic, not waiting for her answer as he walked quickly through the rooms. “Alex!”  
She was confused as he came out of her living room without seeing him, walking in herself she saw nothing but the fireplace going.  
(Cristina was such a secretly good person it amazed her sometimes.)  
“Let’s talk first. There’s a reason he didn’t want to talk to you earlier.” She grabbed his arm as he was flying past her and he stilled, his eyes becoming incredibly sad at hearing that.  
“Okay. But is he hurt?” He shuddered at the thought, a tear running down his sculpted nose slowly and dipping down. Why was he even here?  
He asked her and she couldn’t take the hurt and worry laced in his shaky voice hugging him tightly. “Your baby is fine. He’s just worried.”  
His immediate reaction was “Thank god.”  
His other reaction was complete stillness.  
They held each other for a few long moments Derek being the one to pull back first, fingers still laced behind her back.  
“Okay. So you know?”  
She couldn’t help smirking and tipping up onto her toes to kiss him under his shallowly dimpled chin for the dumb question. “That Alex Karev is the cutest little ever? Yes, I know.”  
He had to kiss her for THAT answer. “Good answer.” He licked his lips, she tasted like cinnamon. “Okay, So what’s he worried about?”

__________________________

Alex had been momentarily surprised when Cristina dragged him up to her room,  
now he was just confused as he sat on her dirty laundry pile of a bed.  
“It’s gross in here.” His freckled nose was wrinkled distastefully, his pink tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth dramatically.  
“I don’t do cleaning.” Cristina didn’t care, plopping down beside him and putting her arm over her eyes. “Speaking of things I won’t do, are you going to pee yourself or something?”  
He blushed deeply, putting his hands over his face and not answering.  
She sat up as he didn’t say anything. “No. No way.” How’d she get herself into this mess?  
He shook his head ‘No’ after a moment and she laughed humorlessly. “Nice try! too late for that answer now.” She looked at him worriedly. “Do you have something..you uh..you know...use to...” she gestured at his crotch helplessly and he groaned rolling off her bed in the hopes it might kill him.  
“Do you have diapers somewhere to catch all the gross Alex pee?” She said inelegantly, head popping up over him from the side of her bed.  
He SHOULD be embarrassed, but instead he started laughing tickled by her silliness. “You’w so weird!”  
He squealed as she attacked his belly with actual tickles, rolling around and fitfully giggling.  
Cristina normally couldn’t stand littles (they where attention pits.) but Alex was a surprisingly cute one. “Okay, enough of this silliness Karev. Where are the pull-ups?” Oh good he still had the decency to blush.  
“In my ban’kit.”  
She made a dramatic ‘oh’ face. “SO THATS WHAT WE GOT AT YOUR GROSS MOTEL!” She’d have never gotten that.  
“Yeah, wan’ me to get it?” He smiled as he found a Badtz Maru buried under her dresser tugging it out. “Why do you have a mean black duck?”  
She gave him an unimpressed look for his short attention span “Mere gave it to me. She has the hello kitty one.” She humored him, getting up to collet what they needed. “I’ll be back, don’t break anything too big to hide!” She could cram in some bad habits, it would be her payment for babysitting the McDreamy baby.

She came back to a surprisingly similar room the only thing different was Alex had lined up the few gag gift stuffed animals she’d gotten through the years onto her bed. “Do you like them? You can have one.”  
He smiled at her brightly and she didn’t regret offering, slapping the end of her bed semi-invitingly. “C’mon, I want to get this done.”  
He sat where she’d directed him, reaching out to grab the package from her. “Nah, not a good idea if you’re little right now.” She said ripping it open with pull-ups flying everywhere, picking one up without a care. “Lay back.”  
Every time he protested she said ‘nah’ and eventually he flopped back not even caring what she did anymore. “You’w f’ustrating!”  
She smiled smugly.  
“Yeah, well I’m also a doctor so I’ve seen it all if you’re worried.”

__________________________

Derek didn’t like anything Meredith told him.  
He was struggling with thinking of Alex in either of the situations she’d told him about without feeling sick to his stomach. “Thank you for taking him here, I’m happy he wasn’t put in some random cab.” He was really having a hard time with everything, running his hands through his onyx black hair.  
Alex was definitely going to turn it gray.  
Everyone was sitting with them in the living room, Mere tangled up next to him and Burke holding a quiet George now that he’d come in.  
“I know It’s hard for you, but it has to be hard for him too.” Preston said quietly, playing with George’s wavy hair. “It’s probably way harder for him if you think about it, this is his first time having a daddy and he’s so little.” Preston looked over at Dereks slightly tortured face.  
“You need to be the bigger man and buck the hell up, you’ve got a confused little who’s hurting right now.”  
Derek sighed deeply at that, Preston was more then right.  
As everyone talked they heard hurried footsteps sounding on the stairs.  
Cristina bursting in and grabbing Mere by the arm, pulling her away without an explanation.

__________________________

“Cristina?” Mere was repeating her name  
over and over as she was dragged behind her. “CRISTINA!”  
“What!?” She didn’t have time for Meredith to be stupid. “I might as well have just grabbed George.. but, I needed a second opinion.”  
That got Mere quiet and moving faster, running ahead of Cristina to get to her room and audibly sighing when she saw Alex was fine, albeit half naked and blushing. “You okay?”  
The stuffed animal on his head shook negatively. “Don’t tell Derek.”  
If he’d felt exposed before he REALLY felt it now, barley getting up the courage to open his legs for her to see.  
She didn’t even flinch at his nakedness, hissing in sympathy at the red rash on him. “Ouch, poor little.”  
“Look closer.” Cristina said and Mere did eyes widening slightly.  
“Fuck... He’s got syphilis.”

________________________

 

“I’m not mad. It’s alright, bud.” Derek was crosslegged on Cristina’s bed, Alex laying in front of him with silent tears rolling down his face and onto the bed.  
“You’ll be okay, we’ll start you on penicillin later at work.”  
Alex didn’t want any of this, he hadn’t even really wanted to be with Olivia.  
That was just stupid low self worth that had made him do that, and the drinking came from that same dark place.  
He didn’t exactly feel worthy of anything good right now either, especially not a nice Daddy.  
“I’m dis-diga yuck.” His chest felt open and he just wanted it to stop. “Go ‘way, I’m yuck.”  
Derek pulled his limp little self up into his lap for a cuddle as the tears continued to slip down Alex’s flushed cheeks. “You’re not disgusting, you were fully big... I mean you shouldn’t have gotten drunk.” Alex shuddered unhappily and Derek didn’t pause. “But you’ll get better in only a couple treatments and we’ll talk and talk and then talk some more until we both know a little more about what we’re doing.”  
Alex hated this, he hated everything that was happening right now. “I hate this.”  
“I know.” Derek really wanted to kill whoever Olivia was. “But, it’ll get better.” He kissed his fuzzy sand brown hair, nuzzling it lovingly. “And I’ll get your phone-number and never ever use it because you’ll always be with me from now on.”  
Alex actually laughed at that, rubbing at his tear sore eyes. “Aw’right, ‘nd we’ll sleep in your big bed and fish! Cause you live ow’side.”  
“Good idea, we’ll fish everyday because I live outside.” Alex was so cute. “Did you give Mere any trouble?”  
Alex nodded “I cawed her a beach.”  
He had his arms out in a “What’re you gonna do” kind of way.  
Derek gasped dramatically, trying not to laugh at Alex’s silly gestures. “Then you’d better say sorry, you unruly boy.”  
“She looked at my butt!” Alex defended himself.  
“So did Cristina and your Daddy.” Derek growled the last bit, blowing a raspberry onto Alex’s neck and rocking them back on the bed, getting a gloriously happy giggle.  
(These amateurs thought they knew how to make his baby laugh.)  
“I like your pants.” They were cute, fluffy hello kitty faces all over them.  
“Me too, buh don’ tell Meredi’ff they’re girl pants.”  
Derek rolled his eyes, Alex and his gender conformity. “I brought you your paci.” He pulled it out Alex grabbing his hand and pulling it to his face to latch on.  
He hummed contently as he nursed it, slipping around to lay sideways in his lap fully so he could look up at Derek. “I ‘ove you.”  
Derek smiled as Alex grabbed a handful of his shirt putting his own hand on top of his. “And I love you.”  
“uh most?”  
Derek bit down on his laughter. “Yes.  
You are the person I love the most.” He’d definitely started something, leaning down and kissing Alex’s yellow soother.  
“Nap?” Alex sighed, eyes blinking slowly as he hooked a finger through his paci’s ring.  
“Not in here, it’s gross.” Dereks voice was slightly strained as he tugged Alex to his chest, sliding off the bed with Cristina’s laundry tumbling to the ground. “Nap in Mere’s room.”  
Alex had pulled a fat Garfield toy with him by its striped tail, Derek having to catch it as it fell out of his grip when he dozed off.

Mere had joined them later after she’d gone in to “check” on Alex.  
“When I thought of you in my bed this isn’t what I expected.” She mumbled messing with Alex’s short hair and looking at Derek over his head.  
“Better?” His sleep heavy voice rumbled.  
A slow smile pushed up the apples of her cheeks as she cuddled down into the warm puppy pile the three of them had made in her normally empty bed. “So much better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, man.  
> We’re starting to get a bigger village! I love Cristina, and Meredith is going to love her evolving role from what I’ve seen.  
> In all honesty though no one will ever replace super wife Burke. 
> 
> Not gonna lie, I kinda projected a lot of my own feeling’s on the Alex/Olivia thing I wrote through Alex so that’s why he was a mess. 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! and as always, Thank you for being my Neighbor<3


	12. The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzy is uncomfortable with the idea of Alex being a little and everyone else is chill.  
> Derek and Mere wake up in the same bed...Alex being there might just make it more awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter twelve!  
> This one was a bit fickle to write.  
> But I’m satisfied with it and I definitely had my way playing around with our colorful cast of characters. 
> 
> I listened to ‘At Seventeen’ by Janis Ian on repeat during this one. just a recommendation because I can :) 
> 
> Anyway, let me know how you feel about it! I’d love to hear from you <3  
> Comments are read and appreciated! Thank you for the last ones I got:)  
> See you at the end...

Alex woke up frightfully, skin prickling as he pressed himself against his Daddy in fear, another loud wet growl sounding behind him.  
Did a dog get in?  
Derek woke up and he wasn’t quite sure why before giving a painful hiss as Alex’s nails dug more into his side.  
(That might have something to do with it.) He carefully pried him off with Alex giving a loud shriek.  
“Shhh, what’s wrong?” He was still exhausted, patting at Alex half heartedly and rolling him over himself to rest at his other side for a cuddle, he hadn’t slept at all last night (for obvious reasons) and being awake right now was not on his agenda.  
“D’ere’s a monster!” Now Alex had gotten himself really really scared, he could almost see it in his head.  
It must be big.  
Mere woke up at Alex’s frightened cry with a snort, jumping up quickly and fumbling to turn on the light.  
“What’s wrong!?” She was completely sleep muddled, hair sticking up wildly and makeup smeared.  
Alex cautiously peeked out from behind Dereks shoulder as the growling stopped abruptly and Derek put two and two together, chuckling like an idiot and pulling his still scared baby up to lay on him fully.  
“Mehehere wahahas..!” He couldn’t stop laughing, especially as Alex warned Meredith to “Get on th’ bed quickly, d’ere’s a dog!!”.  
He continued to laugh alone like a moron as Alex actually switched to hide on Mere instead while he continued in his hysterias, Derek clearly wasn’t taking this seriously enough.  
“Mere was just-just snoring, bud.”  
There he did it. Finally.  
His sides hurt.  
Alex blushed down to his toes when he got it, crawling back to hide his face on his daddy’s chest in embarrassment.  
“I f’ought she was a mons’er, Dada.” He mumbled seriously, putting back in his abandoned pacifier and wiping at his damp eyelashes with a sniffle.  
He really had thought that.  
“Oh, poor lamb.” Derek decided that sleep was probably a pipe dream by now as Alex clung to him like a baby koala.  
He bemoaned as he pat at Alex’s plushy bum and sat up, quickly checking his pull-up as discreetly as possible.  
“I would have gotten it if there was a real monster baby, and Mere could’ve helped.” He reassured as he laid him down gently between his legs, looking down at the crescent stains left on Alex’s sleep pants by the leaky pull-up in disdain.  
He made a quick note to himself that  
pull-ups weren’t good for sleeping in as he pulled off his own subsequently wet tee-shirt. “Mere?”  
She’d been pretty much ignored this whole time, but she still smiled at him and slid herself onto the bed to kiss Alex’s cheek.  
“I don’t snore! Silly goose.”  
Alex’s eyes closed in a happy way as she nuzzled his sleep warm cheek, pacifier held by his teeth as he grinned cutely with his dimple showing.  
“I f’ought you was a mons’er!” He giggled, hugging her head in a silly way.  
“But you was just snorin’!” Now that he was more awake it was VERY funny and he giggled uncontrollably, Derek holding his sides with an amused smirk to keep him from rolling his wet front onto the clean sheets in his bubbly fit of laughter.  
Mere laughed too, pinching lightly at his exposed belly.  
“Well, I think your cute.” She wanted to tease him playfully but he was being too darn adorable for her to think of anything clever.  
Derek tapped her lightly and gestured down discreetly with his eyes when he caught hers, she fallowed where his had landed.  
Frowning at her now damp and ruined hello kitty pants still on Alex, poor kitty.  
“I’ll go get something from Burke.”  
With that she popped up onto her knees, cocking her head thoughtfully before kissing him passionately on the lips.  
He had to catch himself on the headboard as she leaned into him with her overly dramatic kiss, before getting up and leaving. 

Letting Derek deal with whatever happened in her impish wake. 

______________________________

She knew it was dirty leaving Derek like that.  
But Alex needed to know one way or another, and him knowing sooner was probably better then waiting until later.  
“Mere?” Cristina looked at her messy hair and self satisfied face with wide eyes as she walked down the stairs knowing where she’d been sleeping. “You and McDreamy didn’t do the dirty, with McBaby in the room did you?!”  
Mere almost fell off the last few steps at that. “CRISTINA!”  
“WHAT!? You look like you just had sex! Not my fault!” She laughed as Mere threw one of George’s stuffies at her catching it easily and leaning her head on it. “Can we watch one of the surgery’s now?” She’d been good, she didn’t even watch the second one.  
Only the first.  
“Yeah, let me get something first.” Mere kicked at her playfully as she passed her. Going into the kitchen to get what she’d come down here for in the first place. 

Burke smiled at her as she walked in, turning away from where he’d been gazing out the window at George. “George’s making a snowman with Izzy.”  
Mere nodded, starting to go through George’s backpack. “Need something?”  
He asked curiously as she ruffled through George’s things, wincing painfully at the disorganized jumble she was creating.  
“Diaper?”  
“Front pocket, left slot. But no cream, it’d be bad for the infection.” She nodded again, holding it up triumphantly before walking over to peak out the window with him as she started to fill a bowl with cold water.  
Iz was putting in the carrot nose and talking a mile a minute with George seemingly listening attentively, he giggled at her as she knocked off the head accidentally and she laughed right along with him.  
Kicking her lame snowman’s snow playfully at George.  
Mere watched the snowball fight that ensued for a second, smiling fondly.  
“She’s good with littles isn’t she?”  
Burke nodded absentmindedly, looking out at them and silently thinking about how Cristina wasn’t.  
Mere could tell, side-eyeing him quietly.  
“Cristina is too.. she’s just more reserved.” Burke looked at her in surprise but she didn’t turn to look back at him. “She doesn’t know it, but sometimes we all need a reserved person around.” She looked up at him then. “Even littles.”  
Burke set aside her knowing, hoping she could help him sort his thoughts. “She said she doesn’t want to “play mommy”.”  
“She might not ever want to, but then again she might. And either way she’s a good person to have around.” She almost cut him off as she quickly answered.  
Burke was surprised by her insight and mulled it. “Thank you.”  
Mere nodded, turning to leave before pausing at the doorway. “I know she might seem cold and unshakable.” Mere wasn’t blind, she knew that they both looked like that. “But, she’s not.  
She’s smart and a badass, but she loves the people she considers hers fully.  
So, if She’s with you? She already loves you.” She looked back at him again water balanced vicariously on her hip. “Don’t break her heart.” She said it like a threat because it honestly was one.  
Burke nodded in understanding, watching her as she left.  
“I won’t.”

Cristina was still hugging the toy Mere threw at her, now looking at the fire blankly as she walked back in.  
“He’s in the kitchen.”  
“I know.”  
Mere decided the boys could wait at Cristina’s melancholily look, putting down her bowl and cuddling up to her with her head tucked under her chin like an affectionate cat.  
“You okay?”  
Cristina nodded hugging her tight. “Thank you for saying all that..stuff.  
It was gross and sweet.”  
“You’re welcome.”  
Cristina shoved her off, smiling wickedly.  
“Go help Alex, you horrible person.”  
Mere pulled her down on the ground with her, yelling for Burke to help in a fake panic before jogging off upstairs.  
Water sloshing behind her.

______________________________

Alex was still reeling from Mere kissing Derek, mouth agape with his pacifier tumbling out.  
“Mer’def kissed you!”  
He didn’t sound upset but Derek was still worried.  
“Yes, she did.” She definitely did do that, he was still catching his breath and gazing at the door she’d retreated through; he just wasn’t quite sure if it was lovingly or with exasperation.  
“Daddy.” Derek looked down at the serious use of his name.  
“I think Mer’def loves you.” Alex whispered secretively, covering his mouth with a wide grin.  
Derek felt a girlish squeal building up in his chest at the sight of his cute littles eyes sparkling so bright at his “discovery”.  
He leaned down instead and kissed the bridge of Alex’s freckled nose,  
boxing his cute face in between his forearms as he gave him Eskimo kisses.  
“You think so?” He pulled his head back just enough to look down at him and grin.  
Alex shrugged from under him with a helpless frown.  
“She kissed you.”  
Derek nodded in fake consideration.  
“Well, then I think you mush’t be right.”  
He puckered out his lips with a silly frown as he spoke in an exaggerated bulldog cheeked way.  
Alex giggled leaning forward and pecking him on the mouth platonically, still blushing and covering his eyes regardless.  
“Thank you for the kisses sweet boy.”  
Derek absolutely adored his baby, grabbing his belly and rocking him from side to side playfully. “Does that mean you love me too?”  
Even as little as he was Alex still wanted to sink into the bed and hide.  
Derek caught on to his discomfort and kissed his hand covered face around the place his mouth would be. “Well that one meant I love you.” He said gently, sitting up and drumming his tummy impatiently as he waited for Mere.  
Had she forgotten?

She finally walked in a few minutes later with a diaper in hand and water sloshing everywhere.  
She looked like she was up to no good as she bit her lip with a Cheshire grin.  
Derek looked questioningly at the water, forgetting what he was going to say to her momentarily. “Um.. Mere?”  
“Yes?” She looked completely oblivious as she put it on her nightstand, her feet and the bottom cuffs of her pants soaked.  
“Why do ya got wa’der?” Alex asked curiously, peeking over one of Dereks legs from where he was laying between them.  
“I thought it’d be nice on your rash, baby.” She dropped in the washcloth with a loud wet *plonk!* and Alex groaned in embarrassed agony covering his red face.  
“Go ‘way!”  
Derek rubbed at his belly soothingly.  
“Be nice, baby boy.” He leaned down and kissed his belly before starting to untie the drawstrings.  
Alex grabbing the waistband defiantly as he started to slide them off. “She can’t SEE.” He whispered harshly, tugging them up over his belly button.  
“Okay, shhh..” He hushed him placatingly, looking over at her in question. “Mere?”  
She didn’t want to go, crawling over the bed to sit at Alex’s head.  
She combed her fingers lightly through his short hair as she sat crosslegged behind him, Alex looking up at her curiously.  
“Can I stay if I don’t look? Please?” She kissed his upside-down forehead and he blushed. “Hmm?”  
Derek wasn’t too sure about Meres convincing tone and tact, pulling Alex’s attention to him by grabbing his hands and holding them to his chest.  
“It’s okay for some things to be private, baby.” He didn’t want Alex to feel pressured into saying yes, no matter how good Meredith’s intentions were.  
(He was still worried about that Olivia persons methods of getting him to say yes.. he’d have to ask Alex more about THAT after he’d aged up.)  
Mere nodded, agreeing full heartedly with him. “It’s always okay to say ‘No’, love.” She backed off slightly, still stroking at his feather soft hair. “I won’t ever be mad if you want something to stay between just you and your Daddy.”  
She swirled the front of his short hair into a cupie swirl, smiling at him patiently as she waited.  
Alex felt very little, but he still appreciated Derek saying something.  
He felt safer knowing that he was protecting him.  
He made his choice after weighing the options, Mere made him feel the same safe way that Derek did oddly enough.  
He didn’t mind having a Meredith in the room.  
“You c’n stay. Buh really don’t look, ‘kay?” Alex grinned, his face squished up as she cupped his chin, tilting his head back and kissing it sweetly. “Thank you, sweetheart.”  
Derek gave her an impressed look at having already having gotten Alex wrapped around her finger.  
“Have your fun now but you’ll be wrapped around HIS little finger in not too long.” With that he lifted Alex’s hips and gently slipped off his pants to start changing him.  
He was proud of him for being so brave and truly impressed that Mere had made herself so trustworthy in such a short amount of time.  
Mere ignored his teasing, kneeling down over Alex like she had some big secret.  
“Daddy’s so silly. You’ve already got me wrapped around your finger, don’t you baby?” Alex grinned, slipping his fingers into his mouth to nurse on as he looked up at her to see what she was up to.  
Mere replaced them with his paci  
easily bopping it playfully and “kissing” his face with a sleepy-eyed Garfield toy she found on her floor.  
Alex found it hilarious when one of Garfield’s big plastic eyes clicked on his paci and he was laughing so hard he was hiccuping as Mere did it over and over again at random making a game of it simply because she loved how he reacted.  
Derek watched them with a dopey grin, his two favorite people interacting so cutely with each other making him ridiculously happy.  
He watched them both closely as they played, Alex had just started this whole journey and he was normally so cautious and embarrassed.  
It was crazy seeing him not cover his face like he normally did during any type of baby thing, instead looking up fully at Mere to watch her and actually seeming to enjoy her entertaining him.  
He slipped the clean diaper under him quickly after disposing of the other one and held the cool wet cloth over Alex’s front gently for a second, Alex relaxing at the brief relief to his stinging skin.  
“You know that song ‘hold your hand’ from the Beatles? Sing him that.”  
Derek was not looking forward to this next part and he figured Alex wouldn’t be much of a fan either.  
As she did he started to wipe Alex down, Alex immediately starting to cry and arch his back at the light contact even with the soft cloth and cool water.  
Derek had to keep him still by holding him behind his knee and Alex wasn’t happy, trying to angle his hips away from him in a pitiful attempt to be left alone for the few brief seconds of being washed down there.  
He finally heard her voice through his upset as she leaned down close to his ear and he stilled slightly, turning his head on the bed so he could press his hot wet face on hers.  
She smiled at the face full of Alex and pacifier she got, kissing the crown of his head before continuing her off key singing.  
“Tha’s my song.” He murmured sweetly as Derek gently cupped his bottom with the cool cloth again, no longer cleaning him up.  
She propped herself up on her elbows and smiled down at his wet brown eyes and bobbing pacifier gently wiping down his cheek then playfully tugging at his ear. “I’m glad you liked it. I’m not very good at singing am I?”  
She mumbled something else and Alex missed it, distracted by the loose long hair falling all around her face with his hand coming up tentatively to play with it.  
She grabbed his arm gently and he flinched away, protectively holding it to his chest. “Shhh..” She gently took it again, twirling a lock of her honeyed hair around his fingers. “I was just showing you it was okay.” She turned her head, kissing his knuckles. “Silly boy.”  
Derek smiled at the soft coo she got, loving the cute endearment and putting on the new diaper.  
He looked down at his work as he finished, admiring the cute picture  
Alex always managed to make in new things.  
He liked this diaper, it was thin like Alex seemed to like and super cute with the sesame muppets just under his belly, faint rainbow abcs adorning the white.  
He decided to ask Burke about where to get some as he pulled the pink tabs more securely around Alex’s hips.  
Alex looked about ready to nod off again as he let his hand drop back on the bed from where it had been tangled in Meres hair and Derek scooped his limp sleepy little up before he could. “Let’s go downstairs, k love?”  
Alex shrugged, he didn’t care.  
He could sleep just as easily in Dereks arms as he could anywhere else.  
Mere bit her lip, suddenly remembering that she had set up Cristina to talk to Burke before she’d come in.  
“He needs pants.” She pointed out and Derek rolled his eyes, giving her a “not helpful” look as Alex whined fussily.  
“I need pan’s Daddy!” He blushed, wiggling unhappily.  
Derek held him more securely as he bounced him, looking around in consideration.

____________________________

“I’m fine.” Cristina reassured again with Burke sitting next her after having helped her off the floor.  
“Okay, But falling off the couch isn’t a good thing. Do you want something to drink?”  
She didn’t mind letting him take care of her, shrugging.  
“Be right back.” He smiled sqeezing her knee gently and briefly glancing at her full lips before deciding against it and getting up, heading to the kitchen.  
Mere was an idiot for her methods, but maybe they did need to talk.  
Hopefully she could ask him about that. 

She couldn’t take waiting for him as the minutes passed by tauntingly slow and got up abruptly.  
Walking in she saw him at the stovetop making something that smelled like spice and chocolate with his hips swaying as he stirred to his own hummed tune.  
She smiled walking up behind him and hugging him around his waist, head peeking around his shoulder. “What are you making?”  
He shrugged her off, turning to get mugs and poring out his concoction into both. “Taste it.”  
He looked very proud of himself and she sipped it cautiously, wincing at the too sweet taste. “Ugh. Not coffee.”  
He shrugged drinking his in satisfied gulps and grabbing hers to doctor it.  
“I’ll put in some dark chocolate..”  
She realized this was him procrastinating and frowned, George was going to come in and they’d have to put off talking.  
Again.  
“Burke?”  
“Hmm?” He rose his eyebrows, shaving down the dark chocolate and dropping it in.  
She tried again as he was stirring and he still had his back to her.  
“Preston.” She finally said, trying not to roll her eyes at the theatrics of using his first name.  
He stopped what he was doing, turning to face her. “Yes?”  
He really wanted to hold this off.  
She knew he did and looked down, him handing her the mug again and taking a sip. “It’s good.” Her lips tuned down at the corners for some reason and she dismissed it as a tick, going for another longer drink.  
His eyebrows knitted at her tone, she looked upset. “I’m sorry.”  
“Why? It’s good.” Maybe she should have let him hold this off.  
He rubbed at his neck and she smiled weakly.  
She figured she’d have to say something first now, swirling her bitter hot chocolate. “You made me something, and I hated it. So you made me something else.”  
He laughed out of confusion at her randomness, but it died quickly as she looked up at him seriously.  
“And that’s exactly the person you are, you.. CARE about people.” She sounded slightly disgusted.  
He shuffled self consciously but nodded.  
“I try.”  
“You succeed.” She hated herself like this, fluffy and emotional. “But I’m not, I don’t care about others. I ate a sick kids pudding once.”  
He opened his mouth at that one and she held her hand up. “Don’t ask.“  
She drank the scalding liquid, fighting the stupid lump forming in her throat.  
“You’re kind and I’m not. We’re opposites.”  
He didn’t like hearing her talk like this, he didn’t like seeing her so emotional either, it felt foreign and just wrong.  
“Opposites attract.”  
She stepped back as he reached out for her. “Not when they’re like us.”  
“Slow down, just..” He held out his hand and she nodded hating how her eyes throbbed.  
Relationships were so stupid.  
She always got emotional for some god forsaken reason, stoic until she was faced with someone like Burke.  
Burke who was trying to get his words together before his baby came back in and ruined this.  
“I want to actually be with you, I don’t want to jump in headlong or anything.  
But I would like to start?” He put down his own mug, looking out the window as the snow started falling and collecting his thoughts. “Then maybe we could just see what happens?” He wanted this to work.  
She shrugged, the heel of her hand pressing into her closed eye. “Why? I thought we were just.. y’know. Casual.”  
Actually, now that she thought about it she didn’t even know why they were talking right now. “This is stupid, we ARE casual. I don’t need you cuddling up to me in front of a fire.” She’d tricked herself into finding this to be necessary, even Mere had pushed it.  
Talking to Burke about her like she was his great love, she wasn’t.  
“What a fucking mess. I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be!” He went to stop her and the door flung open in the mud room, George loudly calling for him.  
When he turned back from looking at the door she was gone and he did something he hadn’t done since he’d been with George.  
He ignored him calling for him and ran after her out the door, not looking back. 

___________________________

Mere heard her front door slam from upstairs and jumped, throwing down the clothes she’d been rifling through and jogging over to look out her window.  
She frowned seeing the poofy black cloud that was Cristina’s head stiffly walking away from her house.  
Shit.  
She almost turned to run downstairs and catch up to her when she saw another person jog out slinging on a coat and going after her.  
As she watched them start talking Derek appeared at her shoulder.  
“What’s going on?” He asked curiously and she nudged him away, closing the curtains.  
“Nothing. You find something for Alex?”  
He shook his head.  
“You live in a freaking fraternity house, everything’s skinny girl sized.” Alex was currently trying to get off his diaper on the bed, like going commando was any better.  
Derek caught him as he heard the first telltale rip, jogging over and grabbing his hands. “No sir. Not a good idea.”  
Alex huffed moodily, looking away with a very put-upon pout.  
Mere cooed fondly from her place by the window, walking over slowly and slipping Alex up to lay with his head on her belly. “Poor baby. Is daddy being mean?” She got at his soft belly, rolling up his shirt and rubbing it soothingly.  
Alex’s head pushed onto her stomach as he looked up at her shaking his head “No”.  
Derek smiled at his good boy crawling onto the bed to put his arm over him and Mere as he laid beside them.  
“You’re such a good boy, Little.” He kissed his temple from over Meres leg laying his head back down on the bed.  
“You knew daddy was just trying to help out right bud?”  
Alex looked over and grinned at him fingers being nursed contently in his mouth and his arms held out of the way for Mere to rub his belly.  
“Mere couldn’t trick my smart boy.”  
He knew that logically they’d need to go down and join everyone eventually.  
But the illogical part of his brain just wanted to stay here like this forever, his forehead pressed into Meres hip as he hugged her lap with his baby laying in it.  
As Mere started lazily running her fingers through his thick hair he thought about how to fix their predicament, an easy idea popping into his head. “He came in pants right? Why not use those?”  
Alex shook his head ‘no’ adamantly, not wanting to wear his stiff jeans right now.  
He didn’t even want to sit up.  
“Okay, well..” Derek tried to think of what to do, it was Meres fault that this was a problem. “Meredith will think of something, Right Mere?”  
She knew what he was doing and pushed him away.  
“I’ll go ask Izzy, she and George hang out the most.” With that she slipped Alex to a very willing Derek, who cuddled him fiercely.  
“Okay! and you are going potty.” He said addressing Alex seriously. “Right, now. Before you get dressed baby boy.”  
He picked him up walking toward the master bathroom.  
Alex really couldn’t use his diaper if Derek didn’t want him to hurt worse and he had honestly just put it on earlier for the comfort and just in case, never intending for it to be used and changed.  
“Nooo!” Alex still disagreed loudly despite the good reasoning and Mere closed the door heading downstairs. 

___________________________

“What do you want?”  
Burke shrugged uncertainly, standing in the freezing snow and unable to think of a good answer to her bitingly toned question.  
Cristina scoffed.  
Of course he didn’t actually have an answer. “Well, that’s great.” She knew what she didn’t want and it was to have a deep conversation about their ‘relationship’.  
She wasn’t Mere and Derek.  
“Why not just forget about this whole mess? I didn’t even fall, Mere pulled me off the couch.” She held out her arms helplessly before pulling them back around herself shivering.  
Burke wanted to ask her “why” about a lot of things.  
But he had to give her his jacket first, pulling it tightly around her shivering body and wrapping the scarf around her neck and over her nose.  
“We shouldn’t just forget.”  
She slapped him away as he went for the buttons, she could button up her own damn jacket. “Why not?”  
He smiled at her stubbornness, thinking back to what she had said earlier.  
“You’re smart, and a perfectionist and you’re the best intern we have.”  
She looked at him like she worried for his mental health as he prattled off random compliments. “Um..okay? Why are you saying that instead of answering?”  
He smiled, tugging gently at one of her black curls to watch it spring back.  
Her hair was so bouncy compared to her personality and it never ceased to amuse him. “Because. You said we’re opposites, But, I’m smart and a perfectionist and I was the best intern they had in my year.”  
She rolled her eyes, pushing him in regretful amusement. “You’re also a bragger.”  
He smirked “So are you.”  
She couldn’t argue, nodding. “Well then Hopefully we’re as good as we think.”  
His eyelashes hit his cheeks as he smiled brightly. “Hopefully.”  
She tugged up the scarf more smiling behind it at his cute face. “I look like Uncle Fester.” She shrugged her shoulders up to get the look she was going for, giving a little waddle for dramatic effect.  
He laughed fully at that. “Yeah? Well I guess I never realized how cute he was.”  
As they both chuckled she thought of what they’d been talking about, they both also seemed to like lightening things up.  
“Tell me what you want Burke.” She just needed to really know, she wanted a real answer.  
He hated the serious mood shift but he understood, a bit of discomfort was needed sometimes. “I want to actually date you, I want the romance and the fireplace cuddling and everything in between.”  
She knew George would have to be mixed in there for that to happen, and she honestly wasn’t sure she could be mommy to him.  
“I told you I don’t want that.”  
He knew what she was referring to and it stung a bit.  
“Now I’m telling you what I want.” He wouldn’t push her though. He didn’t even want to. “But you won’t need to be that for him, you’ll just have to be there. Be present and be you.”  
She appreciated that, but...  
“I’m still.. I’m no good at coddling. I’ll fuck him up if I’m around.”  
“You did well with Alex?”  
“For like five minutes then I had to get Mere.” She really did have to do that.  
“It was a unique situation.” He chuckled lowly, Derek has his hands full with that one. “But, you still cared enough to help, and I’ll make sure you’re not alone with him.”  
She felt like a lot was happening all at once right now. “You said you just want to start slow, right?”  
“Yes.” He leaned down, curling his fingers around her scarf and pulling it down to her chin, kissing her gently. “So, Yes?”  
She liked this much better, less talking.  
“Yeah, whatever.” His lips smiled on hers and she laughed warmly as he tossed her up, kissing her deeply as he lowered her to her feet, snow crunching under her toes as she settled.  
She pulled back smiling coyly. “I’ve got the keys to Meres car, if you want to take it a little faster...” He wrapped his hand around them, kissing her before taking her hand and sprinting to the car.  
The two of them giggling like idiots. 

____________________________

Derek had his hands full with an uncooperative and fussy baby as he stood in Meres master bath, Alex crossing his arms defiantly and trying to look big despite being fully little and still  
in a diaper.  
“I do it myself.” He was pissed that Derek was making him use the potty with him IN the room. “I’m a’dult if I gotta use the baff’room.” He didn’t mind doing it, but not with Derek watching.  
“Go ‘way!”  
Even just being in here with Derek now was making him uncomfortable and paranoid, the back of his mind stirring with dark memories despite his little headspace.  
No matter what happened they needed to turn off the damn fanlight, it was making his skin crawl.  
Alex went to flick it off and Derek turned him to face him again, thinking he was just getting distracted.  
Alex flinched. “Go ‘way. I do it myself.”  
Derek just wanted to be in there with him, not understanding what Alex was thinking and shaking his head.  
“Alex, you’re not a big boy right now and you’re absolutely not going to be in here alone.”  
Derek knew that Alex had trouble just unbuttoning things in littlespace and he didn’t want to clean pee off the floor today oddly enough.  
Alex frowned angrily, pushing him towards the door. “GO ‘WAY!”  
Derek didn’t appreciate the dismissive behavior and picked him up, setting him on the counter top to look at him. “You have two options, either go potty with daddy in the room now or go in your diaper later and I’ll have to change you again.” Derek really didn’t want to do the second one, knowing how much pain Alex was currently in from improperly changing himself earlier on top of the shit that Olivia gave him.  
Alex hit the counter-top eyes flashing defiantly as he pushed Derek again.  
“You push me one more time and you’ll be in trouble, little boy.” Derek grabbed his hands, looking at him with raised eyebrows.  
Alex felt sick with everything that was happening, it was all too much with what had happened last night to Mere and everyone finding out this morning and now this new thing Derek was telling him to do.  
He breathed in deeply, knowing that Derek wouldn’t listen if he yelled at him again.  
He went to tell him to leave in a calmer voice but his hand accidentally slipped into the soap-dish.  
The smell hit him before he even looked at the sudsy film on his hand and it went downhill quickly.  
*the fanlight was whirring deafeningly and it smelled like bar soap. A voice trying to convince him to “just let me help.” Then threatening. And..and * His eyes became blank, a tension headache blurring his vision as the room became smaller, darker. Older. Familiar.  
Flashes of physical memory ripped through him at the small trigger and the reason behind his reasonable fear of the dark from last night slipped cool and slow like molasses down his back, burning him like dry ice as he gagged.  
Derek went to touch him, looking concerned and Alex must have been too far into his fucked up head. 

That’s the only explanation he had for hitting Derek like he did. 

They both looked stunned afterwards, Alex slipping out of the memory fitfully and immediately tearing up with Derek looking at him in disappointment. “I’m trying to help you Alexander and you hit me?” Derek was mad at himself for feeling like he’d cry, Daddy’s didn’t cry and it really wasn’t something he couldn’t handle; coming from anyone other then his baby that is.  
Alex was normally so sweet, maybe that’s what was shaking him?  
“You can’t ever hit daddy because you get mad.” Alex must have been away from him too long and this was the result. “You’ve been with Meredith too long and you must have forgotten your manners, lamb.” Derek hated that his voice cracked at the end, having to wipe at his damp eyes.  
Alex felt like his heart was tearing to pieces as a tear slipped down Dereks face, he never ever wanted to hurt His daddy.

_____________________________

Mere walked in with the little outfit Izzy had found, it was a summer one but it was still really cute and vintage styled.  
She wanted to gush over it with Derek but no one was in the room as she walked in. “Alex? Derek?” She called startled by the sudden cry that came from the bathroom and rushing over to knock at the door. “Is everything alright? Open up!” She could hear Alex crying desperately and her stomach knotted  
painfully, what had happened to the happy bubble she’d left earlier?  
“I’m coming in!” She slid her hand over the top of her doorframe frantically the key hitting the floor with a deafening *clang!* she immediately crouched down grabbing it and barging in.  
Alex was absolutely wailing as he sat on the counter top, his head pressed onto Dereks shoulder as he cried desperately. Derek looked over his shoulder at her, his own eyes wet.  
“What’s going on?” She felt a little giggly seeing that they were both crying, she’d thought Derek was spanking him or something.  
Derek sniffed loudly, huffing out an exasperated laugh at how silly he must look and kissing Alex’s neck. “Can you get me his pacifier? I’ll tell you after I calm him down.” His voice was nasally and muffled by his stuffy nose and Mere had to cover her mouth to hide her smile.  
“You are ridiculous.” She giggled, grabbing Alex’s yellow paci and handing it to Derek.  
“Okay. Shhh..you’re all right.” Alex didn’t seem to agree as he sobbed loudly, head turned and refusing to take a pacifier. “Baby. It’s alright shhhh..” Alex still wasn’t having it after even fifteen minutes and Derek had to stop himself from thinking too hard about how insane it was for Alex to be the one flipping out right now.  
He looked over to Mere who was sympathetically looking at Alex, feeling desperate for this to end.  
“Can you help?”  
She looked at him with wide eyes as he yelled that over Alex’s crying, not sure if she could but definitely willing to try.  
“Hey.” She slipped herself between them Alex shrieking and holding his arms out to Derek as tears rolled down his red crumpled face. “No, you’ll need to calm down a little bit first love.”  
Derek wasn’t sure he agreed but he was right behind her if he was really needed, letting Mere take a good shot at it first.  
Alex dissolved into an angry tantrum screaming his head off and kicking at the cabinets from on top of the counter.  
Derek went to pick him up but she stopped him, holding out her arm and waiting for Alex to calm down by himself.  
He was too upset to be consoled right now and she knew quiet would help.  
Alex screamed for a good five minutes, still continuing to tantrum and kick after fifteen and finally just crying quietly into his fisted hands after twenty.  
Mere had started to wash his face and neck with a cool washcloth at eight minutes and after she’d wiped off his hand he’d finally started to calm down.  
Derek stepped in at twenty holding his own hands out with Alex collapsing into him tiredly.  
“Come here, lamb.” He slipped him into his arms, kissing his warm shoulder softly. “You’re still my good boy, okay? You made a bad choice but daddy’s right here and I’m not mad at you, little love.” Alex wasn’t sure how he was still crying but he was, rubbing his wet hot face into Dereks bare shoulder.  
Mere went behind Derek and grabbed his chin gently lightly tilting his head back to run a cool damp towel over his sore eyes and red cheeks again.  
She pinched his nose playfully and he smiled, chin still wobbly as he relaxed into Derek with a content sigh.  
“Want your paci, baby?”  
He didn’t fucking care.  
Opening his mouth to accept it as she pressed it to his lips, and working his tongue into a soothing rhythm.  
Mere stroked his soft hair, having to get up on her toes to kiss the crown of his head. “What happened? Why was he crying?”  
Derek wasn’t sure if it was the best idea to bring it up but Alex peaked down at her from over his shoulder guiltily.  
“ I-I hitted Dada.” He confessed softly around his pacifier and she nodded understandingly.  
“Okay, do you know why you hit daddy?”  
Alex nodded, eyebrows creased. “He was gonna-gonna make me go potty in front of him.” Alex’s face crumpled into a look of such intense physical pain it made Mere’s eyes tear up. “I-I was ‘cared he’d..”  
He shuddered, the vulgar taste of bile slipping up his throat as he swallowed thickly, Dismissing the biggest reason why he’d been so frantic. “I can’t tell you..” Memories slithered into his mind dangerously and he stiffened. 

Derek’s whole body went cold, venomous fear melting into him painfully  
as he thought of the implications of what Alex meant.  
“Get out.”  
Mere realized he was talking to her and backed into her bedroom sitting heavily onto her bed, unwilling to leave fully.  
She’d fight him to stay.  
He could tell she would and he accepted that, he wouldn’t leave either.  
But, this wasn’t about her or him or even putting himself in her shoes.  
So he closed the door. 

She could help after he’d talked to Alex. 

____________________________

Normally Derek allowed Alex time to process what he was thinking and feeling quietly before he started talking.  
But there was no telling what horrors Alex was thinking of or feeling right now.  
“Alex?” He asked, turning off the fanlight Alex had been going for earlier and toeing the pink fluffy bath mat closer to the door so Mere could hear.  
“Let’s sit down, sweetheart.” His voice was slightly strained as he slid down the wall to the floor, Alex still tucked against his front with his feet coming up to join the rest of him in Dereks lap as he sat fully.  
Alex had managed to get his full body onto Dereks lap, not even his butt went past Dereks knees as he tucked himself up tightly into a ball against him.  
“I don’t want you in that cute little head of yours right now baby, can you talk to me?” He was afraid Alex wouldn’t respond, but slowly and one at a time his legs came down to straddle him and he tipped his chin to rest on Dereks chest cute face now tilted up at his.  
Derek figured the best way to help him not think of what he was thinking of was to be silly and baby him,  
gently cupping the back of his head  
and brushing at what he pointed out lightly with the pad of his thumb.  
“Sweet eyelashes.. sweet freckles.. sweet nose.” Alex slowly blinked open his eyes as Derek listed things off in a honeyed voice and brushed down His noes, mouth quirking up just enough for his dimple to be visible. “Sweet eyes, and perfect Alex.” He kissed his forehead with a loud ‘muah!’ At the end, Alex giggling wetly.  
“Hi.” Alex didn’t know what else to say, he felt sicker now then he had after only drinking alcohol for five hours straight last night.  
“Hey, baby boy.” Derek really wanted to know what Alex had been thinking, but if Alex ever really needed to be little and taken care of now was the time.  
“Do you want to know what I meant earlier?” He could ask him about deeper things when he was big, but for now all he wanted to do was clear things up for Alex.  
“Mm’kay.” He felt blissfully relieved that Derek wasn’t asking him about what just happened and was explaining himself instead, already feeling himself calming down.  
“Okay.” Derek adjusted him so he could be more comfortable, Alex folding up his arms between there chests and Derek hugging him tight. “When  
I wanted you to go potty? I didn’t mean I’d watch, love.” He just wanted to help when needed and have Alex sit instead of stand, but no matter what he’d never ever think of him like that.  
Ever.  
“I only wanted to help if you ASKED and I wanted to be available, baby.” Alex slipped his chin down to hide his face on Dereks chest in embarrassment and Derek squeezed him reassuringly. “You’re not vary good with tabs and I didn’t want you to have any trouble or need to be cleaned off again, love.” Derek scowled as he thought of the ultimatum’s he’d given Alex. “I should have explained better.”  
Alex felt god awful for hitting Derek.  
Especially now that he understood.  
He shouldn’t have ever thought of him like that person.  
Derek wasn’t that person at all.  
“S’rry I hitted you, Dada.”  
Derek couldn’t take that cute face looking back up at him so guiltily, grabbing him around his ears and kissing his face for a few long moments.  
“You’re fine love. But next time you’re scared or hurt or mad? Just say what you’re feeling and I’ll do my best to help.” He should’ve done better.  
But he ran into the same roadblock he kept finding.  
Alex was a little with normal little problems, but he was also a victim of abuse that clearly suffered from a multitude of other things and had a lot of other problems on top of the natural ones that came with his classification.  
He thought on that as they sat quietly, Derek building up courage to ask him one more time.  
“Do you know what you want to do now?” Alex nodded getting up and padding over to stand at the other end of the bathroom. 

____________________________

Mere had gotten tidbits of what was said and was so happy that Derek had sat close enough for her to hear.  
She knew that was intentional.  
She really didn’t deserve to be a part of anything yet and both her boys were folding her in so selflessly it made her heart hurt.

She’d just started to lay out his clothes when they came out, Derek smiling and giving her a brief thumbs-up at having gotten Alex to do what he’d asked.  
“Let’s just get dressed so we can get outta here!” Derek pushed Alex up over his head, pulling him back down to blow a raspberry under his chin with Alex belly laughing at the odd and ticklish feeling.  
“Okay, look at what Izzy gave me.” She pulled up the outfit and Derek gushed over how cute it was, he didn’t even know they had that style for littles.  
“I knew you’d love it.” She totally did, slipping up to sit where Alex’s head would lay and holding her arms out for her own cuddles. “Come on.”  
Alex looked at her nervously, she hadn’t noticed the scars on his legs..or on his bum.  
But her seeing his back is what worried him the most, he didn’t want explain it ever again and especially not just after an exhausting meltdown.  
“I ‘cared.” He whispered in a babyishly loud voice, tugging himself up on his hip to whisper into Dereks ear and cupping his mouth. “I don’ wan’ her to see my back.”  
Derek nodded immediately, kissing him proudly on the palm of his hand and turning to Mere. “Alex needs you to leave for a second while I change him.”  
He didn’t beat around it, this was something he actually could fix.  
She took it gracefully, her mind trying to work out what was different between her looking away while he put on an outfit opposed to a change. “Alright silly love. A just between you and daddy thing, huh?”  
Alex nodded, laying his head comfortably on Dereks chest and nursing at his thumb as Mere pecked him on the cheek and left. 

Derek eased Alex onto the bed gently, loving the vintage styled outfit Mere had gotten as he started to ease Alex out of his top.  
It was tuscany yellow ironed shorts with four pearly dome buttons snapping them to the cream button down short sleeve with three ABCs embroidered over the sides where Alex’s chest would be.  
He slipped his arms in first and buttoned up the small buttons running down it before shimmying on the pants and starting to snap them on with the two Pearly buttons that held each side up just under his belly button.  
He put Alex’s old shirt on himself even though it was tight, relieved to simply not be half naked anymore.  
He smiled down at his cute little.  
Alex looked sweet in actual littles clothes and not just a jacket or sleeper, his sandy brown eye lashes setting delicately on his lightly freckled cheeks as he played with one of the pearly buttons lining his tummy.  
“Hey, cute boy.” He just had to stroke his rosy cheek as he looked at him fondly, Alex shrugging up his shoulders and blushing shyly at the compliment.  
“You can come back in Mere!” He called, knowing she was still in the hall and picking Alex up from under his arms, cradling him around his chest.  
Mere ‘awed’ at the cute outfit as she walked back in Derek tilting Alex for her to see how cute he was with a dorky smile.  
She smiled back, her eyes strained slightly.  
She’d had enough time to logic out what Alex had been hiding, him not even letting her look away as Derek took off his shirt was pretty telling.  
You could tell a lot by what people hid and she could imagine what he was hiding pretty well. “Let me see what it looks like!”  
Derek set him down and Alex whined shyly, stomping lightly as he pushed his face into Dereks side.  
“You look adorable, Christopher Robin.” She cooed walking over and swinging his arms playfully as she took up his hands.  
“Let’s go see everyone.” She snatched him up, she was getting her cuddles dammit.

___________________________

Izzy looked over at the sound of them coming into the living room, turning back quickly to add to the picture she was coloring in with George like she hadn’t noticed Alex in the outfit she’d pulled out earlier.  
She didn’t really know how she felt about him being a little, part of her was still denying it and the other part angrily told her that either way he was a vulgar nasty man.  
George looked up from his picture, sprawled out on his belly with his feet stilling mid kick.  
He felt awful for calling his papa and everyone finding out.  
It was all his fault and it made his tummy hurt, standing up wobbly and toddling over to Alex with his picture held out.  
“Sowwy I called your daddy, I just wan’ed to help..” Alex turned to him from where his head was laying on Meres shoulder, pacifier bobbing and his eyes still slightly red from his meltdown.  
George could tell he’d been crying and felt immediately guilty, handing him what he’d colored SUPER carefully for him. (He’d even had Izzy color in the outlines.)  
“I made you a picker? It’s straw’baby s’ortcake ‘cause you like her, and she smells like strawbabie’s a‘cause of my markers.”  
Alex grinned, taking the paper and studying the picture on it carefully before sillily pushing it onto his face and smelling it dramatically.  
George giggled bouncing in place happily. “You w’ike it!!” He squealed.  
Alex nodded, almost making Mere fall over as he leaned forward to hug George.  
“I love it! She’s p’aying wi’ff Cus’ard and Cupcake!!” George had used ALL his markers so it smelled awesome, and he loved strawberry shortcakes pets the best. “It’s a good drawing George!”  
They babbled excitedly about it and had started to color new ones as Preston came in with Cristina, he clapped his hands holding them out anxiously for Alex when he spotted him.  
Alex turned from his grape smelling Barney at the loud sound and held out his own arms willingly, he’d missed Burke.  
“Hello burd!”  
Preston chuckled scooping him up with George rushing around to hug his side. “Well, hello sweetheart! And hello hushpuppy.” He pulled George off the ground slightly, kissing his neck and playfully nibbling at him. “Missed you, Missed you, missed you!” He smooched them one at a time as he went back and forth between them getting the twin giggles he wanted.  
Derek stepped in as Alex’s giggles became more desperate, pulling him into his own arms and rocking him. “That’s enough, you’ll make them sick!” He was laughing too, Alex relaxing into him with a loving cuddle.  
He cooed and couldn’t help smirking at Preston’s rumpled clothes, Cristina didn’t look much better as she plopped down beside Mere who was talking lowly and worriedly about her car. “Fly’s down, Burke.”  
He immediately fumbled to fix it glaring at Derek when he realized he was messing with him. “Go fuckk-ction correctly Derek.”  
Derek laughed at his lame save.  
They all ended up taking about Alex’s outfit and thanksgiving plans, Izzy getting up to slip out quietly.  
Mere caught her leaving and fallowed her out, she wanted to talk to her anyway. 

____________________________

Mere was a naturally quiet person, her voice soft and feminine with a little bit of gravel from years of smoking as a teenager.  
She didn’t really mind it, it sounded cute. Like she had a minor cold and had just gotten over it.  
But, she still didn’t prefer to talk, more content to just listen to people.  
So, talking to Iz really wasn’t what she wanted to do, but she knew it was necessary.  
“Iz? Why aren’t you inside with us?”  
Izzy startled slightly, shrugging as snow fell heavily just outside of the overhang they stood under.  
“The snows ruining my snowman.” She said laughing lightly.  
Mere hated when people avoided shit, it was so much more difficult then just dealing with it.  
“Why don’t you like Alex?” She said blatantly and Iz went to deny it, before shutting her mouth.  
“We ALL hated Alex. Remember? He’s the one that called you a nurse and he literally JUST stole my surgery with Burke yesterday.” She didn’t get it, Alex wasn’t a good guy. “He’s a pervert and he’s...” she laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it. “I mean he literally has SYPHILIS. How is that okay? How can he be a little?” She couldn’t wrap her brain around it, Alex just sucked and everyone had just folded him into their lives like nothing he’d done wrong mattered.  
“Don’t you think it’s weird that he has Siph and says she gave it to him? Have you heard the rumors or, better yet. Looked at him? I bet HE gave it to HER.”  
She whispered, eyes wide and trying to get her theory across.  
“He didn’t give her syphilis.” Mere just wanted to clear that one up real quick.  
“He sleeps around.”  
“No he doesn’t.”  
Iz rolled her eyes, crossing her arms defensively and backing away. “He’s disgusting.” She muttered.  
Mere never wanted to slap anyone more then she wanted to slap her right now, having to take a minute to think before she reacted.  
Izzy just didn’t know him at all, she didn’t know the little things Mere could already tell about him and Mere had felt the same exact way about him until the day that Derek made him apologize.  
“He’s a little.” Iz did know that though. “He’s just like George, you can see he’s just a baby.” He wasn’t even a little with a a slightly older headspace, everything about him screamed baby.  
Iz shook her head adamantly, scoffing venomously. “Alex is NOTHING like George.”  
Mere didn’t want to argue, she needed her to understand. “Alex is Alex. He’s a sweet and sensitive little guy once you get to know him and I know he’s still a sweetheart when he’s big.” She understood hiding piece’s of yourself and your past more then anyone. “He’s just trying to keep people away from hurting him.”  
She knew shitty childhoods and Alex had definitely had one.  
Iz looked at her like she was insane.  
“If he wants people to stay away then why is he in there putting on a show?” Mere just didn’t understand, people like Alex and her mother put on these convincing acts then sucked you dry, leaving you broken and shriveled without a second glance.  
He didn’t really care about anyone in there.  
“He’s going to take anything you give him and then leave you.” She could see right through him. “He’ll take everything.”  
Mere gapped at her. “You HONESTLY think he’s acting?”  
Izzy had obviously had her doubts, but it’s the only thing she could think of that made any sense. “If he’s not, he’s still a bad person regardless.” She thought of the place she grew up, people fucked other people over everyday in that miserable trailer park. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” She really didn’t, she loved Mere.  
Mere didn’t get this out of everyone she knew, Izzy was the sweetest.  
She had thought she’d be the first to jump at the opportunity to cuddle a new little. “I won’t get hurt.. he can’t hurt me. Just, come inside.” They needed to get back in, this wasn’t going anywhere anyway. “We’ll talk later. But please actually pay attention to him.” Iz went to walk in and Mere grabbed her gently. “And don’t be even a little mean to him. or you’ll have to leave.”  
“I LIVE HERE!”  
“I don’t care, you can come back when he’s gone if you do anything stupid.” 

___________________________

Burke’s eyebrows furrowed as Izzy stomped past him while he was making another batch of hot chocolate, he heard her going up the stairs and slamming her door. “You have too many stray people here, I swear.”  
“You’re not wrong.”  
Mere grinned at him, crouching down to George who was leaning on Burke’s legs and playing at his feet. “Hey. You want to go play with Alex, puppy?”  
George was worried for Izzy but he perked up at that, holding his arms out to be picked up. “Let’s go play!”  
Burke asked her if she wanted some as she left and she nodded. “Yeah, Thanks.”  
____________________________

Derek was pretty much entranced as he watched Alex color happily, comfortable as could be in the new environment and outfit.  
He was sprawled out on the plush carpet, with his cute little self peeking at him over his shoulder to make sure he was still there before adding another color.  
Iz walked huffily through and they both watched her go by. “I’sh Izzy mad?” Alex lisped around his paci hugging the coloring book to his belly and walking up between his legs for a cuddle.  
“I don’t know, maybe she’s just sleepy.” He worried about what she was thinking, he wasn’t stupid.  
He knew Alex hadn’t exactly made a lot of friends while at Seattle Grace.  
Alex went to ask more and Derek pulled him up into his lap, tapping at the coloring book questioningly. “What’s in there?” Alex giggled, distracted easily by his picture and holding it tight as Derek tickled at his sides. “What’d you draw mister Alexander?”  
Mere walked in with George in her arms, smiling at the sweet babyish sound of Alex laughing.  
He honestly had the cutest laugh.  
“What’s happening in here!”  
“Hehehelp! Ma-ma-Mer’def! Hehehee’s tickling!!” Alex hiccuped with laughter and George wiggled to get down running over and ‘saving’ Alex with Mere attacking Derek with her own ruthless tickling.  
They all calmed down as Burke walked in balancing everyone’s drinks easily on a chopping board and setting them down. “I can get you a sippy if you want Alex? but George prefers bottles for hot drinks.” He set down the pastel  
‘Little Twinstars’ decorated bottle in front of him, Alex blushing deeply and grabbing the rubber part he was supposed to drink from, clumsily trying to pull it off.  
He was too little to think of unscrewing it.  
“No, love.” Derek scooped him back up into his lap, already seeing the mess that was about to happen and rubbing his tummy gently. “Do you want to try it?”  
It looked good, whipped cream swirled up neatly into the clear rubber teat and melting down into the chocolate.  
Normally Derek was more cautious when even offering things but Alex had been doing so well with everything.  
He seemed happy and Derek figured that after all the hectics.  
(Including his playful tickling.)  
That this might help to settle him down before he became overstimulated and cranky.  
Alex looked over at Mere nervously as Derek settled the warm plastic in his hand, adjusting it and liking the weight.  
Alex pressed his lips together when Derek slipped him back gently to cradle him to his chest and adjusted the bottle to rest on his lips. “C’mon love, it’s good.”  
This was yet ANOTHER new thing and Alex wasn’t having it, Kicking his legs angrily and wiggling to slip off of Derek.  
“Cup!” He demanded loudly and they stared at each other, Alex trying to  
out-will Derek and Derek trying to decide if he should just let Alex win.  
He quickly figured out he was not impressed by the slightly rude tone and behavior as Alex actually yanked the bottle away from him clearly intending to throw it.  
The defiant look he got when he went to take it away helped him decide VERY quickly that he needed to nip this in the bud before it escalated.  
“Alex, Burke gave you something nice and he even said he’d get you a sippy if you want.” He tried to keep his tone neutral to keep from escalating things grabbing Alex’s hand gently.  
Alex kept demanding a ‘cup!’ no longer willing to even settle for a sippy-cup now that he got it into his head he needed a mug. “CUP NOW!”  
Derek frowned at the churlish tone, pulling him up off his lap to stand between his knees.  
“Ask nicely please.” Derek really didn’t mind accommodating, he had just wanted Alex to try it to see if he liked it.  
What he didn’t like was the bad attitude Alex was starting up. “Give me the bottle and I’ll go get you a sippy-cup.”  
Alex pulled his arm away as he reached for it and Derek quirked his eyebrows in warning telling him not to do it sternly.  
Alex turned and threw it at the wall as hard as he could before turning back to glare at Derek defiantly, and Derek looked at the chocolate draining down the wall paper and onto the hardwood in mortified shock.  
“Alexander Michele Karev. You do NOT break your friends things.”  
George’s eyes filled with tears next to them but Alex didn’t care.  
He was pissed at Preston for embarrassing him, he was mad at himself for being so angry and he was especially and unreasonably mad at Derek for not fixing how he felt.  
“YES I DO!” He’d had a very stressful last few days and after this morning he just needed to get out all the negative emotions, the cuddling wasn’t doing it for him anymore as he got more and more embarrassed.  
slipping out of headspace do to the stress.  
“I. WANT. A. CUP!” He stomped as he yelled each word.  
Dereks face became very unimpressed as Alex screamed at him, everyone trying to look away and stay out of it with Mere quietly getting up and cleaning her floor before Alex’s mess hit her carpet.  
“Alex. You really need to think about your choices right now.”  
Alex made a grab for Dereks steaming glass mug from the side table and Derek barely stopped him before he either spilled it or dropped it.  
“What has gotten into you!? No sir!” Derek barley kept himself from smacking Alex’s padded bottom, instead grabbing his arms with controlled gentleness and turning him to face him.  
Alex did a little stomp/March thing yanking at his trapped arms and feeling angry at everything. “LET GO! CUUUP!”  
“Time-out.” Derek wasn’t having it anymore grabbing Alex’s chin so he would be forced to look at him. “Is that what you want Alexander? Because you have exactly THREE seconds to stop before I put you in the corner.”  
“ONE.”  
Alex shook his head angrily, shrieking and pulling at his arms. “NOOO!”  
“TWO.”  
“NO TIME-OUT!” Alex yanked his hand away face darkening angrily as he whipped his head back around and glared down at Derek. “Or I’ll hit you Daddy.” He said lowly and Derek forgot he was counting at that, completely caught off guard.  
“EXCUSE me? What did you just say?”  
Alex’s tummy flipped at the question but he whispered it again, straightening up with an angry pout.  
“I’ll hit you Daddy.”  
Derek quickly realized he should  
have put him in timeout for hitting him earlier, but it had felt wrong to punish Alex for having what he considered a flashback.  
Now he was starting to doubt his decision, Alex was threatening HIM.  
Not having a panic induced meltdown and lashing out but actually threatening him.  
“You are not getting anything right now.”  
He quickly picked him up and stood him near the corner turning him to look up at him seriously. “You never ever threaten to hurt Daddy or ANYONE. That is not nice. Do you understand me?”  
Alex was almost in his big headspace he was so pissed. “No!”  
Derek didn’t appreciate that answer, turning him to face the corner. “You’re not allowed out until I get you.”  
Alex immediately went to walk away and Derek turned him back to face the corner. “I’m big Derek! Let me go!”  
Derek held his shoulders, leaning forward to whisper to Alex. “I don’t care. You’re being VERY naughty Alexander, even if you’re big and you are going to stand right here until I come get you.”  
Alex’s tummy clenched painfully at that and a lump formed in his throat. “How long?..” he shuffled unhappily, pulling at the pearly buttons on his pants in a fidgety way.  
He was already regretting his tantrum and threatening Derek.  
“Until I come get you.”  
This was the first time Derek was going to formally punish him and it made his own eyes water.  
He still turned and walked over to sit on the couch telling everyone to ignore Alex as he turned his own face away from him to speak to Burke who wasn’t impressed either, telling Derek lowly that he was handling it well.  
That made something hurt sickeningly in Alex, Derek telling them to ignore him stung. But Derek himself ignoring him hurt worse then a handful of much harsher punishments he could remember getting.  
He looked at the bare corner, trying his hardest not to make a sound or move.  
His face screwed up in a painfully upset way with his flushed red cheeks shiny with tears as he silently cried.  
“I’m sorry.” His teeth chattered he was so upset, he hadn’t even thought before he’d reacted and he knew he should be being silent and repentive but he had to say it.  
The guilt was tearing him up as he trembled alone in the corner.  
It had been four minutes and Derek hadn’t looked away once.  
He wasn’t sure if he was doing this right, he defiantly wasn’t ignoring how quiet and still his baby was being and neither was anyone else.  
Even Cristina looked a little worried.  
Most littles needed to be brought back to timeout multiple times or they’d at least make noises, that’s why he’d said to ignore him.  
He’d half expected Alex to try leaving the actual house since he was big.  
but this was new territory.  
Alex’s whole body was held stiffly at attention and when Derek heard his teeth chattering he misread it and immediately got up and wrapped a warm blanket around him.  
He almost called off the whole thing when Alex flinched. “You don’t have to be completely still or quiet, bud..” He rubbed his arms through the thick blanket and Alex stared blankly ahead, tears dripping down his forcefully stoney face with his jaw muscles twitching painfully.  
“Sweetheart?”  
Alex wasn’t sure what to do, teary eyes flicking over to Derek.  
Was he supposed to answer him?  
Was it a trick?  
He felt slightly illogical for thinking it could be a trick but this was new for him and he didn’t understand.  
He opened his mouth to answer, fully intending to respectfully say ‘sir’ but only a pitifully squeaky sob stuttered out of his chattering teeth and he lost all his hard won composer, wailing loudly and collapsing forward into the wall hugging the blanket tightly around him.  
Dereks exact thoughts were “fuck this” as he picked Alex up and bounced them past everyone and into the kitchen. 

______________________________

“Shhh shh.. shh.. hey. It’s okay. Timeout’s over. No more timeout, okay?” Derek wasn’t good at this.  
He convinced himself that he thoroughly sucked at any sort of disciplinary anything as he bounced Alex around the kitchen.  
He didn’t even care if Alex turned out to be a mean or bratty little as long as he didn’t ever have to hear him cry again.  
“We should talk about some things, huh? We’re still learning baby.” Alex sounded completely out of it still and Derek shifted him slightly, putting his arm under his back and pulling his knees around so they were tucked behind his right side, Alex’s bottom hugged by the crook of his arm to his hip.  
Now that he had him fully cradled in his arms he could sway him better. 

Mere couldn’t take waiting and listening getting up and grabbing both of their drinks after a few minutes and walking in, ignoring Burke’s warnings. 

Derek had finally gotten Alex to where he was settling down some when Mere walked in.  
He almost told her to go away, but she looked at him desperately.  
Everything about her aching to help.  
She already loved Alex and Derek couldn’t fault her for that.  
In fact he loved her for it.  
“Hey, Mere’s here bud. That okay?”  
Alex thought of how she’d been one of the reasons he’d flipped out.  
But ultimately he knew it was him who had flipped out, Mere probably wouldn’t even have cared if he had just used the damn bottle.  
He winced as he was able to clearly remember all the things she’d witnessed, damn she’d even seen him get changed and that was a new one even for him.  
He coughed quietly to clear his blocked throat, nuzzling his wet face into the crook of Dereks neck. “Yeah, but I’m big.”  
He was, he’d completely been launched out of little space over all the stress and he didn’t even feel fuzzy as Derek held him.  
Derek winced at that, Alex letting him hold him like this when he was big meant he was pretty damn upset.  
Even George didn’t let Preston hold him like this when he was big.  
“I don’t mind, I like you in any headspace, Alex.” Mere said as she handed Derek his mug and he was quick to kiss her.  
“Alex?” Derek checked on him as he relaxed.  
Alex sighed deeply, Derek adjusting him to be on his hip since he refused to get down. “Hmm?” He sounded like they were just talking about the weather.  
It was kind of funny hearing Alex do such a normal big Alex noise while Derek held him.  
“We need to talk about rules and punishments. Okay lamb?” Derek knew it had already been a way too stressful day but he figured he could save them some other stressful ones if they just talked.  
Alex didn’t see how that would help anything, but he was out of headspace and he knew that alone would help him stay away from another breakdown.  
“Mm’Kay, Mere stays?”  
“Your choice.”  
Alex looked over at her in consideration smirking at her dorky thumbs-up.  
“Mere stays.”  
She winked at him sitting up on the counter top with satisfaction. 

_____________________________

“I want to know something hard first, okay? Then we can talk about easier stuff.”  
Alex really didn’t like that Derek decided to start this already uncomfortable conversation with that damning sentence, but he still nodded.  
Now sat up on the counter top next to Mere who had her arms wrapped around him in a cuddly way. “Okay. But same rules. I get to answer with as much dee’d-de’dal.... as much as I want too.” He finely huffed out, some words still tripped him up apparently.  
Derek grinned. “Detail. And okay.” He wasn’t ecstatic about this either holding it off a bit by sipping his drink.  
“Why were you so upset, and scared. when you were in timeout love?” Derek was slow to ask.  
Oh. Well that wasn’t a fun question.  
“Um. I don’t..” Alex struggled through memory’s and turmoil, trying to slip out of them with a complete thought. “There was a uh.. Family? Catholic. Number twelve? Home? They um..wanted you to.. repent? And you had to... the dad was military.. he stood behind you..and he...” Alex’s breath picked up slightly, his hazel eyes searching the room franticly as his short nails dug into the faint scars on the back of his leg.  
Derek stepped forward quickly and hugged him tight before he had another panicked episode. “Never mind. I get it.”  
Alex relaxed into him, breathing in the earthy smell that meant he was safe.  
He felt a bit embarrassed.  
“It really wasn’t the worst one.. I just thought that was how you did it.”  
The pain of hearing him say that was a whole body experience, starting at Dereks eyes and leeching deeply into his throat and muscles. “I’m sorry.”  
What else was he supposed to do other then timeouts? Honestly he was at a loss and maybe he should’ve talked to Burke first before he made any rules. 

Mere was the one to get him to start talking again, gently resting her hand on his shoulder.  
“Alright, Thank you you’re right.” He held her hand and turned back to look at Alex.  
“Alex? When I punish you.” Alex groaned and hid his face in Meres shoulder, Derek easing back with a smile. “When I punish you. Because it will happen. I won’t ever hurt you, that’s the first thing.”  
Alex knew that, but he still felt sick.  
It was good to hear Derek wouldn’t hurt him regardless. “Good. Thank you.”  
Derek stepped up and tilted Alex’s face off of Mere to look at him. “I won’t even grab your arm roughly, you got that?” This was a big thing for both of them and Derek needed Alex to really know it.  
Alex nodded seriously, hooking his finger around Dereks collar to keep him close.  
Derek switched his shirt collar with his hand, Alex happy to play with his much more interesting fingers anyway.  
“Good boy, and you’re only going to get a timeout or maybe corner time.  
The worst you’ll ever get is a light grounding.” Derek wasn’t going to list out every natural consequence, like not being allowed to do something fun or going to sleep earlier but Alex most likely got the gist. “And you’ll ALWAYS get a warning before anything.”  
Alex nodded along jerkily with everything, playing with Dereks fingers and waiting patiently for the next thing.  
He looked up when Derek stayed silent.  
“Tha’s it?” He slipped slightly as he hugged Dereks hand to his chest.  
Derek was very happy to see Alex was comfortable enough to be slightly little again slipping him off the counter and hugging him tight. “That. Is. It.” He kissed him on the neck with each word and Alex sighed. 

Mere slipped off the counter and shook her head ‘No.’  
“No, that’s not it.” Derek wasn’t a good disciplinarian and it was understandable, but Mere was. “You still need to finish your timeout and apologize.” She addressed Alex and Derek kinda felt like she was butting in on his department.  
But he also understood that he needed a little help in this particular department.  
“He just cried his eyes out..” He was still making excuses and Mere shook her head.  
“It’s not about him crying, that’s an awful way to think.” She kept her voice as quiet as Dereks while he covered Alex’s ear. “It’s about him remembering not to threaten anyone or hit them. What if he hit George?”  
Derek went to argue again and she chuckled at him. “Never mind that. He needs to know that getting disciplined can be done without pain. He needs you to show him that all it mean’s is saying sorry and that he should make better choices.”  
Well he couldn’t argue with that.  
“We’re going upstairs.” Derek said quietly and Mere accepted that she sat this one out, walking into the living room to talk to everyone. 

_____________________________

Burke picked up the broken plastic bottle and walked into the kitchen. Derek had just passed him to go upstairs with a docile Alex.  
He was worried for Alex obviously, because he’d clearly been going through something bigger then he could understand.  
But he was also pissed that Alex had broken one of George’s things.  
Preston hadn’t even wanted to use the bottles but George had insisted that Alex would like to “match him” and Preston had caved on even what bottles they had used.  
These were the first ones he’d bought for George and wasn’t it just typical that something irreplaceable would be broken?  
It wasn’t like he’d kept every first thing but he had kept the two bottles George had insisted they bring here and his Curious George and book.  
(Well, one bottle.)  
He assessed the damaged part with a frown as he stood with it leaking into the sink, it was right on the place you closed it so the whole thing was ruined.  
“Papa?” George’s sweet little self came in rubbing at his teary eyes and sniffling.  
“Hey, hushpuppy.” George put his arms up and Burke settled him on his hip kissing his downy hair. “Sorry about your cuppa, pup.” He felt a pang of anger when George’s little lip popped out in upset as he grabbed his ruined thing to look at.  
“He didn’t wan’ta match.. he broked it.”  
George let it clang back into the sink, rubbing at his eyes with his arm. “Why’d he brake it?”  
Burke swayed George, taking a few deep breaths to keep from saying something nasty.  
He was a bit intolerant when it came to someone hurting his baby’s feelings.  
“He was upset and I think he was scared puppy.”  
George wrapped his arm behind Burkes neck laying his head sweetly on his shoulder and putting his thumb in his mouth thoughtfully. “ ‘kay. I forgive him. We gotta’ make him s’more.” He pointed at the stove and Burke shook his head fondly.  
“I don’t think he deserves more.” Preston wouldn’t make more if it had been George.  
George knew how his Daddy felt about bad behavior, but he also didn’t want Alex to be sad. “He’s got ‘cars daddy...he’s aw’ready been pun’iched enough and he’s ‘cared.”  
Burke’s eyes burned at his sweet and observative boy. (They’d need to be more careful of how much George was picking up on.)  
“You think he’s been punished enough huh?”  
George nodded and Burke decided he’d let him lead a bit on this one. “We’ll make some more then, smart boy.”  
But he also had an idea, they’d use one of the cheaper ones they kept here for it.

____________________________

Derek finally got upstairs to Meres room again closing the door as Izzy’s opened and sitting Alex on her bed.  
He locked the door just in case before  
He kneeled down in front of him and laced his fingers behind his back so they could look at each other.  
Alex fidgeted with his buttons to keep himself distracted and Derek nudged him.  
“Look at me.”  
Alex’s eyelashes fluttered on his cheeks nervously before he looked at Derek with a meek expression, shoulders coming up to box in his ears tensely as he bit at his lip.  
“You’re so good.” Derek didn’t mind this being a soft first experience, the point would still get across. “You are a very good boy my baby.”  
Alex actually smiled shyly at that, his dimple deepening at the compliment and his shoulders relaxing.  
“But.. you made a bad choice when you yelled at me and said you’d hit me, don’t you think?” Derek whispered knowingly looking up at Alex with a wince.  
Alex didn’t like that he had to admit it but he nodded anyway. “Yeah. I shouldn’t‘ve hit you earlier either.” His voice was genuine and Derek nodded. “And I shouldn’t have broke George’s cup..” Alex’s lip pouted out and he sniffled. “I made him sad.”  
Alex had brought all that up himself and Derek couldn’t be more motivated to keep going with this, then that.  
“No, that wasn’t good either.” Now he had to do the hard part. “So I think you’ll need to sit on that for a bit and fold your hands so you won’t do it again.”  
With that said Derek picked him up and sat him on the antique looking rocking-chair in the corner, facing the room this time. “You’ll sit here for five minutes and then you can come talk to me and say sorry.” With that Derek started a timer on his phone and walked over to lay on the bed. “Fold your hands Alex. You hit so that’s what you have to do.”  
Alex was humiliated by the hand folding and it stung a bit.  
But he understood that he needed to never do anything like that EVER again and this was what he had to do before they moved past it.  
He wasn’t little enough for this to not hurt his pride a little, so he dug his nails harshly into the spaces between his laced fingers. Derek noticed immediately and shook his head.“No. You don’t hurt yourself or we start over.” Derek had made it five minutes for that exact reason, knowing that Alex and him were learning this as they went along. “Five minutes.”  
Alex almost argued about the time being reset so quickly but he shut his mouth and loosened his hands. 

The five minutes had dragged out into eight by the time the timer went off and Alex leapt out of the horrible no good chair of doom, running over and hugging Derek tightly. “I’msorryIhityouandthensaidI’dhityou  
againandwasmaddaddy!” Derek laughed happily, kissing Alex’s neck and rolling them back so Alex could lay on top of him. “Apology accepted.”  
He pat his bum rhythmically and Alex melted into him. “Next time you wait for ME to come and get you though? Alright?”  
“Aw’right.”  
Derek kissed him one last time before setting him on his feet and starting to unsnap his pants from his shirt. “I’m just going to check you.” Alex gave him consent and he pulled the front of the diaper out, Alex blushing deeply and looking away.  
“Good job! You’ll go pee and then we can go downstairs.” Alex wasn’t feeling extremely little but it was close enough that he still took Dereks hand as he led him to Mere’s master bath. 

_______________________________

Mere was having a heck of a time staying downstairs, scrubbing at the living room wall with Cristina putting in another surgery VHS tape.  
She looked up as someone came down the stairs, Izzy looking at her and then the wall with a calculating gaze. “Is George okay?” That’s why she’d come down, she’d heard something crazy happening as she was on her laptop and when she’d seen Derek going into Meres room from hers she came down to check.  
“Yeah, he’s in the kitchen.” Mere sighed, her wall was stained..well technically her moms wall.  
Izzy looked at it again and sat beside her to touch it. “I know how to get this off.”  
She got up and came back in with various things.  
spraying it down. “This doesn’t look very sweet or little to me..”  
mere ignored her muttering walking away to join Cristina on the couch.  
Iz looked at them cuddled up together as she finished with a decently clean looking wall and she walked to the door grabbing the keys to Meres car.  
“I’m going out.”  
Mere felt bad but she understood. “Okay, well talk later.”  
She nodded, smiling at her before closing the door.

______________________________

Alex found out that if you pushed your hand on the faucet while water was coming out you could shoot it everywhere.  
It was a marketable discovery and Derek was telling him to never do it again as he wiped down Meres wet bathroom with a towel. “Alright, lets go.”  
Alex took his hand again as they made their way downstairs, Mere and Cristina were tangled up on the couch as they watched a surgery and Derek could hear jazz tapping off in the kitchen.  
“It’s almost done.” Mere smiled at Alex, signaling for him to give her a hug.  
Alex ignored her, he’d had enough touching for one day and Derek was the only one allowed to do it anymore.  
Mere and Derek understood, Derek pulling Alex into the kitchen when he’d started watching the gruesome procedure. “Put on Narnia when it’s over.”  
Cristina threw a whole handful of popcorn at him and Mere just laughed. 

Preston was dramatically playing the air trumpet to the beat of Lois Armstrong when they walked in his whole body into the act with even his cheeks puffed out and George reduced to a puddle of helpless mirth on the floor. “Hey Alex!” He giggled.  
Alex was smirking and Dereks jaw was dropped as he sat Alex down next to George on the floor and watched Burke’s hands. “YOU’RE HITTING THE RIGHT PISTONS!”  
Burke wiggled his eyebrows and laughed at him. “Third Trumpet all throughout high school.”  
They slapped their hands together and bumped chests.  
Derek hadn’t met anyone else in his field who had been a band nerd and he grinned. “Sax and same.”  
Both the boys became very uninterested as their geeky daddies talked band and got up, Alex fallowing George as he told him to come outside. “I made some’ing cool wiff Iz.”  
Alex worried as he stood by the door George telling him to open it. “It’s kinda cold George.” He wasn’t fully into headspace and this seemed like a bad idea.  
“Are you big?” George had thought he was but he might be wrong.  
Well Alex couldn’t let him say that, now it was a pride thing. 

______________________________

Derek was the first to notice the boys had left as Burke turned to stir Alex’s portion of rejuvenated spiced hot chocolate. “Check outside, but I told George he wasn’t allowed out without an adult.”  
Derek winced, Alex was scooting the line between head-spaces and probably thought he was big enough to qualify.  
Burke laughed at his explanation and shook his head. “Their coats are by the door.” He wouldn’t even hold out hope that they hadn’t if that was the case. “Send in mine so we can have a chat.”  
Derek agreed as he hurried to the mudroom and out the door.  
He paused as he spotted them cuddled up together and wrapped in a blanket as they laid in the snow, they were quietly talking with Alex pointing out snowflakes as they fell.  
“It’s pretty.” George agreed with him hugging Alex tighter as the both shivered.  
“Yeah.” Alex loved weather like this, the cold didn’t even bother him as he looked at the sparkling snowflakes.  
“I’m sorry I broke your stuff.. that was mean.” He bumped George’s knee lightly with his own, getting a warm hug by his friend.  
“I aw’ready forgived you buh you weren’t there.” Alex chuckled at that. “Just Don’t do that ‘gain. ‘kay?”  
Alex nodded, putting the corner of their shared blanket into his mouth and sucking on it wetly.  
“You’re Papa’sh making me more hot chocolate..even though I was bad.” He mumbled around the blanket and  
George caught a snowflake on his tongue, sticking it out to try and show him before talking.  
“Even if you’re bad, daddy still loves you.” He quoted in an exaggerated Burke voice.  
Alex sighed. “He just hasn’t seen me at my worst.” The other shoe would drop eventually. George couldn’t understand that, but Alex did. “I’ll do something he can’t forgive. And Derek..” Alex grabbed a burning cold fistful of snow in his bare hand and made a ball throwing it high up into the air.  
“He’ll figure it out eventually. I’ve done awful things.” For now Alex would try to feel secure but it’d be hard.  
Derek walked over, catching the tail end of what Alex said as he crouched down. “Your Papa wants to talk to you George.” George winced but still got up and tumbled inside.  
Alex turned his head away from him as Derek sat beside him looking out at the snow.  
“I’ve done some awful things too you know.” Derek sat him up and slipped him into the lamb jacket he’d taken when Burke and him had left to look for Alex this morning, slipping George’s puffy one over top for good measure and wrapping Alex’s bare legs up in the blanket. “I won’t even need to forgive you when you open up to me, little lamb.”  
Alex didn’t mind being slipped into Dereks lap, pushing his lamb ear hooded head up under his chin. “You don’t understand. You lived a normal life.”  
Derek put his warm hand on Alex’s cold cheek brushing his thumb just under his bottom row of sandy brown eyelashes and looking at him seriously. “No one has lived a normal life, bud.”  
Alex nodded, he didn’t want to argue. “Did you see George’s snowman?” Derek turned to where Alex pointed smiling. “It’s cute.”  
“George said He likes warm hugs.”  
Alex clearly didn’t get what George was referencing and Derek kissed his cute face. “Do you like warm hugs?”  
Alex didn’t hesitate in rolling over in his lap to hug him tightly. “Yeah.”  
Derek kissed the back of his head from where he’d rolled over. “Do you like kisses?”  
Alex chuckled smirking up at him. “I’m big!”  
Derek laughed warmly at his cute little self. “Of course you are!” He got up with Alex in his arms and threw him up in the air lightly catching him his forearms and pretending he’d drop him sillily, Alex squealing and belly laughing at the crazy ride.  
“Do you like me?” Derek was slightly out of breath and his lungs burned but it was worth it.  
Alex looked at him seriously, grabbing his chin like Derek had earlier with Him.  
Derek trying not to laugh.  
“I love you the most.” 

______________________________

They walked in from the cold to Burke kneeling in front of a properly scolded George, holding his hands between them. “Okay puppy. So you know what papa’s saying, yes?” George nodded, thumb in his mouth with his back arched so his belly stuck out like a pooh-bear. “Yeah, Alex isn’t a‘lowed t’ take me ow’side EVEN if he’s a big boy.” Burke tugged up his sweater and blew on his belly, getting a happy squeal and giggle. “That’s right! Just like you don’t go outside without telling me.” He nibbled at his soft belly playfully before readjusting his shirt. “Daddy always loves you, hushpuppy.”  
George closed his eyes and puckered out his baby lips for a kiss Preston tipping him down to peck him on the mouth. “Good kisses!” He swooped him up and swayed him to the beat of the song hitting out through the speakers.  
“I wanna watch Mis’er Tumnus!” George bounced in his arms excitedly when he heard the Narnia theme.  
They went in to the living room and Derek fallowed with Alex. 

As they watched Lucy hide in the wardrobe with Alex squished between Derek and Mere Burke gave him his mug and another warm bottle.  
Derek was rightfully pissed, it was one thing for Mere to butt in during his parenting but it was a whole other thing for Burke to do it. “Are you kidding me?”  
Burke shrugged nonchalantly and sat back down with George. “No, you don’t ignore me. You honestly think you get to decide what punishment MY little gets?”  
Alex has already gone through his punishment, what was he thinking?  
Alex realized what they were arguing about and blushed, cuddling up closer to Mere who happily pat his back with her arm around him.  
“Yeah, well he’s not getting a cup from me after the tantrum he pulled.” Burke didn’t care what Derek thought, he’d been around Alex almost as long and that was not okay behavior. “You do what you want but I’m not giving him a mug.”  
Burke ignored Derek as he gapped at him.  
Who the hell did Burke think he was? Derek was Alex’s Daddy and he told him as much Burke rolling his eyes and ignoring him. “Go get him a mug. I told you to do what you want.”  
Everyone sat in tense silence for a moment, Derek glowering at Burke.  
Burke just couldn’t let it go, looking over at him with a bitchy face. “Go get him a mug.”  
Derek scoffed at him. “You already fucking did.” He handed Alex the mug intended for him and drank from the fucking bottle like a beer. Middle finger saluting to Burke.  
“Child.”  
“Jackass.”  
“Language!” They ignored each other and Mere with everyone going back to the movie. 

Alex had slipped into Dereks lap and discreetly watched him drink as he sipped from his own mug, the spiced chocolate drink running down from the sides of his mouth messily.   
He couldn’t help but be intrigued.   
It was kind of funny watching Derek do it but it came with the same feeling he’d gotten when he saw George use a pacifier before he’d gotten his own.   
Like an itchy curiosity.   
Derek also watched him and almost smiled at how he was looking up at him with terribly concealed curiosity.  
Alex was honestly so cute and Derek didn’t mind looking silly if it meant Alex would see it really didn’t matter.  
He tilted his head back and took a few longer gulps, Alex tentatively grabbing his wrist before he drank it all.  
“What?”  
Alex blushed and pulled Derek’s hand down to his face, without a word he latched onto the bottle and slipping his pink tongue around it nursed it experimentally.  
Any lingering anxiety or unquiet thoughts ceased as his entire body melted back into the new and welcome sensation.   
He’d always used his thumb and recently a pacifier to calm himself down but with a warm drink added to the rythumic motion he was complatly melted into a quieter and warmer place then he’d ever reached in any headspace.  
Derek had to take over a bit more with the bottle as Alex relaxed fully, he didn’t even need to look over to see Burke’s self satisfied smile as Alex gave him the mug and held his hand in place for Derek to continue holding it for him.  
He was making cute little noises as he drank and Derek kissed his head, he loved this new thing.  
Alex scrunched his nose cutely at him dipping into headspace and cooing softly up at him with chocolate running down to corner of his mouth.  
Mere looked over from the screen and smiled, grabbing Dereks shirt and wiping off Alex’s face with Derek rolling his eyes at being used as a napkin while he drank from his own mug.  
Alex whined as it ran out tapping Dereks mug lightly with the empty bottle. “You dunk it ALL.”  
Derek unscrewed the cap and poured in his own hot drink, covering the nipple and shaking it before offering it to him again.  
Alex took it gratefully with his eyes slipping closed as he hooked his hand around the back of Derek neck from over his head comfortably, with his body splayed out sleepily on Dereks.  
The movie hit climaxes and dipped down to quieter scenes as everyone adjusted comfortably into the cramped spaces of a small couch filled to max capacity with their large crowd.   
Alex had nodded off from the warm bottle ages ago and Derek hugged him in a cuddly way as he stopped paying attention to the movie himself.  
He just couldn’t help getting distracted by all the people squished in around him.   
Alex was now asleep on his lap and Mere had tucked her lithe body almost behind his left side, Cristina was sleeping with her cold feet tucked under his leg and her head tipped back on top of Georges who was also down for the count, with his cowlicked curls splayed out in the crook of a zoned in Preston’s arm.  
Derek rested his arm on the back of the couch and rubbed Burkes arm with his fingers, Burke looking over at him and smiling.  
‘Sorry hon.” He mouthed before kissing Dereks hand goofily.  
Derek had to look away to keep from laughing out loud.  
looking back at Burke and kissing two of his own fingers before tapping his full lips. He mouthed something that made Burke blush and hit him sharply.  
“Watch the movie you child.” He whisper/shouted and Derek chuckled whispering back. “I will, jackass.”  
They sat back, Derek still resting his arm on Burkes as they watched the Pevensie kids tumble out of the wardrobe.  
They’d made it home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is very adorable and I love him. 
> 
> He’s just way too cute and I hope I did my imagery well enough so you could see a bit of what I see;)  
> I think my favorite part was the snowy moment with Alex venting to George even though George was little and he wasn’t, lol.
> 
> Do you think Izzy made a bit of a point? I didn’t want her to be some empty bullyish person so hopefully she didn’t come off that way.  
> Anyway. Long chapter so no need for a long end note:)  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and as always, Thank you for being my Neighbor<3


End file.
